Your views on attending husbands son's non catholic wedding

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any views on attending a non-catholic wedding of my husband’s non-catholic son whom married a catholic, but she chose not to live apart, so therefore, no priest would marry them. My husband had a former protestant marriage but husband thought that since his dad attended his non-catholic wedding, he should do the same to his son.
I was dead against going to this, but he wouldn’t listen to me. this is my first marriage and we are both trying together to be good catholics and trying to help eachother to get to heaven.

we were both uncomfortable at this wedding, and made our presence short. we went to a movie instead of staying for the music/dancing end of it all.

suggestions welcomed on what to do with his second son when he announces he will be getting married.:confused:
 
Creed said:
any views on attending a non-catholic wedding of my husband’s non-catholic son whom married a catholic, but she chose not to live apart, so therefore, no priest would marry them.
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As the step-mother you are too compromised by what is always a delicate relationship. Tell your husband he must decide what to do for the best, and if he feels it is appropriate for you to attend the wedding then do so, for that reason alone, not to make any sort of religious statement.
 
For goshes sake lets be politically correct. We don’t want someone to think were religious bigots or something…
 
our priest suggested that we stand firm in our Catholic religion and by attending or even contributing money towards the wedding, we are only making it confusing for the son and implying it is acceptable to have a protestant wedding, or living in sin is acceptable. although they see their biological mother shacking up with someone, and no morals have been taught regarding sinful relationships because she wants to do the same thing. so, it is understandable the kids would be confused growing up with that type of role model.
we are going to tell the 2nd son that he better get married in Vegas, if it’s not a Catholic weddding.
 
Good afternoon and God bless,

PRAY, PRAY and PRAY.

We all need to stand firm in how we believe and how we conduct ourselves with our beliefs.

Personnally I would go, that is his son and you can’t make people believe the way you would like them to, thats between God and them.

Pray and let the Lord lead you and you will know in your heart what to do.

Matthew 7:6-8 says:

7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
 
We have a couple of rules on weddings.

If both are Catholic and being married in a Catholic Church we happily attend.

If both are Protestant and never married prior to the wedding we happily attend.

If one is Catholic and the other is not and are being married in the Catholic church we happily attend.

If prior marriage is a known issue (no annulment) we don’t attend.

If Catholic and not marrying in the Catholic Church we don’t attend unless we know for a fact that there was permission from the Bishop. YES WE ASK!!

Sometimes we are said to be judgmental. But, I believe these are hard and fast rules and as long as we don’t make exceptions we don’t get into moral arguments.
 
Go, you can never go back and fix it. Doubtless everyone knows the depth of your faith; no scandal is involved.

John
 
What if the girl is Catholic and the boy(my stepson) is protestant and they get married by a protestant minister, who used to be a priest? would you go to the wedding?
KathleenElsie said:
We have a couple of rules on weddings.

If both are Catholic and being married in a Catholic Church we happily attend.

If both are Protestant and never married prior to the wedding we happily attend.

If one is Catholic and the other is not and are being married in the Catholic church we happily attend.

If prior marriage is a known issue (no annulment) we don’t attend.

If Catholic and not marrying in the Catholic Church we don’t attend unless we know for a fact that there was permission from the Bishop. YES WE ASK!!

Sometimes we are said to be judgmental. But, I believe these are hard and fast rules and as long as we don’t make exceptions we don’t get into moral arguments.
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Creed said:
any views on attending a non-catholic wedding of my husband’s non-catholic son whom married a catholic, but she chose not to live apart, so therefore, no priest would marry them.
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Does this strike anyone as an unwise policy on the part of the priest?
 
spasiisochrani said:
Does this strike anyone as an unwise policy on the part of the priest?
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I’ve heard this before. A friend of mine got married about 5 years ago, and the priest told them that if they were co-habiting he would not marry them. They guy moved back to his parents’ home until after the wedding.

To the OP: this is already after the fact, right? I mean the wedding is over and you went but didn’t stay for the post-ceremony activities. I think you were right in going. It’s your husband’s son, and like someone said earlier, you can’t go back and fix it later. You were there for him. If the girl chooses not to have a Catholic wedding for whatever reason, that’s her business. I know all about creating the impression you approve, but when it comes to our adult children, I think keeping the door open for future communication and influence is pretty important. Things could change in the future, and you want to be part of their lives, and especially part of the lives of their children.
 
Originally Posted by spasiisochrani forums.catholic-questions.org/images/buttons_cad/viewpost.gif
Does this strike anyone as an unwise policy on the part of the priest?
No, the priest in this situation used appropriate pastoral care.
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I’ve heard of a brilliant alternative pastoral approach to this problem. Not sure if it was here or somewhere on St. Blog’s.

Basically, this priest’s policy is, when presented with cohabiting couples, to very beautifully explain the church’s understanding of human sexuality and the marriage covenant, and then to exhort them to live apart until their wedding.

Inevitably, the first response is no-- not possible. Can’t afford the rent. Can’t… Can’t…

Then the priest, still with the utmost charity, informs them that since they would cause scandal to the faithful by holding a full-blown white-dress wedding with all the trimmings, he will be happy to marry them, very quietly, on some weekday afternoon with just two witnesses in attendance.

Inevitably, the engaged couple suddenly finds creative solutions to the problem. She could stay with her brother for a few months. He has a good pal at work who’ll let him crash in the den until the wedding. Her cousin only lives twenty minutes away. Etc…

I think it’s a pretty neat solution…

Margaret
 
Liz_Beth said:
What if the girl is Catholic and the boy(my stepson) is protestant and they get married by a protestant minister, who used to be a priest? would you go to the wedding?
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Not unless the Bishop gave them permission to be married this way. The marriage is not valid if no permission is done. Infact the use of a former “priest” (there is no such man as a former a priest is always a priest just not allowed to preform the sacrements including marriage) is even more reason to not go I would take it as an affront to my faith.
 
spasiisochrani said:
Does this strike anyone as an unwise policy on the part of the priest?
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When my daughter and my now SIL were engaged the priest required all those going through prep classes to live apart. He lived with his mother till the wedding after moving here from Fla.
Flaunting the Church rules prior to marriage is not a good sign that they will be followed after the marriage.
 
I can only tell you about my situation. I married outside the church at the age of 18. My parents were not at all happy about it. Despite that they did attend and my father actually gave me away. Since that time my husband has converted to Catholicism and we have had our marriage convalidated. I would have understood my parents not coming but it would have caused a lot of hurt and in the end I think they would have very much regretted it.

My own opinion is that not showing up may do more harm then good. I do not think it will change their minds and I think it could very well cut off any dialogue of correcting the situation in the future. Also since this your husbands son and not yours the decision should be up to him.
 
Red_Meg said:
I’ve heard of a brilliant alternative pastoral approach to this problem. Not sure if it was here or somewhere on St. Blog’s.

Basically, this priest’s policy is, when presented with cohabiting couples, to very beautifully explain the church’s understanding of human sexuality and the marriage covenant, and then to exhort them to live apart until their wedding.

Inevitably, the first response is no-- not possible. Can’t afford the rent. Can’t… Can’t…

Then the priest, still with the utmost charity, informs them that since they would cause scandal to the faithful by holding a full-blown white-dress wedding with all the trimmings, he will be happy to marry them, very quietly, on some weekday afternoon with just two witnesses in attendance.

Inevitably, the engaged couple suddenly finds creative solutions to the problem. She could stay with her brother for a few months. He has a good pal at work who’ll let him crash in the den until the wedding. Her cousin only lives twenty minutes away. Etc…

I think it’s a pretty neat solution…

Margaret
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I like this approach a lot better. If the priest just says, “You can’t get married in my church because you’re cohabiting,” those people will never be seen in church again, and neither will their children.
 
Creed said:
any views on attending a non-catholic wedding of my husband’s non-catholic son whom married a catholic, but she chose not to live apart, so therefore, no priest would marry them. My husband had a former protestant marriage but husband thought that since his dad attended his non-catholic wedding, he should do the same to his son.
I was dead against going to this, but he wouldn’t listen to me. this is my first marriage and we are both trying together to be good catholics and trying to help eachother to get to heaven.

we were both uncomfortable at this wedding, and made our presence short. we went to a movie instead of staying for the music/dancing end of it all.

suggestions welcomed on what to do with his second son when he announces he will be getting married.:confused:
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I would suggest the same, only stay for the music and dancing, provided the conditions are the same.

Who knows? Maybe son #2 will convert, and marry a Catholic girl in a Nuptial Mass. You never know.
 
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