8 Simple Rules for dating a Duggar Daughter

[PennyinCanada]

I’ve known way too many Catholic couples living together before marriage and/or getting pregnant before being married. I really appreciate the Duggars giving an example to the country on how to be chaste and date in a way that honors God and each other.

Single Catholics, are you dating in a way that gives witness to Christ in the world? When you see how many abortions happen each year, know the world is desperate for your good example!

tlc.com/tv-shows/19-kids-and-counting/games-and-more/rules-dating-duggar-daughter.htm?mkcpgn=fbtlc1&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=19Kids&Counting

 

[DarkLight]

Jumping off the other end is hardly what I’d call a good example. These sorts of rules are suitable for 14 year old girls, not adult women. I have more intimate contact with men just from working than these rules would allow!

 

[AnnArbor]

I’ve known way too many Catholic couples living together before marriage and/or getting pregnant before being married. I really appreciate the Duggars giving an example to the country on how to be chaste and date in a way that honors God and each other.

Single Catholics, are you dating in a way that gives witness to Christ in the world? When you see how many abortions happen each year, know the world is desperate for your good example!

tlc.com/tv-shows/19-kids-and-counting/games-and-more/rules-dating-duggar-daughter.htm?mkcpgn=fbtlc1&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=19Kids&Counting

It will be interesting to see how this works out with sons dating – the girl having to approach Dad for permission to date his son, chaperones on dates, cc’ing parents on texts, etc.

I would say that young people who need this level of supervision are not ready to be engaged – they’re being treated as if they are in middle school.

 

[Xantippe]

I’ve known way too many Catholic couples living together before marriage and/or getting pregnant before being married. I really appreciate the Duggars giving an example to the country on how to be chaste and date in a way that honors God and each other.

Single Catholics, are you dating in a way that gives witness to Christ in the world? When you see how many abortions happen each year, know the world is desperate for your good example!

tlc.com/tv-shows/19-kids-and-counting/games-and-more/rules-dating-duggar-daughter.htm?mkcpgn=fbtlc1&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=19Kids&Counting

No handholding before engagement and no kissing before marriage is not necessary, I think.

I personally do not want a son-in-law who is 19 years old, just taking online classes, and working part-time for my family. I’d like my daughters to marry people at least old enough to legally buy alcohol and who are no more than a year or so away from finishing school and being able to have a real, full-time job (or who are at least in graduate school or medical school or something like that) not supplied by me.

Oh, and I don’t want to house any newlywed children (unless in case of major natural disaster or other unforeseen emergency) and their spouses. If they’re old enough to get married, they’re old enough to pay for a little place of their own.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I think the duggars have provided a Holy upbringing for the family and are a good example of raising children, and even approaching the subject of finding a mate. My family and I watch the show and my children are learning valuable things.

 

[Xantippe]

It will be interesting to see how this works out with sons dating – the girl having to approach Dad for permission to date his son, chaperones on dates, cc’ing parents on texts, etc.

I would say that young people who need this level of supervision are not ready to be engaged – they’re being treated as if they are in middle school.

Yes.

And what if the daughter didn’t find anybody until she was in her later 20s/early 30s and financially independent. Would her 30ish suitor still be expected to ask permission to court, take a chaperone on dates, and cc parents on texts?

 

[DarkLight]

Yes.

And what if the daughter didn’t find anybody until she was in her later 20s/early 30s and financially independent. Would her 30ish suitor still be expected to ask permission to court, take a chaperone on dates, and cc parents on texts?

The Duggars are part of the Christian Patriarchy movement - I believe daughters are generally expected to remain under their father’s care until they marry. Financial independence on the part of a woman would be treated as unbiblical; she is viewed as answerable to her father until she marries.

I would be careful with this sort of thing. Legalism, over-control, and scrupulosity are as poisonous to the faith as permissiveness.

 

[masondoggy]

Jumping off the other end is hardly what I’d call a good example. These sorts of rules are suitable for 14 year old girls, not adult women. I have more intimate contact with men just from working than these rules would allow!

I agree.

 

[Xantippe]

The Duggars are part of the Christian Patriarchy movement - I believe daughters are generally expected to remain under their father’s care until they marry. Financial independence on the part of a woman would be treated as unbiblical; she is viewed as answerable to her father until she marries.

I would be careful with this sort of thing. Legalism, over-control, and scrupulosity are as poisonous to the faith as permissiveness.

Having an able-bodied spinster daughter at home for decades sounds like a real drag to me. Conceivably, we might wind up living with a single adult child, but that would be a choice on all of our parts, not an arrangements we would consider God’s plan for our family that we would rigidly adhere to, no matter how much discomfort and inconvenience it caused all of us. I do not see myself policing the chastity of middle aged children.

And even from the prospective husband’s point of view–how is he to know what his intended would do with freedom if she’s never had it before? Also, if marriage is the only way out from under parental authority, daughters may marry just about anybody to get out. (That has been known to happen.)

I feel like this particular style of parenting fetishizes virginity for the unmarried at the expense of common sense and the future well-being of the couple and their future children.

 

[Siegehammer]

The infantilization of women that exists within Christian Patriarchy is highly problematic. It’s nothing to want for one’s children.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Kinda going way too far to another extreme. The rules about dad being in charge of the relationship, CCing all texts, side-hugs only, etc. are just wacky, IMO. Surely there’s a middle-ground?

Also, what are the rules for dating a Duggar son?

Siegehammer:

The infantilization of women that exists within Christian Patriarchy is highly problematic.

Perhaps a good reminder why some elements of feminism are actually quite needed, even today.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

The Duggars are part of the Christian Patriarchy movement - I believe daughters are generally expected to remain under their father’s care until they marry. Financial independence on the part of a woman would be treated as unbiblical; she is viewed as answerable to her father until she marries.

I would be careful with this sort of thing. Legalism, over-control, and scrupulosity are as poisonous to the faith as permissiveness.

Yes, this is very true. I, too, am familiar with this brand of Protestantism from my “pre-Catholic” life, and I would recommend staying away from it. I always cringe a little when I hear Catholics expressing great admiration for the Duggars. Although there are some things to admire about them, such as their financial savvy in being able to raise a large family without debt, there is much more to the Quiverfull/Patriarchy movement (which the Duggars are a part of) than you see on the happy-clappy surface.

 

[PennyinCanada]

It will be interesting to see how this works out with sons dating – the girl having to approach Dad for permission to date his son, chaperones on dates, cc’ing parents on texts, etc.

I would say that young people who need this level of supervision are not ready to be engaged – they’re being treated as if they are in middle school.

I would expect that the Duggar sons will approach the dad of the girl to ask permission to begin dating.

You are looking at it like they need supervision and I don’t see it alike that at all.
It takes a mature young man that is serious to approach the girl’s dad to ask permission. If he cannot muster the courage than perhaps he’s too young to think of dating his daughter. I see it as requiring a level of maturity and sobriety to step forward and do that. As for supervision, it’s the couple’s decision to not put themselves in a place of temptation which they decide as a couple to do. Understanding that hormones have a strong pull and taking measures to make sure they don’t end up in a compromising situation can also be seen as a mature decision, knowledgeable of the weakness of human beings in a position of temptation.

If there was a 20 year old that said he had a problem with alcohol and made the decision not to go to the bar with his buddies, and to find something else to do with his Friday nights other than drinking, you would probably be surprised first, then commend him for his mature choice. You might even say that was a smart and wise decision. I think there is wisdom in the Duggar decisions on how to date. Certainly we’ve seen in the world what a train wreck promiscuity has brought us.

As far as not having a kiss or holding hands goes, if they decide that as a couple to not do that until later on, all the blessings to them for exercising such a self control. If they wish to honor God and each other in such a way, I commend them. The world needs a holy example to fight against having sex by the third or fourth date, or living together without marriage. Our Blessed Mother has asked for sacrifices for the conversion of sinners and peace in this world at Fatima. I think this is a beautiful self discipline, pleasing to God and bringing down blessings. Better than eating fish on Fridays and abstaining from meat.

 

[casslean]

I think this level of control shows an inherent lack of faith in one’s ability to raise daughters who want to make good choices.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

Kinda going way too far to another extreme. The rules about dad being in charge of the relationship, CCing all texts, side-hugs only, etc. are just wacky, IMO. Surely there’s a middle-ground?

Yeah, they are very wacky.

Also, what are the rules for dating a Duggar son?

Good point. (Although I think their oldest son, who was the first to get married, was subject to these rules, too.)

Perhaps a good reminder why some elements of feminism are actually quite needed, even today.

Not feminism, just common sense.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Yes, this is very true. I, too, am familiar with this brand of Protestantism from my “pre-Catholic” life, and I would recommend staying away from it. I always cringe a little when I hear Catholics expressing great admiration for the Duggars. Although there are some things to admire about them, such as their financial savvy in being able to raise a large family without debt, there is much more to the Quiverfull/Patriarchy movement (which the Duggars are a part of) than you see on the happy-clappy surface.

This is not a thread about their religious affiliation and how we should stay away from it. The purpose of this thread was to look at how their dating rules honors God and each other for the couple. I’ve seen too many pregnancies and living together couples and wished to discuss that. We as Catholics can do better than we are.

 

[DarkLight]

Yes, this is very true. I, too, am familiar with this brand of Protestantism from my “pre-Catholic” life, and I would recommend staying away from it. I always cringe a little when I hear Catholics expressing great admiration for the Duggars. Although there are some things to admire about them, such as their financial savvy in being able to raise a large family without debt, there is much more to the Quiverfull/Patriarchy movement (which the Duggars are a part of) than you see on the happy-clappy surface.

Same thing here. What’s missing is an expectation of being mature. It’s the father controlling the relationship - how many of you would want to marry a spouse when you hadn’t been able to so much as have a private conversation? It practically ensures that you haven’t had a chance to really get to know your spouse.

And this only works if you accept the whole package deal. Keep in mind the daughters they’re talking to are 20 and 22 and not allowed to go to a real college or have jobs outside the home. Judging by the resources the duggars use, if they did so in defiance of their parents they would both lose financial support (and they probably have no idea how to get a job) and be forbidden to speak to their siblings.

These rules would be impossible on a woman who held a job outside the home or went to college without staying with her parents. Would her father supervise her contact with male classmates or coworkers as well? Would she be forbidden to stay late at the office or work on a project with a male friend unless there was a sibling or other approved chaperone around?

 

[EnglishTeacher]

This is not a thread about their religious affiliation and how we should stay away from it. The purpose of this thread was to look at how their dating rules honors God and each other for the couple. I’ve seen too many pregnancies and living together couples and wished to discuss that. We as Catholics can do better than we are.

For me, it is impossible to separate the Duggars from their religious affiliation. Their movement’s whole attitude toward women and their obsession with “purity” (not the same as chastity) is a huge turn-off, and I am not even sure how God-honoring it is. I guess I am not good at explaining it.

I’ve seen too many pregnancies and living together couples and wished to discuss that. We as Catholics can do better than we are.

Yes, we can; I totally agree with you. There needs to be more information for families and better catechesis in all areas of the faith, including the topics of dating, chastity, and marriage, which are not usually touched upon in the typical Sunday homily.

 

[masondoggy]

Yes, this is very true. I, too, am familiar with this brand of Protestantism from my “pre-Catholic” life, and I would recommend staying away from it. I always cringe a little when I hear Catholics expressing great admiration for the Duggars. Although there are some things to admire about them, such as their financial savvy in being able to raise a large family without debt, there is much more to the Quiverfull/Patriarchy movement (which the Duggars are a part of) than you see on the happy-clappy surface.

As I said in the other thread (there’s a Duggar discussion over in Popular media) they have done a very good job of hiding their Quiverful/Patriarchy extremism in past seasons but a lot of it is starting to come out lately and it is concerning, imo. I have never been one to be critical of them, but I have seen/heard a lot on their recent shows that concern me. Some of it is downright disturbing (especially their courtship rules for their ADULT children). What I’m seeing is classic cult-like control over grown adults.

 

[PennyinCanada]

I wish that all our kids got a post secondary education and lived on their own, supported themselves, travelled a bit, before getting married. It’s a great idea. However, why do our Catholic young women, when they go out on their own, move in with a boyfriend? The world does that, but why is our Catholic youth following the world for dating and married life? I am not going to criticize a young Duggar lady staying at home and saving money for her future.