I was in a very similar position when I was 19. I also had a difficult time at home, though there was not drug or alcohol abuse. My parents were inappropriately rough with their discipline, enough said.
My husband and I began dating when I was 15 and he was 17, so we had already been dating for 5 years. We had overcome alot in that time. We knew, beyond any doubt, that we were meant to be together. I was in my second year of college. He quit during his 3rd year and joined the Air Force. We had planned on dating all through college and then getting married after I finished my degree. He is also an engineer.
Even with my uncomfortable home life, meager financial means and missing him so much my heart felt split in two, the decision to get married was easy for him, but I had alot of mixed feelings about whether it was the “right time” I wanted to finish school first. That was a goal I had set for myself since I was a child. My parents had 3 kids at home and I didn’t want them to take out parent loans because they would have given me alot of misery over it.
I married the love of my life a little earlier than planned because I knew I could continue college in our new location. What I wasn’t ready for was my total change of heart, from thinking I would be a carreer mom to realizing where my priorities would actually be.
Ten years later I am a very happy stay at home mom with three children, we are a homeschool family, and my day is very full. (I am writing this while I fry bacon, and after breakfast we will have a day of preparing for school next week. My husband and I are very much in love, and will take care of each other until we meet our maker. I thank God everyday that I am spending my days with such an incredible man, and I know he does the same.
You must be aware that, as women, we often have difficult decisions to make, and sometimes it’s difficult to weigh love with reason.
You must ask yourself some questions and answer them HONESTLY to yourself.
# 1 how important is school to you? If marriage to your fiance eventually results in the inability to finish school, will you be ok with that, or is it the kind of dream that will fester within you once it dies? You can’t imagine the pressure that will still exist with attending school while being married. It is no picnic, especially if you have to work and take care of your home as well. You won’t 'have time to do much more than study and go to class. I know that you believe you will be able to finish school a few years after marriage, but chances are weighing heavily that you won’t be able to. You have to decide right now whether marrying your finace is more important than school, a career, or anything else in your world. The chances are even slimmer if you take a few years off. Do you really want a degree any time soon, or is it just something you fell you must do?
**# 2. How do you feel about being a stay at home mom / housewife? **It sounds like an easy life, but it is the most self sacrificing thing you could do. Your needs always come behind that of your family. You lose sleep, feel bored, yet are too busy to rest. Do I love what I do? Absolutely. Do I have alot of aquaintences who hate staying at home? Far too many. If you are planning on being a career mom, you might want to rethink this whole plan because if you don’t have a degree, any job you have will not pay for childcare. You will soon feel like it isnt’ worth forking over most of your paycheck for childcare. Will you be happy when you find out you are pregnant, even if school isn’t finished?
# 3. Your marriage will not be picture perfect. It will always take 120% of unselfish giving and patience. Sometimes you will feel like you need to *choose *to love himSometimes you will see bits and pieces of your bad homelife. Will you be able to handle that or will it terrify you? I know that if my husband is ever angry I feel panicky inside, because when I was a kid anger meant violent behavior and hateful words. I have to take a deep breath and remember that he is different, even after 15 yrs. of being with a kind loving man, those memories creep back. No matter what you decide keep taking therapy, especially if you do marry him. My point here is that you will both bring baggage to your marriage and it will need to be taken care of, so that you will have a healthy family.
4. I know this will be the toughest thing to ask yourself, but you must. Are you marrying him because you are choosing marriage as the MOST important thing to you? When you marry, your family becomes your top priority. Only you can answer this, but, are you considering marriage as an escape from your homelife and an answer to your college dilemma, or can you take away all those problems and still say you would want to marry him? Honestly, this was the hardest question for me to answer. If you marry him for the wrong reasons, then you are only bringing on more problems for yourself.
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ALL !