Youth or Madness

[mcteague]

Often when I read things here I do not know how to respond. That is not because I do not have an opinion. It is because my reaction and response would be different depending on whether the original poster is an adolescent or adult. There are many questions and concerns that are understandable and acceptable from young people that really are not from true grown ups. Adolescents are trying to figure out the world. They want to understand the world. I suppose since they are posting here they want to understand Catholicism. These same kinds of posts from adults with a few years of life in them ( so we will allow college age kids) often strike me as being written by someone who is an idiot, or belongs in a straight jacket.

I am talking about these very common posts. ’ I had a sexual thought. Am I going to hell?’ ‘I did some rather minor wrong thing. Will god ever forgive me’. Etc. Etc Etc. These pop up constantly.
We drive teenagers practically insane by making them think that every decision they make, or every thought and feeling they have have life and death consequences. Perhaps it is because adults get used to the idea that you have to repeat everything a hundred times before there is a chance your children will finally hear it. I do understand how this happens. Teenagers and young adults often seem so high strung they are practically neurotic.

After a few years of life experience most people develop a bit of perspective. They don’t tie themselves into knots about every little thing. If some of the posts I read here are from people in their thirties or older, I would suggest that they seek psychiatric help.

I am not saying that people should not take their religious beliefs seriously, that if they are Catholic they should not try to be the best Catholic they can be. But there are things adults should just know. In your life you are going to make mistakes. You are going to sin; to use a Catholic term. You will have terrible thoughts. There is a good chance both suicide and murder will be contemplated. Hopefully you will do neither. There will be lots of sexual impulses. You will love and you will hate. You will probably question your religion and even the existence of God. Most will return and believe again. You will be confused by life. You will fail and you will succeed. You will know joy and sorrow. Finally, you will get some perspective as the years go by.

Again I am not saying that people should not take their religion and morality seriously. But when I read some things here and consider that they might be written by a fully grown person, I often want to shout “grow up”. Or at least get some help

I just wish that it was clear to me who is posting. I wish that adolescents were required to state their age. Because although these kinds of posts are a understandable from the very young they really are not from anyone a bit older. Or do people here think I see things this way because I do not consider myself a Catholic?

 

[jpjd]

I agree with your assessment of some of the questions on this board. However, I don’t think it’s wise for the board to put a person’s age on their post. Who knows if it would be the truth, not to mention that it alerts the predators to who the young, vulnerable ones are.

The solution is to be charitable in your answers, regardless of what age the person appears to be, and just be aware that this board is frequented by a lot of young people (or people who appear to be yong).

 

[underacloud]

I don’t think age has anything to do with how questions should be considered (assuming the question itself isn’t age-relevant). Some people are well educated in the faith from childhood, while some come to the faith fresh in their adulthood, with but a beginners understanding. All honest questions should be addressed with sincerity and respect. No one should need to fear posting here in case someone tells them to “grow up” or that they need to “seek psychiatric help”.

 

[slywakka250]

thanks for this post You give me hope. I am younger, I am 23.

only thing that scares me though is what if I die before I am old enough and have it all figured out, that one sexual thought might send me to hell . In all seriousness, I hope I just need more psychiatric help, and that my fears (such as those expressed in the type of post you mention) are not real.

 

[JackVk]

I tend to be very scrupulous. I would say I agree with you when you say that young people are very scrupulous, especially when it comes to religion. Being a young person myself, you really have to sort things out, especially when you’re in college. I especially am glad that I cling to God and His Church in college, because these are very trying times for me. I will do whatever necessary to not be swept away by the snobbish, manipulative professors and their petty political agendas.

You know waht they say: “Stand for nothing and you will fall for anything”.

 

[The_Old_Medic]

I doubt if this is either a case of youth or madness. Lots of “mature” adults also are guilt ridden, do not know the basics of their own religion, have no concept of redemption and how it works, etc.

Far too many people were taught things that simply were not true by well meaning religious. God alone knows how many thousands (if not millions) of people had misinformation provided to them by religious that they trusted and believed were knowledgeable about the Catholic Church.

I can vividly remember being told that having a “wet dream” was a mortal sin. I was told this by Nuns, Christian Brothers and Priests at various times. Yet one can not sin unless one is conscious that they are doing wrong (this has been the position of the church for centuries), so anything happening during sleep could not possibly be a sin.

I was told that it would be a mortal sin for me to attend Mass at an Eastern Rite Roman Catholic Church.

I was taught that I could not attend a church service at my grandfathers church (he was a Free Methodist Minister for over 50 years and I did it anyway). I was told that I was endangering my immortal soul by doing this.I was also told, by both several Dominican Nuns and the Chaplain of my school, that my grandfather was in Hell, because he was not a Catholic. I told them where they could put their opinions (and I was almost expelled from that school as a consequence).

[Please note: I was NOT a baptized Roman Catholic at that time. They would NOT baptize me, because I was only 11 years old when he died. That issue almost caused me to abandon the church, because I could not support any institution that tried to tell me that my grandfather was condemned to hell because of his religion. It was the office of the Archbishop of San Francisco that finally resolved this, by putting in writing that he was NOT automatically condemned to hell, that if he truly believed that his faith was correct and proper, and that he had lived that faith, that he would go to heaven. They also stated that my attendance at his funeral, and participating in his funeral service was perfectly OK.]

The above are simply some minor examples of the kinds of silly things that children were taught in the pre-Vatican II days (and sadly, still are to a much lesser degree).

So many people have been taught by the unwitting, the unlearned, and by the fervent that all kinds of things are horribly sinful. They don’t know the true teachings of the church, and they worry that they are doing the wrong thing.

To think that this is merely a problem of the young, or of the mad is not very helpful. I know a number of teens that could discuss virtually any aspect of theology and morality with laymen, and know a LOT more about those subjects than most “adults” do. Believe it or not, many teens really do study their church, and learn a lot about it on the Internet.

 

[mcteague]

Okay, maybe it’s not youth or madness. It is just that sometimes I don’t know how to respond to some of the posts. If a twelve year old girl told me she thinks she will have a baby if a boy kisses her, I might simply tell her that that is not correct. If a forty year old woman told me the same thing I would worry about other issues.

Don’t let my frustration motivated post mislead anyone. I would not tell them they belong in a straight jacket. But it would raise other questions. Sometimes when I read posts as I have described I realize that I am presuming the writer is an adolescent. After all who else could think such a thing. But maybe they are not. Maybe they are a grown person whose post might suggest some sort of social or psychological issue. You can’t really respond to some of these things without knowing more about the person. There is a difference in how one should respond.

To the young people reading this thread, I just want to say don’t be so hard on yourself and try not to drive yourself crazy. But still always strive to be the best you can be.

 

[Pug]

I just wish that it was clear to me who is posting. I wish that adolescents were required to state their age. Because although these kinds of posts are a understandable from the very young they really are not from anyone a bit older. Or do people here think I see things this way because I do not consider myself a Catholic?

I would be more inclined to say that if you do not understand why a person posts what they do, then either you lack information or sufficient time to reflect or experience that would help you make sense of the post. I say that because it is my experience that most things that people do make sense on some level once we know all the facts. Of course, Catholics believe people are not always perfectly rational in every situation, but that doesn’t mean people act from no motivation at all.

I have experienced making a transition from one type of moral reasoning to another (as an adult). I found it caused some fair amount of consternation to me at various times, especially in the time before I developed new habits and a new type of prudence. Actually, the transition didn’t happen until I suddenly found myself in a place where I had time to think and I was not regularly subject to fear, now that I think on it. I could see how for some people that might not happen until they were fairly old. I think certain types of growth don’t complete themselves easily for some folks without time for reflection, time for sleep, good nutrition, etc. I know I find spiritual growth goes nowhere for me when I am tired and can’t concentrate without difficulty. Ha! Just look at me, I must be tired a lot.

 

[1ke]

Again I am not saying that people should not take their religion and morality seriously. But when I read some things here and consider that they might be written by a fully grown person, I often want to shout “grow up”. Or at least get some help

I just wish that it was clear to me who is posting. I wish that adolescents were required to state their age. Because although these kinds of posts are a understandable from the very young they really are not from anyone a bit older. Or do people here think I see things this way because I do not consider myself a Catholic?

It seems you are unacquainted with the spiritual sickness called scrupulosity. There are many, many people who post here who suffer from it.

If you cannot be charitable in your reply to these people, then perhaps it would be best for you to skip their threads entirely and say a silent prayer for them.

 

[Debora123]

Often when I read things here I do not know how to respond. That is not because I do not have an opinion. It is because my reaction and response would be different depending on whether the original poster is an adolescent or adult. There are many questions and concerns that are understandable and acceptable from young people that really are not from true grown ups. Adolescents are trying to figure out the world. They want to understand the world. I suppose since they are posting here they want to understand Catholicism. These same kinds of posts from adults with a few years of life in them ( so we will allow college age kids) often strike me as being written by someone who is an idiot, or belongs in a straight jacket.

I am talking about these very common posts. ’ I had a sexual thought. Am I going to hell?’ ‘I did some rather minor wrong thing. Will god ever forgive me’. Etc. Etc Etc. These pop up constantly.
We drive teenagers practically insane by making them think that every decision they make, or every thought and feeling they have have life and death consequences. Perhaps it is because adults get used to the idea that you have to repeat everything a hundred times before there is a chance your children will finally hear it. I do understand how this happens. Teenagers and young adults often seem so high strung they are practically neurotic.

After a few years of life experience most people develop a bit of perspective. They don’t tie themselves into knots about every little thing. If some of the posts I read here are from people in their thirties or older, I would suggest that they seek psychiatric help.

I am not saying that people should not take their religious beliefs seriously, that if they are Catholic they should not try to be the best Catholic they can be. But there are things adults should just know. In your life you are going to make mistakes. You are going to sin; to use a Catholic term. You will have terrible thoughts. There is a good chance both suicide and murder will be contemplated. Hopefully you will do neither. There will be lots of sexual impulses. You will love and you will hate. You will probably question your religion and even the existence of God. Most will return and believe again. You will be confused by life. You will fail and you will succeed. You will know joy and sorrow. Finally, you will get some perspective as the years go by.

Again I am not saying that people should not take their religion and morality seriously. But when I read some things here and consider that they might be written by a fully grown person, I often want to shout “grow up”. Or at least get some help

I just wish that it was clear to me who is posting. I wish that adolescents were required to state their age. Because although these kinds of posts are a understandable from the very young they really are not from anyone a bit older. Or do people here think I see things this way because I do not consider myself a Catholic?

I’d just like to say that I agree with you totally and completely - 100%. In fact, you said exactly how I’ve always felt coming on this forum. I’m used to expecting it now, but wow, when I FIRST joined this forum?? I was BLOWN AWAY by some of the things I saw! I couldn’t believe it! It really really disturbed me, as a Catholic, to see other Catholics acting so crazy in the name of Catholicism. But now I’ve come to accept it and expect it, and I try to use this forum to my benefit rather than let the crazy aspect of it bother me. Because after all, there are some level headed, intelligent people here.

 

[rotlex]

I think the other factor one tends to forget here is simply trolling. At times, many of what I consider to be “you must be joking me” posts, are from posters with very low post counts. I frequent some other forums that have politic\religion subforums, and frankly, the atheists can get pretty rude. I know a few of them, just from reading posts, that frequent these forums just looking for laughs, and to see how seriously they are taken.

I’m not saying thats always the case, or even happens often, but, you must still factor that in.