3 years ago today

  • Thread starter Thread starter KendraDZ1902
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UbiCaritas said:
This actually may be a really, really good thing. I come from a very dysfunctional family–left home at 18, and moved across the country to get away. I put myself through school, and kept very busy indeed those first five years. (Had to, if I wanted to both graduate and eat; I worked 35-50 hours most weeks.) It was very, very stressful, but I was also so busy that I simply didn’t have time to focus too much on either the bad stuff in my past or the difficulties I was facing in the present: all I could do was focus on getting through that shift/passing that test/writing that paper. I kind of anesthetized myself with work and school, but it was a good kind of anesthesia in that at the end, I had a degree, no one could take it from me, I’d done it all myself, and I’d been on my own for five years and processed a lot of the stuff I needed to process in the background, so to speak, without being able to stew in it for days as I could have if I were less busy.

Oh, and one last thing: if by “NA” you mean “nurse’s assistant,” if it’s anything like when I took the test a decade ago, you’ll do perfectly well if you can show up and simply not die before you finish filling in the bubbles on the test. 😛 Seriously. As I recall, one of the more…outstanding…questions was “Mr. Smith is diabetic, and needs his feet cared for. What temperature is appropriate for a footbath? a) 212 degrees F b) 80-95 degrees F c) 45 degrees F d) 25 degrees F”

So help me, I’m not making that up. You’ll do well. Study, don’t fret, and you’ll do just fine.

(If “NA” stands for something else entirely, ignore this except to get a laugh out of that question. 😃 )

All of that having been said, I also couldn’t have gotten through all that if I didn’t have a few friends who could meet me for coffee or dinner from time to time. Could anyone do that with you this week? If not, could you pick someone from your class and ask her if she’d like to grab a coffee?

Best of luck to you, girl. You’re doing wonderfully!
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Yes, NA is nursing assistant. I don’t get the “C” until I pass the state exam. I am solid on the written exam. Practice test today was very similar to the example you gave. It is skills that I have trouble with, well, not the skill. I am supposed to “provide privacy” and I ALWAYS forget to close the blinds. :rolleyes:
I plan on the whole “work and school” thing. I keep kicking myself for leaving school to be with my beau. :rolleyes: So, work as a CNA and finish school. I’ve always been happier when I’m so busy that I can’t sleep. So, back to being so busy that I can’t sleep. lol.

I have a sorority sister who attends my parish, we actually hung out Sunday after Mass. Another sorority sister lives about an hour away and she’s my escape. I get “kidnapped” by her. I have a childhood friend who has been wonderful through this whole ordeal and we are planning on lunch tomorrow. So, I have outlets, but I don’t want to wear them down with this constantly. This WILL pass, hopefully very, very soon.
 
One of the first things I did, after my husband told me he wanted a divorce, was to create a Spotify playlist. Sooo many songs… Pink, Black Crows, lots of songs on the theme of ‘crazy’ (think ‘crazy train’ by Ozzy Osbourne…), Roar by Katy Perry, Stronger by Kelly Clarkson, Madness by Muse, Lose Yourself by Eminem. I really, really like ‘Unwritten’ by Natasha Bedingfield.

I listened to the playlist a lot before he moved out and sometimes while he was home. Before he moved out he actually asked me what was up with the music I was listening to… he didn’t quite get it. 🤷

I know what you mean by that anniversary missed. I pray that that pain subsides for you in the coming years. From my own experience, and it’s been less than a year for me, I am finding that the more I work towards my new future, the further he slips into the past…
 
mariemargaret said:
One of the first things I did, after my husband told me he wanted a divorce, was to create a Spotify playlist. Sooo many songs… Pink, Black Crows, lots of songs on the theme of ‘crazy’ (think ‘crazy train’ by Ozzy Osbourne…), Roar by Katy Perry, Stronger by Kelly Clarkson, Madness by Muse, Lose Yourself by Eminem. I really, really like ‘Unwritten’ by Natasha Bedingfield.

I listened to the playlist a lot before he moved out and sometimes while he was home. Before he moved out he actually asked me what was up with the music I was listening to… he didn’t quite get it. 🤷

I know what you mean by that anniversary missed. I pray that that pain subsides for you in the coming years. From my own experience, and it’s been less than a year for me, I am finding that the more I work towards my new future, the further he slips into the past…
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Thank you. Creating my own playlist will definitely help. I hope he fades out quickly.
 
I’m so sorry, KendraDZ1902. I’ll keep you in my prayers. :gopray2: :console:
 
Sorry for everything you’re going through. Pink’s, “Long Way to Happy” and “Who Knew?” were on my playlist. Zeppelin’s “Your Time is Gonna Come” is an oldie but a goodie. Music’s a personal thing, I vastly prefer epic music to get my spirits back up-
  • Two Steps From Hell (To Glory, Blackheart, Black Blade, False King, El Dorado…)
  • Audiomachine (Sol Invictus, Shadowfall…)
  • Immediate Music
  • Brand X music
There’s a country western song, can’t remember who it’s by, “I’ll Pray for You” that’s kind of funny.

If time doesn’t allow you to heal, it does allow you to adapt. The important dates become less important. Have three kids and it was my job to just let them establish whatever relationship they wanted with their mom. They stopped celebrating mother’s day as they didn’t think she really felt being a mom was important. I stressed each year as her birthday came up about whether I should remind them or not… would they see that as me pushing them to do stuff they didn’t want to do… Anyway, I knew I was improving the year I didn’t remember her birthday until a week after it had passed by. You do get there eventually.
 
I recommend that on days like your anniversary, the day the divorce is finalized, etc, to make sure you make plans to do something with someone. Not that you need to “celebrate” but just so that you are busy and not alone and have someone to talk to if needed.

I have a very good friend who went through a divorce quite a few years ago. There were a lot of problems in the marriage and she was the one who filed. She was looking forward to her future, but she still was grieving the loss. On the day everything was finalized, she made plans to go to dinner and just do girl stuff (with me, of course). No celebration. She just needed to be busy with someone who cared to help the day not be so painful.

Kendra, I’m so sorry you are going through this and I pray that you will find healing.
 
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