9 pregnancies in 10 years; 7 c-sections, considering tubal ligation

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MamaBurtonof9

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I just turned 36 in January. I was married in October 2008. My kids are 8, 7, 6, 4, 3, 13mths. I had 2 miscarriages in between my 3 and 13mth old. I am 18 weeks pregnant. This one was a complete surprise because we thought we were being careful when we had intercourse. I took the news hard and started on Zoloft at 8 weeks because of depression and short fuse with my kids. I really thought #6 (our rainbow baby) was going to be our last and I had started getting rid of all our baby stuff. I have been pregnant and/or nursing for the last 10 years. I have had all c-sections and so each pregnancy is an increased risk for uterine rupture/bleeding out/life or death situations for me and baby. I have been blessed to have no complications with my previous pregnancies/deliveries and my scar has healed each time with little scar tissue.
But my mental and physical health can not take another pregnancy. I want to be done with having babies and be able to allow myself to be a better mother to the kids I have by getting my energy back and feeling like I’m getting my life back without always being pregnant/nursing/homonal changes. I’m ALWAYS exhausted! I want to have energy to spend on my kids and not always be sick/tired.
I am a convert of 5 years so I did not grow up with the Catholic beliefs. My husband is a cradle Catholic and we are trying to determine what is right for us. Obviously a vasectomy is out of the question, as well as hormonal birth control. If I needed a hysterectomy for medical reasons, then that would be my first choice because it would be needed. But we are seriously considering me having a tubal ligation at the time of my c-section as it has the least amount of risk since I’m already cut open.
We have tried using NFP but have not been successful in the past - notice how close all the kids are in ages.
I cannot imagine that God would give us the desire and enjoyment of intercourse and then tell us that we are only able to use it during the least desirable time (phase 3) in order for me to remain safe and not get pregnant. I cannot see how having intercourse only during scheduled times is a unifying act.
Obviously we have been open to life. But I cannot keep going through the anxiety and uncertainty of the possibility of getting pregnant each month if we slip up. I want to be 99.4% certain that I won’t get pregnant again and if I do, than obviously God REALLY wanted us to have another.
We are already having to get a new vehicle with this new baby. I don’t know how we are going to manage taking care of all of them, but trying to trust in God. I know it seems like a lack of trust than to have a tubal and not leave it in God’s hands. We just don’t know how to discern what’s right in God’s eyes.
We’ve been told to listen to our conscience and I believe God will be understanding if we choose for me to have a tubal because I believe he is a loving and forgiving God and knows that we are trying to do what’s best for us and what’s right for Him.
Am I completely wrong in this thinking?
 
I know FOR ME, the idea of undergoing surgery, knowing I was committing a grave sin and with the risks of that surgery… I’d not want to roll them dice.

We cannot give medical advice, but, I would advise you to try a different method of NFP. Sounds as the method you are using is not a good fit.

I’m a creighton gal, but, if I were young now we would use Marquette or something else with a high tech cross check.
 
I really do have sympathy for you, and I applaud you for the many difficult sacrifices that you have already made on behalf of your children. My wife has had several c-sections also, and so I understand that at some point, additional c-sections are difficult and even dangerous.

But I can’t and won’t advise you to disobey the moral law. I don’t have an easy answer for you; I really don’t. It sounds like NFP has not worked well for you. And I know that complete abstinence is a very difficult option. You could try meeting with a doctor who teaches the Creighton model of NFP, and see if that might be more reliable. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I don’t think you should go against the moral law and allow yourself to be sterilized.
 
My mom has her own anxiety/depression issues so she cannot help much. My MIL has a 17yr old daughter she home schools. Most of the families around me are big and home school so they don’t really have the time/ability. We can’t afford to hire anyone to come help because we don’t have the extra money. I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water for 10yrs, just doing what is absolutely necessary because of all the littles. I just want to be done.
 
Nevertheless, it’s still a good article.
 
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MamaBurtonof9 said:
My mom has her own anxiety/depression issues so she cannot help much. My MIL has a 17yr old daughter she home schools. Most of the families around me are big and home school so they don’t really have the time/ability. We can’t afford to hire anyone to come help because we don’t have the extra money. I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water for 10yrs, just doing what is absolutely necessary because of all the littles. I just want to be done.
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I really would like to see an apostolate where older Catholic couples whose children are already grown up could provide babysitting, housecleaning, and other help to couples who are struggling with small children, especially couples like you who have been so open to life. My wife and I were at a point several years back where we desperately needed that kind of help, and we just didn’t find it for what seemed like a long time. I have talked with my wife about the possibility of us reaching out to help couples with small children who have minimal support from extended family, once our own kids are grown up. I hope it is something that we are able to do. More importantly, I hope that you are able to find the help that you need.
 
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Expanding on the idea in my previous post, perhaps you could explain your situation to your pastor, and ask if there is anyone in your parish who could give you some help with child care, at least on a temporary basis. Nothing may come of it, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. And who knows, maybe there is a nice older lady or older couple in your parish who would like nothing more than to be able to help a young couple with their kids. Again, it may not happen, and even if it does, it doesn’t solve all your problems. But it might be worth a try.

I think that this was less of a problem in centuries past, when it was more common for extended families to live close together, and there was more opportunity to get help from grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and so on. With today’s very mobile society, it is probably more the exception than the rule for adults to live near their parents. Maybe in today’s society we need an order of religious sisters whose main charism is to provide support to struggling parents.
 
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There was a time when there were jobs that could sustain a large family too. In my area, there were steel mills, railroads, and car manufacturers. Now, you would be hard pressed to raise a family with what’s left. It’s just a shame 😑
 
I’m astounded that people get pregnant so easily.
I never used any NFP or abstained, but was only given 2 children.
Perhaps your husband can understand you want to abstain…for the sake of the children you already have?
Those ages really require a TON of watching, teaching, work, and love.
 
MamaBurtonof9 said:
Am I completely wrong in this thinking?
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With the number pregnancies and surgeries you’ve had, you have a really complicated gynecological situation. I’d suggest you see an expert in a big academic medical center as this is not very ordinary.
 
Say what?
It seems her only option if more kids according to the OP.
Abstaining for her own health and ability to raise the children well is a great option.
 
Good!
Her physician might have been suggesting it anyway.
Perhaps her husband will understand that this has reached circuital mass.
I had 2 c-sections, I was told NO pregnancy for at LEAST A year each time. And I did have a rupture anyway.
 
One thing to remember, kids don’t stay little. Your oldest three can begin helping with dusting, folding, loading the dishwasher, putting dishes away. By age 10 at my house you were expected to do laundry, vacuum, clean bathrooms.

Are you homeschooling?
 
pianistclare said:
Good!

Her physician might have been suggesting it anyway.
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I think you misunderstand…you stated “Perhaps your husband can understand you want to abstain…”

I was asking you where she stated that she wanted to abstain. Because I don’t see where she says that is what she wants to do.
 
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