2 weeks until my divorce. How can I stop this?

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I wonder if you have anyone who BOTH of you trust and respect who could do an ‘intervention’ for you.

I mean someone like your priest, or her parents or some close friends - people who really want your marriage to succeed, who love you both, but who are capable of seeing you both as flawed human beings (who won’t take sides). Is there anyone who is looking at this from the outside and is heartsick to see your marriage fall apart? Someone who would do anything to see you to get back together and succeed at marriage?

If the problem is that whenever you talk you hurt each other and create more distance, then maybe a go-between will help. As someone else suggested, could you get your parish priest to go to her and listen to her and counsel her privately, to convince her to put a stop to the divorce for six months, for example? Then he could go to you and explain how she feels and maybe work out some kind of ‘program’ for the two of you to follow, based on the spiritual and personal needs of both. Perhaps eventually you will be in a position to come together in some kind of counselling (like Retrouvaille) and work together.

It seems that right now, she is afraid of you and is afraid that if she trusts you, she will be hurt again. Is there someone she is NOT afraid of, someone she trusts, who can convince her just to put the divorce on hold? She doesn’t have to see you, talk to you, make any commitment to you or do anything that will make her feel scared of you again. She just has to agree not to go ahead with the divorce, while some third person helps her work through all her fear and pain and doubt.

If your priest could convince her to work toward healing her pain quite apart from you, on the condition that while they work on that, she postpone divorce plans, it would certainly help her get over her pain. That’s a plus whether she goes through with the divorce (which won’t heal her anyway) or not.

Meanwhile the same person could work privately with you and help you learn what you need to do to change.

Even if she goes through with the divorce, you could still ask your priest to do this for you. You are her husband in the sight of God, and you have failed to make her feel safe by your direct behavior toward your wife. OK. But as her husband, you can still make some effort to make her feel safe - by sending someone else to work with her, counsel her, lead her to healing. In time, it may lead to healing the relationship.

If you can find a little pamphlet printed by Sophia Institute Press called, ‘Do You Love Me?’ it might help you. It’s a speech for men who need to learn how to cherish their wives and children.
 
David_Chryso said:
I have already told her that I will not sign the divorce papers. In my area she doesn’t need me to sign the papers. Since she is the one filing for the divorce she will get it. I have asked her to go to the priest to talk and she has refused to do that. My options seem limited. Maybe God will swoop in at the last second. I have seen Him do it to others. Maybe I can receive the same help.
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my friend i have a few sayings for you. pray like its all up to God.work like its all up to you!! heaven hath no rage like love to hate turned nor hell a fury like that of a woman scorned!

i think you have to honestly ask your self why does she hate you so much.personally i find that you do not give reason why she wants a divorce.what action or lack of action can be so unforgivable?
 
I was in the same situation, my husband left me and I didn’t want the divorce either but in Indiana, one spouse can obtain it without the consent of the other. You can’t stop the divorce, only God can and nothing is impossible for God to do. Even if your divorce goes through, it does not mean that God does not want to restore your marriage. You will always be married in God’s eyes, remember what it says in Scripture, What God has joined, man cannot separate. So man’s piece of paper does not separate you from your one flesh mate. I am standing for God to restore my marriage and here are a few great Christian websites that you can look at that are specifically for people who are praying for God to restore their marriages.

rejoiceministries.org/
www.cprmarriageministry.org

God bless,

Fishergirl20
 
Go to MEJ.com and read. Call tomorrow morning to Caritas of Birmingham (205)672-8153 and tell anyone who answers what your issue is, and tell them you need the book… “How to Change Your Husband” and that you need it now! ASAP Overnight it. Read it immediately and then give it to your wife and ask her to read it. You need to pray before you read it and while she is reading it. It has proven in hundreds of cases to work. Sound too easy? It’s not, but do you want your marriage saved? Tell them George of Oil City says to send it free. Have faith brother and read and pray.
 
Some of the things I will say may seem harsh; I would like to help but I don’t consider help to include ducking the obvious.

From your posts it would appear that your wife has filed for divorce and has a settlement/decree drawn up. Further, it would appear that you are without an attorney - that is, representing yourself.

Lawyers have a phrase - he who represents himself has a fool for a client.

To begin with, the clock is ticking and you at this point have absolutely no control over it. If you want to reconcile with your wife, that is going to take time. And if you want to have that time, then I would suggest that within 24 hours or less you get an attorney and file what is called an “answer” (or the equivalent). That essentially sets the case up for whatever process the courts require, and heads it towards a trial. You do not have to go through a trial, **but it will give you time **- it is possible that it could give you as much as 10 months to a year of time.

In the meanwhile, there normally is a hearing to set up temporary custody (it sounds like she has physical custody now, so don’t plan on that changing at all), visitation on a regular schedule (without that you are at her mercy and whim), and support. In short, much of what will come out of the end, assuming she proceeds, is going to be patterned at that hearing, or whatever agreement you work out on a temporary basis before that hearing and agree to.

Then you need to shut up, and get yourself into counseling. You have no bargaining chips. By your own admission, when you talk with her you get into fights. I sincerely doubt that she instigates each and every one of them; you are the person “at risk” (that is, you don’t want the divorce), which means that you are the one under pressure; you are the one who wants something different; and most likely you are the one trying to control things that you feel are out of your control (which they are).

You have said that she doesn’t feel safe around you. That speaks volumes, coupled with your admission that she and you get into fights when you talk. I could be wrong, but that has red flags all over it about control issues.

You say that you have changed, but not how you have changed or when this change occured; if there are control and safety issues and you keep getting into fights (meaning that you can’t shut up and listen), why would she think you have changed? For that matter, why should I? Or for that matter, why do you think you have changed? Granted we don’t know any more about the story than what you have said in a few posts, still there are red flags all over.

Can the marriage be saved? The reality is that chances are somewhere between slim and none. Note: I did not say no chances - just slim and none. You cannot control the issues. You cannot control the issues by prayer. God can and does work miracles, but it may be that you are praying for the wrong thing; you may be praying in an attmpt to control things rather than to change you. The miracle that may be needed is not stopping her divorce proceedings, but a radical change in you.

And at the very bottom of this, if you don’t get legal help, you are going to live with a divorce decree that may be inevitable, and you are going to live with that until (depending on state law) your last child gets out of college. Two years, five years, ten from now, you may wish that you had responded differently than you are right now to the legal issues.

In almost all divorces, at least one party is somewhere between emotional turmoil and a complete emotional wreck. Given that she filed and you are the one who doesn’t want this to go through, it isn’t hard to figure that you are not in good emotional shape right now. You need time to get your head straight, time to work on whatever it is that caused her to file, and time to let some of the air out of this balloon (your fights just keep putting more air in it).

And she will undoubtedly ask why you are contesting the issue. You need to say extremely little - only that since she has filed, then the proper process should be followed. Then shut up. Saying more, or saying something else seems to be part of the problem. You want a solution? Do something different. Doing the same thing over and over again is said to be one of the signs of insanity; I would not say you are insane, but I would say that you keep getting in fights with someone you say does not feel safe with you, all the while protesting you have changed, but giving the appearance that it is the same old control issues. And you wonder why she won’t work with you to put the marriage back together? What are you showing her of your change? She won’t listen (control)? If you could just make her listen? Is that what you are saying?

You need some legal help (if for no other reason than to buy you some time) and you need counseling to get to the bottom of your issues. Not your’s and her’s; not her issues, but your issues. You need to get to the bottom of what it is about you that caused her to leave, and what you need to do to change you. Not her. Not you and her. You. And that change is not going to occur is a week, or a month.

Pray all you want - my suggestion is that you might reconsider what you are praying about. Prayer works, but you need to pray for the right thing and for the right reason.

You say you have changed; all I have to go on are the posts you have made. With only that to go on (and it is extremely limited), I have to wonder if you have changed so much why she can’t see it. I really am not trying to beat you up; but if you want help, then the best I can do is tell you what I see and suspect - and that comes from having done divorce work as an attorney for 12 years. The ball is in your court.
 
otjm you are right on many things. I think that there are control issues with me. i know that there were. i have been in counseling and have recognized that. more counseling seems pointless know. i know what problems are the most corrosive to our marriage and talking about them more will do nothing to change that. your advice to shut-up is what i need to do. because the time is so short i worry that shutting-up now will only grease the wheels to divorce.
i received the final divorce papers in the mail today. she signed them two weeks ago. on a certain level i want to sign them and be done with the pain she inflicts upon me. i want to give up and move on. but as i talked to my 5 year old last night she told me how she wants daddy to get a new wife and be happy. is this what i am to teach my daughters? i can not be weak now, there is too much at sake for them.
i filed a continuance monday and if the court grants that i will have some time to prepare. if they don’t then i guess i am finished. as has been said before she has the control. she will get what she wants.
i have tried to be careful about what i pray for. yes i want God to fix her. everyone wants the other person to be fixed. but, i have also prayed that she have a blessed and happy life no matter what the outcome is. i truely want her to be happy. with me or without me.
the change that i think has happened is the result of 6 months of looking at myself and trying to love a woman that doesn’t love me. yes i am a rotten person and have done many things wrong in my life. but this time the stakes are too high for me to cower in the corner and hope that everything magically gets better. i think that i have taken many hard looks at myself and asked our Lord what i need to do or not do to love my wife like Christ loves his church. by no means have i reached my goal but i try to always think about that. what i should realize by now is to not call her when i get stressed out. there have been times during the seperation that have been triggers. i will not elaborate. and by now i realize that i shouldn’t but don’t yet have the self control to deal with them myself and then decide if i need to talk to her. that has caused most of the fights. so yes, what she sees is that i am trying to control her and that i have no control over myself. all the times that i do have control over myself matter not if i can’t control my actions when there is pressure.
anyway, i hope and pray that i will be given the season of lent to grow myself and heal the divide between us. by the most successful way i have found. by shutting up.
 
otjm said:
…you keep getting in fights with someone you say does not feel safe with you, all the while protesting you have changed, but giving the appearance that it is the same old control issues. And you wonder why she won’t work with you to put the marriage back together?
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From my recent and agonizing personal experience I must whole-heartedly second OTJM’s repy.

If my unfaithful spouse were to simply tell me he wanted to try again, I would not trust him on his words alone. However, If he were to (without my pushing) start to attend counseling sessions by himself/for himself, attend religious services - not for/with me but for his own spiritual growth, establish a prayerful, personal relationship with God, visit the children by agreed schedule and not at his convenience & without expectation of dinner - I would step back and WATCH, not trust, rather Watch- and for a very long time. I would have to be as sure as one can be that his actions were free of selfish and manipulative intentions.

Really, if you are changed SHE must see it through her eyes, not via your sermon. Seek counseling for YOUR own good, not necessarily your marriage. Perhaps her trust will then be restored.

Lots of love to you… praying for God’s support in your crisis.

PS - even a legal divorce does not mean her heart cannot become open again, if a truly changed man (you) presents himself .
 
BMB said:
From my recent and agonizing personal experience I must whole-heartedly second OTJM’s repy.

If my unfaithful spouse were to simply tell me he wanted to try again, I would not trust him on his words alone. However, If he were to (without my pushing) start to attend counseling sessions by himself/for himself, attend religious services - not for/with me but for his own spiritual growth, establish a prayerful, personal relationship with God, visit the children by agreed schedule and not at his convenience & without expectation of dinner - I would step back and WATCH, not trust, rather Watch- and for a very long time. I would have to be as sure as one can be that his actions were free of selfish and manipulative intentions.

Really, if you are changed SHE must see it through her eyes, not via your sermon. Seek counseling for YOUR own good, not necessarily your marriage. Perhaps her trust will then be restored.

Lots of love to you… praying for God’s support in your crisis.

PS - even a legal divorce does not mean her heart cannot become open again, if a truly changed man (you) presents himself .
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Well spoken from the other side.
 
**I’ll be praying for your situation, David. I agree with others. It’s somewhat of a shame, that it takes divorce papers for spouses to realize that they have been behaving badly in a marriage, to the point, where a person is so hurt. I was on the brink of divorce a while back, and I know the stress you’re under…and it was of my choosing back then…to not choose it, would be even worse, I think. But, at least you are willing to change your ways, and even if you don’t come back together, you will be stronger and better,because it sounds like you had some areas in yourself to heal. Whatever you do, don’t only try to make things work with your wife, only for your child. Children (once they reach teenhood, or adult hood) don’t like knowing that they were the only reason their constantly fighting parents stayed together under one roof. Divorce can cause a lot of pain for a child, but staying together with someone who doesn’t love you to raise children and pay bills together, is not going to benefit them, either. That’s not really a ‘marriage,’ per se…it’s more of an arrangement. I think the best scenario would be that you and your wife could somehow get past all this, and start anew…together.

Praying for you!**
 
I’ll add my two-cents as a wife who was afraid of her husband. It’s not going to be nice. Just a warning.

Don’t know what you did in 14 years together to make her not want to live with you anymore.

It will take more than a trip to the movies and a weekend Retrouvaille session to repair it though.

I wonder what happened after Easter to cause her to turn her opinion. Maybe finally living in the grace of God opened her eyes?

Don’t mean to pounce on you because you seem very sad about this. But you can’t undo 14 years of damage in 14 days.

If you really want to swallow your pride, write and MAIL (NOT EMAIL) her a letter asking some questions. Request she write her answers in reply. That way you and your big shouting arguing mouth can’t verify her original instinct to flee. (Sorry. I’ve been screamed at too long by a man not to have red flags go up here. When you start arguing with a woman you are trying to convince to stay with you it brings to mind a saying: When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.)
  1. What must I do to make you feel safe around me anymore? (Physically and emotionally.)
  2. What can I do to make you want to be my friend, so we can raise the children together “on the same page” even if we live in different houses?
  3. Are you amenable to us at least attending Mass together, or would you object to me going and sitting near you and the kids and taking you out to breakfast afterward?
  4. Tell me the areas I need to work on to become an acceptable human being.
  5. Tell me how I can repair the hurt I did to you over the years. I don’t want to see you wounded. And I wounded you and want to fix what I broke so you can be happy.
  6. Was there anything I did right? Let me know so I can do more of that so that you and the children will profit from something good about me.
  7. Are you amenable to going to counseling sessions for separated/divorced couples to handle parenting issues in divorce?
  8. Thanks for the beautiful children. I have no idea how much work you did raising them while I was being selfish for 12 years, but you did a great job. Sorry I didn’t pay attention while you were carrying the load alone and unloved. I was a fool.
  9. If I’m ever in your presence and I begin to become argumentative, controlling or loud, please let me know by covering your ears and closing your eyes. Even a fool like me knows what that means. That will be my clue to apologize and shut up.
Just a guess there on #8.

If she actually cares enough to respond, I would suggest you take her words to heart and not become defensive. It may be your only clue how to fix yourself so your relationship with your kids doesn’t suffer someday.

Seriously, are you sad she’s gone, or sad the kids are gone? Or both. Are you the kind of person who only wants someone as they are walking out the door but you didn’t listen for 14 years to what she was saying?

As a mother, the LAST thing most women want to do is become alone and financially vulnerable and have to handle children and running a house with no help. Was she basically doing that for 12 years and realized that you being gone would be a bonus because she was already doing it alone and if you were gone at least she wouldn’t have the arguments and fault-finding too? Because it has to be pretty bad treatment to make a mother with young school-age children propel herself into the ranks of single motherhood.

At least you have a clue enough to think you might be part of the problem. My ex blamed me, my mother, his mother, the neighbors, my siblings, his boss… everyone but himself.

So you have something to work with. But you have lots of work to do or your sons will grow up thinking they can browbeat their wives and your daughters will grow up and find someone just like you to treat them just like you treated their mother.

And won’t that be a sword in your heart to see your daughters go through the kind of pain you inflicted on their mom.

You can stop it now if you try and pray very hard.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
I’ll add my two-cents as a wife who was afraid of her husband. It’s not going to be nice. Just a warning.

Don’t know what you did in 14 years together to make her not want to live with you anymore.

It will take more than a trip to the movies and a weekend Retrouvaille session to repair it though.

I wonder what happened after Easter to cause her to turn her opinion. Maybe finally living in the grace of God opened her eyes?

Don’t mean to pounce on you because you seem very sad about this. But you can’t undo 14 years of damage in 14 days.

If you really want to swallow your pride, write and MAIL (NOT EMAIL) her a letter asking some questions. Request she write her answers in reply. That way you and your big shouting arguing mouth can’t verify her original instinct to flee. (Sorry. I’ve been screamed at too long by a man not to have red flags go up here. When you start arguing with a woman you are trying to convince to stay with you it brings to mind a saying: When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.)
  1. What must I do to make you feel safe around me anymore? (Physically and emotionally.)
  2. What can I do to make you want to be my friend, so we can raise the children together “on the same page” even if we live in different houses?
  3. Are you amenable to us at least attending Mass together, or would you object to me going and sitting near you and the kids and taking you out to breakfast afterward?
  4. Tell me the areas I need to work on to become an acceptable human being.
  5. Tell me how I can repair the hurt I did to you over the years. I don’t want to see you wounded. And I wounded you and want to fix what I broke so you can be happy.
  6. Was there anything I did right? Let me know so I can do more of that so that you and the children will profit from something good about me.
  7. Are you amenable to going to counseling sessions for separated/divorced couples to handle parenting issues in divorce?
  8. Thanks for the beautiful children. I have no idea how much work you did raising them while I was being selfish for 12 years, but you did a great job. Sorry I didn’t pay attention while you were carrying the load alone and unloved. I was a fool.
  9. If I’m ever in your presence and I begin to become argumentative, controlling or loud, please let me know by covering your ears and closing your eyes. Even a fool like me knows what that means. That will be my clue to apologize and shut up.
Just a guess there on #8.

If she actually cares enough to respond, I would suggest you take her words to heart and not become defensive. It may be your only clue how to fix yourself so your relationship with your kids doesn’t suffer someday.

Seriously, are you sad she’s gone, or sad the kids are gone? Or both. Are you the kind of person who only wants someone as they are walking out the door but you didn’t listen for 14 years to what she was saying?

As a mother, the LAST thing most women want to do is become alone and financially vulnerable and have to handle children and running a house with no help. Was she basically doing that for 12 years and realized that you being gone would be a bonus because she was already doing it alone and if you were gone at least she wouldn’t have the arguments and fault-finding too? Because it has to be pretty bad treatment to make a mother with young school-age children propel herself into the ranks of single motherhood.

At least you have a clue enough to think you might be part of the problem. My ex blamed me, my mother, his mother, the neighbors, my siblings, his boss… everyone but himself.

So you have something to work with. But you have lots of work to do or your sons will grow up thinking they can browbeat their wives and your daughters will grow up and find someone just like you to treat them just like you treated their mother.

And won’t that be a sword in your heart to see your daughters go through the kind of pain you inflicted on their mom.

You can stop it now if you try and pray very hard.
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And David: understand that if you write the letter and she responds, **it does not mean that there is any chance whatsoever of reconcilliation.**People who have control issues are quick to take a response - any response - and read into it what they want/need. The proposed letter is simply directed towards establishing a level of cooperation in raising the children.

When and if it is ever possible to reconcile, it is only going to be after you have established a track record of truly changing. Your previous response to me, concerning how you act/react under stress is very telling. You may have changed some things, but most certainly not all. And as to counseling - you may need to take a break. Don’t assume you are cured; and the phrase “physician, heal thyself” is fraught with meaning.
 
Thank you to all you that replied. I am sorry to say that it looks like Satan has triumphed. I think that my marriage has been broken beyond all hope. I would still try to work it out if the opportunity came but that looks impossible. Have mercy on us Lord.
 
David_Chryso said:
Thank you to all you that replied. I am sorry to say that it looks like Satan has triumphed. I think that my marriage has been broken beyond all hope. I would still try to work it out if the opportunity came but that looks impossible. Have mercy on us Lord.
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David, you will be in my rosary every night and your lovely wife and family. God’s will be done and maybe for now this has to happen, but we can’t see the future. Just work on yourself and your relationship with the Lord and be as loving and kind as you can be to your wife and children. You will have a civil divorce, but in God’s eyes and in the Church you are still married until an annulment if you qualify for one. Just keep praying. I know of a couple who hated one another and got a divorce, a civil one, and stayed divorce for two years. They renewed their vows for they never got an annulment and are still married and involved in Retrovaille now helping others. They even had police involvement and restraining orders just before the divorce. Like I said they looked hopeless, but the husband never gave up and prayed and prayed. The married is now going on their 50th Wedding anniversary and they had their divorce around their 16th anniversary. Don’t give up hope. If she remarries than that is another story, but just pray. I don’t want to give you false hope, but I dont’ want you to give up on your marriage either. It really is a call that you have to make for you are there and see you wife and know the situation.

You will be in my prayers especially today for you sound very depressed. Jesus loves you David. Hope on to your Heavenly Mother for support too. She wants to hold you! We are all here for you on the CA forum! :grouphug:
 
David_Chryso said:
Thank you to all you that replied. I am sorry to say that it looks like Satan has triumphed. I think that my marriage has been broken beyond all hope. I would still try to work it out if the opportunity came but that looks impossible. Have mercy on us Lord.
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It looked like Lazarus was dead but Jesus brought him back to life. It looked like Jesus wad dead on the Cross but He defeated death and Satan and rose. Don’t give into what the devil says about your marriage being dead. Scripture says “Nothing is impossible for God” NOTHING! God’s will is for marriages and not divorce. It says in Malachi 2:16 “For I hate divorce!” It is not God’s will for a family to be broken up. Don’t look at your circumstances, that is what you are doing. Remember what happened to Peter when he was walking on the water to Jesus, when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and looked at his circumstances (wind, waves) he believed that he couldn’t walk on the water and he started to sink! When he cried out to Jesus and looked back at Jesus, Jesus reached out and saved him from sinking. You can’t give in to what you see, you have to believe in what God says to you about your marriage.

I posted before about a Christian website that is all about restoring your marriage when one partner does not want to do anything to do with restoration. It is all Christian based and all about turning yourself, your spouse and your marriage all over to God. He will change you first and your spouse and when the time is ready, restore your marriage. I know that you have not looked at the website based on what you have written in your posts. The website is free and has free information about all of this. If you want you marriage restored, and God wants that too, then you have to do it HIS way and not man’s way!

I could not even begin to tell you how God has helped me with my own stand for my marriage to be restored and the wonderful things that He has done for me. My marriage is not restored in the natural yet, but it will be one day. Just as an example, I had to put my house on the market due to the divorce and I didn’t want to sell it. I prayed about it and God told me that I would get to keep my home. It did not look like I would get to keep it, I didn’t have a job that paid enough for me to pay my mortgage and many people looked at my house. But God kept on telling me that I would get to keep it, despite what I SAW happening. I chose to believe God and not man or what I saw. And what God promised me came to be, I got a better job and kept my house. My husband signed it all over to me!

I don’t care if people call me crazy but I’m going to believe what God says about my life, marriage, etc. and not what man or other people say. God never lies and His promises are all true. And yes, I am a practicing Catholic.

Please check out this website: rejoiceministries.org/

Fishergirl
 
I don’t know if this helps your pain any but take some solace:
2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.178
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God bless,
 
fishergirl20 said:
It looked like Lazarus was dead but Jesus brought him back to life. It looked like Jesus wad dead on the Cross but He defeated death and Satan and rose. Don’t give into what the devil says about your marriage being dead. Scripture says “Nothing is impossible for God” NOTHING! God’s will is for marriages and not divorce. It says in Malachi 2:16 “For I hate divorce!” It is not God’s will for a family to be broken up. Don’t look at your circumstances, that is what you are doing. Remember what happened to Peter when he was walking on the water to Jesus, when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and looked at his circumstances (wind, waves) he believed that he couldn’t walk on the water and he started to sink! When he cried out to Jesus and looked back at Jesus, Jesus reached out and saved him from sinking. You can’t give in to what you see, you have to believe in what God says to you about your marriage.

Fishergirl
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Thank you Fishergirl. That helped. The circumstances surely look bleak. But, as you say we are to keep our eyes on the Lord. I hope that God will show me the path that I need to take to please Him with my actions. I have reached the point that I have tried to put my marriage into our Lady’s hands and trust that she will show her children what we need to do. May the Lord look kindly on me as I try to follow what I think he is asking me to do.
 
Hi,

I hope I am not too late. There is a great article titled: “Don’t Let It End… Stop My Divorce!” by JP Johnson.

Here is an excerpt of it:

If you are going through that terrible time when your love feels like it is coming to an end and you find yourself pleading, “Someone, please stop my divorce!” you aren’t alone. There are many who have gone through it and saved their marriage and plenty who didn’t but found themselves happy again afterward.

There are things that you can do to help stop a divorce or correct problems before they get to that point.First realize, though, that as much as you may want to save your relationship you may not be able to. Make sure that you prepare yourself mentally for any possible outcome. This isn’t thinking pessimistically, it is being realistic which is what you need to be.

You can read the entire article and others by JP Johnson here:

goarticles.com/cgi-bin/showa.cgi?C=1409351

He also offers a free video “Get Your Ex Back…Opening Move!” The link for the video is at the bottom of the article.

I sure hope this gets to you in time to help. I’ve been there, done that, (divorce) and don’t wish it on anyone.

Praying for you,

Steve
 
fishergirl20 said:
It looked like Lazarus was dead but Jesus brought him back to life. It looked like Jesus wad dead on the Cross but He defeated death and Satan and rose. Don’t give into what the devil says about your marriage being dead. Scripture says “Nothing is impossible for God” NOTHING! God’s will is for marriages and not divorce. It says in Malachi 2:16 “For I hate divorce!” It is not God’s will for a family to be broken up. Don’t look at your circumstances, that is what you are doing. Remember what happened to Peter when he was walking on the water to Jesus, when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and looked at his circumstances (wind, waves) he believed that he couldn’t walk on the water and he started to sink! When he cried out to Jesus and looked back at Jesus, Jesus reached out and saved him from sinking. You can’t give in to what you see, you have to believe in what God says to you about your marriage.

I posted before about a Christian website that is all about restoring your marriage when one partner does not want to do anything to do with restoration. It is all Christian based and all about turning yourself, your spouse and your marriage all over to God. He will change you first and your spouse and when the time is ready, restore your marriage. I know that you have not looked at the website based on what you have written in your posts. The website is free and has free information about all of this. If you want you marriage restored, and God wants that too, then you have to do it HIS way and not man’s way!

I could not even begin to tell you how God has helped me with my own stand for my marriage to be restored and the wonderful things that He has done for me. My marriage is not restored in the natural yet, but it will be one day. Just as an example, I had to put my house on the market due to the divorce and I didn’t want to sell it. I prayed about it and God told me that I would get to keep my home. It did not look like I would get to keep it, I didn’t have a job that paid enough for me to pay my mortgage and many people looked at my house. But God kept on telling me that I would get to keep it, despite what I SAW happening. I chose to believe God and not man or what I saw. And what God promised me came to be, I got a better job and kept my house. My husband signed it all over to me!

I don’t care if people call me crazy but I’m going to believe what God says about my life, marriage, etc. and not what man or other people say. God never lies and His promises are all true. And yes, I am a practicing Catholic.

Please check out this website: rejoiceministries.org/

Fishergirl
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Fishergirl:

I just wanted to let you know how beautiful, unselfish, and compassionate your post was, God bless you and all your needs.

GerlyOne
 
David_Chryso said:
I have already told her that I will not sign the divorce papers. In my area she doesn’t need me to sign the papers. Since she is the one filing for the divorce she will get it. I have asked her to go to the priest to talk and she has refused to do that. My options seem limited. Maybe God will swoop in at the last second. I have seen Him do it to others. Maybe I can receive the same help.
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Hey David, I know what you are going through. I didn’t want a divorce and tried everything to avoid it.(counseling, Retrovialle, our parish priest) He kept lying ( he even lied to our Priest!) any insisting he wasn’t having an affair, but he was. We were married for 32 years, I just couldn’t believe he would do that to me! When the writing was on the wall that if I didn’t get an attorney and protect myself I was going to lose everything, I finally had to face the facts. He would get his divorce no matter if I wanted one or not! It was devestating to me financially, I lost everything because I didn’t have the heart to really go after him and accuse him of the adultery in court, even though he had moved in with his mistress before the divorce was even final.
So keep trying, do every thing you possibly can to avoid divorce. It is pure hell, it never gets better. It will destroy your family and damage your children. Get counseling to find out why you fight. Pray…Pray…Pray!! I will say one for you too!
 
:highprayer::highprayer:
Deborah_Whitman said:
Hey David, I know what you are going through. I didn’t want a divorce and tried everything to avoid it.(counseling, Retrovialle, our parish priest) He kept lying ( he even lied to our Priest!) any insisting he wasn’t having an affair, but he was. We were married for 32 years, I just couldn’t believe he would do that to me! When the writing was on the wall that if I didn’t get an attorney and protect myself I was going to lose everything, I finally had to face the facts. He would get his divorce no matter if I wanted one or not! It was devestating to me financially, I lost everything because I didn’t have the heart to really go after him and accuse him of the adultery in court, even though he had moved in with his mistress before the divorce was even final.
So keep trying, do every thing you possibly can to avoid divorce. It is pure hell, it never gets better. It will destroy your family and damage your children. Get counseling to find out why you fight. Pray…Pray…Pray!! I will say one for you too!
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Very good post. I did end up getting a lawyer last week. A line was crossed last weekend by both of us and I do not see any way we could ever get back together. It seems that she has decided to move on with her life and I won’t be a part of it. The hard part now is trying to figure out what to do. I have had my vocation taken away from me. I have been walking around shell shocked for the last 10 says and need to figure out what I need to do going forward. I am not saying that I have closed the door on my marriage. I thought about the readings from Sunday. Abraham would have killed his son if he had stopped listening. I don’t want to be guilty of killing my marriage because I became hard hearted and stopped listening. I hope she does the same. I will try to place my trust in the Holy Spirit to guide my steps and pick me up when I fall. I can not imagine were I will end up. Things seem to change so fast now. I hope that wherever it is it will be where God wants me to be and I can praise His holy name the whole way there. :highprayer:
 
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