A Nun in love?

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Pray for discernment and direction. In the meantime talk to your spiriual advisor or Mother Superior/Priest who can help.

And pray to the Lord Jesus for his continued love in your life. This is a test, treat it as such.
 
Dear friend,God has His ways,the heart,well,it owns. A promise to God is forever,but He also understand much more then we can imagine. Talk to God,listen to His answer,talk Your Mother Superior,listen to Her answer,talk to Your priest,and listen to his answer. In the end of the day You will know much more. What ever choice You make,Sister,is a choice between God and Your faith. Advice,if You love him,and he loves You,and there is a realistic future for both of you,do what Your heart tell You Sister. If there is no future,God will forgive You. But walk slowly,and be careful. I will pray for You Sister,and never forget that God have more forgiveness then we ever will understand. God bless You.
 
I do not understand your story at all.

If you are already a professed religious you should not have had any contact at all with a young man that led to this situation, and the first time it arose you should have taken it to your religious superior and spiritual advisor for help. They should have helped you remove yourself from a situation of temptation, and given you spiritual counsel to get over the romantic feelings.

If you are simply a young lady who has often thought about becoming a nun, you should have been in spiritual direction for discernment. The fact that you are not indicates your vocation may not be serious and that the normal course of events has taken place and you have met and become romantically attracted to a young man.

Your situation now is, with the help of your parents, pastor, a trusted nun, anyone who knows you well and is older and wiser, to discern first if you have a vocation for marriage, and second if this young man is the one God has chosen for you.

From everything in your story there is nothing more than some rather immature romantic feelings to indicate either you or he is ready for marriage, or that the two of you would be good life partners. Marrying outside your religion, particularly to a Muslim who is not allowed to marry a Christian, or who is obliged to force her to convert and to raise his children Muslim, is to reject Christ. It is better to die than to do that. You can live a rich full life without a man you were once in love with. YOu cannot do it at all without Jesus.

You say your love for him means you want to convert him for Christ. NO WAY is that going to happen if you yourself sin, betray your vows (if you have already taken vows) or you enter into any sinful manner of living. The fact that you continue to see and communicate with this man shows you have doubts about your own intentions. You badly need advice from your religious superiors if you are in religion, or from your pastor if you are not. Strangers on the internet cannot help you. As long as you insist in living in a romantic daydream that ignores realities people of good will have pointed out to you, you will live in pain.
 
You are in my prayers, sister. Let’s us know what you decide (if you like).

God Bless you.
 
Hi there,
As my name tells you probably, I am also from Poland. I have just read your post. And a few things that I would like to say to you. Not the kind of things you would like to hear - because you know very well in your heart what we can say to you in this situation. And you know it very well in your heart as well. You are only hoping that maybe somehow there is a way for you to be right with God and be with this boy.
  1. All of us carry some kinds of wounds. Yours is very big one - it’s the lack of the father’s love. There is a big hole in your heart that longs to be filled by love. You think that a man’s love will fill that emptiness; it will not. Or rather it will - for two years. Maybe a bit longer. But in reality only God can give you the kind of love that you are seeking.
  2. I know how that feels.I also was once in love with a man, and I thought he was the most wonderful person in the world. Well, he died. And then things happened in my life - to cut the story short - I am grateful for that terrible experience because it taught me that if there is any love that lasts for ever it is the love of Jesus. He completely healed me of my broken-heartedness. Later I met someone else and I married him, and that other man (who was free to marry by the way) is just a memory for me now. And I cannot believe that once I thought I was not able to live without him or be happy. That thought that there is no way you could be ever happy without this Bangladeshi boy is simply a lie from the devil.
  3. You are not alone - the religious do fall in love. Some leave priesthood, break their vows. But some overcome the temptation. One thing that you should not do is to keep this thing a secret from your spiritual director, Mother Superior - or anyone that you trust who can help you get through this tough time.
    And it is going to be tough. Especially that you have a choice. I did not - the men I was madly in love with died and I could not do anything about it. And since there was too much woundedness in me already at that time, I was not able to get over it myself. In my desperation I sought help with God - I decided to attend a retreat conducted by one annointed priest. And God heard my prayer. If he did that for me, I see no reason why he would not do it for you - as long as you are really ready to die to yourself and put God first in your life.
    With prayers
    Danuta
    Btw, take some time and listen to the talks given by brother Aneel Aranha veritastv.net/ - start with veritastv.net/aneel.html - you’ll get both, powerful preaching and a listening exercise in English
 
Marysann said:
If you are a religious sister, you are married, married to our Lord Jesus Christ. You need to do what any married person would do who became infatuated with someone other than their spouse. You must break off all contact with this man. Don’t go to places where you know that you may run in to him. Admit this problem to your confessor, who stands in the place of Jesus, and follow his advice. Ask your superiors for an assignment in another town. Spend as much time as you can in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, and ask our Lord to help you. He made human nature what it is so He will understand. When you are not in prayer, immerse yourself in your work, offering it up to our Lord. Offer up the pain you are now suffering for the poor souls. They will pray for you. Our Lord wants you for HIs own, and He will give you the grace to overcome this infatuation, if you allow Him to.
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I second the above advice. You shouldn’t walk away from being a sister because you are in love. This kind of romantic feeling passes, trust me. I’m married and if I started having feelings for another man I would end all contact until the feelings passed. I know it would be painful but my marriage vows are above such feelings. Your religious vocation the same, it is something invaluable and is worth every sacrifice. Please talk to your superior and let her help you get out of this.
 
I don’t know. This post sounds like a troll to me. First off, what order is she a member of? She says she’s made her vows, but from the friends I’ve had who’ve joined religious orders, typically there is about 8 or so years of temporary vows made for just one year till you make your permanent vows. Which vows has she made? Moreover, if she were a novice, even if she’s in an active religious order (non-cloistered), she’d still be cloistered till she were further along the process.

If she is a religious sister, she could generically mention that she’s developed an interest in a man to her spiritual and vocational director. She shouldn’t need to name who he is.

It really sounds to me though that whoever wrote this based it upon a very vague and stereotypical idea of what a nun is.

Overall its hard to know on the internet, but if a real sister were coming on this forum, I’d say the best advise a lay person could give would be to not take advise from the internet and to talk to her vocational director, confessor or religious superior.
 
I will pray that our Lord gives you the strength and carry this Cross and the courage to do what you know you must.

God be with you Sister
 
Remember part of a vow of poverty is also spiritual poverty. This means sometimes understanding that your body, your heart, etc are not your own - they are to be shared with the Lord. We make right useof them when we put them to God’s design. During times in our vocations there will be temptation - if not - it is not a gift to God - that being said it only continues to be a gift to God if that temptation does not prevail.

Sister, may I also suggest from now on you post in the vocations forum where people will be more understanding of the vocational life especially in other countries.
 
Sr. Anna, I think that everybody here has been very kine to you and given you some great advice. If you do fear telling anybody in Poland of your feelings for this young man then you came to the right place. Eventhough we are far away from your country we are able to help you with the power of prayer.

I notice there is a part of you that wants to keep your vowes and their is a part of you that wants to be a part of that man’s life. I truly believe that he is like an apple being dangled in front of your face by the devil. It is a test if you are really faithful to your religion. You cannot change this young man’s religion. You can try with all your heart but you can’t.
You can’t control his belief system.

What can happen to you is that you lose God’s grace, you get pregnant and the young man leaves you. I am saying this from seeing what happens to a lot of young gals in America.

You need to make a choice… Do you want to stay in God’s grace… or do you want to go off with this young man who will never be Catholic and live a life of pain and sorrow and guilt feelings for the rest of your? When you make a decision you will feel better. I cannot pray for you without your permission until you say Lucia pray for me.

We all here can pray for you to stay in God’s grace if that is what you want. After we all pray for you it will be a relief to see how foolish you were into thinking that you could have a future with this young man. You will also have a super happy life and relief that you chose God.
I know in my heart that you want to choose God over that APPLE dangling in your face…or you wouldn’t have come here to ask us for advise.

Make a choice so we can pray that the devil leaves you in peace and in God’s grace.
Yes, our prayers do work because we are in God’s light of love. LaLucia
 
#Joandarc: I am new here, I stumbled upon it in my stress. I will post there with this then. I will search that place in this site.

#LaLucia: I cannot say everyone have been nice. But you have been nice. Just on thing I do not like is when some just relate this boy with the devil. He is not, this much I know and feel. He may be apple, he may be a dream, but never a devil. This he cannot be. Never can he leave me pregnant and run away, as if I had been so silly I would not have been thinking for more than 3 years now.

I dont know if my english is so weak, but I mentioned what I did all these years, how much I have tried and practiced to stay away. Some posts asked me to do the same, as I mentioned already which I did.

I am under my initial vows, and I dont want to reveal all information about me. Is it not the wisest thing to do? Well I think it is for me.

I wish you to pray for me LaLucia, but please nothing against this boy. He has no fault, and please do not think of him as so low as to leaving me in such condition. All he wishes is to marry me, and had I not taken my initial vows or had I met him earlier maybe then I would never have been in any turmoil. I have faith in my faith, and he is right about not converting just because I want him to. In this way what respect does he really have for his belief? He needs to realize himself though study or through discussion or through enlightenment. Its his relationship with God, between which I cannot play anything more than just a limited role.

He is a very sincere and the nicest of men. I know him well, and so do many friends who studied with him in the university. Do realize that had he been so ordinary, a heart so much carefully lead towards the direction in which I am would never have been in such inroads.

Pray for my salvation. I am just numb and have no selfish desires, or atleast I dont want any. I just want to come to the right decision which Jesus, my Father have for me. Again, I never really considered Jesus as my spouse, but as my father. Since the time I decided to be a Nun. I know this might be something not usual, but for me I had no feelings towards an opposite sex or anything, I just was sincere in what I was doing. Never really attacking or anti anyone either. I have tried to be sincere, just.

I recently once heard of Mother Teresa had been in love too, and she mentioned her weaknesses many of which got published, while many lay hidden. This from a friend who does research. I wonder why she choose Kalkuta for her services.

I just, need honest prayers. If you can give an honest prayer, for salvation and decision, then please do.
 
**I just want to have more views on this. I was told to post it here, but please read fully and sincerely and then if you may give your honest views/opinions.

Hello,

I am Polish (from Poland, I hope you all know about it, if not you can ask). 26 years age, took my initial vows too.

I was just curious about it all, so I hope I am not offending or anything. I love Jesus Christ entirely, that is why I wanted to be a Sister all my life. Since childhood this was my dream, and I never considered anyone else but Christ as the one I wish to serve. It was, always something warm. I dont have a father (I mean he is there but he never meet me or my mother).

I entered the church, no problem there. I love to learn languages, and have always been encouraged to do so. After some years, I became firmer and took the oath.

Pardon for giving so much info which you may not think is relevant, but it is so much to me. Because I feel I just have fallen deeply in love with a boy. He is not even a Christian, and not even a Pole. He is of another religion, and he is from Bangladesh. Not a Muslim or Hindu though. I remain so weak for him that this sentence came after one full hour to think of words to describe it .

We have library, and I met him there. Shy, but gifted and polite person, I immediately wished if he would be a Catholic. God knows, that I felt concern for him the first time I saw him. But totally for Christ, nothing else.

Then he himself once came to me and asked some help about Christian beliefs, to which I always could direct him to someone else, but I felt I could help him more, as I always saw him there and felt (wished) he could be saved.

To keep it short, we talked alot from then. We have our restrictions, but I have no been honest too. Thinking that I would know how to deal with everything. His politeness, gentleness, values, his words and his smile was all I kept thinking all day and all night. Slowly I realized what I am doing, and how I am going away from all my aims.

My friends in the Church also helped me, and they still do, but only because they have faith on me. I dont think I have been faithful to anyone.

Just once he got ill, and when I heard about it, I was ill too. I wished I go to him and serve him. I wished I be near him every second. Or atleast see his face once everyday. Through all his words, I know he loves me too. He once even said that he can wait forever.

Yes it is gone far, as far as having mutual knowledge of each others weakness. I wanted once to take him as a brother, but later only realized that it would be an even bigger sin, because no matter what I do, no matter what meditation or excercise I do, I cannot think of him anything but a lover. I cannot think of him in any other way.

Can anyone help me? I cannot eat when I know that he has a problem. Is it madness? Because I dont know that love can do so much! My mother always told me that I should think 100 times before I chose the life I went into, because its a responsibility. And I chose after thinking alot. But I never thought of a boy like this, his values and his attitude to life is something that is so pure. I cannot mention in words how decent he is.

Many things I want to write, but I shudder to think how I can write or think of it. How I feel for him is a million times more than what I can write here. He knows it too, and about my dillema, but never forces me. When I sit with him I dont know where time stops over me.

I have taken my time away from him too. Busy myself in work, do other things. Read bible, pray … and its been a years since I know him. I have managed to find info about him. One of my friends (not a sister) seem to have noticed, and she says he is a good boy (but not of our country or religion or race … or anything). He was a student but is doing very well in his business. He can have a flat in Warsaw but he is still here. Oh I myself might die if I resist him more. And I myself might die if I am blamed to betray Jesus.

To go to my superiors in this small town is something which might risk his safety. I know this policy which I could take, but how much I am sure that he will be at risk from some really irresponsible people. The decision is for me to take and I remain in indecision for more than 3 years now (since I know him).

Is there anyone who can say something to me which might help?**
 
Sr_Anna said:
**I just want to have more views on this. I was told to post it here, but please read fully and sincerely and then if you may give your honest views/opinions.

Hello,

I am Polish (from Poland, I hope you all know about it, if not you can ask). 26 years age, took my initial vows too.

I was just curious about it all, so I hope I am not offending or anything. I love Jesus Christ entirely, that is why I wanted to be a Sister all my life. Since childhood this was my dream, and I never considered anyone else but Christ as the one I wish to serve. It was, always something warm. I dont have a father (I mean he is there but he never meet me or my mother).

I entered the church, no problem there. I love to learn languages, and have always been encouraged to do so. After some years, I became firmer and took the oath.

Pardon for giving so much info which you may not think is relevant, but it is so much to me. Because I feel I just have fallen deeply in love with a boy. He is not even a Christian, and not even a Pole. He is of another religion, and he is from Bangladesh. Not a Muslim or Hindu though. I remain so weak for him that this sentence came after one full hour to think of words to describe it .

We have library, and I met him there. Shy, but gifted and polite person, I immediately wished if he would be a Catholic. God knows, that I felt concern for him the first time I saw him. But totally for Christ, nothing else.

Then he himself once came to me and asked some help about Christian beliefs, to which I always could direct him to someone else, but I felt I could help him more, as I always saw him there and felt (wished) he could be saved.

To keep it short, we talked alot from then. We have our restrictions, but I have no been honest too. Thinking that I would know how to deal with everything. His politeness, gentleness, values, his words and his smile was all I kept thinking all day and all night. Slowly I realized what I am doing, and how I am going away from all my aims.

My friends in the Church also helped me, and they still do, but only because they have faith on me. I dont think I have been faithful to anyone.

Just once he got ill, and when I heard about it, I was ill too. I wished I go to him and serve him. I wished I be near him every second. Or atleast see his face once everyday. Through all his words, I know he loves me too. He once even said that he can wait forever.

Yes it is gone far, as far as having mutual knowledge of each others weakness. I wanted once to take him as a brother, but later only realized that it would be an even bigger sin, because no matter what I do, no matter what meditation or excercise I do, I cannot think of him anything but a lover. I cannot think of him in any other way.

Can anyone help me? I cannot eat when I know that he has a problem. Is it madness? Because I dont know that love can do so much! My mother always told me that I should think 100 times before I chose the life I went into, because its a responsibility. And I chose after thinking alot. But I never thought of a boy like this, his values and his attitude to life is something that is so pure. I cannot mention in words how decent he is.

Many things I want to write, but I shudder to think how I can write or think of it. How I feel for him is a million times more than what I can write here. He knows it too, and about my dillema, but never forces me. When I sit with him I dont know where time stops over me.

I have taken my time away from him too. Busy myself in work, do other things. Read bible, pray … and its been a years since I know him. I have managed to find info about him. One of my friends (not a sister) seem to have noticed, and she says he is a good boy (but not of our country or religion or race … or anything). He was a student but is doing very well in his business. He can have a flat in Warsaw but he is still here. Oh I myself might die if I resist him more. And I myself might die if I am blamed to betray Jesus.

To go to my superiors in this small town is something which might risk his safety. I know this policy which I could take, but how much I am sure that he will be at risk from some really irresponsible people. The decision is for me to take and I remain in indecision for more than 3 years now (since I know him).

Is there anyone who can say something to me which might help?**
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Already you are living a divided life. You MUST turn to your confessor. Since you have only taken intitial vows, you are free to leave your community. The way you are living now is unfair to God, your community, the young man and yourself. The potential for actual scandal is enormous.

Furthermore, you KNOW all of that, don’t you?
 
**I am just about to take my last vows, and I already give assistance to new comers. Also, I have a good reputation of being bright, and many people have alot of faith in me.

Poland, as a country is fast moving away from the religion, and the youth really never come to Masses. It is more like a tradition now, the “X-Mas” tradition you might call it.

Yes I know much, and that is why I am totally stressed. If you read all I wrote you will notice that I have been wondering for more than 3 years now, and what have not I practiced to see if my heart can stop beating for him. 9 years I stopped all contact when eventually due to his illness I regained some contact and then fell ill myself, only to recover after knowledge of his recovery.

I know how it all might sound, but this is my condition. The closes he came was to hold my hand and go to his knees, saying he can wait forever, when I left him for 9 months away, completely.

From since my childhood I have wanted to be a Nun, and never ever felt even the most remote of feelings towards anyone other than Christ as a Father. Since I came to know him I had been in disbelief in me, angry in myself, then pity on me, and now just laying on a deserted patch of my mind with two forces ripping me apart on both sides, and I cannot really fight either of it.

My mother asked me to think 100 times before I make my decision, but I thought 1000 times before I came in. I have been sincere, and this is the reason I am seen differently by my superiors and by many people of my city.

The list of issues if I sit to write will end who knows where. He is the nicest boy/man, with a wonderful reputation in the university of which my friends are aware, doing wonderfully well too in his work. I had wished him to find someone better, but this is a situation in which I had to come in. Trust me, had the solution been as easy as copy-book, the world would’ve been a much better place to live in.**
 
Sr_Anna said:
**I am just about to take my last vows, and I already give assistance to new comers. Also, I have a good reputation of being bright, and many people have alot of faith in me.

Poland, as a country is fast moving away from the religion, and the youth really never come to Masses. It is more like a tradition now, the “X-Mas” tradition you might call it.

Yes I know much, and that is why I am totally stressed. If you read all I wrote you will notice that I have been wondering for more than 3 years now, and what have not I practiced to see if my heart can stop beating for him. 9 years I stopped all contact when eventually due to his illness I regained some contact and then fell ill myself, only to recover after knowledge of his recovery.

I know how it all might sound, but this is my condition. The closes he came was to hold my hand and go to his knees, saying he can wait forever, when I left him for 9 months away, completely.

From since my childhood I have wanted to be a Nun, and never ever felt even the most remote of feelings towards anyone other than Christ as a Father. Since I came to know him I had been in disbelief in me, angry in myself, then pity on me, and now just laying on a deserted patch of my mind with two forces ripping me apart on both sides, and I cannot really fight either of it.

My mother asked me to think 100 times before I make my decision, but I thought 1000 times before I came in. I have been sincere, and this is the reason I am seen differently by my superiors and by many people of my city.

The list of issues if I sit to write will end who knows where. He is the nicest boy/man, with a wonderful reputation in the university of which my friends are aware, doing wonderfully well too in his work. I had wished him to find someone better, but this is a situation in which I had to come in. Trust me, had the solution been as easy as copy-book, the world would’ve been a much better place to live in.**
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I have read all of your posts.
Your soul is likely in grave danger.
Thanks to you, it’s likely that so is his.

Turn to your spiritual director at once.
There is NO OTHER WAY.

Now I am going to Sunday Mass.
I’ll pray for you.
 
Before you make your final vows you must make a decision of whether you are called to the Religious Life or the Married Life. One is not bettter than the other unless you choose wrongly or you. Please you must lay everything out for your confessor - especially for the sake of your soul.
 
Sr_Anna said:
Can anyone help me? I cannot eat when I know that he has a problem. Is it madness? Because I dont know that love can do so much! My mother always told me that I should think 100 times before I chose the life I went into, because its a responsibility. And I chose after thinking alot. But I never thought of a boy like this, his values and his attitude to life is something that is so pure. I cannot mention in words how decent he is.

Many things I want to write, but I shudder to think how I can write or think of it. How I feel for him is a million times more than what I can write here. He knows it too, and about my dillema, but never forces me. When I sit with him I dont know where time stops over me.

I have taken my time away from him too. Busy myself in work, do other things. Read bible, pray … and its been a years since I know him. I have managed to find info about him. One of my friends (not a sister) seem to have noticed, and she says he is a good boy (but not of our country or religion or race … or anything). He was a student but is doing very well in his business. He can have a flat in Warsaw but he is still here. Oh I myself might die if I resist him more. And I myself might die if I am blamed to betray Jesus.

To go to my superiors in this small town is something which might risk his safety. I know this policy which I could take, but how much I am sure that he will be at risk from some really irresponsible people. The decision is for me to take and I remain in indecision for more than 3 years now (since I know him).

Is there anyone who can say something to me which might help?
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Dear Sister Anna,

I take it from your post that you have taken your final vows, is this correct?

Saint Frances de Sales advices us to examine ourselves, pray, listen and make a decision and don’t look back - do not waver. It’s like it is written in I think is 1 Timothy 1 or there abouts, you do not want to be tossed by the waves here and there and any where. You want to freely chose your path. It seems to me that you have a calling to the religious life and you answered that call after careful and thoughtful examination. I advice that you live up to your vows and do an ABOUT FACE.

How to do an About Face:

youtube.com/watch?v=JOG_sqd7114&playnext=1&list=PLBC00DEAF2DDB53D9&index=21
 
Sr. Anna, all you life you wanted to be a nun, but you had never experienced love before, until now. Now you must discern, is your vocation to be a nun, or to be married? This is a discernment, and as part of discernment, you must discuss it with people who can help you, more than what we here on the internet can do. The people who can help you best are your superior and also your confessor. Please talk to them and ask for their guidance, and pray to the Lord that He speak to your heart.
 
Sorry, I just realized that you said that going to your superiors could risk his safety. I’m not sure why that is the case, but since that is the situation, then at least talk to your confessor.

I personally know a woman who was a nun – not if she had taken full vows yet or not – but left religious life because she fell in love. They married and had 5 children and have lived a very happy life together. So it does happen that what one thinks is a calling to religous life turns out to be a calling to married life.
 
Abba said:
Dear Sister Anna,

I take it from your post that you have taken your final vows, is this correct?

Saint Frances de Sales advices us to examine ourselves, pray, listen and make a decision and don’t look back - do not waver. It’s like it is written in I think is 1 Timothy 1 or there abouts, you do not want to be tossed by the waves here and there and any where. You want to freely chose your path. It seems to me that you have a calling to the religious life and you answered that call after careful and thoughtful examination. I advice that you live up to your vows and do an ABOUT FACE.

How to do an About Face:

youtube.com/watch?v=JOG_sqd7114&playnext=1&list=PLBC00DEAF2DDB53D9&index=21
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Acc to Anna, Post # 3:
**
I am just about to take my last vows, and I already give assistance to new comers. Also, I have a good reputation of being bright, and many people have alot of faith in me.**
 
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