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Allegra
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Well, let’s see then. Where are the peer-reviewed studies that prove that extended breast feeding is a direct cause of long term giftedness. I’ll wait.: A simple search in Google Scholar should point this out.
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Viki63
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I agree with Eliza that breastfeeding until the child weans himself is best for his independence. I nursed mine until they were 2 1/2 and 3, and they were fearless little characters.
But if mom is exhausted, or has other concerns, earlier might be better. I had to stop nursing Son #1 when pregnant with son #2 since I couldn’t cope.
Every mother is different and has to find her own level of comfort.
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But if mom is exhausted, or has other concerns, earlier might be better. I had to stop nursing Son #1 when pregnant with son #2 since I couldn’t cope.
Every mother is different and has to find her own level of comfort.
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jaimeleglise
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What about those of us who were exclusively bottle-fed? I managed to somehow become an honors student.
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Lorelei12
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To me, baby/toddler whining is the most irritating noise on the planet. Worse even than straight-up screaming. I agree with everyone who said that teaching her that whining does not get you what you want is the best approach.
I understand the desire to just do anything to make it stop. I did this for awhile with our son- I just couldn’t stand listening to it. Finally I got it through my head that I wasn’t doing either of us any favors- he was learning whining was a good way to get what he wanted, and I was his slave- and just put up with it for awhile before he got the message. It didn’t take that long. He’s 2 1/2 now, and only whines when he is really tired or really bored, but not to get something.
For those on this thread advocating Dr. Sears’s approach, this is what he has to say about whining:
I understand the desire to just do anything to make it stop. I did this for awhile with our son- I just couldn’t stand listening to it. Finally I got it through my head that I wasn’t doing either of us any favors- he was learning whining was a good way to get what he wanted, and I was his slave- and just put up with it for awhile before he got the message. It didn’t take that long. He’s 2 1/2 now, and only whines when he is really tired or really bored, but not to get something.
For those on this thread advocating Dr. Sears’s approach, this is what he has to say about whining:
askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/whining
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Allegra
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Seems logical and absolutely nothing like the “you-must-aquience-immediately-to-your-toddler’s-tantrums-or-you’re-a-failure-as-a-mother-and-your-kid-will-be-no-more-than-tradeschool-quality” approach that is so often attributed to him.
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Patavium
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And at not point Dr. Sears advocated that breastfeeding was the root of the problem and you should wean him/her
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Patavium
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Nobody said that children that were not breast fed were doomed for failure.
The scientific evidence does show that breastfed children have an advantage over non-breastfest. There is a causal link, and it isn’t spurious correlation.
I don’t understand why some posters are focusing on the poles as the only outcomes?
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Patavium
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There are difficult decisions to make, but it is worth noting what is the ideal scenario, which you pointed out.
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Patavium
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You can try searching in Google Scholar. You are bound to get more than 1 hit.
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Allegra
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Possibly because we are talking about a child that has already been breastfed for 18 months and it’s possible that continued breastfeeding is causing undesired behavioral problems. A “casual link” does not prove causation, does not guarantee an outcome of any kind, and is not something to be esteemed as superiorly more important than any other aspect of childrearing. There are any number of things in life that are “good” for children. Many of them can’t be accomplished simultaneously due to financial restraints, time restraints, or simple practicality. A parent has to prioritize what is most important for the development of their child. 18 months is an age where it certainly could be concluded that teaching good behavior and discouraging a whining habit is more urgent than squeezing out a couple more months of breastmilk. You can’t provide any evidence that those extra months are going to put the OPs child in Mensa, because it doesn’t exist.Nobody said that children that were not breast fed are doomed for failure.
The scientific evidence does show that breastfed children have an advantaged over non-breastfest. There is a causal link, and it isn’t spurious correlation.
I don’t understand why some posters are focusing on the poles as the only outcomes?
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Patavium
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Causal link is causation. What part of causal did you miss?
I welcome you to read the studies yourself. If you have time then please go read them. I recommend searching in Google Scholar.Nobody said that other constraints are not important, but a decision should be an informed decision about what trade offs the mother needs to consider before jumping to the weaning alternative as soon as possible.
I cannot provide evidence that the extra months of the OP giving breastmilk to her child specifically are going to put her child in Mensa, because that’s not how science works. We are talking about ON AVERAGE and about comparing two distributions of whatever metric of cognitive development is used. One distribution being a breastfed child for the specific duration of study vs One distribution being a breastfed child with reduced duration of study. On average the first has the advantage.
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Allegra
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So, none.You can try searching in Google Scholar. You are bound to get more than 1 hit.
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Allegra
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First of all, the OPs child is 18 months old. The opportunity to wean “as soon as possible” has long since come and gone. Secondly, you operate on the presupposition that a woman who has taken the trouble to nurse her child for 18 months must not be educated about the benefits of breastfeeding, based solely on the evidence that she might choose to wean earlier than you did. When you operate on that assumption, that someone would obviously choose the same as you, were they only as educated as you are, that indicates that you are ascribing an importance to extended breast-feeding that many people simply don’t agree with. That doesn’t mean they’re are ignorant on the subject. It just means that they value other things as more important for the well being of their child. Like good behavior. And their own peace and sanity. Lastly, you do not have an example of research that proves or even causally links breastfeeding past 18 months with long-term cognitive advantage. I’ll believe it when I see it.Causal link is causation. What part of causal did you miss?
Nobody said that other constraints are not important, but a decision should be an informed decision about what trade offs the mother needs to consider before jumping to the weaning alternative as soon as possible.
I cannot provide evidence that the extra months of the OP giving breastmilk to her child specifically are going to put her child in Mensa, because that’s not how science works. We are talking about ON AVERAGE and about comparing two distributions of whatever metric of cognitive development is used. One distribution being a breastfed child for the specific duration of study vs One distribution being a breastfed child with reduced duration of study. On average the first has the advantage.
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Anglewannabe
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Perhaps if I go back to your original reply, it will make it easier to explaing the point you are missing
Angie
The OP was trying to explain that she is at the end of her rope with her baby’s whining and the only thing to stop the whining is to breast feed and she is trying to find other ways to stop the whining. Telling her to keep breast feeding is contrary to what the OP wants to accomplishBreastfeeding is the root of the problem? No, it is not.
I recommend baby-led weaning
To say a 2 year old is an over achiever is rating child development in an unhealthy way. No 2 year old should be though of as an over achiever. It is putting pressure on the kid and making other parents feel guilty for nothingOur son is a 2 year old healthy and overachiever according to our pediatrician because of us following baby-led and attachment parenting.
An 18 month old baby is old enough to start learning to wait. Or else, the baby will just grow into a kid that will throw a tantrum to get what they want. Not to mention, no 18 month old ever died of starvation because they had to wait 20 minutes to eatPlease do not deny the breastfeeding whenever she asks.You can put the cooking and other activities on pause for the breast.
Angie
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Patavium
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Why do you need me to give you a link? Why can’t you just go to scholar.google.com and type breastfeeding and child development and read the literature?
You need to read yourself the evidence and look at the body of literature. I cannot do it for you.
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Patavium
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I don’t see what is the problem. I am offering her another alternative for her to consider. The OP needs to be aware of the possible trade offs that will happen based on weaning earlier than the ideal.
As for the research on the topic, I invite you visit scholar.google.com and spend some time researching and informing yourself about it.
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Patavium
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It is incredible how many posters will simply wean a child to “control” the whining instead of looking for other alternatives, which are likely more appropriate and won’t disrupt the benefits of breastfeeding.
Another poster provided this link: askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/whining
I also recommend purchasing the very cheap books by Dr. Sears, for example, the baby book.
I recommend the OP to read it, and see how it is possible to deal with the whining without weaning.
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pensmama87
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It’s your claim, it’s your obligation to supply the evidence.Why do you need me to give you a link? Why can’t you just go to scholar.google.com and type breastfeeding and child development and read the literature?
You need to read yourself the evidence and look at the body of literature. I cannot do it for you.
The OP desires to stop. Nobody told her “stop today and put that kid in her place.” This is part of the transition to kidhood. Not the weaning, but the setting of limits and teaching patience. Those of us who offered weaning advice suggested a slow process with lots of reassurance of security and love, while also being firm.
I have three children. I know Dr. Sears. I have practiced extended breastfeeding. I understand your zeal. But this thread really isn’t the place to beat a lot of experienced, loving moms over the head with how dumb we are. The OP has struggled a lot. We are trying to help, and we do know a little bit about what we’re talking about.
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E_7
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Hello ellam! Dr. Sears is a pediatrician who followed his attachment parenting method with all his 7 kids. In his book " The Discipline book", page 22 he writes:
**Discipline benefits to your baby.
**Baby’s cues for food and comfort are met, so naturally baby learns to trust. Because he spends many hours each day at the breast, he feels valued and “in touch”. Baby feels right, and this inner feeling of well-being translates into desirable behavior. Over my twenty-two years in pediatric practice I have observed how mellow breastfeeding babies are, especially toddlers who nurse through their second year. A nursing toddler seems to be at peace with himself and with his caregivers. Although in the last century of Western culture we have learned to think of breastfeeding in terms of months or even weeks, historically, in most cultures, babies have nursed for at least two to three years. The behaviour-improving effects of breastfeeding have been known for millennia. You will find breastfeeding particularly useful as a discipline tool when a toddler is going through the stage where he is easily frustrated or when his newfound independence frightens him. We knew a secure and independent two-and-a-half-year-old child who after experiencing a setback such as a toy squabble would come to his mother for consolation saying, “Nursie 'bout it.”
“But won’t prolonged breastfeeding spoil a toddler? He needs to become independent.” Actually the reverse is true - children who are not weaned before their time are more independent. Premature weaning breaks the connection before the child is equipped to make other connections. Extended nursing, rather than encouraging a child to stay dependent, creates conditions that encourages independence. Offering a familiar connection (breastfeeding) during tumultuous toddlerhood gives the child an anchor from which he can explore the unfamiliar.
The idea of nursing past your child’s first birthday may seem strange to you, but we believe that it is important that children not be weaned before they show signs of readiness. Weaning is a part of growing up. It should take place gradually. We have noticed that children who have been weaned too early show what we call diseases of premature weaning: aggression, anger, more tantrum-like behavior, anxious clinging to caregivers, and less ability to form deep and intimate relationships. Breastfeeding seems to mellow out the aggressive tendencies of toddlers and restores balance into their behavior.
On the same book, page 200-201, he writes about whining:
Here is how to mute the whiner. Take note of what circumstances bring on the whine and keep ahead of your child. If your child whines every time you get on the phone, busy her before you make a call. If whining occurs when a child is tired or bored, correcting the circumstances will correct the whine. Oftentimes, responding promptly to your child wards off a whine. The child does not have to resort to an irritating voice to get through to you.
Don’t allow the whine to escalate. At the first syllable, if you suspect the whining tone voice is coming, say " Stop! I don’t listen to your whining voice" and walk away. Then turn around, look at your child, and say " But listen to your nice voice." Or try " This is not the whining room. If you want to whine, go to another room." Squelch whining at the first whiner, and redirect the child’s voice to a more pleasant ring. Otherwise, you run the risk of letting the whine wear you down until you surrender - a concession that only prolongs the whining stage. …
I hope this helps.
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Patavium
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About your first sentence, I already pointed where the studies can be found. A simple search there will supply the evidence. Those brave enough are welcome to explore.
This is not at all what I am saying. I am simply making sure that the OP listens to two different points of views before making any decision. Weaning in order to “control” whining is not an appropriate solution as I’ve said and also others.
I want to make it very clear that I am not here to offend any other moms. However, I am here to provide an alternative point of view, which I’ve done. I’ve already agreed several times to all those points about mothers having constraints and thus not being able to fulfill this “ideal” for their child. I am not looking down on anyone.
This is a discussion forum, and we should be open to discussion instead of taking everything personally.
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