F
ForumPoster
Guest
Ever since I was young, I was always an especially small child; Having come from a short family, it was only natural that things would progress this way, however, even from a young age, it was something that I acknowledged, and would eventually bring grief upon me. At first, during the earliest years of my life, the height discrepancy between me and my peers wasn’t large enough to create a drastic difference in my social interactions, however, as I entered into adolescence, the distance between me and the rest of the world was rapidly expanding until I was utterly left behind. Soon, I found that the common respect that others once had for me was gone, and in its place was an overwhelming amount of bullying that followed me all throughout late middle school and high school. This, combined with my diminutive size of 5’5, lead to me shutting myself off from the world and developing an overwhelming hatred for God. In my immoral mind, I figured that if God could’ve let such a thing happen to me, that He was simply a distant apathetic being with no affection towards me in the slightest.
Height soon began to consume my soul. It became the sole object of my fixation, and the primary force that compelled any of my actions. I was obsessed, and even more so, I was resentful. I hated taller people because I believed that I ought to have been one, and I hated shorter people because they reminded me of my own perceived flaws. Hatred was the extent of my character, and so consumed was I that soon I did little more than pray for this single intention and maintain myself to the exact extent required to receive my answer.
Eventually, I received a dream which suggested that love was the means through which God could bless me. Upon receiving it, however, I was puzzled. I figured that I had love within me before the storm struck (“I was a Christian, after all!”), and, having felt justified in my own understanding, I brushed the dream aside and continued living on in sheer immorality. Eventually the obsession reached a point where I decided to work up enough money for an X-Ray, and the results were devastating. Just as I was beginning to expect, all of my epiphyseal plates were fully fused, and there was no further chance of growing. On the night I discovered this, I was completely devastated to the point where I very nearly gave God my non-serviam, however before I was able to do so, I heard a still silent voice say the words “I love you”, and at those words, I was reminded of our Lord at the crucifix, and how he shed his blood for not just the abstract world’s, but my sake. I didn’t understand it at first–By now, I had truly believed God to be a negligent cosmic entity, however these three words were enough to break my own evil trance of self-righteousness and consider that perhaps I could be wrong.
Continued in Part 2
Height soon began to consume my soul. It became the sole object of my fixation, and the primary force that compelled any of my actions. I was obsessed, and even more so, I was resentful. I hated taller people because I believed that I ought to have been one, and I hated shorter people because they reminded me of my own perceived flaws. Hatred was the extent of my character, and so consumed was I that soon I did little more than pray for this single intention and maintain myself to the exact extent required to receive my answer.
Eventually, I received a dream which suggested that love was the means through which God could bless me. Upon receiving it, however, I was puzzled. I figured that I had love within me before the storm struck (“I was a Christian, after all!”), and, having felt justified in my own understanding, I brushed the dream aside and continued living on in sheer immorality. Eventually the obsession reached a point where I decided to work up enough money for an X-Ray, and the results were devastating. Just as I was beginning to expect, all of my epiphyseal plates were fully fused, and there was no further chance of growing. On the night I discovered this, I was completely devastated to the point where I very nearly gave God my non-serviam, however before I was able to do so, I heard a still silent voice say the words “I love you”, and at those words, I was reminded of our Lord at the crucifix, and how he shed his blood for not just the abstract world’s, but my sake. I didn’t understand it at first–By now, I had truly believed God to be a negligent cosmic entity, however these three words were enough to break my own evil trance of self-righteousness and consider that perhaps I could be wrong.
Continued in Part 2