A priest told me, I can't keep confessing the same sin

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tmc1957

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I am very confused. I reverted to the Catholic Church a few years ago, after a decades long absence. I had been enjoying getting reacquainted with my faith and attending Mass regularly, receiving the Eucharist and the grace and blessings that comes with this. However, I continue to struggle with sexual addiction. It’s been a struggle and I find myself falling over and over. Although, less and less as I was getting stronger in my faith. I was making a point to go to confession as often s necessary. This meant perhaps as much as once a week or more.

About a year ago, I happened across a newer priest at confession. At my Parish, we usually don’t have more than one priest hearing confessions at a time and this particular priest had heard my confession three or four times in a row, within a month or two span of time. By this time, he was well aware of me and my addiction. I was told by other priests to continue the struggle, pray for help and always come to confession when I fall. One priest said, not to be dis-heartened, this may be a life-long struggle. So, I was taken aback when I made my confession, including my sexual sins, when this newer priest said quite bluntly, “You can’t keep coming in here confessing the same sins”.

I was always taught and have read many times that no matter how many times you sin, if you truly are sorry and wish to repent, you will be forgiven. I’ve always been honest and contrite when confessing my sins. I always want to turn from the sin, but it’s been a struggle for very long time, and I don’t see me being able to shake it overnight or in a few months. Praying has helped and I continue to seek Jesus and Mary for help.

However, after hearing this from this priest, I felt embarrassed and confused. I didn’t want to go back to this priest with the same sin again. So, I stopped going to confession. Which led to me to not going to Mass. The addiction is gaining ground again, and I don’t know what to do. Is sexual sin now unforgivable? Am I lost? Should I talk to the Pastor about this priest? Should I seek out a different Parish? I’ve even considered going back to non-denominational churches, since they don’t require face to face confession. I simply confess to the Lord directly. But, I know that isn’t the right way to do it. I’m afraid the Devil has found a foothold and my faith may be in jeopardy!
 
We must repent and make all effort to turn from our sin.

Sin is a choice.

When you sin, you decide to reject God.

We confess and amend our lives, if we fall in the attempt to amend our lives, we don’t wallow back down in the mud and say “I have no control!!!”. We work to bring our passions under control.

Do you have a spiritual director? I think it would be a very good idea.
 
The priest phrased it badly; sexual addiction can be cured and that was what he was probably getting at.

Go back to Confession and explain how you are now missing Mass and why. We are all sinners
 
You can and ought to confess, provided you are contrite and resolve to avoid the sin in the future. That you fall again does not mean you weren’t contrite at the time of your confession.

I agree with the suggestion to seek spiritual direction to help you in this. And if it’s going to get you to confession, go to another priest to confess.
 
Are you both speaking the same version of English? Where I am from ‘You can’t keep doing X’ does not mean ‘Do not keep doing X’. It means ‘It is unsatisfactory that you keep doing X’. It is a prelude to suggesting that you do something about it.
 
Code: 
  There are a number of articles on this--one of them, at the Roman Catholic
Spirituality site, is at “Ask a Priest: What If I'm Told to Stop Confessing the Same Sins?” - RC Spirituality

The priest who wrote this article says that if someone withholds a mortal sin, the confession is invalid.

And he says “you aren’t wrong to confess venial sins, even the same ones over and over.”

Then he explains why this priest might be giving this advice, which, as he says, you should take with a grain of salt.
 
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Thanks for your reply. Sin is a choice. Addiction is the result of a bad choice. When you have an addiction, many times the choice is made without thought or intent. Not an excuse, just an explanation.

I do not have a spiritual director. They are not easy to come by. But, I will make more of an effort to get one.
 
I confess the same sins over and over again.
Because I keep falling into the same sins.
But I don’t confess a particular “event” more than once.
 
Perhaps. He’s from India. I am from California. However, The discussion afterwards did not lead me to believe he meant it in any other way than how I took it. “Don’t come back here and confess that sin again.”
 
Very interesting article. Thank you for sharing it with me. Although, my particular sin would be considered a mortal sin, not a venial sin. I have not withheld it in confession, even with this priest. But, I stopped going to confession. So, I suppose I am withholding it now.
 
What does Father want, new sins? Yes, we must have a firm intent to amend our lives when we confess - it is not simply a repetitive spiritual laundry. Yet, ingrained habits can moderate our culpability. Moderate, but not eliminate. God’s grace is sufficient to stop any and all Private sexual sins of lust, porn, masturbation - you name it.

Practically speaking, a gun will not fire without a trigger, so remove the trigger of sin from your life. What leads you to first contemplate sin, then consent to it? Images? Movies? Cable? Internet? Magazines? Even hearing a provocative voice? Men are triggered visually, sensually. That vision triggers thoughts which trigger a bodily response.

Break the cycle at any one of those points and you are on your way out of bondage to sin. Pray for the custody of your wandering eyes. Go to a neighboring parish, as you really, truly need to be back practicing your faith.

You also could benefit from spiritual direction - maybe even counseling.
 
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You probable need to seek out this priest or another priest to consult with.
You should not stop going to Mass!
And you should not quit confession.
We, all, will pray for you! 🙏🙏🙏
 
po18guy said:
Break the cycle at any one of those points and you are on your way out of bondage to sin. Pray for the custody of your wandering eyes. Go to a neighboring parish, as you really, truly need to be back practicing your faith.
Click to expand...
I would add that bad habits are overcome by good habits. Replace your triggers with prayer time, spiritual reading and meditating.
 
Thank you for taking the time to reply.

That was kind of what I was saying, too. It seems it’s always the same sins to one extent or another. I have begun saying the Rosary. Especially when I am faced with temptation. My trigger seems to be idle time. I can easily get on my knees and look to Jesus…

Good advice. Thanks again.
 
Great counsel! Carry a Rosary at all times, and pray it when those feelings begin to creep in. The Mother of all Purity is a powerful intercessor in all such matters.
 
tmc1957 said:
My trigger seems to be idle time.
Click to expand...
The devil makes work for idle hands. More than a truism. We are to pray without ceasing - not 24/7, but daily as well as during the day.

The Rosary and the intercession of our Blessed Mother are the key to unlock your prison cell.
 
The priest was trying to shock you into making a heroic effort to break the addiction.
Obviously it had the opposite effect.🙏
 
First, welcome to Catholic Answer Forums. I see you just joined today.

Second, as already stated, one must have a firm intent to amend one’s life when one’s confess. Maybe that priest doubts that you have a firm intent to amend your life to avoid that mortal sin since you’re committing it so frequently.

If you do have a firm intent to amend your life to avoid that particular mortal sin when you go to confession, then by all means go to the confession even if it’s with the same priest, though it might be more beneficial for you to confess your mortal sin to another priest.

But the worst thing you could do is stop confessing your mortal sins and stop attending Mass. Keep on confessing them and start attending Mass again.
 
I agree with this completely! I was hooked on certain illegal drugs after a psychiatric breakdown and a priest gave me some tough love and said “ next time you are about to do drugs, say to yourself “I am choosing these drugs over being a father to my children”. Needless to say, I was upset by what I viewed as his lack of compassion, however, I was able to give up all drugs within a month or two and have been clean for years. Praise God! Sometimes, depending on the relationship you have with the priest, tough love is what’s needed, even if it’s painful to have to hear it.
 
To me the Priest probably used a bad choice of words, hey they’re human. Think of your parents and how they phrase things. And it is true that our Priests take on a spiritual ‘father’ role in our lives. I as a parent have probably said the expression to my kids "you can’t keep staying out late’ fully knowing that in all probability they might. That said, that believe the Priest was using these words pleading you to stop your behavior and so they were goodly intended. You’re most definitely right that you ‘can’ keep coming to confession with the same sins. Jesus said in the scriptures that if someone came to the Apostles 70 times they must forgive them 70 times, that said can you see how frustrating that is for the Apostle and why Peter asked Jesus about this question? My advice to you if you’re having trouble overcoming a sin don’t look for fault in what the Priest said and stop going to confession, do some work on it. Pray to Jesus for help and if something causes you to sin stop it in it’s tracks by not doing the thing that leads you to sin. Pray and meditate on the words our Savior gave us in the Lords prayer about temptation and sinning.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give
us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us
not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.
Amen.

The line right there about temptation pay attention to that word ‘but’. But is there because although we ask God to help keep us away from sinning God knows that we sin and so we ask Him to deliver us from evil. You’re reaching out to find help in others but you really need to find your help from God. Practice makes perfect my dear…😉 If you keep practicing fighting temptations soon it becomes a habit and you no longer will have a hard time resisting your temptation to sin. The first thing though you have done is recognize that it is a sin and that goes a long way. Study your faith, read the catechism, spend time with the Lord in prayer, all will help you to become more Holy and Righteous. Sorry I sound like such a Mom, it’s my vocation…lol God bless…
 
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