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tapiocapudding
Guest
I’m just coming up on our 1 year anniversary and this is definitely helpful advice! I need a lot of help in this area…
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ac_claire
Guest
This is awesome advice, thank you! 
J
JadensMom
Guest
The advice of “be generous to your husband” is very good advice indeed, but honestly, none of these examples would work with my husband, even if I offered!
I don’t think it would even enter my husband’s mind to ask me to type his work for him, and even if I tried to serve him breakfast in bed for one straight week, he’d start to grumble about how he’s not an invalid and doesn’t need to be waited on hand and foot, and is there anything I’d like him to do for me? If I persisted in making him breakfast in bed EVERY morning, he’d start setting his alarm clock to get up earlier to make me breakfast first – I know how that man of mine is! But then, my hubby is one of those independent guys who thinks it’s unmanly to impose on his wife to do things for him that he’s perfectly capable of doing for himself.
Instead, we have this nice system worked out. He has to get up earlier than I do to get to work on time, so he starts the coffee, and brings me a cup when he kisses me good-bye. I get up, get our son to school, then get myself to work. I then pick up our son and get home in time to have a nice hot dinner on the table when my husband gets home. Afterwards I do dishes, and he helps me dry and put them away. He takes care of me and I take care of him, and that works for us. There’s no such thing as “women’s work” and “men’s work” in our house; we both do it all as it needs to be done.
“Wives, be submissive to your husbands” is not my man’s favorite Bible verse at all. He says that I’m actually giving him his way and submitting to his will more by NOT being too submissive to him, because he doesn’t want a servile wife. Generous, giving, and loving, sure, but servility and subservience makes him twitch. He likes me feisty and spirited, just the way I am.
Your mileage may vary, of course!
I don’t think it would even enter my husband’s mind to ask me to type his work for him, and even if I tried to serve him breakfast in bed for one straight week, he’d start to grumble about how he’s not an invalid and doesn’t need to be waited on hand and foot, and is there anything I’d like him to do for me? If I persisted in making him breakfast in bed EVERY morning, he’d start setting his alarm clock to get up earlier to make me breakfast first – I know how that man of mine is! But then, my hubby is one of those independent guys who thinks it’s unmanly to impose on his wife to do things for him that he’s perfectly capable of doing for himself.
Instead, we have this nice system worked out. He has to get up earlier than I do to get to work on time, so he starts the coffee, and brings me a cup when he kisses me good-bye. I get up, get our son to school, then get myself to work. I then pick up our son and get home in time to have a nice hot dinner on the table when my husband gets home. Afterwards I do dishes, and he helps me dry and put them away. He takes care of me and I take care of him, and that works for us. There’s no such thing as “women’s work” and “men’s work” in our house; we both do it all as it needs to be done.
“Wives, be submissive to your husbands” is not my man’s favorite Bible verse at all. He says that I’m actually giving him his way and submitting to his will more by NOT being too submissive to him, because he doesn’t want a servile wife. Generous, giving, and loving, sure, but servility and subservience makes him twitch. He likes me feisty and spirited, just the way I am.
Your mileage may vary, of course!
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Anne, your advice is splendid. I have not been married that long at all but our situation is tough. We bought a house in a different area and my job is going to be transferring me in a few weeks. However, until then I have been spending weekends down there in paradise and weeks up here working. We both own a martial arts school down there. I tell him all the time how proud I am of him and how the school is coming and he constantly tells me that if it weren’t for me putting up with the inconvienence of the traveling and the seperation none of it would be possible. Our deacon had the best advice during Pre-Cana (don’t they always 
). He said that it is never about control. When we try to out do other women on what gifts we get, what is done for us, etc. we lose. When we do for the men we love that feeling comes back ten times over.
Chevalier- straight up I am a military woman who is tough as nails. However, meeting the right man softenend me and made me able to be a part of a whole. Until then I was not ready to be that soft as I could have made it in this world on my own. When you are the right man for someone you will fit emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and after marriage physically. If you keep giving so much then all that will happen is you will attract those that expect it. My husband gave me a ruby ring after a month of dating. I told him it was an extravagant gift that i certainly never would have expected. He told me he knew I didn’t expect it - that’s why he gave it.
God bless,
). He said that it is never about control. When we try to out do other women on what gifts we get, what is done for us, etc. we lose. When we do for the men we love that feeling comes back ten times over.Chevalier- straight up I am a military woman who is tough as nails. However, meeting the right man softenend me and made me able to be a part of a whole. Until then I was not ready to be that soft as I could have made it in this world on my own. When you are the right man for someone you will fit emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and after marriage physically. If you keep giving so much then all that will happen is you will attract those that expect it. My husband gave me a ruby ring after a month of dating. I told him it was an extravagant gift that i certainly never would have expected. He told me he knew I didn’t expect it - that’s why he gave it.
God bless,
A
Ame
Guest
I’m the original poster, and I’m not going to go into what my husband does for me. It would take all day for me to express my gratitude for everything he has done for me in my life or in our everyday lives as far as helping with the chores and the children. You can ask my husband, the word “submissive” does not go with my personality whatsoever. What I’m talking about are spouses who are WAITING for their partner to be the giver. They say, “Why should I stop maxing out the credit card if he’s not going to stop?” They say, “Why should I compliment him when he never compliments me?” Many of my married friends are in the middle of a “stand off” with their spouse and years of unhappiness are passing. They are waiting for their husband to change before they do. They feel that if they change a bad habit before their spouse does, they’ve lost in the “stand off.” I guess I am feeling compelled to reach out to the young wives who find themselves in this kind of "stand off’ and encourage them to be the one to make the first move. You can make that first move toward a happier marriage, in whatever way you chose, and you are highly likely to find that your partner may reciprocate. Isn’t it worth a try? Of course, there are things my husband would never let me do. For example, I have never mowed the lawn, NEVER. He would not tolerate it. But I found that typing his grad school papers was something that I could do to help him, show my support, save him time, and in the long run he really appreciated that. It’s not so much about submission, as much as it is about partnership, friendship, and SHARING a life together.
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muffinmojo
Guest
Im 17 and male but i just wanted to say that I deeply appreciate threads like this. Though I’m far from being married…I feel like having an ideal, some wise advice from people who ‘get it’ helps me prepare for life in general, especially on how to be a man and a good husband to my future wife. Thank you.
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Eucharisted
Guest
An excellent example of a man and a husband is Jesus Christ. He is the King of Spouses and King of Hearts.
God created us in Jesus’ Image, so imitating Him is the natural thing to do. Whether we imitate Him directly or through the example of a saint or angel, that is up to us, by the grace of God. (And speaking of grace, every creature is a gift from the Lord)
If you wish to deepen your knowledge of Christ that you may than deepen your knowledge of yourself (for God has assumed humanity in Christ), I recommend reading and recollecting the Word of God.
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Serap
Guest
I 100% agree with this thread. If I kept tabs on my DH, that would be very stupid. I do things for him b/c I love him. Even if I am angry with him, I still love him and want to do nice things for him. I am responsible for the house, meals and lion’s share of taking care of our baby and I love doing that for my family. I also work full-time, so any opportunity I get to be with my family, I cherish it. DH is responsible for maintaining our house and he helps a great deal with our baby. He’s a wonderful husband and father and we don’t do things apart. We always go out as a family. We love being together and we don’t stay angry with eachother for long b/c we are both able to forgive eachother.
I acted like I was tough as nails before I got married, but when I met my husband, I was able to be soft and open with him right away. Having a baby has also really softened me up, but toughened me up in other ways. When it comes to my family, I am very willing to give; but when it comes to people outside my family, I’m not as willing to give anymore. I’m not as needy for acceptance with “outsiders” anymore and it’s because I have finally found true love inside my home.
I finally understand what it means to be a wife and mother and nothing else in this world matters.
I acted like I was tough as nails before I got married, but when I met my husband, I was able to be soft and open with him right away. Having a baby has also really softened me up, but toughened me up in other ways. When it comes to my family, I am very willing to give; but when it comes to people outside my family, I’m not as willing to give anymore. I’m not as needy for acceptance with “outsiders” anymore and it’s because I have finally found true love inside my home.
I finally understand what it means to be a wife and mother and nothing else in this world matters.
R
Rabbitgirl
Guest
Well said Ame!
I’ve been married for nearly 18 years and some people think it is odd that I consider my husband to be the “head” of this household. This does not mean that I am subservient but that when final decision has to be made then he is the one with the final “vote” if you like.
I don’t go out to work so my “job” is to keep a nice home for my husband and our children and things are done the way he likes them because I know what makes him happy and that this is a good way to express my love and respect for him.
I’ve been married for nearly 18 years and some people think it is odd that I consider my husband to be the “head” of this household. This does not mean that I am subservient but that when final decision has to be made then he is the one with the final “vote” if you like.
I don’t go out to work so my “job” is to keep a nice home for my husband and our children and things are done the way he likes them because I know what makes him happy and that this is a good way to express my love and respect for him.
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