You're not going to BELIEVE this!

[Lexee15]

I just hung up the phone with my stbx…and he was calling to tell me how much he MISSES me!!! Can you believe that…the nerve!!!

He said “I know I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I miss you very much…” I told him “I’m sure the current woman in your life wouldn’t appreciate you telling me this…” he replied that just because she was in his life didn’t mean it was the person he wanted, yada yada yada. Then he said that it didn’t have to mean anything, what the heck does that mean??? He just wanted me to know, that he missed us and loved us, where the heck does he come up with this stuff??? And the most interesting part of all this is that he was stone cold SOBER, I think that’s why he’s got me like this. Had he been drunk I’d be able to chalk it up to the alcohol…but SOBER, what is he trying to do? He also asked me if I missed him or if I ever missed him, what does it matter ???

The only thing I can think of that might have triggered this is that when I was at the healing service today, with Sr. Briege M. McKenna, I begged Jesus to heal people in my family and I especially asked for his healing…even though he’s done what he’s done he is my son’s father. It takes every bit of me to pray for him because he’s caused me so much pain, but I have to…I just have to.

What do you all think? It really doesn’t mean anything to me because nothing he says or does would EVER make me go back to him, but I hate it when he does this because it unsettles me so, I’m trying to move on and this doesn’t help!!!

 

[kevinsgirl]

Sorry you’re having to deal with this, Lexee…:hug1: You’re a much better woman than I am by praying for him. :hug1:

 

[KCtheMommy]

DEEP BREATH!

repeat…

repeat again…

Go to bed and pray on it, he’s a jerk.

You know why he’s saying this to you? He’s lacking a certain amount of power AND drama.

Tell him to go buy it elsewhere. Jerk.

Then pray for him…
:console:

 

[Guitar]

Good on you for praying for him. (I have a friend who prays for the father of her child in similar circumstances and I know what his jerkishness - sometimes extremely public - has done to her. You and she are heroes. )

 

[dulcissima]

Lexee, I can believe it. I’ve been through all of this with my ex, he would keep trying every angle to get us back to where we were before…from “accidentally” taking my Bible when he came to get his personal effects and then saying that he really had wished he had read it before, how life changing it was. To sending me an enormous over the top bouqet of roses a few months into the separation, to telling me that he had been to confession and was really sorry. All of these were short-lived and feeble attempts, and very quickly when he didn’t get what he wanted, he went back to his true personality.

I pray for him too, and I hope in the end he will face the things that he needs to face to get better. I want that for him though, not for me, because it is inconceivable to me to ever put myself in a position to trust him.

Just don’t let his attempts throw you off from the progress you need to make. Praying for you.

 

[dulcissima]

Lexee, I can believe it. I’ve been through all of this with my ex, he would keep trying every angle to get us back to where we were before…from “accidentally” taking my Bible when he came to get his personal effects and then saying that he really had wished he had read it before, how life changing it was. To sending me an enormous over the top bouqet of roses a few months into the separation, to telling me that he had been to confession and was really sorry. All of these were short-lived and feeble attempts, and very quickly when he didn’t get what he wanted, he went back to his true personality.

I pray for him too, and I hope in the end he will face the things that he needs to face to get better. I want that for him though, not for me, because it is inconceivable to me to ever put myself in a position to trust him.

Just don’t let his attempts throw you off from the progress you need to make. Praying for you.

 

[14fhl]

I just wrote 3 paragraphs as a reply to this that i deleted. It felt good to let go of that. Now maybe in the spirit of self denial i can comment more justly and directly. No one can stop you from going forward. You direct that. But make sure with each step that you are moving forward and not just from place to place. I am sure some part of him does regret what you say he has done, but what part. If you prayed for him you should have also had faith that your prayer would be answered. So now take his, “missing you” as penance to you, for the pain he has caused you, and you can more fully forgive him. That does not mean you need to get tangled up in emotion with him. Love others as you love yourself, with respect and dignity. I am tired good night.

 

[Leopard]

stbx?

 

[Just_wondering]

stbx?

soon-to-be-ex.

 

[Leopard]

soon-to-be-ex.

Ah.

 

[puzzleannie]

well going by the past history you have shared with us I would have a restraining order on him so the next time he calls you can have him thrown in jail, but do it your way

 

[Lexee15]

well going by the past history you have shared with us I would have a restraining order on him so the next time he calls you can have him thrown in jail, but do it your way

See that’s the thing, he’s never been violent with me…not even verbally, so I do consider myself very blessed in that regard and I’m not afraid of him…at least not about what he would do to me physically. (Although, I have told my family that if I turned up dead somewhere to look at him and his girlfriends, I’m sure someone is angry about the money he has to give me, I’ve heard about too many people being murdered because of money:shrug:.)

Anyway, it’s the mental and emotional stuff that gets me, of course, I got over it very quickly yesterday. I realized he certainly doesn’t have the emotional hold on me that he used to have, no thanks to him.

If anyone has read my previous posts, this is what he “does” the difference was that this time he was sober which is what threw me off:shrug:. He’s backed off the divorce settlement thing, what I mean is he has come around to my terms and is willing to meet them(I prayed so much about this) and put it in writing. He said he did not want to fight over money and I said I didn’t either, all I was asking for was what is fair, and he agreed.

I think he really does miss me because he’s realized I am NOT like all the other women in his life and that he lost a good woman that really loved HIM, not his money, career or fame. When I said good bye it was over, forever, no matter how much it hurt, I knew that by letting him come back whenever he wanted I and ds would be the only ones hurt, he has come to find out that I am a woman of my word.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi Lexee;

In some ways, this is great–in other ways, it can leave you confused, and has. I think it shows that perhaps he is healing, and perhaps you needed to hear that–we don’t know all the reasons behind it, but I’d keep praying, as you are–but I’d probably say if there is a next time if he feels like saying this, “thank you for saying that, and I have to go now, or I really don’t want to talk to one another like this anymore”…It’s important to move forward and not allow him to continue to yo yo you around…he sounds genuine, and I suspect he is–but he also needs to know that it’s over. And that you have moved on past him. I am happy he told you this though, in a way–because maybe he will realize that by losing you, he needed to grow spiritually.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Lexee15]

I just wrote 3 paragraphs as a reply to this that i deleted. It felt good to let go of that. Now maybe in the spirit of self denial i can comment more justly and directly. No one can stop you from going forward. You direct that. But make sure with each step that you are moving forward and not just from place to place. I am sure some part of him does regret what you say he has done, but what part. If you prayed for him you should have also had faith that your prayer would be answered. So now take his, “missing you” as penance to you, for the pain he has caused you, and you can more fully forgive him. That does not mean you need to get tangled up in emotion with him. Love others as you love yourself, with respect and dignity. I am tired good night.

This makes a lot of sense in the “praying for him” respect, I was truly asking for his healing and I do expect for that prayer to be answered…only I didn’t realize it would be this quick and in this manner.

In a way, I do hope that he realizes one day how much he hurt me and what he has done to ds, making him a child of a broken home. I used to want this so he could feel the pain he caused me, you know, to suffer, not anymore I hope now he comes to this realization and amends his ways and turns to God’s Mercy for help and forgiveness. I’m really not interested in him suffering anymore, I think that may be a sign of God and the Blessed Mother working in my heart to really, truly forgive him and I pray that one day I do.

I have to say that I didn’t know I felt that way until you pointed out that his “missing” me could be a sort of penance to me, that’s when it struck me that I didn’t want him to suffer, who am I to want or expect such a thing after all I have done:blush:. And, I certainly couldn’t call myself a Catholic much less a Christian if I had the desire of pain and suffering for someone else, especially the father of my child, in my heart:blush:, despite what he’s done to me.

I am rejoicing:extrahappy: :extrahappy:, I dare say God is healing me, my heart!!! I am typing through tears right now because I have just realized this and I can’t believe I feel this way, I’m amazed!!! I thought I would never be here, I always said I forgave him, but questioned how true those words were, but I said them anyway(you know…I think therefore I am).

I have to go know and let this all sink in, my stbx is coming over later today to see ds, I pray that God give me the strength to see him as His child and for all that pain, resentment, etc. to just melt away…I think it has started though, thank you all for your prayers!!!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

DEEP BREATH!

repeat…

repeat again…

Go to bed and pray on it, he’s a jerk.

You know why he’s saying this to you? He’s lacking a certain amount of power AND drama.

Tell him to go buy it elsewhere. Jerk.

Then pray for him…
:console:

Lexee, my ex tried this on me. At the time we spoke, he hadn’t spoken to me in 5 years, was that many years behind in child support, and only wanted the children of our marriage to see his father in a state some 1000 miles away- and wanted at that time for me to pay for it. He called at 11:30 PM at night, claiming he rates were cheaper. After a half-hour of listening to BS (Why I listened I do not know, mostly because my mother was pressuring me- another long story), he mentioned that his present wife (wife #4 BTW) was not as interested in the marital embrace and would I please um, you know, over the phone. ::cough, cough:: His wife was in the very same house, sound asleep. I slammed down the receiver. My mother did not believe me, of course, when I told her about her favorite in-law. I didn’t waste my time trying to explain it to his wife.

Please don’t get involved in his drama or need to control, because he will try- one way or another. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for your son.

 

[whatevergirl]

DEEP BREATH!

repeat…

repeat again…

Go to bed and pray on it, he’s a jerk.

You know why he’s saying this to you? He’s lacking a certain amount of power AND drama.

Tell him to go buy it elsewhere. Jerk.

Then pray for him…
:console:

I will say though that I tend to agree here with KC–in the regard that your stbx is addicted to drama and chaos. Maybe that was what he grew up with, and he likes stirring the pot, so to speak. I would say that he also ‘misses’ controlling you…so, I would get off the phone pretty quickly, when he starts that rhetoric. I think in some ways, he could be genuine…we don’t know for certain, but classic verbal abusers go through this type of thing, where when they are ‘losing,’ they have to get back into a ‘winning’ position. Before my dh, I dated a type like this, and when I completely ignored him, he finally ‘gave up.’ Now, I know you can’t ignore him, because you have a child(ren) together, right? But, you can work on ignoring him by my suggestions…that when he starts it, just say you have to go…eventually, he will give up. I pray that you’ll keep strong during this…hugs to you Lexee!

 

[Island_Oak]

Let me guess…you just served him/are about to serve him with an order that may cost him $$, time or effort?

 

[Lexee15]

Let me guess…you just served him/are about to serve him with an order that may cost him $$, time or effort?

Actually, no, we already came to a settlement because neither of us want to keep paying the lawyers, he accepted most of my terms, including how much child and spousal support I want and that I want to move back to California. Turns out he was never opposed to this, his lawyer was the one who told him NOT to give it to me. Anyway, after we talked we came to the same agreement I had asked for before:shrug:, it’s being written up as we speak(or write) so that I can present it to my attorney and finally sign it:thumbsup:, my prayers answered, God is good, I didn’t want this to be a fight.

I have to revert back to this post:

This makes a lot of sense in the “praying for him” respect, I was truly asking for his healing and I do expect for that prayer to be answered…only I didn’t realize it would be this quick and in this manner.

In a way, I do hope that he realizes one day how much he hurt me and what he has done to ds, making him a child of a broken home. I used to want this so he could feel the pain he caused me, you know, to suffer, not anymore I hope now he comes to this realization and amends his ways and turns to God’s Mercy for help and forgiveness. I’m really not interested in him suffering anymore, I think that may be a sign of God and the Blessed Mother working in my heart to really, truly forgive him and I pray that one day I do.

I have to say that I didn’t know I felt that way until you pointed out that his “missing” me could be a sort of penance to me, that’s when it struck me that I didn’t want him to suffer, who am I to want or expect such a thing after all I have done:blush:. And, I certainly couldn’t call myself a Catholic much less a Christian if I had the desire of pain and suffering for someone else, especially the father of my child, in my heart, despite what he’s done to me.

I am rejoicing:extrahappy:, I dare say God is healing me, my heart!!! I am typing through tears right now because I have just realized this and I can’t believe I feel this way, I’m amazed!!! I thought I would never be here, I always said I forgave him, but questioned how true those words were, but I said them anyway(you know…I think therefore I am).

I have to go know and let this all sink in, my stbx is coming over later today to see ds, I pray that God give me the strength to see him as His child and for all that pain, resentment, etc. to just melt away…I think it has started though, thank you all for your prayers!!!

I really think that when I wrote this I had finally come to a realization about this whole thing. I don’t believe for one nanosecond that he’s changed, but I do think that he’s come to understand who I really am and what he lost.

My sister and I were talking and realized “why” he tells me about how much he’s making and going to be making, it’s a strategy. He tells me how well he’s doing, financially, then calls to tell me how much he “misses” me…but, I’m not interested. Why, cause that’s not why I married him, but it is why all his little girlfriends are with him, and he’s beginning to realize that. He uses the material stuff to “entice” me to give it a second chance because he knows I’ve been sincere and genuine with him…but, because I have been sincere and genuine with him…that would never work with me.

Sounds complicated doesn’t it, he’s realized that he may have a “hook” in me (ds) but, that doesn’t mean he will ever be able to reel me back in and that’s a blow to his ego and the little games he plays.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Yahoo!!! Let’s get this thing to the Wheaton Courthouse and you can go HOME with your DS!!!

 

[gambino]

I may be in the minority here but why wouldn’t you be open to seeing where his contrite attitude takes your relationship? I’m not saying go back to him, but over time, God could have a plan to change him back into the man you fell in love with again. I know it sounds far fetched, maybe too hopeful but I just think God hates divorce more than almost any other sin. He may have been a jerk but people change and God works through everyone when they are open to him. I would take back my stbw if she just called and talked over time even though I know she blantantly committed adultery, hurt my family and am now going through a bitter divorce. I pray for her everyday. I miss her. I really don’t know how we could ever fix our relationship but I hold out hope that God can do anything…even change my family’s disdain for her and change her heart. Lexee, I’ll pray for you.