A Funny Thing Happened in Church

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deogratias:
My young son, about age 3 at the time, suddenly stood up on the pew, shouted loudly, “look out everyone here goes Jesus for a ride” and spun the rosary around his head like a lasso. My husband stopped him just before he let it fly. /QUOTE]

LOL!! I tried to read this out loud to my 16 yr old son and was laughing so hard I couldn’t read!! —KCT
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We are very proud of the newly ordained priest from our last parish, who came back to help out for a few weeks while visiting his family. He had yet to master the technique for the clip-on mircrophone I think, because we ran out of consecrated hosts at the last Mass, the tabernacle was empty, and we saw the deacon gesturing helplessly from the sacristy. Apparently the priest went to the adoration chapel, which is on the other side of the sacristy, to see if perhaps any more consecrated hosts were there. Evidently they decided to open a fresh pack of new hosts because we could hear the entire dialogue between the priest and deacon over the portable mike. “If my intent means consecration then I guess we can call these consecrated” is what all the people sitting around me heard. I am not really quite sure if all of us received valid Eucharist that day. Needless to say the vicar of our deanery heard about it (we were without a pastor at the time) from several people, and I am sure that the priest’s education was completed in short order. He has gone on to become a very fine, very orthodox priest and we are kind enough not to remind him about this very often.
 
Thanks to all of you for the wonderful laughs. I needed them!

Once, when my friend’s granddaughter was very small, she took the little girl to Mass. Every time Father said “Lamb of God”, Abby said “Baaaaa”…So funny.
 
LOL, A COUPLE OF THINGS HAPPENED THIS PAST WEEK!

My 2nd Couisns are 5 and 3 years old. They have never been to a Catholic Church because their parents are Church Of Christ, but they went to mass with us. We enter the church, and sit in the pew. The 5 year old leans over to my mom and says, " This is really nice, they colored the windows.😃

At the end of Mass, our priests asks those who are celebrating birthdays or a special day, or to get a special blessing to come up. This little boy ran up the isle, and about half the way there, his pants fall.
 
Here is a ‘funny’ story…Well sort of…:whistle:

Since I usually occupy a seat in the last pew on the aisle, I get to see a lot of gems…

I’m usually early for Mass so I was preparing myself in prayer when a young man came in and stood beside my pew. I asked him if he was new, as he looked a little confused. I proceeded to welcome him and invited him to sit and he did in the seat in front of me. I noticed that he had a beautiful leather collar on his jacket. Then someone he new came in and asked him to sit with him one pew over.
Well I proceeded with my prayers but lacked custody of the eyes and looked over at him….:tsktsk:
Well that beautiful collar reared its ugly head and a split tongue came out…. it was a baby python!!!:bigyikes: I almost fainted…the ushers noticed it at the same time and asked him to kindly step outside since serpents aren’t allowed in church…:eek:
 
I remember a little boy saying at the consecration, “Ew, there’s blood in there?”. I figured at least he was listening.
 
True story, my wife who happens to be married to the deacon was one of the Eucharistic ministers at mass. As is their custom, the ministers sit in one of the first pews in church until the appropriate time to come up. Well, my wife got a horrible cramp in her back and sat down during a part of the mass that is usually reserved for standing, before we knew it half the church was watching her and thought they should sit down as well. If you think that the congregation isn’t watching you ministers…watch out!
 
True story, my wife who happens to be married to the deacon was one of the Eucharistic ministers at mass
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What’s wrong with this sentence?

As written then, you are a Deacon and your wife is a Priest?

:confused:
 
this is a great thread. thanks for the laughs. the corpus christi, texas one made me laugh pretty hard.

we laugh all the time here at st mary’s in college station, tx. both priests are funny guys, and the usual human things happen all the time, and the priest are great at ‘rolling with the flow’.

i look fwd to sharing some of the funny stuff that happens.
 
jeffreedy789 said:
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i look fwd to sharing some of the funny stuff that happens.
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Please come often and be sure and share some of the funny stories - priests have some great ones - they’ve seen and heard so much. I love this thread and hope it proves to be the longest one in here so as we need to smile we can just hop in anywhere and pick one up.😛
 
I hope it lasts long as well.

Another thread I think will last at least until December 25th or maybe until Epiphany is one in Family section called Christmas Is Coming.

I love reading about other’s Christmas customs and traditions, both religious and cultural.
 
Three things happened Sunday that were sorta funny:
  1. The Priest announced it’d take about $60,000 to fix the Sanctuary’s air conditioning, and someone in the congregation, without thinking, went, “D’oh!”
  2. When the offering plate got to my row, some man dropped it, spreading money everywhere. So everyone in the area had to hustle and pick it up quickly. (You had to be there.)
  3. While doing the “Peace of the Lord” (or whatever it’s called), I zoomed in on a woman with an extended hand, just as she was about to embrace her husband. She screeched to a halt, shook my hand, laughed, then went back to hugging her hubby.
 
This was some time ago (when my middle son who is now 6 was still under 2), but one Sunday while we were in the midst of the readings, a fire truck could be heard coming closer and closer, finally passing on the street which is on the side of the church (as opposed to the one that passes in front), causing all the windows to rattle from the volume of the siren. About a half-dozen boys (including my then-toddler) could be heard, one after another, saying “truck!” rather loudly.

(No one was hurt in the fire, which turned out to be a block past the church on that street, though the house was pretty heavily damaged.)
 
I used to be a funeral cantor in my parish. We had a newly ordained priest as celebrant of a memorial Mass for a person who had been cremated. He used the usual reading from Wisdom as the first reading - “The souls of the just are in the hands of God, and no torment shall touch them…” He started turning red when he got to the part where it says, “As gold in the furnace He proved them,” and even redder when it said, “They shall dart about as sparks through stubble.” Once he had started that reading, he couldn’t bail out of it! We laughed about that for a long time!

Betsy
 
This wasn’t at a service, but it was in Church. A friend of mine used to stop with her 4-year-old grandson for a brief visit to the Blessed Sacrament every time she took him out with her – shopping or just walking around the neighborhood. She always told him that Jesus was in the Tabernacle and told him how wonderful Jesus was, that he was God and the Son of God, and that nobody more wonderful than Jesus ever lived.

One day, he piped up: If he’s such a great guy, you’ld think he would come out and say hello once in a while!
 
When I was about 14 or so I remember feeling somewhat under the weather when Mom and I went to Mass.

Well, sure enough, when getting close to communion, the world began to go dark. I was very hot, but not really sweating…just extremely uncomfortable. I shook it off, and when we went to kneel, I was very grateful for the pew in front of me.

The entire church went dark. From far away I heard the communion prayers but I really didn’t care…and when people stood up, I remained as I was…gripping the pew in a death-grip.

My mom told me later that she just thought I was “DEEP IN PRAYER.” :rotfl: Come on! I was a teen! And no saint, at that!

So of course I end up falling…right into her! She helped me sit down on the pew and put my head down…and in the background, all the people around us have not turned their attention to me.

I was able to stand later…or so I thought. I remember people behind us commenting…“She sure is pale…” and then I almost fell over again!

It was really interesting giving the Sign of Peace to people around me while they looked at me as though I was going to disintegrate…you should have seen the looks!

But I’m sorry…it still gets me that Mom thought I was “Deep in prayer!” And she told people around us this!
 
My grand daughter was over quite a bit this summer and went to daily mass with me. (She just turned three) all summer I would tell her we were going to see my best friend. While at Mass her Father was walking up the aisle for communion she spotted a large crucifix and yelled rather loudly look daddy there’s Grammy’s best friend. Since then I have revised it to our best friend.

Loved the laughs here the this little piggy and the Corpus Christi Texas were really great. I agree in hoping this lasts long it is nice to come home and read the funny things in a day.😃
 
I’ve got 2.


  1. *]Our priest uses a wireless mic during Mass. He has a habit of turning it on as he prepares in the Sacristy. There is a restroom in the Sacristy. He had to use the facility before mass. Need I say more? The church got very quiet. Kinda sounded like a fountain…
    *]A reader walked up to the ambo to proclaim the 2nd reading. “A reading from the letter of Paul to the Fallopians.” Stiffeled laughter is fun!
 
Two events both concerning my son:

When he was eight or nine years old, before Mass began on Saturday afternoon he needed to use the restroom. He went back and was gone for several minutes. All of a sudden, a loud voice was heard yelling “Help, help – get me out of here!” I then realized it was my son – the bathroom door had stuck and he couldn’t get out! Talk about being embarrassed!

Second event:

When my son was an altar server (now about 11 or 12), he was sitting during the Prayer after Communion with his eyes closed. The priest was waiting for him to bring over the Lectionary for the closing prayer, but my son still had his eyes closed – it appeared as if he had fallen asleep! Finally, the priest walked over and tapped my son, who promptly opened his eyes and everyone started to laugh – my poor son! He said he hadn’t fallen asleep, but was still praying after Communion – and I believe him (he was very devout at that age)!
 
I’m at work right now and I am sure people are wondering why I am laughing so much. (The weekends are slow in my department) Any way here is my funny. One Sunday morning one of my sons was alter serving and we came to a very quiet part of the Mass and he was standing next to the priest. The next thing you know he lets out a very loud sneeze that was even a bit startling for the priest. After mass my wife and I mentioned this to him and he looked at us with a smile and said it was faked so as to cover up the noise coming from the other end. Both my wife and I laughed till we almost cried.:yup:
 
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