A question for X LDS

[LAMBOFGODGIRLY]

It isn’t silly, it’s devastating.

My husband went to church with me on Ash Wednesday and he even picked up the missal, read along, and sang along! He knelt, but only because he didn’t want to be the only one not doing it. I told him he could receive the Ashes, but he didn’t want to. Is our mass very different from theirs? I almost want to go to church with him and see how he reacts compared to him going to mine. He has been to my church about 10 times in the 11 years we have been together, and ZERo times at his church! But that doesn’t mean anything because he still believes and defends the LDS beliefs to the core. I think he is scared to dissappoint his family, but in another aspect, I really feel he thinks I’m in the wrong religion! So confusing! I would never leave my Faith, ever! He knows that too! Do they worship like we do?

 

[majick275]

My husband went to church with me on Ash Wednesday and he even picked up the missal, read along, and sang along! He knelt, but only because he didn’t want to be the only one not doing it. I told him he could receive the Ashes, but he didn’t want to. Is our mass very different from theirs? I almost want to go to church with him and see how he reacts compared to him going to mine. He has been to my church about 10 times in the 11 years we have been together, and ZERo times at his church! But that doesn’t mean anything because he still believes and defends the LDS beliefs to the core. I think he is scared to dissappoint his family, but in another aspect, I really feel he thinks I’m in the wrong religion! So confusing! I would never leave my Faith, ever! He knows that too! Do they worship like we do?

no they do not worship like we do. i can not think of anything that would be similar between the two services other than people sing, pray and talk at various times throughout it.

 

[MelanieAnne]

It isn’t silly, it’s devastating.

Hi Rebecca,

Oh, I’ve seen it happen. I know how devastating it is to the person it happens too. Perhaps I expressed myself poorly.

What I was trying to express was that while in the midst of the Mormon social milieu, a person can easily come to believe that it is real, that these people are truly friends. The people that I have known that were in that situation, and later left the church, were at first devastated to realize that the friends they thought they had were an illusion. They only found peace when they came to realize that those people never were friends in the first place and that they hadn’t really “lost” anything if they never had it to begin with.

 

[tundramom]

It is devastating.

I learned that my mother had surgery in December and it turned out to be Cancer. She is going to have chemo and I’m hoping to be able to get out there so she can meet my kids.

For whatever reason-- and I have no doubt a large part of it is that I am no longer LDS – I’m the black sheep. I have not had contact with my sisters and their children either for about 15 years.

Since hearing of my Mom, I’ve been able to contact two of my nieces and one of my sisters. We’ll see what happens from here but I’m not holding out much hope of a reconciliation.

I still welcome the missionaries every time they come around. My philosophy is that I may be the only person who can relate to them and where they’re coming from and still speak truth in love to them.

in Christ
Steph

 

[CHRISTINE77]

What does burning in the bosum feel like anyway?

When I am moved by Christ, I experience a tenderness in my heart and tears in my eyes, but I have never experience a burning sensation.

 

[CJ_Nick]

OP just checking in to let you all know that I appreciate the contributions and I am indeed reading them.

I must say, the contributions regarding the " pain " and or " hardships " when one leaves while the rest of the family/friends stay, is truly a deeply sad thing.

Thanks again for all the replies

God bless and peace
CJ

 

[CJ_Nick]

It is devastating.

I learned that my mother had surgery in December and it turned out to be Cancer. She is going to have chemo and I’m hoping to be able to get out there so she can meet my kids.

For whatever reason-- and I have no doubt a large part of it is that I am no longer LDS – I’m the black sheep. I have not had contact with my sisters and their children either for about 15 years.

Since hearing of my Mom, I’ve been able to contact two of my nieces and one of my sisters. We’ll see what happens from here but I’m not holding out much hope of a reconciliation.

I still welcome the missionaries every time they come around. My philosophy is that I may be the only person who can relate to them and where they’re coming from and still speak truth in love to them.

in Christ
Steph

Hi Steph,

Thanks for sharing

God bless
A VERY SAD CJ

 

[RebeccaJ]

Hi Rebecca,

Oh, I’ve seen it happen. I know how devastating it is to the person it happens too. Perhaps I expressed myself poorly.

What I was trying to express was that while in the midst of the Mormon social milieu, a person can easily come to believe that it is real, that these people are truly friends. The people that I have known that were in that situation, and later left the church, were at first devastated to realize that the friends they thought they had were an illusion. They only found peace when they came to realize that those people never were friends in the first place and that they hadn’t really “lost” anything if they never had it to begin with.

I knew what you were saying, but I don’t agree. Of course the friendships were real, and they were lost. I think people decide to believe they weren’t real, because to believe the reality is hard. To even wrap your mind around it. Especially when the relationships are your own immediate family.

I want to believe that yes, I really was loved. If I don’t believe that, then I have to believe that my family faked their love for me, for years, if not decades. To believe that I was not loved, for my entire childhood is a devastating proposition.

Or, I can believe that love existed, and was conditional. Based on how good or pleasing I am to my family. For some of my family, yes, this is the reality. For others, I know they are disappointed in my lack of belief in their faith, and they pray for me, but they have never stopped loving me.

And then you get the totally weird moments that you don’t know what to do with. Like, your father telling you that your sin for not raising you daughter as lds is something to be seriously considered. Or, the same man telling you that no, your brother doesn’t really love his wife, because if he did, he would have married in a mormon temple. These sort of comments, I don’t know what to do with. On the one hand, I think they say, “I love you when you do like I believe”. On the other, I love my dad, and want to believe he didn’t really mean what he said. And I want to believe that he loves me, still. I think he does. He says he does.

At one point in my life, a good friend told me that I had made myself immune to love, so that these sort of things didn’t have to hurt me. I think this is what you are saying, when you say that people’s love or friendship wasn’t really there. Make yourself immune to that love that existed, because to believe that it was real, is going to hurt like hell.

I stopped trying to make myself immune to love, and there are times that it hurts like hell. But it is better than being emotionally numb and seeing a part of your life, that was very real, as not real.

All in all the whole thing is fubar’d.

 

[MelanieAnne]

Hi Rebecca,

I understand what you’re saying. I’m speaking only from the experience of a friend of mine who went through this. She came to believe that most of her so-called “friends” were conditional. But her experience was much different than yours. For one thing, her entire family wasn’t involved.

She was a member for at least a decade and devoted so much time and effort to the organization that she left completely depleted. Perhaps she expected too much, it’s hard to say. But she was surprised to find that if she wasn’t at church, almost all of her “friends” were no longer her friends. She has one Mormon friend that she has retained since leaving the church and that relationship is rather tenuous. All the rest utterly abandoned her. I thought it was very sad. The times she has talked to me about it, I didn’t even know what to say. I’ve never seen anything like it.