17yo little sister is pregnant

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pumpkinbeast

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Oh boy. Well, that’s what happens when you live with your boyfriend… real life comes and knocks you over the head.

Don’t worry, I didn’t knock her over the head when she called… I just gave her the advise I would have given any new mother, to go see her doctor, get the blood test, and go from there… warned her about miscarriage possibilities, etc. Told her to let me know if she needed any help at all, and that I loved her. She seems genuinely concerned about the baby, wanted to know if she needed to change her diet or get vitamins; I told her the doctor would take care of that… But I’m glad abortion isn’t on her mind, yet, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it… I’ll probably recommend adoption to her at some point, just because of her life situation right now… she still doesn’t have her Grade 12, but she was working on getting it at adult high school… maybe she’ll be able to finish it…

Is there anything else I should do? I will definitely pray for her… I would appreciate your prayers as well. This is going to be a rough couple of months for our family.
 
Does she live in your town? If so, take PHYSICAL care of her… take her and her boyfriend out to lunch, get your nails done together, spend TIME with her.

If she doesn’t live nearby, call her every day. Don’t miss one single day… just say “hey, how’s it going?”… this simple phone call will let her know that someone truly loves her… and that love with flow through for the baby too. Keep positive when talking about her boyfriend (unless he’s abusive or anything like that)… otherwise you’ll drive a wedge between you.
Just SURROUND her with LOVE… that’s the best thing you can do!
 
God bless you for being so supportive!

My mom was 17 (a high school drop-out) when she had me. It’s tough, but not impossible if the family is there to help.

My grandma was actually adopted, and I know she had very loving adoptive parents and a happy childhood. Those same people (my great-grandparents!) took care of me while my mom got her GED and worked her way through nursing school. I think having me was good for her because she really had to shape up and get serious in order to take care of me 😉

Anyway, I’ll pray for your sister and your family! God always has a plan.
 
**If she has computer access send her links and articles about healthy pregnancies… if she can’t get in to see her doc right away, definitely tell her to start taking folic acid at the very least! That one is super important in the early part of pregnancy (all women of child bearing age should be taking it “just in case”).

Also, tell her to drink lots of water.

I pray that God guides her (possibly through you, her loving big sis) to do what is right for this baby. **
 
Have her go to a CPC where she can get other adult support. Us ladies at the CPC’s love the mommies as well as their babies and some of us have education programs for pregnant moms and new moms. It may be well worth her time to take these classes if you can find some as it seems most Drs. offices don’t educate their patients about their pregnancies (seem to recall some great education when I was pregnant 28 years ago but, then again I had my babies with private practices who may or may not have taken medicaid and I was very intereested - when I found out I was pregnant I went to my Colleges library and checked out every book on pregnancy I could!)

The other OP’s had great suggestions too, especially the “call her every day” , just be there for her!

If she can not get into a Drs. office right away the CPC may or may not have packets of vitamins for her too, if not, go buy her a bottle pre-natals because you love her.

Brenda V.
 
Great suggestion Brenda! I always forget about CPCs, probably because I have been fortunate enough to never have need of their services. But I think that when Lily is older it would be a great place for me to volunteer!
 
Tell her to take it easy on the exercise–no hard exercise.

Go vitamin shopping together to get some good prenatals and make sure she is getting enough folic acid.

Ditto the drinking lots of water thing.

Encourage her to eat healthy–no alcohol, cut back on caffeine, no raw fish, less soda, heat up lunch meats, be careful about unpasteurized cheese, etc.

Good for you for being so supportive of your sister–she needs people to look out for her right now! 👍
 
Thanks for all your advice…

Ug. I feel awful for saying this, but I am, in a very weird way, kind of jealous of her. She is doing everything I would like to be able to do right now, except in all the wrong ways. She’s living with her boyfriend; I would love to be living with my fiance, but we won’t until we’re married. She’s pregnant, doesn’t have her grade 12 and her bf doesn’t work, so they have no money; I would love to be pregnant, with a husband as the father, in financial situation that would allow us to provide for the baby. I know it’ll be worth it for me to wait for all these good things, but it’s so frustrating. x.x

I don’t know if there is a CPC in the city she’s living in… I live a half-hour drive away from her, and I don’t own a car, so it’s not easy for me to just pop down and visit her. I haven’t set foot in the apartment they have, actually, I refuse to, because they are (now obviously) living in mortal sin… I don’t want ANYTHING to do with her or her bf.

I am going to need a lot of prayers… I really don’t want to be supportive. I want to scream at her, Can’t you see you’re doing everything wrong? She was brought up the same way I was, she KNOWS sex before marriage is a mortal sin! I want her to realize that life is not a playground where you can push all the other people around and get what you want like some 6yo that doesn’t know how to share… Well, I guess she knows now there are consequences to our actions. We have never gotten along, her and I… I don’t like her, I just love her because she’s my sister. I really, really, really want to just ignore the whole situation, and carry on with my own life. But if there is one thing I’ve learned, life doesn’t give us what we want. Oh, and guess when the due date would be? Within a few weeks of our wedding date! :banghead:

Sorry for the vent, I am just SO FRUSTRATED right now. :crying:
 
**Oh Pumpkin!!!:hug1::hug1::hug1:

I can really sympathize with you. Just take a step back and take a big deep breath. It is OK to be feeling everything you are feeling. But hopefully venting here has helped you diffuse at least a little…

Now, what do you think God wants from YOU in this situation? Whatever it is won’t be easy (never is) but will be VERY worth it. We cannot see the future so we have no idea what impact your loving support (especially since it won’t come easy) will have on all of the lives involved.

Now, you can still “be there” for your sis without getting too personal. First, find out if there is a CPC in her area. Give them a call and see what they recommend. Who knows, maybe they would give her a call or do a home visit…🤷

Next, vent to us all you want so you don’t end up taking your frustrations out on those around you. You ave a life to live (the right way) and should be able to focus on your upcoming wedding without being drowned by your sister’s drama. We are here for you. We want you to support your sister as you would any pregnant woman, but also want you to be able to feel supported too. It is often the ones in trouble or ones doing wrong that get all of the attention and support in life… so we are here for YOU so you can be there for your sister.

I have a little sister too. She is 6 years younger. We did not get along while we were growing up. Now that we are both adults things are improving. But when she was 17 things were not good between us at all. You don’t know what the future holds. How you react now will have a lasting effect on your relationship for the rest of your lives. Hopefully this will be the catalyst for change. In a few years things may be completely different. What you do now will influence that.

So try not to see her as the 17 year old twit who you can’t stand. See her as the lost and confused pregnant girl. The girl who is carrying your niece or nephew. The girl who may find God through you. The girl who, in 10 years, could turn out to be your best friend.

Pray pray pray. For her, the baby, and yourself. God can work miracles…we just have to be open to them.
**
 
Thank you so much, Malia… you made me cry, but in a good way. :o I’m so glad I have you guys for support… I’m gonna go take a break from thinking about this for awhile.
 
So try not to see her as the 17 year old twit who you can’t stand. See her as the lost and confused pregnant girl. The girl who is carrying your niece or nephew. The girl who may find God through you. The girl who, in 10 years, could turn out to be your best friend.
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Pray pray pray. For her, the baby, and yourself. God can work miracles…we just have to be open to them.
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This is a great way of looking at it - Malia you are such a support to all of us here :D.

Birthright birthright.com/htmpages/locate.htm

CareNet care-net.org/

Your local Catholic Charities can give you an idea in your area of the names of the CPC’s near your sister. The above are the only two I know of that are national.
 
I completely agree with Malia… one year ago I was in the same exact situation as you. My 17 yr. old sister had told me she was pregnant, and it was an uproar for my family.

Now she has a beautiful 3 month old little girl that everyone adores. Things have been VERY hard, and I could give a lot of advice but the most important, I think, is exactly what Malia said - be there for her, but DON’T treat her like a stupid, irresponsible girl. My sister got that from EVERY single other person everywhere she turned. She would call me crying and had so much stress and guilt early on in her pregnancy from other people being nasty. I was glad I could be there as a leaning shoulder to tell her to calm down so that she didn’t cause harm to the baby through her distress. Yes, she has been stupid and irresponsible, and she KNOWS it, I’m sure. But now she has to focus on that other, very important life growing inside her.

My sister has matured and grown up lots, in many good ways. We are best friends. She’s learned a lot and she is a great mother for her baby. It’s still very hard and the ups and downs are constant.

Anyway… that’s just my :twocents:.
 
PB, I’m going to PM you later. I’d like to share a story with you, but I have a toddler to attend to right now.
 
Brenda_V said:
This is a great way of looking at it - Malia you are such a support to all of us here :D.

Birthright birthright.com/htmpages/locate.htm

CareNet care-net.org/

Your local Catholic Charities can give you an idea in your area of the names of the CPC’s near your sister. The above are the only two I know of that are national.
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Thanks for those links! I sent her an email with them, and the locations of the one nearest to her. She wouldn’t be able to physically go to the location, but she could call them.

Thanks again, everyone… I think it’ll take me a few weeks to adjust to the whole thing, it’s just going to be rough for awhile. x.x
 
pumpkinbeast said:
Thanks again, everyone… I think it’ll take me a few weeks to adjust to the whole thing, it’s just going to be rough for awhile. x.x
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You know, the fact that you started this thread with caring and compassion instead of launching right into everything your sister has done wrong speaks volumes about who you are. Don’t be too hard on yourself…we see a very loving sister who is doing her best for a sister she doesn’t like much right now. It is really easy to love those we get along with and have things in common with…but to love someone we don’t like I think is the epitome of true love. You are a wonderful sister.
 
Yes, this is definitely a chance for you to continue to be an example for your sister. Trust me, she looks up to you whether she admits it or not. And it is not easy having someone at that impressionable age looking up to you… when I found out my sister was pregnant I broke down crying. I was very scared for her and heartbroken. Some parts of me felt I had failed at being an example… I know now that’s not true and I was being given a great chance.

And I want to relate - when my sister got pregnant I found out I was pregnant a week later. I miscarried the baby a month or so later and I can relate to the feelings of, at times, jealousy. You feel you are doing everything right and she did everything wrong but it goes all right for her, etc. But… put it into perspective… there is a reason God is having this happen. I realized God may have had other plans… instead of me having a baby at the same time as my sister, I was 100% more able to be there for her when her baby was born and in the weeks after (even though we live an hour away). She needed help and emotional support I wouldn’t have been able to give if I had my own newborn.

You will be living with your future hubby and having your own babies all in God’s time. He seems to have something else in mind for you for now, and what a blessing if you can be a guiding light in your sister’s life. 🙂
 
Em_in_FL said:
Does she live in your town? If so, take PHYSICAL care of her… take her and her boyfriend out to lunch, get your nails done together, spend TIME with her.

If she doesn’t live nearby, call her every day. Don’t miss one single day… just say “hey, how’s it going?”… this simple phone call will let her know that someone truly loves her… and that love with flow through for the baby too. Keep positive when talking about her boyfriend (unless he’s abusive or anything like that)… otherwise you’ll drive a wedge between you.
Just SURROUND her with LOVE… that’s the best thing you can do!
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YES!
🎉
 
Please forgive me if I missed this previously, but where are your parents in all of this?
 
Norseman82 said:
Please forgive me if I missed this previously, but where are your parents in all of this?
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I haven’t talked to them about it. Mom seems to want to ignore it right now, and I doubt my dad will discuss it with me at all. They’re the parents, I’m the child, my opinion doesn’t count, is the way he looks at it, I think. So, I don’t have a clue what they’re planning to do about the whole thing.

I spoke to my sister on the phone briefly today… She sounded like her usual self, which was weird… But she was with her bf, so maybe she wanted to sound ‘cool’ when talking to her weird, religious, brainiac older sister. :rolleyes: So, I dunno what she’s planning… I sent her my cell phone number in the email, too, just in case she wants to talk directly to me.
 
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