26 yr old daughter living with 53 yr old

[Gloria_de_G]

There is no ‘being given permission’ to be immoral. But just because there is a child, a rushed-forced marriage is still rushed and forced. That is what Jesus means in the Bible- that an invalid marriage should not be.

God does not permit divorce because of extra-marital affairs. He permits it in invalid marriages. Like those that were forced. An extra-marital affair may be a sign that the marriage is invalid, but not always.

“But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity…” Mt 5:32 You never saw this passage before?

So what you are saying to me does not make sense. You seem to just be trying to say that irresponsibility is ok, because when he went to bed with her he did not think in the responsibility that that imply, therefore if she becomes pregnant and he has to marry her then he is pressure and the marriage is invalid. I can not believe what a hard heart that you have to understand things right!

In the love of Christ,
Gloria

 

[Havard]

People keep seeing the age difference as more important, more worthy of rebuke than the mortal sins they’re engaging in… shaking my head…

No, not at all. There’s no question that the adultery is much worse than the age disparity. They’re not even remotely in the same league. However I think that since most, if not all of us agree that the adultery is wrong, it’s not being discussed as much.

 

[His_angel]

“But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity…” Mt 5:32 You never saw this passage before?

So what you are saying to me does not make sense. You seem to just be trying to say that irresponsibility is ok, because when he went to bed with her he did not think in the responsibility that that imply, therefore if she becomes pregnant and he has to marry her then he is pressure and the marriage is invalid. I can not believe what a hard heart that you have to understand things right!

In the love of Christ,
Gloria

I know the passage. The translation is off in most English Bibles. It’s better read as ‘grounds of unlawfulness’ as in- grounds of an invalid marriage.

He has no moral requirement to marry the woman he impregnated. He has to be a good father, and can continue to be a good friend to the woman. Forcing them to marry is not moral. He has to be responsible, a forced marriage is not responsible.

 

[bilop]

I know the passage. The translation is off in most English Bibles. It’s better read as ‘grounds of unlawfulness’ as in- grounds of an invalid marriage.

He has no moral requirement to marry the woman he impregnated. He has to be a good father, and can continue to be a good friend to the woman. Forcing them to marry is not moral. He has to be responsible, a forced marriage is not responsible.

I disagree with this. Being a good father means being a good husband to the child’s mother, first and foremost.

Things worked much better when men knew they’d have to marry any woman they impregnated. They knew if the woman became pregnant, they were going to have to marry. They consented when they did the deed. If they don’t like it, they can keep it in their pants.

God Bless

 

[Michael2799]

Last year our 26 year old never married daughter decided it would be appropriate to begin a relationship with a 53 year old man who recently left his wife. They are now living together and might be thinking about getting married. She is a relatively attractive girl and has a decent income. He apparently has a decent empoyment situation so I don’t believe she is being manipulated money wise. I might add that she is not naive, and sadly, has shacked up a time or two before.

My wife and I brought our family up in the church and have been married for over 30 years and have two other grown children. We are absolutely furious, grossed out, embarassed and disgusted with this situation and refuse to have anything to do with her “boyfriend” who is actually older than me. I am her father and love my daughter very much. My heart aches with this disgrace. My blood has been on a rolling boil for months and my tears flow freely. My wife feels the same way. For all concerned, it would be a very bad idea for me to be in the same room with this guy. My daughter knows I am dying inside over this. Rightly or wrongly, my role as her father feels threatened. She can it in my eyes. She thinks her “happiness” is all that really matters and believes that her mom and I will just have to eventually accept this. I am sick to death of the cultural train wreck of selfishness and sin that is destroying the family and this nation in general.

A little prayer and advice would be appreciated.
:banghead::hypno::stretcher: :sad_bye::bighanky:Thank you for allowing me to vent!

It appears as though he has bought her a ring and they have announced their engagement. My wife and I will not be attending this fiasco sham of a so called “wedding”. If he has even divorced his wife, the ink cannot possibly dry… At a loss here… Furious! Thank you all for your encouragement and advice.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Michael,

I’ll pray for you and your wife, for strength to handle this difficult situation.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

It appears as though he has bought her a ring and they have announced their engagement. My wife and I will not be attending this fiasco sham of a so called “wedding”. If he has even divorced his wife, the ink cannot possibly dry… At a loss here… Furious! Thank you all for your encouragement and advice.

Let me get this straight, You were furious that your daughter was cohabiting without the benefit of marriage, now it seems she and this man want to correct that and marry and you are STILL upset and refusing to participate? At this point what can they do that would appease you? Please don’t say she could break up with him because that is not your choice; but honestly I suggest you think about what your best outcome would be for this situation. If you plan to make this a no win, you WILL lose your daughter.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Let me get this straight, You were furious that your daughter was cohabiting without the benefit of marriage, now it seems she and this man want to correct that and marry and you are STILL upset and refusing to participate? At this point what can they do that would appease you? Please don’t say she could break up with him because that is not your choice; but honestly I suggest you think about what your best outcome would be for this situation. If you plan to make this a no win, you WILL lose your daughter.

No kidding.

If she’s serious enough about him to marry him, then her father needs to be aware that her first loyalty and priority will be him. He can either swallow his pride, accept this, and get to know her fiance. Or, he can keep complaining about the divorce that he doesn’t even seem to know much about, continue to harp on his age, and ultimately, push his daughter away and lose contact with her, and any children she may have.

 

[Millie123]

Have you ever seen one of the old episodes of the Cosby Show? Where the daughter Vanessa brings her new fiance home to meet her parents and there is a conflict happening between her parents, the daughter and the fiance. After an awkward dinner the Dad just says to the fiance, something to the effect of “We just don’t like you. I’m sure you’re a very nice person. You’re like a prime rib steak, dressed up with potatoes, and carrots, and gravy. Instead of serving you up to us on a nice plate. My daughter Vanessa has served you up to us on a garbage can lid, the way you’ve been presented to us, makes it hard to like you, you’ve been presented to us on a garbage can lid”

Of course The Cosby Show is fiction. But, in many ways that is what your situation reminds me of…I sympathize with you Michael. You have my prayers I understand It’s hard for you to accept this relationship. You’re daughter has presented and served her relationship up to you on a garbage can lid. Your family is in my prayers

 

[MJJean]

It appears as though he has bought her a ring and they have announced their engagement. My wife and I will not be attending this fiasco sham of a so called “wedding”. If he has even divorced his wife, the ink cannot possibly dry… At a loss here… Furious! Thank you all for your encouragement and advice.

I think at this point the best thing you can do is try to be at least civil to this fellow, explain to both him and your daughter that in order for their marriage to be recognized by the Church and her family he will have to obtain an annulment first, and then pray.

 

[CatholicServant]

Let me get this straight, You were furious that your daughter was cohabiting without the benefit of marriage, now it seems she and this man want to correct that and marry and you are STILL upset and refusing to participate? At this point what can they do that would appease you? Please don’t say she could break up with him because that is not your choice; but honestly I suggest you think about what your best outcome would be for this situation. If you plan to make this a no win, you WILL lose your daughter.

I don’t want to put words in Dad’s mouth, but it appears he is upset that his Catholic daughter is entering into an invalid marriage - he is not even sure the divorce is final, let alone an annulment granted or even started or pre-cana pursued…Sorry if not correct, but that is what I see.