A Funny Thing Happened in Church

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Before mass started, my priest told the congregation this story. He was newly ordained and on his first parish, he would then say, do we have visitors in this parish? A couple raised their hands and, the priest asked them, what’s their last names? They answered, “Fr. you can’t believe it but, we are the Sinners.” Fr. then said, “Where are you from?” The couple then answered, “Fr. you also can’t believe this but, we’re from Las Vegas.” I thought it was funny. Sinners from Las Vegas. I just thought I will bring it out. Since, it’s great that we all are sinners, not from Las Vegas but, from everywhere.
 
When my niece was four, she started to pick her nose during mass. My sister insistently kept pulling her finger from her nose. After several attempts, my frustrated niece yelled out, “But Mommy, there’s a BOOGER in there!” My sister wanted to crawl under the pew.
–Ann
 
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hosea:
A reader walked up to the ambo to proclaim the 2nd reading. “A reading from the letter of Paul to the Fallopians.” Stiffeled laughter is fun!
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I’ve heard " A reading from the letter of Paul to the Philipines"😃

A classic blooper from my church: For the communion hymn one sunday the song was “Bread, Blest, and Broken.” Well our pianist screwed up and bellowed “Bread, Breast, and Broken” really loud into his mike and drowned out the rest of the choir! Talk about embarrasing!:o
 
I love this thread.

This is an old story, but it still cracks me up everytime I think of it because it is so typical of my brother, even now. When he was little we were once at Mass that was said by a priest who had had a stroke at one point so the Masses tended to be very long because he had some difficulty speaking. During the part of the Mass where the priest consumes the Eucharist, my brother pipes up, “Oh great! Now he’s gonna eat his lunch.” Naturally, we were in the first row. Everyone around us cracked up. My poor mother had to practically suffocate herself trying not to crack up.
 
At Mass on Sunday the Extraordinary Minister didn’t turn up and when it was time for the distribution of Holy Communion Fr said “Michael (a reader), could you come and help with Holy Communion.” Before Michael could leave the pew a little boy ( obviously named Michael),in the front pew left his seat and went up on to the sanctuary. He stood there with an embarrassed grin on his face not having the least idea what to do but whatever Fr wanted him to do he would do it. Michael whispered something to him and the poor kid went back to his seat and had to endure the rather loud teasing from his siblings. I bet that is the last time that that family ever sits in the front pew.
 
We have four children ages 5 and under so we are just starting to experience our embarassing moments. Most recently my was my four year old daughter, durning a weekday mass. I was so impressed when she started reciting the Holy, Holy, Holy. When we started getting close to the Hosanna, she started getting louder. When we said “Hosanna in the highest”, she, at full voice, in a small daily mass congregration, shouts “Lasgna in the highest.”

Wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t the RCIA director. 🙂
 
Yesterday was a bit entertaining. Our priest had one of his “senior moments” and forgot to turn on his mike. He began Mass, realized something was wrong, got a confused look on his face, then realized what it was. He got the mike turned on just as he was muttering “stupid thing works better if you turn it on”, which was of course broadcast at full volume.

Then when it came time for the Prayers of the Faithful, our reader stopped in the middle of one of the petitions and started shaking her head violently and swatting at her hair. We caught the mumbled sentence fragment “…stuck in my HAIR” (I’m assuming a bug) before she realized what she was doing in front of the whole congregation. She then took a final swat, mumbled a small “Sorry” into the microphone, and kept going. (I certainly sympathized- I would have done the same thing.)
 
One Sunday while taking our 4 yr. old son to mass I was very glad that he was quiet and well behaved. When the consecration bells rang the first time, he looked up. After the second time they rang, he looked at me and said very loudly, “Isn’t anyone going to answer the door?”
 
well this was funny to my kids and the people around me…half way through Mass my young son patted me on the back–and we discovered my pocket was on my shoulder blade…I had worn my T shirt style dress backwards–
5 kids to dress— in a hurry to get to church-- : 0
 
This one happened back in the 70’s during the time of women’s lib and bra burnings. The proclaimer had to read from Genesis where God makes a covenant with Abraham and he has a vision of a smoking torch and a flaming brazier passing between the sacrificed animals. She read instead that it was a smoking torch and a flaming brassiere. The pastor almost fell off his seat. 🙂
 
I was a song leader at a parish that was having trouble with their sound system. They had a portable system that I was trying to set up. Mass had started without mics as I was setting up the portable system and I had everything ready to go just as Father was reading the Gospel. The reading was about John, the Baptist where he proclaims that he is a “Voice crying in the wilderness.” Well, just an instant before Father proclaimed those words I turned on the system. His voice went from no amplification to 500 watts of power just as he spoke John’s famous words. The congregation erupted in laughter. I actually thought it was kind of effective. Father was not amused. I didn’t know priests could look at you like they wanted to kill you. I was not there very long.

Good thing I wasn’t the sound man at the Sermon on the mount.
 
One of my wife’s fellow teachers is a member of our parish. She had recently given birth and had lost a considerable amount of weight. After Mass one Sunday, she approached our pastor to extend a greeting and her panties fell down around her ankles. Needless to say, she was and continues to be embarrassed every time she encounters our pastor.
 
While making a visit to the Blessed Sacrament, I noticed a small girl kneeling very devoutly at the altar rail. Such a beautiful sight – until she jumped up and announced, “99, 100 here I come, ready or not!” and ran off toward the parish hall. . .:tsktsk:
 
I have a couple:

One time, the lector for our Mass was to read the word ORGANISM, but it came out “all the ORGASM’s” . It took a while for him to realize it - boy was his face red!!!

When children accompany their parent’s to Communion, the priest at my mother’s parish blesses them. He will also offer a blessing to an obviously pregnant woman’s belly, to bless the child within. (lovely gesture!)

One day after Mass, my mother’s friend, who already has 5 beautiful children, was visiting my mom. She related that earlier at Mass, Father had blessed her belly, but SHE WAS NOT PREGNANT. She said she would welcome another one, but, she did not have the heart to tell Fr and embarass him. 🙂
 
The happened for quite some time, but the first time, everyone around us got a laugh. My was 4 at the time and just starting CCD. CCD for our parish is early Sunday morning and then a Mass afterwards. Well, when my daugher started CCD, I would go to Adult CCD and then together we would go to Mass. During the collection, I would give her our offering to put in the basket. As soon as I would hand it to her, she would stand up and say, “Hey you, Hey you, here ya go” to the usher, like he was selling hotdogs at a ball game.
 
When my sister was little and the ice cream man would come around and she asked for ice cream, my parents would ask her if she was a good girl.

One Sunday morning at Church, when the alter server rang the bells, my sister started shouting, “I good girl! I good girl.”
 
While I was in the seminary I went to my Dad’s sister’s place for Easter. My dad and younger brother came from the other direction to meet me there. We went to attend the Easter Vigil Mass. Shortly before Mass we heard a voice come over the sound system inquiring about the location of the local K-Mart. The priest muttered something about the holy spirit speaking. My aunt caught me with her elbow and told me I should go outside to the car and tell my younger brother that his talking on the CB radio was coming over the sound system. I waited a minute so it wasn’t obvious that I had any connection with the sound. When I ask my brother if he found out where the K-Mart was he said no, then with a puzzled look asked how I knew he was looking for a K-Mart. When I told him he was a bit sheepish and decided it was time to head into the church.
 
HMM! Funniest one I recall of many, was my Godchild Natalie. When she was three she attended her cousins confirmation at which the Bishop presided. During communion Natalie went up with her Aunt Pam to receive and received the usual blessing on the head.

Natalie was out raged that everyone got Communion but her. She refused to move and with her hands placed firmly on her little hips said: “How come everyone got a Cookie and all I got was a pat on the head?” The Bishop was wearing his mic at the time and it was on. :eek: The Bishop got tickled and began to laugh and the laughter just spread from front to the back of the church.

Even funnier was to watch Natalie’s Mom try to slink to the back of the church so no one would know Natalie belonged to her. 😃
 
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frleo:
While I was in the seminary I went to my Dad’s sister’s place for Easter. My dad and younger brother came from the other direction to meet me there. We went to attend the Easter Vigil Mass. Shortly before Mass we heard a voice come over the sound system inquiring about the location of the local K-Mart. The priest muttered something about the holy spirit speaking. My aunt caught me with her elbow and told me I should go outside to the car and tell my younger brother that his talking on the CB radio was coming over the sound system. I waited a minute so it wasn’t obvious that I had any connection with the sound. When I ask my brother if he found out where the K-Mart was he said no, then with a puzzled look asked how I knew he was looking for a K-Mart. When I told him he was a bit sheepish and decided it was time to head into the church.
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Hi Father,
The same thing happened to us years ago. We were sitting in church, when we began to hear voices…Turns out the people next door had a CB base, and it was transmitting over our PA system.
 
Several years ago I was a lector at a 6:PM Saturday Mass, At the end of the Mass we lost power and all the lights went out. (…you have to believe this was not contrived but really the music that was scheduled) Reading by candle power I said, “Our recessional this evening is ‘We are the light of the world’.” Even Father cracked up!
 
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