When did men become so afraid to make a commitment, to take the lead, to say what they want, to make long term plans, to set goals, to pursue, to talk about the future?
First think,
then act. Before you
say what you want, you need to
know what you want. And you don’t
know if you have no basis on which to make reasonably sure conclusions. Neither is it
wanting if you’re merely conscious of experiencing an incentive or inclination that you still need to judge before you act on.
Besides:
When did men become so afraid to make a commitment, to take the lead, to say what they want, to make long term plans, to set goals, to pursue, to talk about the future?
On what? A third date? Ludicrous.
If you’re hanging out with a woman and you feel like you might be into her, tell her.
Tell her — i.e. focus her attention on yourself, awaken hopes in her etc. — if you only
feel like you might ‘be into her’?
Once again:
feel like you might. What a lovely modality.
That’s a point where you tell someone you appreciate his company, perhaps you tell him that he’s being rather attractive to you, something to help him explain your behaviour and see if he is possibly on the same page.
Otherwise you keep thinking. You may be jammed, but that’s called ambivalence and means you’re experiencing tensions because there are pros and cons in a more less equal measure. May be something wrong with your ability to think, judge and choose, may be that you don’t have enough data, or may be that you’re simply in a less than ideal situation that really is hard to judge. In any case, jumping in head first from the bridge is not the answer.
Call her on the phone. Take her out on a date. Say the words: “I’d like to take you out.” No ambiguity.
An absence of ambiguity in words is worth nothing if it’s just words. When it’s actions rather than words, it’s likely to be hurtful.
Plan the date yourself. Women want you to be decisive. Lose the whole “so waddaya wanna do tonight?” schtick. Take charge. Pick her up at 7. Pay for the meal. Have a conversation with her. Go mini golfing or something. Go somewhere. Open the door for her. Put your phone away. Open up to her. Share your ideas, your dreams, your fears. Get to know her. Pursue her. Pursue her. Invest yourself in the process, as scary and unsure as it may seem. Take a risk, gentlemen. Go out on a limb for once. Be purposeful. Be desirable. Be a man."
I agree with the general notion that young single guys often need to just man up but there are limits.
I need to say that there many people, armchair pragmaticist shall we say, who find pleasure in recommending action — instead of talking or thinking. Except recommending action and talking about action is still talking.
Trust me, I’m not innocent. I’m married now, but I was once a part of this hazy, undefined dating-but-not-dating scene. I never liked it, because nobody does. I never found any happiness in it, because nobody does. But I was a part of the problem. I was a wimpy manchild, afraid of meaningful commitments, afraid of being alone, afraid of rejection, afraid of the future, afraid of being betrayed, afraid of being loved. Just afraid, really. Afraid of everything.
Yes, and may be swinging the other way now for compensation. I’ve been there done that.
For the record, multiple broken marriages and even nullity decrees or divorces go back to a ‘let’s get married’ mentality. This is something BXVI noted and preached about to the Rota, the highest church court for marriages. Something also bishops are addressing and trying to fix marriage prep. ‘Act first, think later’ is not optimal advice. Here, it’s just dating and not marriage prep, so the gravity of the problem is far far less, but the same rule holds.
