A Nun in love?

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Sr_Anna

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**Hello,

I am Polish (from Poland, I hope you all know about it, if not you can ask).

I was just curious about it all, so I hope I am not offending or anything. I love Jesus Christ entirely, that is why I wanted to be a Sister all my life. Since childhood this was my dream, and I never considered anyone else but Christ as the one I wish to serve. It was, always something warm. I dont have a father (I mean he is there but he never meet me or my mother).

I entered the church, no problem there. I love to learn languages, and have always been encouraged to do so. After some years, I became firmer and took the oath.

Pardon for giving so much info which you may not think is relevant, but it is so much to me. Because I feel I just have fallen deeply in love with a boy. He is not even a Christian, and not even a Pole. He is of another religion, and he is from Bangladesh. Not a Muslim or Hindu though. I remain so weak for him that this sentence came after one full hour to think of words to describe it 😦 .

We have library, and I met him there. Shy, but gifted and polite person, I immediately wished if he would be a Catholic. God knows, that I felt concern for him the first time I saw him. But totally for Christ, nothing else.

Then he himself once came to me and asked some help about Christian beliefs, to which I always could direct him to someone else, but I felt I could help him more, as I always saw him there and felt (wished) he could be saved.

To keep it short, we talked alot from then. We have our restrictions, but I have no been honest too. Thinking that I would know how to deal with everything. His politeness, gentleness, values, his words and his smile was all I kept thinking all day and all night. Slowly I realized what I am doing, and how I am going away from all my aims.

My friends in the Church also helped me, and they still do, but only because they have faith on me. I dont think I have been faithful to anyone.

Just once he got ill, and when I heard about it, I was ill too. I wished I go to him and serve him. I wished I be near him every second. Or atleast see his face once everyday. Through all his words, I know he loves me too. He once even said that he can wait forever.

Yes it is gone far, as far as having mutual knowledge of each others weakness. I wanted once to take him as a brother, but later only realized that it would be an even bigger sin, because no matter what I do, no matter what meditation or excercise I do, I cannot think of him anything but a lover. I cannot think of him in any other way.

Can anyone help me? I cannot eat when I know that he has a problem. Is it madness? Because I dont know that love can do so much! My mother always told me that I should think 100 times before I chose the life I went into, because its a responsibility. And I chose after thinking alot. But I never thought of a boy like this, his values and his attitude to life is something that is so pure. I cannot mention in words how decent he is.

Many things I want to write, but I shudder to think how I can write or think of it. How I feel for him is a million times more than what I can write here. He knows it too, and about my dillema, but never forces me. When I sit with him I dont know where time stops over me.

I have taken my time away from him too. Busy myself in work, do other things. Read bible, pray … and its been a years since I know him. I have managed to find info about him. One of my friends (not a sister) seem to have noticed, and she says he is a good boy (but not of our country or religion or race … or anything). He was a student but is doing very well in his business. He can have a flat in Warsaw but he is still here. Oh I myself might die if I resist him more. And I myself might die if I am blamed to betray Jesus.

Is there anyone who can say something to me which might help? **
 
Of all the information you hve given us you seem to have left out one piece. Taht is your age.
However, from what you write it appears that you are fairly young (teenage?) and as such are still developing and maturing and discerning your true vocation.

I would say that many/most of us entertain ideas of entering religious life when we are young. Most find that it is not our actual calling - that God has other plans for us. On the other hand, there are those who ARE called to religious life who first are tested by such relationships as you describe.

My basic advice to you is to go and speak to a priest about all of this - your deisre to enter religious life and your attraction to this boy.
Ask him for advice/direction in discerning the correct vocation for you (Religious life or marriage/motherhood). In either vocation, you can completely fulfill your Love for Christ.

Don’t rush either decision. Speak to a priest. Perhaps go on a retreat or two. Prayerfully consider what God is calling you to.

Peace
James
 
It must be hard, so think of all the years you have loved Jesus and desired to be His spouse. Also, have you made permanent vows as a nun? Those permanent vows are like wedding vows, they are for life. Earthly love is so different, you sound like you are in love, an of course this is new enough that you may have a little trouble with lust trying to creep in also.

Having a relationship relationship or future marriage with a non-Christian would be very difficult. I am saying this from experience. My husband is a protestant, United Methodist in fact. We both love Jesus, but he will not come to mass and worhip with me. Any time the subject of religion is brought up there is a tension.

If you and this boy are different religions and different races, that two will present more challenges. So really think through this, which it sounds like you are.
 
**Thank you for your response. I am 26, and I already took an oath. I provided the information about the length of time I am in my service. It is not just a short period. I have been always devoted. It is not an unplanned rush of blood from me. It has always been a well planned, mature decision for me to be a Nun.

However, since his arrival, no matter what excercise, patience or acts I have performed, I cannot think beyond him. I cannot share this yet because I fear that I will be asked to leave, which I don’t want. Or worse, I will loose face, and so many other things which shouldn’t happen, will happen. Worse, I don’t want to break the trust of the order.

But yes, even through all my patience and prayers … even my try to consider him once as a brother, or to stay away from him, nothing worked. I found myself more overwhelmed, more intoxicated it seemed I became.

He is very kind, he can wait forever. But this wait don’t get him out of my head. We do see each other in any purpose, however indirect or veiled it be. My concern for him becomes stronger and stronger. Infact, I can smell him from far, can sense him. It is quite unimaginable. I never in dream thought that such can happen with humans even, let alone me or a dedicated nun.

Everyday since years now (yes years, and I wrote before) I remain in two painful worlds. Neither can I leave. I am in LOVE WITH CHRIST, and I FEEL THE SOUL OF THIS BOY ALL OVER ME TOO. You cannot imagine the dilema of a woman who gave so many years of her life to be a better nun, to be into something like this. And the years I have known him, and investigated even about him, and tried to convert him, I have done nothing else but kept falling for him.

The few times I manage to meet him alone (for religious discussion I say), I remain in another world, and I remain afraid of myself more than anyone else. His feelings for me is strong too, and yet I cannot consider my life or help him consider his. I feel I better not have existed!

Since two years I have tried physical exercise as my passtime, even though I am very athletic and I don’t need it really. But its not just physical, but I am totally lost.

In two worlds, since more than 3 years now. I now give help to the newcomers, and I feel so two faceted. Yet, how can I leave the what I always wanted to do, and how can I not love him too. I cannot write in words what happens to me even when I utter his name. I know its not respectable for a nun to be saying this, but I think this is anonymous enough. **
 
If you have taken vows, you need to go talk to your Superior and your confessor about this.

They can help you discern this issue and help you take appropriate steps to deal with the situation.
 
**She will ask me to leave or be irritated. I know her how she will react. I don’t say her reaction in unjustified, but its something I wish I could decide myself. Yet with friends or help which is not authoritative. It is not like a math problem that the superior can solve giving directions or telling what actions I take. It is about the heart, about the soul, about the purpose of life which is all getting messed up.

I am simply going to be asked to go, or meeting him or knowing about him will be forbidden, which is also something of horror. Also, I might certainly do things to know if he is OK. Had things been so simple, I would know how to handle it.

One thing I cannot wish is any harm for this boy. Poland is a Catholic country, however the faith is not strong here as it used to be. This is another issue, but relevant here to say that people make the faith more of a tradition rather than religion which is the way it should be. Also, fast the traditional strength is also weakening, which is something we always try to fight. We believe it will become stronger.

However, in my city (which is not Warsaw) if he is confirmed of being with a nun romantically, he can be at risk. If he is at some kind of risk, I will neither have my soul nor by body in heaven or earth. I know this statement is too bold, and maybe I shouldn’t make it, but I don’t know a better truth than this - so God Help Me.

Unfortunately not everything in this world is picture perfect, and not every one is kind.**
 
Agree…things take time…

Sr Anna, this event could be the final part of the discernment process, so yes, go to your superior and confessor.

God bless you!
 
**^^ Thank you for your response Kathleen. I gave response to that on the previous post.

There can be a risk for him. I know what I will be told, I am enough experienced to know. I have tried all myself. Things are no so much perfect, we all wish the world was proper and everything would be as it should. In Poland there is much room for many tolerance and trust even among your friends.

The choices that seem more evident is to either leave what I have lived and live for and to go Warsaw with him. Or to leave him (which I have been trying for years, fruitlessly) and somehow not care for him, or not long to see his face atleast once a week for being alive.

I don’t want this one boy being in some real trouble in a little Polish town which has almost the fewest of regular church goers as you call, but some youths who would like to hurt him happily.

Dilemma it is … I too wish I could end it just as simply and be out of the two worlds in which I live every passing second. **
 
Dear one,
As difficult as this is, you really have no choice but to go to your superior and your confessor about this. They may surprise you. The alternative is to remain in this state of perpetual indecision, grief and torment. You are under vows to your superior and to Christ in this matter.

Now having said this, if youare firm in your desire not to approach your superior on this matter, it is my opinion that if, as you say you do not wish to leave the order, then you have no choice what-so-ever than to cut off all contact with this boy. Do not even see him in order to tell him so. If possible write him a short note. One that is a clean break and offers him no hope whatsoever of your changing his mind. Then after you have done this, speak with your confessor and be guided by his advice.

Peace
James
 
Just my :twocents: here but from my v-a-s-t worldly experience, “love” for earthbound flesh is transient. I do not mean the long term mature relationship between two people, but that *over the top, on a cloud, my heart beats faster just anticipating his presence, longing to see, hear and touch him *first blush of “love” which is where you seem to be now. Every single person who ever said, “but this love is different” found out that after a couple years what used to be endearing is now annoying.
Please believe me. I have soooo been there. The only true love that lasts with sparks and joy is between us and our maker. I’ve been a Catholic for 12 years now and am as “in love” with Holy Mother Church as I was the first year.
My relationship with God has far outlasted any relationship I ever had with a man. And, at the rate it’s going, I expect it will continue until my last breath - and hopefully beyond if He will have me.
One last observation; absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. Put plenty of distance between yourself and this man, rededicate yourself to your calling, pray much and as time goes by, the memory of how you feel now will fade. You will wonder how you felt the way you did at one time and will be so very grateful to be in your “relationship” with God.
 
For any of us who have been married for years, and I have been for 23 years, the love you are feeling right now will pass. The “I can’t stop thinking about him every minute” love. After even less than a year many marriages are down to “love is a decision that is hard work”.

I have loved Jesus since I was 20 and fell in love with him. With every passing year, I fall more in love with him. When I converted to the Catholic church 6 years ago I thought I could not love Jesus more than I did at that moment, but the fullness of this faith continues to grow. No humanly love between two people can be the same. While love between husband and wife are good, they can never be the same as “Me and Jesus”.

You have made a vow, the same as the marriage vow I made 23 years ago. I have to tell you, I desire to be a nun, but can not in my vocation of marriage. I live with a protestant husband who I found out is anti-Catholic, so I can not even have any sacramentals around. I try to live the fullest Catholic life I can.

If you do not want to go to your confessor or superior, so no one will ever know what you have gon through, then it is time to cut off the relationship with this man. He is causing you to keep your eyes on him and not on Jesus. I am sure that Jesus is very sad about this right now. The longing in your heart should be for Jesus, he is your spouse. Take this opportunity to offer up this suffering for a renewed relationship with our Lord, one where you will not get side tracked on anyone human.

Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers, I for my part do not consider myself to have taken possession. Just one thing: forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God’s upward calling, in Christ Jesus.

I will be praying for you.
 
**Thank you all for your answers. I know what you are saying, I have knowledge that me being under vows is very important. The only reason I don’t go to my superiors is for his safety. I fear that he may come in danger if it comes to knowledge of someone less responsible about my affection for him, or his affection for me. This danger is real in where I live, and one thing I cannot wish is this for him.

I have always tried to be honest in my service. The relationship with me and Jesus was never that of Spouse nature for ME. For me, since childhood I always have taken Him as my Father. I always needed a father, and so he was there for it. Maybe that’s why, I never have this space of a spouse fulfilled in my heart, and never did I think that this will ever become an issue.

Yes, it is about loosing much face or creating a tension among my superiors and even the juniors. But, the fact is that I would still do it, had it not been for his concern.

I do not know if Jesus is sad for it. I know what I must believe, but I always considered Him as a patient, giving and loving Father. Not as someone who becomes sad because of such matters. His place in my heart is interestingly unchanged. It is my vows and my services which seem to be under the greatest threat. Jesus can never be under thread, can He?

Poland is fast loosing its pure Catholic heart. It is a country where marriages are increasingly decreasing, breaking, and all the sins of the world are spreading like a wild fire. Faith is loosing its hold visibly. Here the service of a nun is that of a trust, which I know very well. I wonder if any decision of mine will affect this trust.

About being away from him, I think I mentioned in one of my posts that I have tried it. What haven’t I tried? I tried to be completely shunned from him. I tried to pray all day and night. I tried to keep fast, I tried to exercise. I told him that we cannot see each other more, for 9 month after this I didn’t see him. Only to be more in his thought, and eventually fall ill when I learn about his illness. It is quite difficult now.

I am experienced and now I train new comers, so I guess you can realize that I am not someone who don’t know what I am doing and what I should be logically doing. But just at a point where logic keeps giving up, and this is more than 3 years now, and I can say that I think of him more than I use to yesterday (and much more than I used to when I met him the first day).

I know about the decaying marriage conditions in the West or Europe. We deal with this or talk of this among us too. This is something very UnGodly I feel. Lack of love for someone you have considered your husband is very anti-Christian, and not only that - I personally feel that it is very anti-human. Very selfish too.

If I ask him to go to Warsaw, I wonder if he will listen. He can easily shift and buy a flat there, he is going good in his life economically. He has a great mother and wonderful father, with a very nice sister. There should be nothing for him to worry there. I also wish that his life is far less complicated, and that can be when he leaves me. It will be painful for me, but in every nun’s life, there is one pain/secret (I cannot exactly translate in English - but something to do with emotional, not religious exactly) she keeps in her heart alive (not something I say, but something said by the sister who was my role model when I was a child, and now she is in Indonesia I think).

Had I knew that I was successful, or the correct way to deal with it would be adequately ethical or safe, I would have been in a better situation to deal with it. His safety (at danger of people who should be more responsible, ALAS), my consistent failure to keep his presence away from me, and my vows … all together is quite a quagmire.

I never thought of this situation in my life. If you read all that I wrote carefully, you will see the real quagmire is quite a bit. Quite a bit it is …**
 
**I just want to have more views on this.

Hello,

I am Polish (from Poland, I hope you all know about it, if not you can ask). 26 years age, took my vows too.

I was just curious about it all, so I hope I am not offending or anything. I love Jesus Christ entirely, that is why I wanted to be a Sister all my life. Since childhood this was my dream, and I never considered anyone else but Christ as the one I wish to serve. It was, always something warm. I dont have a father (I mean he is there but he never meet me or my mother).

I entered the church, no problem there. I love to learn languages, and have always been encouraged to do so. After some years, I became firmer and took the oath.

Pardon for giving so much info which you may not think is relevant, but it is so much to me. Because I feel I just have fallen deeply in love with a boy. He is not even a Christian, and not even a Pole. He is of another religion, and he is from Bangladesh. Not a Muslim or Hindu though. I remain so weak for him that this sentence came after one full hour to think of words to describe it .

We have library, and I met him there. Shy, but gifted and polite person, I immediately wished if he would be a Catholic. God knows, that I felt concern for him the first time I saw him. But totally for Christ, nothing else.

Then he himself once came to me and asked some help about Christian beliefs, to which I always could direct him to someone else, but I felt I could help him more, as I always saw him there and felt (wished) he could be saved.

To keep it short, we talked alot from then. We have our restrictions, but I have no been honest too. Thinking that I would know how to deal with everything. His politeness, gentleness, values, his words and his smile was all I kept thinking all day and all night. Slowly I realized what I am doing, and how I am going away from all my aims.

My friends in the Church also helped me, and they still do, but only because they have faith on me. I dont think I have been faithful to anyone.

Just once he got ill, and when I heard about it, I was ill too. I wished I go to him and serve him. I wished I be near him every second. Or atleast see his face once everyday. Through all his words, I know he loves me too. He once even said that he can wait forever.

Yes it is gone far, as far as having mutual knowledge of each others weakness. I wanted once to take him as a brother, but later only realized that it would be an even bigger sin, because no matter what I do, no matter what meditation or excercise I do, I cannot think of him anything but a lover. I cannot think of him in any other way.

Can anyone help me? I cannot eat when I know that he has a problem. Is it madness? Because I dont know that love can do so much! My mother always told me that I should think 100 times before I chose the life I went into, because its a responsibility. And I chose after thinking alot. But I never thought of a boy like this, his values and his attitude to life is something that is so pure. I cannot mention in words how decent he is.

Many things I want to write, but I shudder to think how I can write or think of it. How I feel for him is a million times more than what I can write here. He knows it too, and about my dillema, but never forces me. When I sit with him I dont know where time stops over me.

I have taken my time away from him too. Busy myself in work, do other things. Read bible, pray … and its been a years since I know him. I have managed to find info about him. One of my friends (not a sister) seem to have noticed, and she says he is a good boy (but not of our country or religion or race … or anything). He was a student but is doing very well in his business. He can have a flat in Warsaw but he is still here. Oh I myself might die if I resist him more. And I myself might die if I am blamed to betray Jesus.

To go to my superiors in this small town is something which might risk his safety. I know this policy which I could take, but how much I am sure that he will be at risk from some really irresponsible people. The decision is for me to take and I remain in indecision for more than 3 years now (since I know him).

Is there anyone who can say something to me which might help?**
 
As has been said, you are under vows of obedience, it’s not an option for you to conceal this.

If a married woman were attracted to someone other than her spouse she would have to tell her confessor as well. And no, she might not like what her confessor would say about it, but that doesn’t mean she has the option of keeping her sinful attraction concealed any more than you do.

Neither is it fair to him or yourself to leave the situation as it is without some resolution.

In what way would he be ‘unsafe’? Surely his SOUL is safer, as is yours, if you do separate, at least for a time - and that’s much mroe important than his bodily safety (if his body would be unsafe).
 
I am an old lady with life experience. I believe you have what is called a Catholic soul which is something that young man that you are in love with will never have. If you were to marry him he would not be able to believe in the Catholic religion as you do. That would make you very unhappy because you would always worry about his soul. You would end up taking your children to church on your own and he would just stay home and never step into your parish after time passes by. Yes, he is a wonderful man but not for you.

Even if he became Catholic he may still hold on to his own beliefs. I have seen that happen from a young man from a different country who wanted to marry a Catholic girl.

I could tell that he was just putting in his time to become Catholic through our parish so he could be free to marry that girl. We all knew in our hearts that eventhough he is a wonderful young man that he was not going to be attending Mass on Sundays.

Attending Mass on Sundays is the most important thing that married people need to do with their children as a family. I don’t see this happening for you ever with that man.

You must transfer your love from this young man and put all of your energies and love into something you really like to do like teach college students Liturature or another favorite subject. You need to stop romantizing and fantasing about your friend that can never by your true love. He is not the one for you.
I also think his parents want him to marry a young woman from his own culteral group and same religious beliefs. They will be making plans for him and I know he will not tell you about it. You will end up being heart broken. He is not for you at all. Yes, he is kind, loving and nice but he is still not for you. The devil has put him in your path so you can let go of your religion.

You belong to God and you have chosen your path to be a strong part of God. Don’t throw it all away for someone who can never truly love you the way God does.

God is kind and will let you go if that is what you want. You don’t need to stay as a Nun if you don’t want to but don’t leave just because you have fallen in love like a foolish girl to a boy who can never be truly Catholic. Just because he asks you questions about being Catholic doesn’t mean he will follow our God.

You are asking us for advise and what really does matter is that your are Catholic and he is not and never will have a Catholic soul which a super strong belief in our Catholic religion.

I have seen people convert from other Christian religions but they still hold on to a part of their previous religion. I know one man who has been Catholic for 15yrs and he still talks about his old religion as if it is still real for him.

Maybe you need to ask for a transfer to another city so you can forget about this young man who has been put in your path to make you go astray from your vowes.

I think other Catholics here will have better advise than what I have given you.

I hope that the Catholics here will speak to you with kindness because there are some people here who like to throw stones. Don’t pay attention to them. There are many kind people here who can advise you better than me. PEACE LaLucia
 
**Thank you so much LaLucia. You have a wonderful reply to me. I wish to know more about how everyone think of it. I know that this is a very taboo topic, and I myself have respect to its being kept a taboo as after being Nun we always have this superior responsibility to be as we should be. But the world is not so simple. My role model, seeing whom I decided to be a Nun, once told me that for every Nun there is a secret/pain/torment (exact translation from Polish is difficult, but not religious torment) which she keeps hidden all her life.

Yes Lucia, he is a wonderful man. Wonderful, peaceful, radiant. One thing which truely pain me when someone relate him to the Devil (a private message did just now). He is not evil or devil, and neither is he forcing me or asking me anything. Infact, if he knew even 10% of the amount of feeling I have for him, he would be so surprised I think. He does know I am weak for him, but he cannot comprehend how much - because I keep it hidden from him.

I trust his words, I know him more than 3 years. He used to be a student, and now after completing education he is very successful in his trade. He is in a position to buy a flat in Warsaw and expand his trade of cloths (he trade in t-shirt and other things like that). He belongs to some Baha’i religion of which I have read books too, and is not a violent belief. Well, he do not seem to be eager to convert to Catholic Faith either. He do not have a mother (she died), but have one father and a lovely sister. Had he interest in other women, I think it would be his best option to leave, because I have not treated him as well as he would definitely deserve in any relationship. He tells me the truth and I feel it, and he is ready to wait forever, even when I once told that it is in vain. He stays in the city for this.

I have tried to keep away from him 9 months in a row. Excercise even when I am athletic enough, and hold fast, pray and pray and pray. Beg Jesus to give salvation. Each moment I fell deeper into his love. Eventually I was restless and for some reason tense. Eventually I tried to get some information about what happened to him, and learn that he had illness severely. On hearing this I fell ill too, and recovered with his recovery. Even if I take his name, my heart beats faster.

I know the answers might seem obvious to you and many others, but the fact that I am in vows and also that I have some mammoth feelings for him changes the whole scene. Either way I am restless and in the most gruelling of challenges. I already give assistance to young new comer girls who want to be Nuns too, but how painful it feels when I know somewhere inside me that I am not entirely honest to them.

About confessions and superior I think I have mentioned the nature of my city and the nature of the irresponsibility of some of them due to which I fear his safety. Soul or body, in all ways, the last thing I want is his risk for my problems.

I have always loved Jesus as a father. A father is someone I never had, he fled leaving my mother pregnant. Jesus was never a spouse to me as many other claim, but he was and is always my Father. This is what I have always felt, and I never wanted a spouse. But never knew this feeling too.

I know it is difficult to imagine, but once in my situation with this feeling, it all becomes straight easy to realize why all of this is so tough to me. Why a boy from another country, race, religion, language everything is so big now that my years of service and work and dedication is now at a point where the only thing I want is to eventually reach one final decision. I SIMPLY CANNOT TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE OF BEING EQUALLY STRETCHED IN BOTH DIRECTION. Its been more than 3 years of this issue, of me trying everything out, and yet keep falling only deeper and deeper for him.

The closest we can was him holding my hand and going to his knees claiming to wait till eternity if it takes for me. I couldnt remove my hand, but went away for 9 months after it.

I still meet him now, under simply fake reasons (veiled reasons) just to see his face. I can smell him, feel him … even if he stands outside the gates to the hall.

Poland is fast loosing its Catholic nature. As unfortunate as it might sound, but young men and women do not really follow the faith, but treat it more as a tradition and nothing else. Something to do with “X-Mas” as they call it. The only thing left is alot of irresponsibility and violence. Plus, for some who have faith, my one decision might harm many beliefs of the piousness of a Nun.

He is God’s gift, I wish him to be saved too. If nothing else, when we are on the Lord’s door I wish to offer my soul to the hell and let him instead of me enter heaven, as this will be much more relief for me than to know that his soul ever suffered. I beg in my prayers for his saving.

Being in vows, and feeling this for a boy … is something so painful, which many of you will not really be able to fully grasp. But maybe you can see something that I dont. As I am not totally towards any, neither him nor HIM.
**
 
If you are a religious sister, you are married, married to our Lord Jesus Christ. You need to do what any married person would do who became infatuated with someone other than their spouse. You must break off all contact with this man. Don’t go to places where you know that you may run in to him. Admit this problem to your confessor, who stands in the place of Jesus, and follow his advice. Ask your superiors for an assignment in another town. Spend as much time as you can in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, and ask our Lord to help you. He made human nature what it is so He will understand. When you are not in prayer, immerse yourself in your work, offering it up to our Lord. Offer up the pain you are now suffering for the poor souls. They will pray for you. Our Lord wants you for HIs own, and He will give you the grace to overcome this infatuation, if you allow Him to.
 
Sr_Anna said:
**To go to my superiors in this small town is something which might risk his safety. I know this policy which I could take, but how much I am sure that he will be at risk from some really irresponsible people. The decision is for me to take and I remain in indecision for more than 3 years now (since I know him).

Is there anyone who can say something to me which might help?**
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Strangers on the interweb are unlikely to be better able to provide advice to you than your religious superiors and/or spiritual director. To believe otherwise you are deceiving yourself.

:twocents:
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Well, your situation tells me that you are human, subject to the same feelings that most married women experience at some point during the course of their marriages. The fact that you are infatuated with this young man doesn’t mean that you have to act on that infatuation. Usually, strong feelings such as this pass on their own if we turn toward what we are supposed to be doing and find joy, satisfaction, and peace in that. Acting out on those feelings, however, usually leads to disastrous consequences.

You do, however, have an advantage over women in a marriage to another human being. Actually, a couple of advantages: Jesus is a lover who will NEVER disappoint, abandon, or become selfish. Even good earthly husbands can’t live up to that standard! Plus, you have the support of your community.

From what you wrote, it seems to me that you have not spoken with your superior about this. She has most likely encountered situations like this before if she is an experienced superior, and can probably give you some very good advice and support, even if it sounds harsh. I don’t know how telling her or telling your confessor would put this young man in any kind of danger, but not telling them is keeping you in a state of conflicted misery. Suffering has its merits, especially when offered in reparation for the sins of the world, but self-imposed suffering is not our Lord’s will for any of us. Use those resources you have, your superior and your confessor, and follow the advice they give you to put an end to this suffering which is draining your emotional energy and spiritual attention from the work that our Lord has put in front of you and draining your joy at that work’s successful performance.
 
Dear Sr. Anna,

With the help of the grace of the Lord, you must remove yourself from this relationship. Pray for that boy, and leave him to the Lord. That may be difficult, but stay close to the Lord and he will guide you according to His ways. All things are possible with our all-powerful Lord!

Focus on Jesus and his sufferings, and unite yourself with him. Ask our Blessed Mother for her intercession. Pray for the well being of the boy, and just keep leaving him with Jesus.

The Holy Spirit does not want us to be led into relationships that will harm us. Don’t allow your feelings to be your guide. True love wants the salvation of others!

May Our Lord Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother be with you!

Peace, Only in the Lord!

Dorothy
 
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