12 Safety Rules for Catholic Dating - Agree or Disagree?

[TrueLight]

I found an article on a blog titled: 12 Safety Rules for Catholic Dating. I think they’re great!

Do you agree or disagree with these rules?

Rules

1. Be sure your life is based firmly on prayer
2. Never be alone together
3. Watch your conversations
4. Make your time together active times
5. Make sure your activities are wholesome
6. Dress appropriately and modestly
7. Avoid actions that cause arousal
8. Be honest about yourself:
9. Be honest with yourself:
10. Keep any kisses to a quick peck
11. End it as soon as you realize this is not the person for you
12. Don’t be secretive about your dating:

Read more…

 

[mini_me640]

I agree with most, but I can’t imagine becoming engaged to or marrying someone I had never been alone with.

 

[TrueLight]

I agree with most, but I can’t imagine becoming engaged to or marrying someone I had never been alone with.

In regards to that rule, the author says:

Never be alone together or sit alone together in a car: such seclusion only gives space to say or do something you wouldn’t say or do in front of your parents or your priest -which probably means they shouldn’t be said or done at all. Instead, spend time with one another’s family: get to know your date in a family context; go out as part of a group; get to know what your date is like socially. Seclusion, remember, is a precursor to what is intimate and sensual.

What do you think?

 

[mini_me640]

In regards to that rule, the author says:

What do you think?

I get what they are saying, but I think time alone is how you get to know someone’s true self. How can you have a real heart to heart conversation with your love interest if other people are always there? I also think age is a factor. A couple of 16 year olds would probably be less able to “safely” be alone with each other than a couple of 25 year olds.

Fortunately I’m well into my 30s and married for over a decade, so I don’t have to worry about dating now anyway! Also well over another decade before my kids are approaching the dating years!

 

[Byrnwiga]

Do you agree or disagree with these rules?

I agree with them. Frankly, at any age where it still makes sense to get married there will likely be temptation.

-Byrnwiga

 

[Byrnwiga]

A couple of 16 year olds would probably be less able to “safely” be alone with each other than a couple of 25 year olds.

Well, 25 year olds have been waiting longer than the 16 year olds.

-Byrnwiga

 

[Bl_Pope_Pius_IX]

A couple of 16 year olds would probably be less able to “safely” be alone with each other than a couple of 25 year olds.

Yep.

 

[jilly4ski]

They sound like good rules for early dating, the phase when you are still trying to see who that person is generally and if your values are at least outwardly compatible. However, once you get over that phase and start seriously considering this person for a more serious relationship (engagement.marriage) some time alone together is good. Just because there are things you don’t want to say in front of your parents/priest does not make them bad things. It is good not to say these things too early in order to guard ones heart if the person isn’t the one for you. But can you imagine trying to talk about hopes and dreams for the future what you ideas of your future family and spiritual life are, in front of your parents.

Now my dh and I dated by spending time with each others family having dinner, but we would go for walks, play tennis, or pool, or go out to eat all by ourselves, so we could talk about things that we intimate enough to not shout in front of our families. Like the previous poster, I could not see getting engaged to someone I hadn’t had those intimate and personal conversations with much less get married to them.

The others aren’t bad, maybe if we qualify #2 with a “never be a lone together in a private place.”

 

[DoGodsBidding]

I found an article on a blog titled: 12 Safety Rules for Catholic Dating. I think they’re great!

Do you agree or disagree with these rules?

Rules

1. Be sure your life is based firmly on prayer
2. Never be alone together
3. Watch your conversations
4. Make your time together active times
5. Make sure your activities are wholesome
6. Dress appropriately and modestly
7. Avoid actions that cause arousal
8. Be honest about yourself:
9. Be honest with yourself:
10. Keep any kisses to a quick peck
11. End it as soon as you realize this is not the person for you
12. Don’t be secretive about your dating:

Read more…

Certainly worth reviewing with my college-aged daughter. Thanks for sharing.

DGB

 

[Marc_Anthony]

They all seem pretty decent to me…spending NO time alone seems maybe a LITTLE extreme.

I know I’m going to sound pretentious here but I’m going to be honest. I’m 18 and I will NOT have sex with my girlfriend, or make out. Even if we’re alone.

I know this to be true. My girlfriend has even pointed out to me a couple of times that if I wanted to do something, shall we say, inappropriate, with her I could, but I specifically and deliberately never took the initiative.

I can spend time alone with my girlfriend, and I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing as long as you have the self-control to do it. But I still wouldn’t do it for long periods, because it gives the wrong impression.

I know this sounds arrogant, but I don’t know what else to say. I’m being completely serious here.

 

[Byrnwiga]

I know I’m going to sound pretentious here but I’m going to be honest. I’m 18 and I will NOT have sex with my girlfriend, or make out. Even if we’re alone.

It doesn’t sound pretentious at all. I’d do the same thing.

I know this to be true. My girlfriend has even pointed out to me a couple of times that if I wanted to do something, shall we say, inappropriate, with her I could, but I specifically and deliberately never took the initiative.

Good for you.

I know this sounds arrogant, but I don’t know what else to say. I’m being completely serious here.

Even though I’m a few years older than you, I agree with what you’ve said and would act the same way. I don’t think it’s arrogant, either.

-Byrnwiga

 

[cmscms]

I found an article on a blog titled: 12 Safety Rules for Catholic Dating. I think they’re great!

Do you agree or disagree with these rules?

Rules

1. Be sure your life is based firmly on prayer 100% agree
2. Never be alone together 100% disagree. As other have said you need to be alone to share private details. For example, someone may not feel comfortable sharing how many kids they want and only want their BF/GF to know
3. Watch your conversations Not sure what this means… the only conversations to avoid are talking dirty and using profanity which should never be done at all in the first place
4. Make your time together active times 100% disagree what is so wrong with sitting on a public park bench relaxing ?
5. Make sure your activities are wholesome 100% agree however, whether on a date or not, all activites should always be wholesome
6. Dress appropriately and modestly 100% agree, however there is nothing wrong with a bathing suit at the beach
7. Avoid actions that cause arousal 100% agree
8. Be honest about yourself: 100% agree
9. Be honest with yourself: 100% agree
10. Keep any kisses to a quick peck 100% disagree there is nothing wrong with kissing goodbye or for a couple of minutes
11. End it as soon as you realize this is not the person for you 100% agree
12. Don’t be secretive about your dating: Not sure what this means… nothing turns me off more than going on a first date with a guy and the next day I find out he told everyone he knows we are an item. There should be a bit of privacy at first until the couple has agreed to be an item

Read more…

 

[Greg_N]

Never be alone together or sit alone together in a car: such seclusion only gives space to say or do something you wouldn’t say or do in front of your parents or your priest -which probably means they shouldn’t be said or done at all. Instead, spend time with one another’s family: get to know your date in a family context; go out as part of a group; get to know what your date is like socially. Seclusion, remember, is a precursor to what is intimate and sensual.

To be honest, if you can’t sit alone with someone without controlling yourself that’s just borderline immaturity.

Well, 25 year olds have been waiting longer than the 16 year olds.

-Byrnwiga

Lol, this is true though…

 

[ABEACHGIRL]

1. Be sure your life is based firmly on prayer
   I think this is a good idea for anyone, not only folks who are dating.
2. Never be alone together
   completely disagree
3. Watch your conversations
   good rule for everyone
4. Make your time together active times
   disagree completely. We learn so much about others during inactive times.
5. Make sure your activities are wholesome
   agree
6. Dress appropriately and modestly
   agree, but these are open to interpretation.
7. Avoid actions that cause arousal
   agree, though I think it would be better worded as “Avoid actions intended to cause arousal”. One cannot accurately predict every action that will cause arousal in another & should not be blamed if something meant as innocent does this.
8. Be honest about yourself:
   agree- for all people
9. Be honest with yourself:
   agree - for all people
10. Keep any kisses to a quick peck
    disagree. I do not think this is necessary.
11. End it as soon as you realize this is not the person for you
    Disagree. There is nothing wrong with dating someone you get along with and enjoy being with even if you do not see that person as your future spouse. I think we learn from these relationships. Also, 16 year olds are not in a position to know who the person for them is, but that does not mean they cannot date.
12. Don’t be secretive about your dating
    I do not know what this refers to. Secretive to others? Secretive about what occurs on your dates? Basically, I would agree if it means keeping secrets because you are doing something wrong on your dates that you do not want others to know about. Usually if you want something like this to remain secret, it is a bad thing, and if someone wants to keep you a secret, he probably has a wife or another girlfriend (or husband or boyfriend if it is the woman who wants to keep the relationship a secret).

 

[Greg_N]

1. Be sure your life is based firmly on prayer
   I think this is a good idea for anyone, not only folks who are dating.
2. Never be alone together
   completely disagree
3. Watch your conversations
   good rule for everyone
4. Make your time together active times
   disagree completely. We learn so much about others during inactive times.
5. Make sure your activities are wholesome
   agree
6. Dress appropriately and modestly
   agree, but these are open to interpretation.
7. Avoid actions that cause arousal
   agree, though I think it would be better worded as “Avoid actions intended to cause arousal”. One cannot accurately predict every action that will cause arousal in another & should not be blamed if something meant as innocent does this.
8. Be honest about yourself:
   agree- for all people
9. Be honest with yourself:
   agree - for all people
10. Keep any kisses to a quick peck
    disagree. I do not think this is necessary.
11. End it as soon as you realize this is not the person for you
    Disagree. There is nothing wrong with dating someone you get along with and enjoy being with even if you do not see that person as your future spouse. I think we learn from these relationships. Also, 16 year olds are not in a position to know who the person for them is, but that does not mean they cannot date.
12. Don’t be secretive about your dating
    I do not know what this refers to. Secretive to others? Secretive about what occurs on your dates? Basically, I would agree if it means keeping secrets because you are doing something wrong on your dates that you do not want others to know about. Usually if you want something like this to remain secret, it is a bad thing, and if someone wants to keep you a secret, he probably has a wife or another girlfriend (or husband or boyfriend if it is the woman who wants to keep the relationship a secret).

yeah, killed it.

this sounds like a mormon list to me.

 

[Cat]

I disagree with the being alone rule for the reasons that others have posted, and also with the rule about quick-peck kissing.

My husband and I dated for six years before we got married. Our dating life was a preparation for marriage, not for being best friends or brother and sister.

I think that as the wedding approaches, a couple SHOULD do a little “arousal practice” with some prolonged passionate kissing. I think this is helps them to anticipate and look forward to married sex, and helps them not to develop scrupulous phobias about sex.

I agree with those that say it is possible for mature couples to kiss passionately without going all the way. My husband and I were still virgins when we got married, even after six years of dating and some very VERY passionate kissing!

I also think it is virtually impossible for men to be around the woman they love and not be aroused, and it doesn’t mean that the couple is doing anything overtly sexual. Many times a man can find himself aroused by watching his love cook a meal, or do something physical like baling hay. Or a woman can be wearing an extremely modest and beautiful dress, and the man is aroused by her beauty.

Getting aroused is not sinful. Acting on the arousal (if you are not married) is a sin, or masturbating to relieve the arousal.

I would say that the twelve rules are great for couples who are casually dating, or who are just starting to discern whether or not they are in love and headed for marriage, but I don’t think these rules are especially helpful or realistic for couples who are seriously dating (planning to be married), courting, pre-engaged, or engaged.

 

[Dorothy]

I can’t agree that “arousal practice” is okay for an engaged couple.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Agree with all of them except the qualification of being alone together - a couple ought to be able to be someone alone, as in, they take a walk around the block after dinner at the parent’s home. But nothing like driving around aimlessly in a car, or going to the movies or some other location where they might be tempted to make out.

Someone brought up “early dating” vs. later dating where you have gotten to know the person better and can maybe handle being alone together…I think this is a good distinction to make.

I do not believe in prolonged kissing because it leads to arousal. A warm hug and a quick kiss is enough at the dating stage. Depending upon the individuals, even that may not be advisable. Put Jesus between you!

Great guidelines, I will print them off for my sons!

 

[chevalier]

I found an article on a blog titled: 12 Safety Rules for Catholic Dating. I think they’re great!

Do you agree or disagree with these rules?

All right, let me go through it:

Rules

A focus on rules won’t help us grow in holiness. Law doesn’t save us, love does. Remember? And then it’s the spirit that gives life, letter that kills. Regulating things in minute detail won’t really help much.

1. Be sure your life is based firmly on prayer

Yes.

1. Never be alone together

Emphatically no. That’s not a safety precaution, it sounds more like a ritual rule, actually.

1. Watch your conversations

As always in any situation.

1. Make your time together active times

While being active is healthier (which has a moral dimension but a healthy lifestyle is not exactly a dogma of the faith) and having something productive to do makes you less idle (and so less prone to stupid ideas, i.e. temptations), there’s nothing wrong with having a coffee and talking.

1. Make sure your activities are wholesome

Sounds very general.

1. Dress appropriately and modestly

Agree.

1. Avoid actions that cause arousal

Yup.

1. Be honest about yourself:

Yup.

1. Be honest with yourself:

Yup.

1. Keep any kisses to a quick peck

Sounds like a ritual rule. Just remember to avoid arousal. Remember that a couple kissing for a prolonged time can actually look like a couple having sex to the bystander. Losing oneself in making out is suspicious to me, especially if there’s a lot of clinging and wrapping gesture and hands begin to wander. I’m alluding to foreplay here.

1. End it as soon as you realize this is not the person for you

Definitely.

1. Don’t be secretive about your dating:

Perhaps.

1. Take bloggers with a pinch of salt.

 

[ack]

When I think of dating “safety”, I’m thinking more along the lines of avoiding online abusive or dishonest relationships.

Unfortunately, people aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes, deception is unintentional (such as when people are blind to their own psychological problems or significant flaws). In other cases, people will intentionally conceal significant others, fiancees, past divorces, serious ongoing sin, past children, criminal records, and a lot of other nasty stuff. In most of the stories I hear, men are the ones doing the concealing, although I imagine that women have been known to do this as well.

When you meet someone through your real-life Catholic social circles, you probably know someone who has known the person for a while and can vouch for them. However, online, it’s much easier to meet someone who’s completely disconnected from anyone you know. In this case, what can be done?