Youth sports and when is it excessive

[robwar]

This is a continuation from another thread. The basic question or thought is this:
When is involvement with youth sports excessive? Is there too much emphasis on it or are there not enough children even doing sports? Is there a balance between sports and other youth activities? For families with children in competitive sports, how have you balanced things? Has your involvement with sports been positive or negative? Why have you put your child in competitive sports as opposed to recreational sports? all comments are welcome.

 

[Ellyakamommy]

We have our oldest two girls in the local youth soccer now. In the next year, we will need to decide if we will keep them in the local league or if we will enroll them in a more competitive travel league.

By no means have we made our decision but we are weighing the pros and cons of it now. So I’m interested in seeing the answers you get and what factors decided others decisions.

 

[1ke]

IMHO:

acceptable: local youth leagues during the summer; school sports or other activities during the school year. Junior high and below = one activity at a time; high school = ok to have more than one activity as long as grades remain high

unacceptable: games or practices on Sundays; youth leagues with practice more than a couple of times a week or games more than 1x per week; school sports with opponents that require travel more than 60 miles; non-school competitive “travel” teams as a whole; activities that interfere with family obligations (i.e., if it is between a sports game and your grandma’s birthday party, you are skipping the game)

priority #1: church, church activities, and family + family activities

 

[EasterJoy]

This is how it is at our house:

Sports is optional, but physical activity isn’t. The kids ought to be out exerting themselves for at least an hour a day, on average, and if more, so much the better. We are lucky enough to have membership at a club with indoor sports courts, but before that we used the community pool and indoor courts and the local park, in addition to the back yard. There was a gap where the kids were getting less PE at school and we didn’t make it a point to get them somewhere else for exercise, and that was not a good thing. They’re far happier when they’re out moving every day.

For organized sports:

1. School work has to be in hand. If an organized sport precluded them keeping up with school, the sport would have to go.
2. Sports can’t come before Sunday Mass, Holy Days, Ash Wednesday, or Triduum (and won’t be allowed to come before confirmation prep).
3. To the extent possible, the athlete is responsible for their own gear and keeping track of their own schedule.
4. Safety before sports: for instance, the pitcher has to take two continuous months off from pitching every year, including off-season practice. (So far, this hasn’t been an issue, though.)
5. The kids have expressed relief that we don’t coach from the sidelines. They do not envy kids whose parents do this. We do act as scorekeepers, and they like that.
6. A sports commitment is a real commitment
   a) the coach is told about all prior commitments before the season starts, including religious obligations, and participation requires that the coach is OK with honoring those.
   b) being at practice and at games on time is a commitment that has to be honored for the entire season. The only allowed reason to quit is safety or severe affronts to dignity.
   c) part of the commitment is being coachable and being a good teammate.
7. The kids are expected to ask to help with set-up and don’t leave the field until the coach is done cleaning up and putting away, unless the coach tells them they’re not needed. The coach, IOW, is not their maid.
8. The referees are obviously not infallible, but they are to be held as definitive. What they say is a strike is a strike, what they say is a ball is a ball, what they say is an out is an out, and so on. No arguing and absolutely no disrespect is allowed.
9. Everyone is to be treated with respect. Opponents should be appreciated and treated as fellow lovers of the game, because without them to push you, you have no game at all. If they misbehave, the best thing to do is ignore it.
10. The coach is the coach and gets a lot of leeway to make decisions. He’d have to be quite a ways out of bounds before we’d correct him. So far, it hasn’t been necessary. We make it a point to thank the coaches after practices and games.

Our kids haven’t wanted to do any sports except baseball and no other scheduled commitments besides altar serving. They are the same age so they play on the same teams. They’re scheduled three and sometimes four days a week during the season, but practice more than that on their own accord. They like having free time to play with each other at nothing in particular, and they think the kids who try to do too much are a little nuts. This has made the logistics of balance far easier than if they were lobbying to do everything.
Generally speaking, though, we don't punish the kids by keeping them from keeping their commitments to the team, any more than we'd punish them by making them miss work if they had after-school jobs. We would feel totally free, though, to tell the coach that the kid has acted so as to forfeit any expectation that they'll get to play any more than the coach is inclined to play them, because they are there entirely at the service of their commitment to the needs of the team. Our kids do not like the idea that their coach is going to be told they are worthy of a benching, so they take that into account. So far, we've not had to do that, but we would.

 

[DarkLight]

My other rule: I would try to avoid making any kid play a specific sport, at least for very long. I loved biking and skating as a kid, but hated most team sports and anything that involved catching or throwing. Eventually got diagnosed with an eye problem that explained the hatred of balls! At the same time, don’t force kids to quit without a good reason. A good friend of mine tells bitter stories of being forced to quit the soccer team as she got older because “it wasn’t ladylike enough, young women shouldn’t be running around in shorts chasing a ball!”

 

[mafh]

I think it is excessive when you find that it is causing you to sacrifice more important things.

So, youth sports are excessive when they are:

• Interfering with your religious practices
• Damaging the mental or physical health of any family member (including parents)
• Interfering with children’s school work or parents’ employment
• Interfering with family time, including time with grandparents
• Preventing family members from pursuing alternate leisure interests, if desired

I think some of these traveling youth sports teams fail on all five items – I find it unbelievable the amount of committment they require even for quite little kids.

But in their proper place, youth sports are great.

 

[Blacksword]

IMHO:

acceptable: local youth leagues during the summer; school sports or other activities during the school year. Junior high and below = one activity at a time; high school = ok to have more than one activity as long as grades remain high

unacceptable: games or practices on Sundays; youth leagues with practice more than a couple of times a week or games more than 1x per week; school sports with opponents that require travel more than 60 miles; non-school competitive “travel” teams as a whole; activities that interfere with family obligations (i.e., if it is between a sports game and your grandma’s birthday party, you are skipping the game)

priority #1: church, church activities, and family + family activities

Just curious: are your kids in high school sports yet? If so, how are these rules working out? The reason I ask is I played high school basketball in a small town in Ohio back in the 90’s and the practice schedule was outright abusive. It was practice every weekday after school for a good 2 hours each day, with games on Friday and Saturday both some weeks, one weekend night other weeks during the season and also the same every day practice schedule for two months before the season started, basically from the start of school in early September to end of season in March. And God help you if you had to miss a practice or game for some family obligation cause the coaches would just punish you when you got back the next day, run you until you puked, that kind of thing. And I could see the football team was the same way, just brutal with no break and basically the sport took over all your time. Are there high school sports that don’t require this excessive a time commitment?

 

[EasterJoy]

Just curious: are your kids in high school sports yet? If so, how are these rules working out? The reason I ask is I played high school basketball in a small town in Ohio back in the 90’s and the practice schedule was outright abusive. It was practice every weekday after school for a good 2 hours each day, with games on Friday and Saturday both some weeks, one weekend night other weeks during the season and also the same every day practice schedule for two months before the season started, basically from the start of school in early September to end of season in March. And God help you if you had to miss a practice or game for some family obligation cause the coaches would just punish you when you got back the next day, run you until you puked, that kind of thing. And I could see the football team was the same way, just brutal with no break and basically the sport took over all your time. Are there high school sports that don’t require this excessive a time commitment?

I know of a high school whose athletic board finally required at least one full day off for every sports team per week (which could be a school day) and one month a year where the coaches may not be in contact with the athetes and the high school sports facilities are closed. This was particularly necessary for the two- and three-sport athletes. If the coaches were punishing any athletes who had legitimate reason to miss a practice or game, a parent complaining to the board would have found a sympathetic ear. The school is Catholic, and strictly requires that no activities of the school, extracurricular or otherwise, interfere with religious obligations, including preparation for confirmation.

Purposefully running an athlete through exercises until they collapse or throw up as a punishment is hazing, and many athletic departments have banned it. It is totally inappropriate. (I don’t know if the Marines even allow that any more…that is, not severe physical tests, but pushing someone with the goal of not letting them stop until some body system gives out.)

 

[EasterJoy]

My other rule: I would try to avoid making any kid play a specific sport, at least for very long. I loved biking and skating as a kid, but hated most team sports and anything that involved catching or throwing. Eventually got diagnosed with an eye problem that explained the hatred of balls! At the same time, don’t force kids to quit without a good reason. A good friend of mine tells bitter stories of being forced to quit the soccer team as she got older because “it wasn’t ladylike enough, young women shouldn’t be running around in shorts chasing a ball!”

I’d make a kid finish what they sign up for, I’d make them choose something that requires them to exercise, but I wouldn’t force them to take up a competitve sport at all, let alone a particular competitive sport…or to quit when there wasn’t something obligatory that was being neglected.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think it is excessive when you find that it is causing you to sacrifice more important things.

So, youth sports are excessive when they are:

• Interfering with your religious practices
• Damaging the mental or physical health of any family member (including parents)
• Interfering with children’s school work or parents’ employment
• Interfering with family time, including time with grandparents
• Preventing family members from pursuing alternate leisure interests, if desired

I think some of these traveling youth sports teams fail on all five items – I find it unbelievable the amount of committment they require even for quite little kids.

But in their proper place, youth sports are great.

This is good. Even some of the travel teams are starting to lighten up, because they’re burning out really promising athletes.

I’m also all for the teams (travel or not) that don’t allow their athletes to commit time to another organized team, excepting when seasons overlap (like football and basketball). It’s too much, and everyone suffers.

 

[Blacksword]

I know of a high school whose athletic board finally required at least one full day off for every sports team per week (which could be a school day) and one month a year where the coaches may not be in contact with the athetes and the high school sports facilities are closed. This was particularly necessary for the two- and three-sport athletes. If the coaches were punishing any athletes who had legitimate reason to miss a practice or game, a parent complaining to the board would have found a sympathetic ear. The school is Catholic, and strictly requires that no activities of the school, extracurricular or otherwise, interfere with religious obligations, including preparation for confirmation.

Purposefully running an athlete through exercises until they collapse or throw up as a punishment is hazing, and many athletic departments have banned it. It is totally inappropriate. (I don’t know if the Marines even allow that any more…that is, not severe physical tests, but pushing someone with the goal of not letting them stop until some body system gives out.)

Yeah, we had Sundays off each week, but with that schedule it wasn’t much of a break, and certainly keeping up with school remained difficult. It’s funny…I’m a 35 year old man who has lived in another state for years and years, and am in superior shape, I deadlift 500 pounds, bench 350…but I’m frankly still afraid of that high school basketball coach! Just thinking of the man even today makes me a little shaky, like he might scream at me and demand I start running suicides right now until I pass out!

 

[EasterJoy]

Yeah, we had Sundays off each week, but with that schedule it wasn’t much of a break, and certainly keeping up with school remained difficult. It’s funny…I’m a 35 year old man who has lived in another state for years and years, and am in superior shape, I deadlift 500 pounds, bench 350…but I’m frankly still afraid of that high school basketball coach! Just thinking of the man even today makes me a little shaky, like he might scream at me and demand I start running suicides right now until I pass out!

Screaming and making athletes “run suicides” is not the norm now. It is abusive. Six days a week isn’t something that ought to be kept up for months at a time, either. Here and there, sure, most athletes don’t mind that, but high school kids need time for a social life. Mostly, though, it’s hard to concentrate on school when you spend at least two hours a day with someone who might morph into a psychopath!

 

[Cat]

IMHO:

acceptable: local youth leagues during the summer; school sports or other activities during the school year. Junior high and below = one activity at a time; high school = ok to have more than one activity as long as grades remain high

unacceptable: games or practices on Sundays; youth leagues with practice more than a couple of times a week or games more than 1x per week; school sports with opponents that require travel more than 60 miles; non-school competitive “travel” teams as a whole; activities that interfere with family obligations (i.e., if it is between a sports game and your grandma’s birthday party, you are skipping the game)

priority #1: church, church activities, and family + family activities

Boy, oh, boy! This would mean no figure skating!

Almost all figure skating competitions are held on weekends, for obvious reasons–can’t be missing school. I don’t see that Sunday competitions are a problem for Catholics, as there are usually plenty of opportunities to attend a Mass in the city/town where the competition is held. And isn’t the requirement of the Church to abstain from servile work on Sunday? I don’t believe that “sports” are considered servile work, are they?

FIgure skaters practice everyday, or at least six days a week. At least, the GOOD figure skaters practice everyday. You don’t get very far in this sport unless you practice everyday.

Figure skating competitions are held in cities where there are ice rinks and skating clubs, which means that most competitions require travel, and depending on where you live, the travel distances will probably be greater than 60 miles. And depending on your level, the competitions will be overseas.

Any skater is able to make a choice to skip a competition/practice and participate in the family activity–with the exception of synchronized skaters. Synchronized skating is a team sport, and that means that all the team members are present at all of the practices and competitions. Usually the schedule is clearly laid out at the beginning of the season before the skater and his/her family sign on the dotted line and commit themselves.

To be honest, for most figure skating families, the competitions and practices ARE the family activities, and grandma would prefer to attend her grandchild’s skating competition and have her birthday party at another time!

 

[1ke]

Boy, oh, boy! This would mean no figure skating!

Yep, that is exactly what it would mean.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Yep, that is exactly what it would mean.

I’m inclined to agree. That kind of schedule puts too much on kids at a time when they need to be exploring lots of interests, talents, and hobbies. Something like that just strikes me as inappropriate.

The only one of your rules that I wouldn’t agree with is the 60 mile one. But that’s because I grew up in a rural area. If we couldn’t travel more than 60 miles none of our sports teams would have had competitors!

 

[garn9173]

Thankfully, my son has never expressed an interest in youth sports. I don’t want to be married to it and i’m a sports junkie.

 

[robwar]

We have our oldest two girls in the local youth soccer now. In the next year, we will need to decide if we will keep them in the local league or if we will enroll them in a more competitive travel league.

By no means have we made our decision but we are weighing the pros and cons of it now. So I’m interested in seeing the answers you get and what factors decided others decisions.

I can answer this because this is what we have done with our daughter and the is our second year in travel soccer. The great advantage is that she has gotten wonderful training and has immensely improved in the sport. This is an 11 month commitment. she loves it and has grown in the sport so it has been the right move. She does not do any other activity so she and us do not over tax ourselves. Yes, it will be more expensive and with 2 girls in it, you will be much more busier. We have never missed mass and have only had to travel 1.5 hours away at the most. If your girls really love soccer and want them to grow in the sport, that will be the right move. If able, it is good to look at more than one club and pick a club that focusses on development as oppose to just winning. travel soccer is a totally different game than recreation soccer. Most all high school teams are made up with travel soccer trained players.

 

[Cat]

I’m inclined to agree. That kind of schedule puts too much on kids at a time when they need to be exploring lots of interests, talents, and hobbies. Something like that just strikes me as inappropriate.

The only one of your rules that I wouldn’t agree with is the 60 mile one. But that’s because I grew up in a rural area. If we couldn’t travel more than 60 miles none of our sports teams would have had competitors!

Although our daughters started figure skating when they were 3 and 5, they both did plenty of exploring and had lots of interests, talents, and hobbies. In fact, as a rule, figure skaters are usually quite well-rounded. Because they are limited in their free time, they have a tendency to make wise use of that time and cram in a lot of living. I think that’s true of kids who are involved in highly-competitive sports.

Our older daughter was a bookworm (read several books a week throughout school), took piano lessons, and above all else, was a member of several theater companies and ended up winning her high school theater award. She was also at the top of her high school class and earned twelve AP credits, which allowed her to graduate from college a semester early…

Our younger daughter took piano and violin lessons and eventually added voice lessons. She was in all her school plays. First-string varsity volleyball team in high school. Top scholar (33 on the ACT). Two summers of volunteering at MDA camp. She was also a volunteer figure skating coach throughout high school.

Both girls had a lot of friends, and usually had something going on every weekend with friends.

We were Protestant at the time, and both girls remained involved in our church in VBS (teaching), in clubs, and eventually in the youth group.

The experiences that our daughters and our family had in figure skating were and are absolutely priceless. Both girls earned the privilege of representing the United States in international competitions, and my younger daughter travelled to six countries for international and World competition. The skills that they acquired in figure skating were invaluable to them in all areas of their lives.

And they had fun! So much fun! To this day, they keep up with many of the skating friends that they made while they were tiny children. And we still try to attend competitions together; this year, Synchro Worlds is in Boston, and we are hoping to go as a family, or at least, as mother and two daughters. (Boston is kind of expensive for the entire family.)

Both girls still figure skate, even though they are now 26 and 29. The younger daughter has coached for ten years now.

In answer to the OP’s question, I would say that youth sports is excessive when it becomes a misery for the young athlete and for the family. But I see absolutely nothing wrong and MUCH good when children and teenagers get involved in something and work very very hard to achieve the highest levels of that activity.

There are a lot of farm kids who spend many hours taking care of livestock in order to raise the prize steer or hog for the State Fair. When I was growing up, I practiced the piano 2-4 hours day after school–was that excessive? I say “no”–I am a good pianist today because I did that much practicing for so many years way back then.

 

[EasterJoy]

…I would say that youth sports is excessive when it becomes a misery for the young athlete and for the family. But I see absolutely nothing wrong and MUCH good when children and teenagers get involved in something and work very very hard to achieve the highest levels of that activity…

This, provided they don’t suffer academically…just as the bookworm can be a bookworm, provided that they don’t neglect getting enough exercise.

Some kids have loads of energy for this kind of thing–whether hours of piano a day or hours on the rink or just going out and shooting hoops every spare minute. They eat it up, and they ask for more. For instance, the high schooler and Olympian Missy Franklin surely put in hours in the pool that would be abusive if she were forced to do it. She’d find it a punishment if she weren’t allowed to pursue her goals, though!

Others have the goals, but don’t have the energy level or the ability to keep all the balls in the air. There has to be a certain amount of playing it by ear. The parent has to judge whether their student-athlete is managing their load or not. It’s not a one-size-fits-all proposition.

 

[_Jenn]

What is excessive will vary from family to family & what they are ok with.

Our son (10 1/2) does pretty much one activity at a time (there is typically some overlap, but not a ton at this stage). He does an afterschool bowling program 2x a year, the bus takes them straight there from school, parents pick up. They’ve got about 1 1/2 hours to bowl, eat, dance, & socialize. He plays in the band at school (which last year involved one concert, so a few evening practices a year; this year it is 2 concerts, not sure if there will be evening rehearsals yet - I’m sure at least a few before each concert), is in chorus this year (again, 2 concerts, possibly a few evening rehearsals). He will also either take lessons in baseball this winter/spring, or lessons in the winter and play little league in the spring. He is undecided on whether he wants to play for our town’s little league this year after some things that went on last year. He may opt for lessons to develop in different areas and play for a team next year. Again, it will be his decision, as playing ball is something he is passionate about, but he is more passionate about developing his strengths (and weaknesses) to be a better asset to a team & working on strategy right now, so if he chooses not to do LL, we are ok w/ that. Lessons will cost more, but so be it.

At any rate, for now, mostly one thing at a time is what we feel is best for him. However, as he gets older & wants to try new things while still doing the “old” things, we will support that. I was constantly on the go as a teen with sports, dance, music, etc. and as long as school work is kept up with, it’s ok.