11 yr old Catholic schooled daughter feels confession is not necessary

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pammie

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Sigh! We were driving to school this morning and I was telling my kids that we should go to confession this weekend. My 11 dd proceeds to tell me that her 6th grade religion teacher has informed the class that confession is not necessary and you can confess your sins directly to God and receive the same forgiveness that you would in a confessional by a priest.I told her that what her religion teacher told her was not true. I began to explain the importance of confession, that it is a sacrament given to us by Jesus Christ, that it is a gift from God and that confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of penance ( and many other reasons in the 15 min drive )

I will contact the school principal and let him know what was said. As for dd, she will not be swayed. She said I will stick to what the religion teacher told me. Any suggestions, comments or sedatives would be greatly appreciated.
 
Maybe she misunderstood? Like he said ‘Only MORTAL sins need to be confessed, for venial sins you can go straight to God and the penitentiary rite at the beginning of Mass takes care of those’ (which is correct), so I’d first ask the teacher before I’d go in all guns blazing, if I were you…at that age they do hear what they want to hear!

Anna x
 
Good point Anna. I will clarify but I did mention mortal sin this morning–dd did not mention that he differentiated between mortal/venial sin.

Still, I would hope that confession would be encouraged and taught in a positive light–not as something you can avoid in certain circumstances.
 
I would definitely make a complaint about that teacher (and pray for her). :banghead:

As far as your daughter, I guess just tell her that the teacher made a mistake and you keep telling her the truth. If she really resists, tell her she can ask the priest herself during confession (when obviously you won’t be in there with her) and he can set her straight (hopefully).

Also, there are a few excellent talks about confession available for free at www.CatholiCity.com. I don’t know if they’re suitable for an 11-year-old, so you’d have to listen to them and then decide. If nothing else, they’ll be great for you! 😃
 
I’d have a close look at everything your child is being taught. I once learned of an errant teaching being taught at my children’s school, and with further investigation, I soon learned of MANY more. It became apparent that we had to leave the “catholic” school for a truely Catholic education elsewhere.

Offer this religion teacher pamphlets or pages from books, etc that explain the Church’s true teaching. They will be more likely to read small excerpts than full pages. Hopefully its just a lack of knowledge about the Truth.

I would also like to urge you to review your child’s tests, notes and projects. The part that is really scary are the little conversations teachers have with students that are just “discussions” and not on any test. Once my oldest was being properly taught, we heard many comments regarding what “Mr H” had taught at the old school…it is still a sad situation as “Mr H” is still allowed to teach at the parish school.

A seed of doubt can wreck the faith of a poorly catechized person.

good luck, and be strong!
 
Pammie:

I think that strictly speaking, what the teacher said is true, with some qualifications. If you were to make a PERFECT act of contrition, you would indeed be forgiven just the same as in a confessional.

But it is difficult for humans to act as their own spiritual advisors, and so we cannot tell if we have made a perfect or imperfect act of contrition, and the appropriate penance, etc… In addition, the priest will usually give good advice about avoiding the occasions of sin.

Further, becuase of the authority the Lord gives the Church, she indeed has the right to encourage and mandate that the use of confession.

In addition, if you look at the lives of the saints, it is easy to see that it was liberally sought by them as a means of correction and sanctification, some going literally everyday.

God can indeed forgive all those who make a perfect act of contrition and cannot go to confession, such as those facing an imminent death. The bottom line is that God gave authority to the Church to hear confessions and forgive sins, and the Church is the means that the Lord gives us to know what he wants us to do, and the Church clearly wants us to go to confession.
 
Growing up my parents were both teachers or former teachers, I can still remember arguing with them about what the teacher at my school had said on occasion. A few of those my Father even called the teacher to make sure they accepted the correct answer…

To the point, we want our kids to respect their elders and instructures, if we have done a good job with they they will… sometimes to the point of questioning us.

Confession only of sins was the biggest thing for me as a convert. God is the one who is doing the forgiving wheither it be personal confession or through a Priest. The sins are forgiven but as Catholics we have the something the Protestants don’t have… the confessional. Rather than trying to agure I would work with her on the beauty and the gift we have from Christ through the Priests and their unbroken line to the Apostles. It’s a concrete aspect of an abstract event. We know in our Hearts we are forgiven when we ask Christ to do so. The normal mode of operation is to still seek absolution through confession as well… but if we should perish before that we are good. However nothing can replaces in the mortal realm, hearing the words “you are forgiven.”

Joe
 
Kids often think teachers know everything (and parents know nothing 😉 )

If your dd really wants to know the truth, go to the catechism and read it with her. Have a trusted priest over to dinner and be sure the topic comes up.

You might also want to ask the teacher what was taught - don’t tell her what your dd said, just ask the teacher what she said.
 
Wow. A tough one.

Maybe she did something she is embarrassed of (for example, masturbation), and especially does not want to talk about it in front of a priest, and now the religious teacher told something that eased her conscience. In that age, and later, too, we find it easier and more comfortable to follow guidance by someone that offers an easy way out of a problem.
What I’m saying is, I find it hard to believe that your daughter decided to quit confession just because her teacher said his opinion. I think there’s more to it. Maybe she’s having trouble with accepting the Catholic faith as a way of life? Maybe she thinks it’s boring and old?
Maybe what she said to you was a way of making you think about her own free will. 11 is a tough age to be in 🙂 Maybe she wants to test you and see how you feel when she doesn’t agree with what you say.
Maybe she wants to act as an adult with her own way of dealing with things, including her spiritual life.

My advice would be - don’t be too direct and pressure her with the sacrament. Try to emphasize the beauty of living in God’s love. By your words, and by your actions. Talk to her about her life, friends, school, hobbies, show interest to share her everyday temptations. Talk to her about responsibility, decisions, choices, grownup stuff. Take her to a pilgrimage, have a priest come over for dinner…
 
It’s stuff like this that makes me very wary of sending any of my future children to Catholic schools. At least at Public schools, there is less religious content that could sway them away from the Catholic faith - or, better yet, home school would ensure everything they get taught is true.

I would definitely talk about this with the principle, but if he seems reluctant to do anything, I would talk to your Bishop and simply tell him the facts of the case. Who knows the innumerable number of souls this teacher undermines the faith in. If the principle is a stand-offish type, there may be an atmosphere of passive apathy that encourages this sort of thing. Only the Bishop would really be able to make solid changes.

Didn’t Christ say something about teachers and millstones? 🤷
 
It is not unuasl, at least in our family, to not WANT to go to confession. But just as we have to clean the house, keep the toys picked up and do laundry, we still HAVE to. It is correct that if she has NOT comitted any MORTAL sins, then she doesn’t HAVE to go to confession. But here is your chance as mom to pass on our beautiful faith.

What is the purpose of frequent confession? How in the world could it benefit her?
Well, it keeps us on our toes and provides us with MANY graces to keep us from falling into sin. It also helps us to work on the trouble areas (obedience to parents, playing nice with brothers and sisters, caring for those in need). It also helps us to stay in tune with what God is wanting us to do. It becomes easier to sense the prompting of the Holy Spirit and how God is wanting us to grow, and what He is wanting us to work on.

Our daughter is 12 and she now WANTS to go to confession and will remind us. This didn’t happen over night. 3 years to be exact. We stated that we would monthly go as a family. They had to go to the church with us but we did not force them in the confessional, they went voluntarily.

You could try something like that and just know and be prepared for the devil to try to intervene.

Also, there are some great examination of conscience for kids on the internet that helps our children tremendously.

God Bless
 
One more thing, we remind the kids to examine their concience nightly before they go to bed. If they have suceeded in areas they have been falling, then they give a prayer of thanks; if they see they are falling and sinning, they ask for forgiveness and confess these the next time we go.

She also needs to know what constitues a mortal sin
1 has to be or be considered a serious matter
2 Full knowledge or will to do it
3 Do it anyway

Example: usually stealing $5 would not be considered a serious matter (but still a sin) BUT it changes to serious (mortal) if they stole it from a homeless person and that is all they had.
 
Correction for my first post:

When we first started going to confession as a family, we scheduled it every 3 months.
Then we worked our way to monthly. Sorry I had forgotten that.
 
H_Opey said:
Correction for my first post:

When we first started going to confession as a family, we scheduled it every 3 months.
Then we worked our way to monthly. Sorry I had forgotten that.
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That’s what we’ve been doing. It started when my 11 year old asked us on the way to our annual confession why we only went once a year. How do you answer that?

Last year, we went every 3 months or so. This year, we’re going to aim for every 2 months.
 
I would certainly ask the teacher directly. My thinking is that your daughter misunderstood or only wanted to hear part of it.

I have 4 kids in Catholic school. I know there have been several times that one son in particular missed key elements. Just tonight on the way home from Mass he told me his religion teacher said all sins are mortal. In reality, she was explaining how all sins CAN be mortal if they meet the criteria. He zoned out on that part I guess.
 
My religion teacher has also told us that confession isn’t neccesary.But most of my class don’t care about God, so that might just have been trying to help them love him. Different souls love God in different ways. Maybe confession isn’t for everyone.
 
I had a non-Catholic teaching Religion class once, that was a doozy.

I would check with the teacher about what was said. Additionally, go through the book, her notes, past exams, etc… to figure out that is going on.
More often than not, the text is very fluffy and not worth the paper it is printed on.
 
Teeliumtrozzle said:
My religion teacher has also told us that confession isn’t neccesary.But most of my class don’t care about God, so that might just have been trying to help them love him. Different souls love God in different ways. Maybe confession isn’t for everyone.
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That’s not what Christ said, nor is it the teaching of the Church. 🤷

To the OPs –

Like PPs have said, find out first exactly what the teacher said to make sure your daughter didn’t mishear or misunderstand. If you daughter did hear correctly, I would definitely talk to the teaching and the principal about your concerns. I’d also ask your daughter, “If Jesus didn’t mean for us to go to confession, what was the point of giving the apostles the power to bind and loose sins? If we are all supposed to go directly go God, it seems rather pointless for Him to do that, doesn’t it?”

Good luck!
 
As to the OP and sedatives, well I can’t give you any – but if you have a pinched nose or the like, having that fixed surgically definitely makes breathing easier – and they DO give excellent sedatives for that, although the pain is usually quite minimal. You get a one sedative for two problems deal! LOL. 😉

Your story reminds me of the homeschooled daughter next door – who has never received confession. Two pastors back, of the local Catholic church made the papers for his erroneous opinions which led to public scandal – needless to say, confession was not his strong point of teaching either.

The nun that was there was fairly bright, and got along swell with the problematic pastor and compounded the problem with technically correct answers which didn’t help anyone.

Eucharist, remember, forgives “venial” sins – that is what it is ordered to. If one hasn’t broken communion with Christ (which is what a mortal sin is) then receiving the Eucharist heals the wounds of venial faults.

There is also the idea of “Perfect contrition”, wherein although the church teaches one should not go to communion without confession FIRST there is the strange possibility that one might have perfect contrition, go to communion first (a venial sin at most…) which is then forgiven in the reception of communion.

In spite of the next pastor offering to come to the house privately for the girl’s confession, and bribes of a sort (which the whole parish got for the same reason…) the Girl insists she has committed no mortal sins, and just wants to go to communion — which she does receive every week in spite of never having gone to confession ever. :o

(Of course, as the previous poster notes – the apologetic against protestant ideas is appropriate here – why does the priest have the ability to retain sins, if you can go directly to God? And how does one know their sins are forgiven if they ignore Jesus’ command? )

So, here’s a few thoughts to ponder – besides nuking the teacher…

A perfect contrition is based on making a “Firm” resolution to go to sacramental confession BECAUSE if the intention is not truly firm – as witnessed by actually trying to go to confession until one succeeds – the radical possibility exists that the intention is not firm, the contrition not perfect, and there are multiple mortal sins and sacrilege which multiplies the pains of damnation considerably.

My children never went to the CCD at this parish, I rather invited my younger boys into confession with me – where I had confession face to face with the priest (the priest being talked to at a previous confession so he knew what was happening). They went willingly out of curiosity – which led them to understand the sacrament not “intellectually” but practically. My sins were not so great as to embarass me beyond public scrutiny – and the suggestion of secrecy is both a blessing and potential for imagination of outsiders to think into confession more sin than is there…

Also, perhaps there is too much leniency on your part as a parent – for your right in upbringing of a child includes helping them form their conscience, even if a little ultimatum or two is required. I know that as a parent I desire my children to want the Grace that God bestows in confession – but at the same time, I also know that just as the priest can retain sins and “force” one on pains of purgatory/hell to go to confession – the parent has the same right in aiding the formation of a child’s conscience. At a certain point the beligerence simply has to be left to the child’s own fault — the Girl next door still has not received confession, after many years of receiving communion. I suppose as long as she never commits a mortal sin – the forgiveness in the eucharist will suffice, but if she ever does – it will be FAR harder for her to swallow her pride, than it would be for the rest of us – and it is pride and presumption which are themselves the worst of sins, leading to the unforgivable one against the Holy Spirit.

God bless, and good luck on the sedatives…
 
GeorgiaPeach said:
I would certainly ask the teacher directly. My thinking is that your daughter misunderstood or only wanted to hear part of it.

I have 4 kids in Catholic school. I know there have been several times that one son in particular missed key elements. Just tonight on the way home from Mass he told me his religion teacher said all sins are mortal. In reality, she was explaining how all sins CAN be mortal if they meet the criteria. He zoned out on that part I guess.
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Exactly.

Of course, seeing her parents make frequent visits to Confession and taking the kids along is important too.

Another optioin is to make an appointment with your Priest. Bring DD in and have him explain it to her. There is something about hearing it from the guy in the collar that impresses.
 
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