A Nun in love?

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Sr. Anna, I would like to clear things up on what I have said to you. Your young man is not evil… It is the devil who is evil who has brought this young man into your life so you can leave the Catholic church and forget your vowes. The devil wants to destroy the Catholic church. The more people he can get people to leave the church the happier the devil is.

If you said that he is of the Catholic faith then it would not be the devils work.

Even if the devil is not envovled… it will never work out between you two. You need to walk away from him.

You keep saying that you see Jesus as your father. Yes, he is your father, and you made a promise to stay in God’s grace by being a Nun. You should never tell anyone here what order you are from or give too much details on your location. Yes, you need to keep your information private.

I will pray for you that you see God’s light and the love he has for you. Jesus is God.
If you believe that Jesus is not God then you may have made a mistake in becoming a Nun. I think you are doing distorted thinking and you need to go to some retreat and learn more about Jesus. I don’t think you really know Jesus… or you wouldn’t be wanting to leave him for a mortal man. LaLucia
 
Sr_Anna said:
#Pray for my salvation. I am just numb and have no selfish desires, or atleast I dont want any. I just want to come to the right decision which Jesus, my Father have for me. Again, I never really considered Jesus as my spouse, but as my father. Since the time I decided to be a Nun. I know this might be something not usual, but for me I had no feelings towards an opposite sex or anything, I just was sincere in what I was doing. Never really attacking or anti anyone either. I have tried to be sincere, just.
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your story still does not make sense

Never do you speak at all of bringing your spiritual struggles to your superiors in religion, to your confessor and spiritual director. This simply does not sound like the way any professed nun would approach this situation. And you continue to see this young man and inflame your feelings for him. Does not sound either sincere or realistic.

Strangers on the internet cannot help you. Jesus along can help you, first through the sacraments beginning with confession and second through those whom he entrusted with care of your soul.
 
Sister Anna,

I fail to see a healthy romance in the situation you are describing.

To begin with, why do you call yourself a nun?

Are you or are you not? If you are a novice you have taken an oath of obedience which you are obviously not keeping and have not kept, for it seems your whole stay at the convent, since you write that this situation with the young man has been going on for more than three years.

Is part of the ‘romance’ in your mind the fact that you are supposedly a ‘nun’ and he is the forbidden fruit? Is part of the romance in your mind that supposedly you are protecting him regardless that by doing so you are deceiving everyone around you and misleading and being a bad influence on the new novices. I think that is pretty callous and selfish. Personally, I think that a beautiful love is found in goodness not one that is established by harming and deceiving others.

I think that you are being very irresponsible and are putting in a difficult situation the souls of the other novices in the convent. I don’t know if that is of any concern to you. You are being a bad influence and have confided your situation to at least one other novice. That’s not right, especially as you are the newbies guide. That’s awful. I do not see beauty in your romance. I see deception and selfishness and callousness.

How can that be a healthy romance when it is so selfish? Yes, selfish, with total disregard for the other novices and for your blatant disrespect to authority and your failure to be obedient and refusing to be. I think that if you had kept your oath everything would have been much more healthy rather you stayed or you left.

You want to present the situation as that he would be in physical danger if you confide your feelings to your superior. Excuse me, but, I do not buy that. I can’t imagine the mother superior of a convent being so naive as to advertise your situation nor can I imagine a priest receiving your confession and somehow placing the young man in danger. If you want to believe that you are concern for his security and that is why you are misleading and being a bad influence at the convent, you can carry on. But, I do not buy it. Since you are smart enough to deceive everyone around you for three years, you are smart enough to informing,after you reveal what has been going on to the mother superior of the confessing priests, your concern for his reputation. I am sure they will take it into account.

It looks to me that it would have been much better to have been obedient and honest from jump start. Now three years later you are in deep in a relationship with a man and it is more difficult to make a clear decision about the young man or taking the final vows. You certainly should not take the final vow even if the mother superior offered it to you. It would all be under a grand deception. You would need to tell her anyway, even if you decide to stay.

Your story sound very confusing and does not make very much sense. If a novice discerns that she wants to marry and notifies her superior - that’s fine . There is no harm done and exactly it is to discern that that novice time is provided. Your situation sounds seriously unhealthy and you may find that the whole ‘love’ thing will go away when you leave the convent. That is if having to be a novice is part of the excitement.

Stop being an impostor, please.

I seriously recommend that you speak with your superior. If you are not yet a nun I would ask you to please stop calling yourself one in the internet.

May God bless you and guide you and may Our Blessed Mother Mary protect you and guide you to her son,

Abba
 
Look, in each post you tell us how nice/bright/intelligent/peaceful/&c. this boy is.

But, honestly, what do you have to compare him to? Did you come here for advice and guidance, or to confide in someone how great this Bangladeshi boy is?

I realize that you probably did not live ‘with your head in the sand’ before you began formation, but how can you be certain if marriage to this boy is what God intends for you? How do you even know that he is actually a good boy, and not just better than what you’re used to?

Every kind of life has its own temptations. There are ~79.6 million men in Bangladesh, millions of whom–I hate to say–are probably nicer, brighter, more intelligent, and more. If you allow yourself to be weak and taken with every man who looks inviting, you will be broken by this life. Even if you only allow yourself to be taken by a HANDFUL, you will still run the risk of living as a moral cripple.

Ultimately, you have to set your own price, and decide how much you are worth. Those who stay true to God, can emerge from this life with their soul intact.
 
**Thank you for all your responses. Please do not think that I intentionally feel wonderful to be in this condition. I worry for him, as well as for my own decisions which have put me into today. I do discover my weaknesses, and I have never involved any of the new comers with my issues. All I ever said to them was that we all have weaknesses which we consistently must try to overcome.

All my friends are not taking up what I took up, so they are not newcomers who inform cooperated with me.

It is true that as a Nun I know what are supposed to be my steps, but perhaps one who never crossed my situation was naturally not supposed to know what I am going through.

For those unhappy with my amount of information, or the more/less amount of information about any aspect (me, him, my friends or the whole situation internal and external as much as I thought to share), I think again this is just a natural way for me to express with whatever content I feel most relaxed to give. It is as “I came, I saw, I wrote what I had known in my mind and soul”. I have known him for more than three years, but I have been here for much more years, and took it to my heart to be a Nun for even longer - as I never considered any such feeling for anyone to even consider this situation to be a second thought.

I just stumbled upon here, and I think I did not come to offend anyone, neither to offend Jesus, myself, or him. He is a good man, maybe not the best or the worst, but a good man and Jesus is my Father, Jesus is God. I know where I live, and I know why he might be in risk if anyone just knew that it is him (which is very easy to guess really).

You know, I did not expect any specific answer, nor did I expect too much calmness. I just wrote … simply “wrote”. For those who prayed, I thank you. For those who thought I am just impossible, I can only say that I think the same sometimes. For those who think that I should think a lot more, I am doing exactly that before I take my final vows (I think I mentioned in my very first post that I took initial vows).

I came to this website just two days ago. I know least, and frankly I don’t get all the time I would possibly wish to take to understand this place before I could participate. I apologize for any inconvenience.

Also, I am very responsible in my speech and actions in real life. I am not to dishonor Christ even if it meant I needed to sacrifice myself eventually.

God bless you all. Sr. Anna. **
 
Sr_Anna said:
**Thank you for all your responses. Please do not think that I intentionally feel wonderful to be in this condition. I worry for him, as well as for my own decisions which have put me into today. I do discover my weaknesses, and I have never involved any of the new comers with my issues. All I ever said to them was that we all have weaknesses which we consistently must try to overcome.

All my friends are not taking up what I took up, so they are not newcomers who inform cooperated with me.

It is true that as a Nun I know what are supposed to be my steps, but perhaps one who never crossed my situation was naturally not supposed to know what I am going through.

For those unhappy with my amount of information, or the more/less amount of information about any aspect (me, him, my friends or the whole situation internal and external as much as I thought to share), I think again this is just a natural way for me to express with whatever content I feel most relaxed to give. It is as “I came, I saw, I wrote what I had known in my mind and soul”. I have known him for more than three years, but I have been here for much more years, and took it to my heart to be a Nun for even longer - as I never considered any such feeling for anyone to even consider this situation to be a second thought.

I just stumbled upon here, and I think I did not come to offend anyone, neither to offend Jesus, myself, or him. He is a good man, maybe not the best or the worst, but a good man and Jesus is my Father, Jesus is God. I know where I live, and I know why he might be in risk if anyone just knew that it is him (which is very easy to guess really).

You know, I did not expect any specific answer, nor did I expect too much calmness. I just wrote … simply “wrote”. For those who prayed, I thank you. For those who thought I am just impossible, I can only say that I think the same sometimes. For those who think that I should think a lot more, I am doing exactly that before I take my final vows (I think I mentioned in my very first post that I took initial vows).

I came to this website just two days ago. I know least, and frankly I don’t get all the time I would possibly wish to take to understand this place before I could participate. I apologize for any inconvenience.

Also, I am very responsible in my speech and actions in real life. I am not to dishonor Christ even if it meant I needed to sacrifice myself eventually.

God bless you all. Sr. Anna. **
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Yet we are not to serve two masters.
You serve Our Lord -
but you also serve a life of secrets.

The Church feeds you, clothes you, houses you.
You are to conform yourself to poverty,chastity and obedience.

Instead you keep secret - even from your spiritual director - your hidden conflicts.
Really, there is no excuse for that.
As for any discussion with friends in the Community regarding this?
That is horrifying and a real threat to their vows also.
 
Before the wolves jump on me, I’m not pointing fingers at anyone in particular.

She’s also in Poland and we are where we are. Unless I’m a fly on the wall I can neither advise nor should I judge (that would be uncharitable). We don’t know the whole story. There is also a reason religious make final vows: For situations like this.

All I can do is pray for her. Better than judging.

Pax†
 
**#catharina: I know what I am going through, and I realize about my vow and what I am.

What makes you think that I am sharing with other Nun’s or newcomers? I thought my English was clear, but maybe I am not at best in this language still. After all it is not a mother tongue.

Please re read it. It says that I have friends who are not newcomers or Nun’s. They are those whom preferred to have other lives. I can have some close friends too can I not? I am not so irresponsible to have shared it with those with whom I should not.

Everyone have an inner life, this is what I knew from my role model who is one of the most respected Nuns of my country, and also Mother Teresa had many inner sentiments as far as I know, and as far as my friend who does research on such subjects know. However, it depends upon magnitude, it depends upon each person, it depends upon the stage of life and it depends upon the period of time. Many variables are there, but not everyone can be in the spot and know what goes on in the lives who deal with it.

However, I am not discarding all your points. I am thinking … and I am praying.

God bless you all,

Sr. Anna.**
 
Sr_Anna said:
**#catharina:

Please re read it. It says that I have friends who are not newcomers or Nun’s**. They are those whom preferred to have other lives. I can have some close friends too can I not? I am not so irresponsible to have shared it with those with whom I should not. God bless you all,

Sr. Anna.
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Thank you for clarifying this.

Nonetheless, your obligation is to consult your Spiritual Director -
and that would be as soon as poosible. Going to friends is not helpful
when obligation (Obedience) tells you to speak to your confessor.
 
**Yes, you are right! But tell me, what if my fears for this boy’s security is real? I know things are supposed to be perfect, but what if his threat is real in a town where he easily stands out as an alien. It cannot matter to you, but somehow, someway - even in the most impossible way perhaps, it does matter to me! Jesus Christ my Lord knows that how much I love my Father. But I care for him. I wish everything could be simpler, but everything is not simpler.

How to explain? How can a person explain more than the truth written in their simplest terms. These are things which I have gained insights on, something I never thought before. Many things I never came across before.

Anyways, I am thinking of all my alternatives, and before my last vow I will definitely have to take a step. What makes things more difficult is all the variables. If you read my posts you will know. I know I am not the perfect person to be feeling for, but yes I am the one who came into this certain situation, with all that I am. My Lord knows how much devoted I have been to my duties, and why I received much praises, and how so many people actually know me and look up at me.

So many variables that I loose count, still I must keep an account of all. Also I am not so weak that if everything were so simple, it would take me more than 3 years to decide that its time I must go for one final decision.

God bless you,

Sr. Anna … a distressed soul. My Lord help me. But I lay all to His judgment, not my own wishes, desires, duties or judgment. I am tired. Truly tired. **
 
Sr_Anna said:
**Yes, you are right! But tell me, what if my fears for this boy’s security is real? I know things are supposed to be perfect, but what if his threat is real in a town where he easily stands out as an alien.

God bless you,

Sr. Anna … a distressed soul. My Lord help me. But I lay all to His judgment, not my own wishes, desires, duties or judgment. I am tired. Truly tired. **
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Any fear you MIGHT have is outweighed by the obligation ofyour vows.
A confessor will never reveal the identity of the young man.
Besides you already clearly stated that
the young man is quite free to re-locate elsewhere.

More is the horror if people “admire” you and your works.
You are leading many astray with your “secret” obsession.
 
Nobody here want your inner story, or has a right to it. What we do want for you to do is go to your religious superiors immediately, because nowhere to you indicate you have done so, and until you do your soul, and that of your friend, are in danger. As long as you resist obedience to your vows and to your superiors in religion, you resist Christ himself. Your choice. your penalty.

I still have reservations about your sincerity since you do not in any way speak like a person in religion under binding vows.
 
puzzleannie said:
Nobody here want your inner story, or has a right to it. What we do want for you to do is go to your religious superiors immediately, because nowhere to you indicate you have done so, and until you do your soul, and that of your friend, are in danger. As long as you resist obedience to your vows and to your superiors in religion, you resist Christ himself. Your choice. your penalty.

I still have reservations about your sincerity since you do not in any way speak like a person in religion under binding vows.
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Great post, annie.
I’m in agreement with every word.
 
Anna, You are an adult at the age of 26yrs.old… but you think like a foolish girl in love with a fantasy. That young man has moved on in his life and you still want him.

I have read every word you have said. You said that you feel that Jesus is like a father. That tells me that you prefer to get married to a mortal man.

You haven’t taken your final vows and you have DOUBTS. That tells me that you want to marry that young man. All you need to say is that you have changed your mind about being a nun. You don’t even have to mention his name because he may have already changed his mind about marrying you. He may have met someone else already and you are old history for him. So why envovle his name? You just want to get married and not be a Nun like you thought you did.

You also keep repeating that the most of the young people of Poland are not that serious about their Catholic religion. That tells me that you are not that serious about being a Catholic. I get the feeling you want to be just like them.

I have come to the conclusion that you are just having fun telling us all how wonderful that young man is and that Jesus is really just your father. You are pulling our strings to give you lots of advise but I will not approve your need to sing the song of love for a man who is just a fantasy of your girl’s mind. Yes, he is a real person but he is just your fantasy.

My advise to you is to start looking for a job to financially support yourself. You prefer to live in a fantasy world and not in the world of Jesus. Let Jesus be your father and go ahead and find a man to marry you because that is what you really want. You don’t need our approval for that. God lets us mess up our lives all we want. God will not stop you from making serious mistakes in your life. I am a 70 year old lady who has made lots of mistakes and Jesus still loves me because he has appeared to me several times. I have seen him in visions, dreams and he has spoken to me where I heard his voice. I don’t believe you really know Jesus or you would have a lot of joy in your heart for Jesus.

Stop being a Drama Queen like we say in Los Angeles, Calif.
 
I wonder how many readers have had my reactions to Sr. Anna’s dilemma:

Firstly, I am suspicious that someone at Catholic Answers masterminded this thread to follow cookies to identify ages/locations of participants, whatever. Could the faulty English and Polish setting be a red herring? Skeptical? Yes. But “Sr. Anna’s” focus is ON her dilemma, not how to extricate herself from it/coexist with it. She presents endless excuses for maintaining her status quo–as well as her well-intentioned advice-offering readers.

Secondly, if the relationship is even a fraction as emotional as Sr. Anna describes, isn’t it incredible that Sr. Anna’s superior and fellow sisters have failed to notice her infatuation with this “boy”?

Thirdly, if this situation IS bona fide, psychological issues are glaring, notably her obsession with Jesus as a father-figure and her consistent reference to the person she loves as a boy. Her child-like need for a father figure is likely a case of arrested development, coupled with maternal feelings which manifest strongly in childless women in their thirties. (I assume the longing for children is the “painful secret nuns bear” to which she alludes.) It would seem she doesn’t want to leave “the security of the Jesus-father” (the convent) for the boy–with whom she has a platonic love. Could her dilemma be that she suspects? knows? that if she were to leave, she wouldn’t be able to maintain a platonic relationship with him?

Sr. Anna claims to be attracted uncontrollably by man-woman love (with a “boy”). She claims she always wanted to be a nun, the God-nun relationship (or in her case Jesus as her father figure relationship). And she never says so in so many words, but her posts scream for a mother-son relationship (her nun-“boy” platonic love).

Clearly she needs help and should confide in her superiors. However, she maintains that is not an option, even though it is an aspect of her vow of obedience. If she is breaking her vow of obedience by not presenting her situation to her superiors, she is certainly breaking her vow of chastity by maintaining a situation in which she repeatedly entertains inappropriate thoughts about this “boy”.

How about the seal of the confessional? She should be able to pour her heart out to a priest bound by confidentiality and avail herself of his counsel.

She either continues to lead the life of a disobedient, unchaste nun, or if she’s rational, she goes to her superiors or a confidentiality-bound priest. Those are the choices. Her superiors will support her in prayer and discernment, and help her to get on with her life–unless she is gaining more out her life just as it is.
 
Caducean said:
…

How about the seal of the confessional? She should be able to pour her heart out to a priest bound by confidentiality and avail herself of his counsel.

She either continues to lead the life of a disobedient, unchaste nun, or if she’s rational, she goes to her superiors or a confidentiality-bound priest. Those are the choices. Her superiors will support her in prayer and discernment, and help her to get on with her life–unless she is gaining more out her life just as it is.
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Clearly she must seek help.
It is disobedience itself to hold such actions/thoughts secret.
 
**#puzzleannie: So how is that copy book way of a person in religious vows to be speaking? There is no such particular way. May be if you were in front of me, it would be a particular way. I am here as nothing but a parcel of words. Words which you may read as they are, or just discard. It is upon your will.

I have always been sincere and devoted. Till now I do not see one single person who had such reservations. But yes, there can me many. But my fear is not on people, but on myself, my obligations, Christ.

#LaLucia: As I can see, you have lost a lot of your temper. No, I am no drama queen. I asked for words, talks, with people who would wish so. I did not pull anyone into it. Infact I would not have minded no answers even. It has been long and not too much have I let out. Although I am not complaining, just to let you know.

No he did not move on. I don’t know where I wrote that he did. He is in the same city and will not leave. If he left, maybe I would consider it him moving on. Maybe it would even be better for him.

And you say about my comments about Poland. It is nothing to do with me, just something which is known. Not that I am moving away from the Catholic faith. Very strange comment from a person who had visions of Christ the Savior. By the way I am not in Los Angeles, Calif. Thank you though for your patience. God bless you.

… … …

I do not wish to take anyones time if you feel it is just too much for you to see. If you feel my problem or situation is something impossible or should never be or cannot be, you are always free to discard me. But I mentioned all that were in my heart, and I don’t think my writing it here I did anything wrong.

About me not knowing Jesus Christ my Father … I think it is a very big thing to say anyone of us actually knows Him. Had we known God, he would be confined in our knowledge, and anything confined is not the eternal God is it?

My vows are very big for me, and yes they are initial ones, not the final ones. About confession, is something I will find a way. But it is for me to decide. I have definitely come a very long way to this stage where my decisions can affect some people I know well. In fact many. Had you known me more, maybe then many things would be more against me I guess.

The only reason why I fear the confession or sharing about him is him being someone who will not leave at all. While the atmosphere being such that he can face obvious risk upon him. This is just the case as it is, and as I see most of you are from USA, you might not actually understand this in a Polish town. How many of you really hear of Poland?

The boy is a man … my English is not exactly superior and I apologize for it. Some of the words of one poster I only partially understood. All I can say is that you may write, I had read. I know that I have these initial vows, and I need to take steps. I know this, and I am not completely irresponsible. And no, my superior do not seem to have much idea about this, other than this boy is interested in Catholic faith, which I doubt he is. But he has respect for it surely.

Anyways, I know you did not like this all at all. I don’t blame you. May Jesus the Lord bless you all, at all times remember His mercy, remember Him and who He always have been. Why you love Him, who is that you love.

Sr. Anna **
 
Sr_Anna said:
… And no, my superior do not seem to have much idea about this, other than this boy is interested in Catholic faith, which I doubt he is. But he has respect for it surely.

…

Sr. Anna
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anna, this was your question in the first post:

**Is there anyone who can say something to me which might help? **

Yes, many of us can tell you and
have told you what will help you.
In fact, you KNOW what will help you.

Live in TRUTH.
Speak to those charged with your spiritual life.
Don not waste your time or your life on fantasy.
 
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