It seems the term “born again” is a little maligned in some catholic circles. Jesus did state a person must be born again to see the kingdom of God. What does being “born again” mean to Catholics?
With hindsight being 20/20, I was “born again” when my mother who was a non-practicing Catholic had me and my two younger brothers, with the support of my Protestant father, baptized at the age of 6.
From that time, a conscience was formed in me that provided guidlines to live by. This conscience is what I used to call my “Catholic guilt” that I would poke fun at and try to extinguish throughout my life as I studied psychology, philosophy, eastern mysticism and meditation when I left Catholicism at the age of 18.
As I look at my history this guilt was a gift that prevented me from going too far away
Being confirmed at the age of 12 and receiving the gifts of the Holy Spirit though not yet fully integrated into my developing identity was critical in how I was directed toward an internal search for God that was always present in me even though I had committed many sins against Him and His creations.
In receiving Jesus in Communion, I now see how He had never left me and was continually guiding me towards the development of an unselfish love. Although I failed many times, He always compelled me to be honest and open to others with my sins and to seek humility by expressing my sins to others. I did this but the shame of accumulated sin still piled up on my soul and conscience. Over the years of these accumulated effects of sin I developed a social phobia that prevented me from being in situations where I thought I would be judged. With the limited free will I had I was able to face certain fears and “white nuckle” my way through and gain a limited strength and self worth that was still very precarious.
However, I was still growing up in the Spirit that had been given to me through the Sacraments that I hadn’t received for decades.
Then after 40 years away Easter Vigil of 2005 I made a 40 year confession and all my shame was washed away.
I have finally left the defensive, angry years of adolescence and am now in the adult years of being “born again”. When I was a child I spoke and thought and acted as a child. Now that I am a man I have put away childhood things. The smokey glass is clearing.
My confirmation name is Paul. Now I am born again every day I wake up to a new understanding and love for God and the Church He gave me that gives me so much love I am only beginning to understand.