18 month old does nothing around me but whine...help!

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ellam25

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I have a year and a half year old daughter. I love her so much but lately all she does is follow me around and cry and want to nurse and when i dont immediately sit down and nurse her she screams at me. She will spend a few hours a week with her grandma and she says she does great. She’ll play, read books, run around, build with her blocks etc. but the second i walk through the door shell follow me around whining. I feel like the breastfeeding is the root of the problem. I have tried several times to ween her but when i refuse the boob she will throw a full on screaming fit. Not that i should give her her way whenever she wants but nursing is the ONLY thing she will want to do that if I say no shell cry anc cry and cry and cry until I give in. Not only will she cry but shell follow me around and cry. Help! I feel like im stuck in a rut with her. Any advice/ suggestions?
 
I’m going to be a little firm, here:

18 month olds are old enough to understand that sometimes they can’t have what they want right when they want it. Whining is a learned behavior - your daughter has learned that you will cave if she keeps it up. She does not and cannot be expected to understand your feelings, so it’s up to you to enforce appropriate limits.

I would say to find/create a schedule for weaning that sticks to consistent times and then drop one session at a time (some people quit cold turkey, so that’s an option, but I’ve done better with a gradual approach.) Stick to determined times - e.g. before nap or bed, and when your daughter asks at other times, tell her calmly but firmly that it isn’t time to nurse, but she can have a cup of water or snuggle with you and a book. She will resist and whine because that’s what she’s learned, but you will be teaching her a new response that is really important down the line: “Mommy means what she says.” If the whining keeps up, you repeat the limit. Find another activity and redirect. I think it’s also OK to acknowledge your daughter’s feelings: “I know that this is different and that’s frustrating.”

(I know a couple moms really at the end of their rope who sweetened the deal temporarily with ice cream or chocolate milk as a substitute, then gradually added more regular milk. Hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.)

This is the start of a hard transition for you and your daughter - where you start relating to her as a kid with a mind of her own rather than a baby. You can set the limits, and show her that you’re still there and love her to offer her that security, too. 🙂
 
I agree with pennsmama.

Instead of you training her…she’s training you right now:)

It will pass…be strong…
 
I had a hard time weaning my oldest. She nursed until she was 2 1/2 and the only reason she quit? I was very pregnant and not able to cuddle much. Also, the nursing made me physically nauseated and made my uterus contract. I was not offering it much if you catch the drift. My youngest weaned herself, she became very busy with trying to keep up with her older sister and didn’t have much time for nursing. But they were both older than your daughter. The youngest was 2.

It’s a nursing relationship at 18 months. But you will look back at this time and see how little your daughter is.

Yes whining is learned. But maybe as the other posters have suggested kinda shake things up. Change the routine a little bit with other positive cuddles. Try back rubs at nap time. It does work for some kids.

I wouldn’t rule out maybe she doesn’t feel well. She might be distracted at grandma’s house. The novelty of it all. But at home maybe she just doesn’t feel well. My oldest had a chronic ear infection and made her miserable. We didn’t know why. (Really bad pediatrician, it turns out. I met with other parents who’s kid went to her and their stories were much worse.)

God bless you and your little girl.
 
mommy_k said:
I agree with pennsmama.

Instead of you training her…she’s training you right now:)

It will pass…be strong…
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Me three!
Start with limits and boundaries, and learning that mom is in charge NOW, or else you’re in for a lifetime of the battle of the wills. She’ll be fine. She won’t hate you. Be strong. You job is to lead.
God bless you! Pray to St. Monica, St. Anne, and Our BLessed Mother for strength.
 
Toddlers/kids/teenagers/adults/senior citizens are all the same. We have behaviors because it gives us a desired outcome. Make it so the behavior isn’t worth it and it will adjust gradually.
 
egretps said:
I wouldn’t rule out maybe she doesn’t feel well. She might be distracted at grandma’s house. The novelty of it all. But at home maybe she just doesn’t feel well. My oldest had a chronic ear infection and made her miserable. We didn’t know why. (Really bad pediatrician, it turns out. I met with other parents who’s kid went to her and their stories were much worse.)
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I agree, rule out things like ear infection. Or teething. My littlest had a very rough stretch from 15-18 months with a lot of teeth coming in.

Others offered good advice about weaning. It really has to be a gradual process. Try keeping it to scheduled times first (rather than on demand unlimited), then cut back by one session every week. One other thought about weaning: My littlest hated sippy cups. But once drinking from a straw was mastered (at 17 months), weaning went much faster because there were enough fluids other than breastmilk going in. So you might need to experiment with cups to find out what she likes best and is willing to drink from.

Try to increase the amount of snuggle time while not nursing, too. Get a toddler carrier (Tula Toddler goes up to 35-40 pounds, I think) and wear her while walking. Take her out places. Yes, even if she’s screaming – distraction goes a long way and I bet that’s part of what’s going on at grandma’s house. Toddler story time at the library, the playground at the park, a walk in the stroller, etc. Sometimes a change of scenery for 30-60 minutes is enough distraction to keep the toddler occupied until the next nursing session…
 
My son is 18 months too and literally in the last two weeks, he’s started whining. Well, more like squalling. He’s always been the most easy going baby and now if anything doesn’t go his way or he wants anything, he flops down on his butt and begins to scream. It’s pretty obnoxious and it’s like 0 to 100. He doesn’t whimper of fuss, he goes straight to ear-splitting howl. We’re just trying to be consistent with making sure that he doesn’t get what he wants until he stops crying. I wish he would start learning to say some words so he can ask for what he wants, because it would make things move much faster. He does say “day doo!” (thank you) when he gets whatever it is he wants, and stops crying instantly. I realize it’s a primitive form of communication, but dang!
 
Rosebud77 said:
Interesting that she behaves so well for her grandmother.
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It i’s typical. I used to work at a preschool and we would have kids who were angels all days and the second a parent walked in they’d turn into little demons and start doing things they know they weren’t supposed to.
 
ellam25 said:
It i’s typical. I used to work at a preschool and we would have kids who were angels all days and the second a parent walked in they’d turn into little demons and start doing things they know they weren’t supposed to.
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I agree. Even at 18 months, kids are aware the their parents have to love them unconditionally, but for the rest of society, it’s completely optional.
 
I won’t say which of my kids, but one of them around 18 months started doing something that just perplexed me.

For instance, we were out at a pumpkin patch. She didn’t want to walk anymore and wanted me to carry her. At that moment I was carrying several small pumpkins and she was holding her grandma’s hand while we were walking to the car to go home. She was probably pretty tired. So little bit stopped in her tracks and laid down on the ground. Wasn’t screaming, or crying. Just flat out and just looking at me. I looked at her, and said, “What are you doing?” My mom told me, “Honey, that’s a tantrum. Don’t put up with that.” Lo and behold, I had to get her to give up her silent protest and back on her feet because we don’t take naps in parking lots. What’s funny is the other one wouldn’t do that. Each kid seems to find their own way to ‘cope’ and try and get the adults in their life to do their bidding.

Whining and tantrums, some of us never outgrow them.
 
Yep, I agree with pensmama, too. For what it’s worth, I have a 3 3/4-year old and a 2- year- old, and both of them were absolutely the most difficult to deal with at 18 months. As they get older, have more words, and can do more, they become easier to redirect and engage (though the neverending questions get a bit tiresome). Hang in there, stay strong, and be consistent. Kids love to test their limits, but they also love predictable rules and boundaries.
 
It’s very frustrating for small people to want to let you know something, and then are limited by how they can tell you.

Terrible twos can start early.

Other than that, make sure toddler is fed, and well rested. And good positive interaction.

Also, maybe some molars are coming in? That would increase whining.
 
I weaned my son by pumping Milk into a bottle, then gradually added a ratio of regular Milk until he was on full Milk. After a couple of week they dont even know the difference. 🙂

Sounds like terrible twos Coming. Time to start setting boundaries and teaching patience,and putting the little one on a schedule for Milk, also makes pottytraining them so much easier when they reach 2-3.
 
ellam25 said:
I have a year and a half year old daughter. I love her so much but lately all she does is follow me around and cry and want to nurse and when i dont immediately sit down and nurse her she screams at me. She will spend a few hours a week with her grandma and she says she does great. She’ll play, read books, run around, build with her blocks etc. but the second i walk through the door shell follow me around whining. I feel like the** breastfeeding is the root of the problem.** I have tried several times to ween her but when i refuse the boob she will throw a full on screaming fit. Not that i should give her her way whenever she wants but nursing is the ONLY thing she will want to do that if I say no shell cry anc cry and cry and cry until I give in. Not only will she cry but shell follow me around and cry. Help! I feel like im stuck in a rut with her. Any advice/ suggestions?
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Breastfeeding is the root of the problem? No, it is not. :eek:

I recommend baby-led weaning 👍 Look for Dr. Sears parenting books

Our son is a 2 year old healthy and overachiever according to our pediatrician because of us following baby-led and attachment parenting. 👍 He also rarely asks for breastfeeding as he continues to wean himself off.

Please do not deny the breastfeeding whenever she asks.You can put the cooking and other activities on pause for the breast. 👍

Please be aware of baby trainers that have this believe that children are manipulating you, which is not true.
 
Patavium said:
Breastfeeding is the root of the problem? No, it is not. :eek:

I recommend baby-led weaning 👍 Look for Dr. Sears parenting books

Our son is a 2 year old healthy and overachiever according to our pediatrician because of us following baby-led and attachment parenting. 👍 He also rarely asks for breastfeeding as he continues to wean himself off.

Please do not deny the breastfeeding whenever she asks.You can put the cooking and other activities on pause for the breast. 👍

Please be aware of baby trainers that have this believe that children are manipulating you, which is not true.
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Clearly, what you’re doing works for you and your family, so that’s great! However, at 18 months, the OP’s child is definitely old enough to be told “no”; breastfeeding at this age is not an immediate physiologic necessity, as it is for a young infant. The OP needs to work on setting and enforcing boundaries, regardless of her breastfeeding status.

Incidentally, we aren’t all saying that the kid must stop breastfeeding, though the mom may certainly do so if she wishes. Pensmama’s suggestion that it be done only at certain times is a good one; in this way, the child will learn that no means no and that other things can be used for comfort.
 
Patavium said:
Breastfeeding is the root of the problem? No, it is not. :eek:

I recommend baby-led weaning 👍 Look for Dr. Sears parenting books

Our son is a 2 year old healthy and overachiever according to our pediatrician because of us following baby-led and attachment parenting. 👍 He also rarely asks for breastfeeding as he continues to wean himself off.

Please do not deny the breastfeeding whenever she asks.You can put the cooking and other activities on pause for the breast. 👍

Please be aware of baby trainers that have this believe that children are manipulating you, which is not true.
Click to expand...
What does a two-year-old over-achieve at?
 
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