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CathoRick
Guest
Solid advice! A woman striking up a conversation with me after my third or so visit to a Catholic Church was what ultimately encouraged me to sign up for RCIA; I had studied the Church for months prior to then, but I was still nervous about taking the next step in my faith. Never underestimate the impact you can have on a stranger’s life by simply reaching out to them.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
The best way to get people to Mass is to invite them!!
Yes, we need to reach out to others, and to know how to read people who wish to be left alone.
Yes, we need to reach out to others, and to know how to read people who wish to be left alone.
Tis_Bearself
Patron
This assumes I have “friends” at Mass. That’s a laugh for sure.
Sometimes there are some elderly people or one or two folks I know from a pilgrimage who I say “hi” to on my way in or out.
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii
Guest
My church has us greet our fellow parishioners before the processional.
We turn and say hi.
I never really thought about it, until recently I went to a relatives church where they don’t do that, and at the sign of peace the closest person was two pews back from me and my family and I smiled and waved to them and they seemed really surprised, but they also seemed to like it.
At that point it hit me—that I recognize and greet a lot of my fellow parishioners that way, sometimes I see folks I know in the supermarket or wherever. It’s kind of funny.
Are we all super-duper pals? No, but I feel more connected to my parish than I used to.
We turn and say hi.
I never really thought about it, until recently I went to a relatives church where they don’t do that, and at the sign of peace the closest person was two pews back from me and my family and I smiled and waved to them and they seemed really surprised, but they also seemed to like it.
At that point it hit me—that I recognize and greet a lot of my fellow parishioners that way, sometimes I see folks I know in the supermarket or wherever. It’s kind of funny.
Are we all super-duper pals? No, but I feel more connected to my parish than I used to.
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Divine3
Guest
Pray for a friend . I had moved back to my home town but years changed many things. I prayed for a year,( yep a year) for a friend and God sent me a very kind friend for the time I was there. I still stay in touch with her. And as always --want a friend then be a friend.
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CRV
Guest
[quote
It’s easy on a Sunday to grab coffee, sit in your usual seat, and chat with friends without noticing an unfamiliar face./quote]
The same applies to familiar faces.
This is a problem in lots of parishes i would think. I see this at my own parish. Someone standing by themselves, and everyone else in their ‘cliques’ - and not one person approaches this person to start a conversion. Even those who are a regular parishioner at the same Mass.
And this person rightly would not be comfortable just waltzing up to a group, and joining in their conversations - which may have been personal at that point. Awkwardness abounds.
Then there are those who don’t even say ‘Hi’ or 'Good morning" as they walk by, let alone a smile or even a nod to acknowledge you there including those they know and have spoken to in the past - however briefly.
There are a lot of lonely people who attend Mass.
During one homily the priest mentioned this situation of being friendly to those who are new or are on their own, so it’s known it does happen and I’m sure he is not the only parish priest who is aware of this issue.
It’s easy on a Sunday to grab coffee, sit in your usual seat, and chat with friends without noticing an unfamiliar face./quote]
The same applies to familiar faces.
This is a problem in lots of parishes i would think. I see this at my own parish. Someone standing by themselves, and everyone else in their ‘cliques’ - and not one person approaches this person to start a conversion. Even those who are a regular parishioner at the same Mass.
And this person rightly would not be comfortable just waltzing up to a group, and joining in their conversations - which may have been personal at that point. Awkwardness abounds.
Then there are those who don’t even say ‘Hi’ or 'Good morning" as they walk by, let alone a smile or even a nod to acknowledge you there including those they know and have spoken to in the past - however briefly.
There are a lot of lonely people who attend Mass.
During one homily the priest mentioned this situation of being friendly to those who are new or are on their own, so it’s known it does happen and I’m sure he is not the only parish priest who is aware of this issue.
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Viki63
Guest
Our parish is pretty large, and I attend several different masses depending on what’s going on that weekend. The last time I tried to greet someone I thought was new, she said she’d been attending for years. that was embarrassing. so I just try to be friendly.
We aren’t really supposed to be having conversations in church anyway.
We aren’t really supposed to be having conversations in church anyway.
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SammiLeeds
Guest
It’s also important to make a distinction between “lonely” and “on their own”.
If people had tried to befriend me the first few times I went into a church I’d have run a mile lol
If people had tried to befriend me the first few times I went into a church I’d have run a mile lol
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TheLittleLady
Guest
That was one thing I appreciated about my conversion. I can walk in to just about any parish in the world, know that I belong without the “recruiting love bomb team” pouncing on me!
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CelticWarlord
Guest
Same here. Four years in I still avoid them.
When would you be able to engage with this person? If they’re sitting or standing in the pew by themself, it would be inappropriate to go converse with them as you’re in the physical presence of God and you should be be praying or at least be aware of your location. Plus, talking with them would be a distraction to those around you who are trying to pray.
blackforest
Well-known member
Great link - thank you.
Having attended Anglican, evangelical, and Catholic churches, I have to say that the latter has been the most inept at fostering community - at least in my personal experience.
At Catholic parishes, I’ve formed plenty of networks, (i.e. working together on different ministries, business-type relationships only), but never any sense of community.
Having attended Anglican, evangelical, and Catholic churches, I have to say that the latter has been the most inept at fostering community - at least in my personal experience.
At Catholic parishes, I’ve formed plenty of networks, (i.e. working together on different ministries, business-type relationships only), but never any sense of community.
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Tis_Bearself
Patron
A lot of us aren’t looking for “community” at the church. I’m fine with being friendly to people I meet in my travels, and when I get the opportunity to talk to people at a coffee and donuts (rather a rare occasion in my experience) I “do my bit” by reaching out to others, especially any elderly I see who are sitting alone.
But “community” talk is a turn-off with a lot of unpleasant associations. Love-bombing…people complaining because they don’t think there’s enough “community”…having to spend precious time with people who don’t really share your interests ,or have all decided that some “community” activity is fun or worthwhile that you just don’t want to be a part of. No thanks. I feel the same way about “community” events put on by civic groups.
But “community” talk is a turn-off with a lot of unpleasant associations. Love-bombing…people complaining because they don’t think there’s enough “community”…having to spend precious time with people who don’t really share your interests ,or have all decided that some “community” activity is fun or worthwhile that you just don’t want to be a part of. No thanks. I feel the same way about “community” events put on by civic groups.
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tonyh12
Guest
Sometimes my loneliness comes from being the only one in my family and friends going to church, it helps to make friends in church but there will always be this ache for those who have gone.
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mrsdizzyd
Guest
It has been one of the most difficult things to get used to about the Catholic Church. I come from a background where fellowship was a given. It was a given that you knew people and talked with people. People knew who we were and asked about / checked on us. You felt a part of something. It was nice, and a comfort to know you had someone to lean on or to pray with.
I could participate as much in that community as I wanted. At times in my life I was involved in multiple ministries and outreach opportunities, and at other times I was only in the pew.
Sometimes, I think Catholics totally misunderstand what it means to have an authentic community, because so many Catholic attempts at forming community have sort of a forced artificial bent to them ie love bombing (shudder
).
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maryjk
Guest
Exactly.
Sometimes I am in town for a weekend. I attend Mass then go about my business for the rest of the weekend.
I don’t need to spend 20 minutes trying to get away from the “love bomb team.” I just want to leave, met up with my friends and carry on about my visit.
I attended a Christian service with a friend. I couldn’t get to the door. There were so many people that felt that if I didn’t join their church RIGHT NOW, I was doomed for hell.
“People, I am here with a friend, and now I am LEAVING. Get out of my way.”
blackforest
Well-known member
Community =/= “love bombing” or any other kind of Creepy. As @mrsdizzyd mentioned, maybe that’s the misconception that’s holding Catholics back.
It simply means having friends at church, or at very least people to connect with on Sunday. It means going to coffee and donuts and talking to more people than just your own spouse or family. (I’ve never seen so many people in one room ignoring each other!) And if other parishioners do talk to you, it’s not because they want or need something out of you. (“Could you help count the raffle money?” “Will I see you at the VBS planning meeting?”)
They don’t have to be close friends. But at this juncture, I have no Catholic friends, which is pretty weird given how many Catholics I’m around all the time. If my husband and I mention inviting the So&So’s to dinner, Mr. and Mrs. So&So are never Catholic.
I’m speaking as an introvert, by the way. I don’t have high expectations of a vast social circle at the parish. It’s church, not high school. But community holds parishes together, encourages participation in parish life, and discourages parish-hopping.
It’s OK if you personally have a different set of expectations. But community doesn’t have to be a dirty word.
It simply means having friends at church, or at very least people to connect with on Sunday. It means going to coffee and donuts and talking to more people than just your own spouse or family. (I’ve never seen so many people in one room ignoring each other!) And if other parishioners do talk to you, it’s not because they want or need something out of you. (“Could you help count the raffle money?” “Will I see you at the VBS planning meeting?”)
They don’t have to be close friends. But at this juncture, I have no Catholic friends, which is pretty weird given how many Catholics I’m around all the time. If my husband and I mention inviting the So&So’s to dinner, Mr. and Mrs. So&So are never Catholic.
I’m speaking as an introvert, by the way. I don’t have high expectations of a vast social circle at the parish. It’s church, not high school. But community holds parishes together, encourages participation in parish life, and discourages parish-hopping.
It’s OK if you personally have a different set of expectations. But community doesn’t have to be a dirty word.
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jzea1992
Guest
Agree and relate to this statement
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Agree.
That is why I mentioned when one does start a conversation, it is important to listen and observe, if the person seems to want to “get away”, don’t press. Introverts are a small percentage, but, they do exist.
I have had parishes be very aggressive in “getting me to join in”. One year on Mother’s Day, I stayed in my pew when they called all mothers up to the altar. I did not want to go up there, yet, someone came down and grabbed my hand and pulled me up to the altar!
That is why I mentioned when one does start a conversation, it is important to listen and observe, if the person seems to want to “get away”, don’t press. Introverts are a small percentage, but, they do exist.
I have had parishes be very aggressive in “getting me to join in”. One year on Mother’s Day, I stayed in my pew when they called all mothers up to the altar. I did not want to go up there, yet, someone came down and grabbed my hand and pulled me up to the altar!
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