A Really Really Few Good Men

[LAGwen]

To the OP, I would just say continue praying, and try (though it is hard) not to worry about finding the right man, but live your life in a meaningful way each and every day, involving yourself in activities that will help you meet a wide range of people. You are right in saying that the good and godly men out there are in the minority, and a man would also be right in saying the good and godly women are in a minority

I commend you for seeking a man and not a “fixer-upper,” so to speak, but one thing I haven’t heard mentioned in this thread is a word of caution that throughout your life and the life of your future husband, (if God does indeed call you to marriage) you and he will both be tempted. Even a man who today is godly, faith-filled, and living according to the scriptures with a strong prayer life might be tempted later to abandon all or some of that in some way. You also may be tempted. That is the difficulty of “til death do us part.”

I am struggling right now with a husband who is being unfaithful to me, and I’m pretty sure it started first with pornography. He was a good and godly man when I met him - appeared to be everything I would ever want in a husband when it came to faithfulness to his family, church, and prayer life. I’m not saying this will happen to you, and I pray it will not. I’m just saying that we all have to face our demons and temptations, and you are wise to look for somebody that is solid at the start, but you must also contemplate and consider that if you choose to marry, the devil will do his best to find a weakness that might tear you apart, and with many men, pornography is one of the easiest ones for him to use.

Peace!
Gwen

 

[ManOnFire]

The media creates the culture. The culture elects the politicians. I found it much easier to be a better Catholic since I decreased my exposure to pop culture media. They tempt people into a regressive, basic-instinctual emphasis on physical and chemical brain pleasurism, rather than True, Romantic, Sacrificial Love. Then, they have the nerve to label and self-annoint themselves as progressive, correct, and independent individualists (which is their glorified, re-marketed code for “you should remain as a child, too self-centered to follow the Church’s Covenant of Behavior”). The mainstream media owns the airwaves. They can annoint themselves whatever label they want. Unfortunately, too many people don’t doubt them or challenge them. They add just enough comedy, action, and thin romance to keep you coming back for more, while attempting to dictate society’s values. Unfortunately, they’ve been somewhat successful.

Many of their unelected heads don’t believe in God. Many believe you should feel-as-much-personal-pleasure-while-you’re-alive-because-there-isn’t-anything-else. They are promoting early and often sex and drugs. This does several things: it gets men hooked on sex and drugs rather than Romantic Love. Then, the scantilly-clad hotties in pop music are paraded out. Young girls want to be like them. Then, girls act like them. The girls put out because that’s the dictated popular message. The boys are happy to accept. Their relationships are too thin because it’s based on hotness rather than sacrificial Love. Once the mystery of the shallow sex is gone, the individualist relapses into selfishness, grows intolerant of the other person’s needs, and the relationship ends. Frustrated, both genders think they just need to try someone different or kinkier. Then, they try kinkier and kinkier. Again, it’s too thin and shallow for satisfaction. Eventually, frustration in the opposite sex grows for too many who refuse to follow The Way. (It’s not my way. It’s not her way. The right Way is His Way.) Then begins the anti-opposite-gender movement. Just the way the anti-Church, anti-family, depopulation movement likes it. So, let’s cut off their exposure in our lives. Yes, it will take some effort, but we’ll be deeper, happier, and stronger in the long run.

If only more people could wake up to see what’s going on, be open-minded enough to free-willingly elect to turn off the unelected pop culture media.

 

[NewsTheMan]

The media creates the culture. The culture elects the politicians. I found it much easier to be a better Catholic since I decreased my exposure to pop culture media. They tempt people into a regressive, basic-instinctual emphasis on physical and chemical brain pleasurism, rather than True, Romantic, Sacrificial Love. Then, they have the nerve to label and self-annoint themselves as progressive, correct, and independent individualists (which is their glorified, re-marketed code for “you should remain as a child, too self-centered to follow the Church’s Covenant of Behavior”). The mainstream media owns the airwaves. They can annoint themselves whatever label they want. Unfortunately, too many people don’t doubt them or challenge them. They add just enough comedy, action, and thin romance to keep you coming back for more, while attempting to dictate society’s values. Unfortunately, they’ve been somewhat successful.

Many of their unelected heads don’t believe in God. Many believe you should feel-as-much-personal-pleasure-while-you’re-alive-because-there-isn’t-anything-else. They are promoting early and often sex and drugs. This does several things: it gets men hooked on sex and drugs rather than Romantic Love. Then, the scantilly-clad hotties in pop music are paraded out. Young girls want to be like them. Then, girls act like them. The girls put out because that’s the dictated popular message. The boys are happy to accept. Their relationships are too thin because it’s based on hotness rather than sacrificial Love. Once the mystery of the shallow sex is gone, the individualist relapses into selfishness, grows intolerant of the other person’s needs, and the relationship ends. Frustrated, both genders think they just need to try someone different or kinkier. Then, they try kinkier and kinkier. Again, it’s too thin and shallow for satisfaction. Eventually, frustration in the opposite sex grows for too many who refuse to follow The Way. (It’s not my way. It’s not her way. The right Way is His Way.) Then begins the anti-opposite-gender movement. Just the way the anti-Church, anti-family, depopulation movement likes it. So, let’s cut off their exposure in our lives. Yes, it will take some effort, but we’ll be deeper, happier, and stronger in the long run.

If only more people could wake up to see what’s going on, be open-minded enough to free-willingly elect to turn off the unelected pop culture media.

Great post!

 

[ManOnFire]

Great post!

Thanks!

 

[rick43235]

Unfortunately I live in one of the worst cities in America.

I’d take a job bagging groceries in any other city before I’d look for true Love in Las Vegas.

I never noticed she is in Las Vegas, well it ain’t called the city of sin for nothing probably the worst place on earth to try and find a good upstanding catholic guy.

Oh, give me a break. I have a good friend who lives in Las Vegas and I’ve visited there many times. Get two blocks away from the Strip and it’s just like anywhere else.

 

[CountrySinger]

I love Vegas! I would move there if I could. I like bright lights, lol. One of my friends lived there, and I was always visiting.

I live in vey unchurched city as well (Seattle, it has one of the lowest rates of church attendence). I heard that the West is considered the “The Unchurched Belt”. So what is a single +atholic woman to do? Well, I signed up for every Catholic dating site out there, and I tried to get active in my parish, but the churches here range from medicore to horrible.

Then this guy PM’d me on here. I had just written a post about how it stinks to be close to 30 and unmarried. We started talking, and we have so much in common. But he lives in Scotland! . But we met in person, and now we are dating. Long distance stinks, but it is worth it.

So my advice is, look outside of your area. If I only stuck to Seattle, I would die an old maid. If an overweight sarcastic woman can find someone, anyone can.

 

[Koopa]

I would say, don’t lose hope! Trust in God.

Believe me, there are men out there that are wonderful people. I was almost coming to accept that there were hardly any good Catholics around and then I visited Franciscan University and WHOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHH. Complete opposite there; everyone is so Catholic that it’s overwhelming. Now, I’m not sure that there are a lot of places like FUS, but it at least reminds me that there ARE wonderful Catholic people out there.

Just please, be patient and wait for what God wants for you. I agree with what someone else said; you should stop looking and just “rest in God’s presence.” Age should have no bearing on your desire to marry–if God wants you to meet a man, He will send you one. If not, then it’s God who wants you to be single, and you can’t really argue.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t date, just that you should be patient, and let God come to you instead of chasing after a fantasy man.

God bless you and your desire for a holy husband!

 

[vera_dicere]

Several other posters are correct, the right guys and gals are out there, I mean, look at this site for example, lots of fine gents with upstanding Catholic character.

I’m 29, and in NZL, and if you think Las Vegas is questionable, come down here. But I know there are good Catholic blokes around, my brother and several of my cousins are good Catholic sorts, and they have good Catholic guy friends.

It does sadden me sometimes, though, to see guys I went to school with on Facebook who have fallen far away from the faith they were raised in, in fact, there’s a large number of guys and gals who went to Catholic schools with me who are now hard core athiests.

Not to mention, perhaps you’re called to “court” a gentlemen who’s not Catholic, or even Christian, and bring him to the faith!

The only advice I can really give is what I’ve done, I’ve given up actively looking. If Marriage is indeed my vocation, and I trust everything over to God, then the right fella for me will cross my path whereever the Lord decrees and it could be Mass, the internet or even a video game store.

 

[havana1]

May I?

This is also a rant, a prayer request and any advice welcome thread

I am starting to give up on women on hope to ever find a good one. I am thirty-something, born and raised Catholic with a great family. Since I was a young boy I have dreamed of meeting the right woman. Not to brag but I am attractive, smart and I have a great job, morals and family.

Once you’re past 30, the prospects get dimmer and dimmer. Especially if you still like indie-rock and watch those VH1 “Best ____ of the 80’s” specials whenever they’re on. (I’m sorry, but I’ll never not like Oasis and Rage Against The Machine, no matter how “old” I get, and the ideal Catholic woman is going to have to realize that.)

 

[TedDC]

I love Vegas! I would move there if I could. I like bright lights, lol. One of my friends lived there, and I was always visiting.

I live in vey unchurched city as well (Seattle, it has one of the lowest rates of church attendence). I heard that the West is considered the “The Unchurched Belt”. So what is a single +atholic woman to do? Well, I signed up for every Catholic dating site out there, and I tried to get active in my parish, but the churches here range from medicore to horrible.

Then this guy PM’d me on here. I had just written a post about how it stinks to be close to 30 and unmarried. We started talking, and we have so much in common. But he lives in Scotland! . But we met in person, and now we are dating. Long distance stinks, but it is worth it.

So my advice is, look outside of your area. If I only stuck to Seattle, I would die an old maid. If an overweight sarcastic woman can find someone, anyone can.

Picturing CS living happily ever after in Groundskeeper Willie’s shack…but if that doesn’t work out, I think Mel Gibson is available.

 

[ALotLessThumb]

OP,

I may not be Catholic but as a 26 year old Godfearing male I share your experience, though I wish it were otherwise. Dating has been a torturous vale. I believe I’ve lost years from my life after some of the heartache I’ve gone through. It may not be Vegas, but I make my living in the NYC arts/media community which is no stranger to licentiousness and libertine behaviors. Morosely, I have seen too many good Christian and Jewish men and women dragged into such extreme and glomming degradation. Nothing hurts more than seeing someone fall, especially after you start building a successful God-centered relationship- it absolutely devastates me. I pray for them, and I’ll pray for you.

It’s funny, I actually signed in to make this thread if only for cathartic purposes because there seems to be no one physically surrounding me that seems to share my concerns and mores. It is reassuring to know that I’m not the only one. So thank you and God Bless.

 

[Demetra2]

Dear JesusLives,

Thank you for writing your heartfelt post concerning how difficult it is to meet good Catholic young men. I have two daughters about your age and they could have written basically the same post. We live in Boston with many “Catholics” and the problem is the same here. There are very few young people in church any more or that even believe or understand their religion. Through immorality at college many have lost their way. I have even written to the archdiocese of Boston to express my concern about a serious outreach to 20-30 yr old adults but I don’t think they fully understand the scope of the problem. In a few years they will get it when the elderly will be gone and many more churches will close. The present generation of young people and Baby Boomers will not fill the seats and the Church needs to take this very seriously.
Unfortunately the Catholic church is turning a blind eye to the excellent young people who are struggling to meet decent people in our very toxic culture. That is very foolish and unkind of our bishops who refuse to effectively deal with this huge problem.

Do not blame yourself because in any other past generation this would not have been such a huge problem. In past generations most people considered pre-marital sex, living together, and porn to be very immoral and the evidence of a bad character.We have lost our minds and our morals so now you are weird if you don’t do those things! The very fact that some truly wonderful Catholic men and women have been pushed aside by the church and need to rely on Catholicmatch to hopefully meet other practicing Catholics shows us the severity of the problem. Anyone who doesn’t believe this evil problem is not dealing with reality.

That being said you sound like a wonderful young woman and you deserve a good guy… You have stated that your vocation is to marriage so don’t give up. Try AveMaria singles and CatholicMatch and be patient with it as it may take time. They are not necessarily great solutions. Don’t listen to the well meaning but off base posters who tell you to consider being a nun! In past generations when it was sooo much easier to meet decent people no one said “be a nun” if you could not find a guy. Being a nun is a true calling not a default postion. Write to your Bishop and explain your situation. Until young adults start expressing their concerns the Bishops here in America will not address the problem. It is the Elephant in the room. The Catholic church is not a dating service however they help everyone else and they should help Catholic young adults both practicing and those who are wayward. We are talking about souls here and this is a very serious looming problem for our country and church.

And as always pray very much. Jesus hears you and loves you. Right now a novena to St Ann( 7/26 feast day) might be a good idea.

God Bless you Sweetie! I’m keeping you in my prayers.

 

[The_Bucket]

You’re not going to be happy with somebody until you’re content with your own life as it is. Seriously, I mean that. Look at how many posters have said “I found the right guy/girl when I wasn’t even looking.” You have to accept your life as it is now, be happy with it and pursue all of your interests and constantly ask God what His interest is in you.

For me, I married fairly young (22) and while I thank God for my wife and children every day, I won’t lie and say sometimes is isn’t a struggle because it is! Finding someone and starting a family swaps one set of worries for another; that’s why you have to be at peace with who you are, where you are in life and in your relationship with God regardless of the circumstances.

And if all else fails, try a 54-day Novena. Ask God what He wants to do with your life and if it is to find a man and have a family… ask him to hurry it up already. But if it’s something else, be wide open to accepting what He tells you your mission is in life.

 

[Alexander_Smith]

**This is a rant, a prayer request and any advice welcome thread. **

I am starting to give up on men on hope to ever find a good one. I am 25, born and raised Catholic with a great family. Since I was a young girl I have dreamed of meeting the right man. Not to brag but I am attractive, smart and I have a great job, morals and family. I have pretty much had such great influences of Catholic men that every guy I meet seems to be a mess in comparison. My last boyfriend completely crushed me with his nightly addiction to porn. While he was great in most other ways by the time I found out about his little addiction it was 6 months into our relationship. Compared to some men I dated he always gave me a healthy amount of space, but I never would have guessed that was why. After I realized what was going on I tried to help him, we blocked his computer and tried getting him to be more devout but he kept failing and then lying to me. It became more apparent why he wouldn’t get up to meet me at the gym in the morning, or why he would wake up late on Sundays for church. I couldn’t take it anymore.

Unfortunately I live in one of the worst cities in America. I go to Church but there are no young single guys in my church. They are either married and with their families or not coming to mass on Sundays because they aren’t devout. It is like my generation completely fell off the boat. I would have to convert to Mormonism to find a guy who is disciplined enough NOT to have gotten involved with this. And I have considered it, but I do not believe in their religion. I just admire their discipline.

**With the internet so ingrained in our society I am starting to believe that almost all men are addicted to porn and I will never find a guy that I can be with. **

If I was born ten years earlier I think I might have had a better chance of meeting someone, but from around my age and younger it truly seems like there are barely and good guys left. No one understand either, the few friends I have don’t see the problem with it or they ignore it. I can’t talk to my brothers about this, and my parents don’t have this issue. When I meet a guy I usually can tell this is an issue within such a short time. I have given up on looking and just feel hopeless.

This evil seems to be spreading and it just *crushes *my very soul. Despite my modest dress, I am reminded DAILY even with older men that I meet at work: To so called “men” I am not worth anything except for my body. And I am beginning to become so bitter about life anymore. I wish Jesus would come back already.

I am very sorry you are having this problem in your life. The way you speak about your faith, modesty, and your attitude towards porn suggests you are a very mature woman, who will not compromise on critical issues.

I want to tell you, that I am in a similar situation in my parish, except I am a guy, and only 18 as of now. The girls near my age in my parish apparently have very little desire to be strong Catholics, and it’s quite depressing to speak to them since they curse like my male college classmates.

There is something truly detestable about a man who willingly views pornography, and treats women as objects. I have the extreme desire to knock heads around when I hear my classmates talk about women only in terms of sex appeal.

Whatever you do, DO NOT give up hope! The guys and girls in my family feel isolated as well, but if God wants you to be married, and you continue to peruse marriage, I’m sure He’ll guide you to the right person. It may take moving somewhere far away, it may take many things, but don’t give up hope.

Just remember, there are men out there who feel the same way as you, and would love to meet someone as serious and as strong in their faith and morals as you.

What a lovely thing to say. Apparently you and I know alot of different “secular people”.

A plea from me-stop saying things like that. Your giving Catholics a bad name.

But he’s right. Don’t waste your time with people who won’t even follow the basic tenets and laws of the faith.

You want a person who goes above and beyond the basic requirements.

 

[TedDC]

May I?

This is also a rant, a prayer request and any advice welcome thread

I am starting to give up on women on hope to ever find a good one. I am thirty-something, born and raised Catholic with a great family. Since I was a young boy I have dreamed of meeting the right woman. Not to brag but I am attractive, smart and I have a great job, morals and family.

Once you’re past 30, the prospects get dimmer and dimmer. Especially if you still like indie-rock and watch those VH1 “Best ____ of the 80’s” specials whenever they’re on. (I’m sorry, but I’ll never not like Oasis and Rage Against The Machine, no matter how “old” I get, and the ideal Catholic woman is going to have to realize that.)

Try being in your early 50s, unattractive, with no career prospects! I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

 

[NewsTheMan]

The girls near my age in my parish apparently have very little desire to be strong Catholics, and it’s quite depressing to speak to them since they curse like my male college classmates.

There is something truly detestable about a man who willingly views pornography, and treats women as objects. I have the extreme desire to knock heads around when I hear my classmates talk about women only in terms of sex appeal.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I meet a girl, and she’s great at first. Then when I get to know her… oh boy. Swears like a trooper, tells sexual stories, etc. It’s very disheartening (is that a word? ). Where I am from, you have to try very hard for people to call you immoral or liberal.

And I agree with you about detestable men. I have lost 90% of my male friends because I told them I wouldn’t stand for their stories. Recently, a friend came over and started boasting to me about how he finally ‘nailed’ this one ‘chick’ when she was menstruating (it had been a goal of his apparently) and he thought it was hilarious and an achievement. I wanted to throw up and I wish there were morality police to arrest him. Needless to say, we are not friends any longer. The immorality and sexual degredation that is all around us is frightening to say the least. And its not limited to just guys. Oh no. It really frightens me.

What does one do but pray, huh? I have given up all hope on finding someone (for now, at least). But I am happy with my life (again, for now at least). I just want to live as God wants me to live - and go wherever he takes me!

 

[Sierrah]

**This is a rant, a prayer request and any advice welcome thread. **

I am starting to give up on men on hope to ever find a good one. I am 25, born and raised Catholic with a great family. Since I was a young girl I have dreamed of meeting the right man. Not to brag but I am attractive, smart and I have a great job, morals and family. I have pretty much had such great influences of Catholic men that every guy I meet seems to be a mess in comparison. My last boyfriend completely crushed me with his nightly addiction to porn. While he was great in most other ways by the time I found out about his little addiction it was 6 months into our relationship. Compared to some men I dated he always gave me a healthy amount of space, but I never would have guessed that was why. After I realized what was going on I tried to help him, we blocked his computer and tried getting him to be more devout but he kept failing and then lying to me. It became more apparent why he wouldn’t get up to meet me at the gym in the morning, or why he would wake up late on Sundays for church. I couldn’t take it anymore.

Unfortunately I live in one of the worst cities in America. I go to Church but there are no young single guys in my church. They are either married and with their families or not coming to mass on Sundays because they aren’t devout. It is like my generation completely fell off the boat. I would have to convert to Mormonism to find a guy who is disciplined enough NOT to have gotten involved with this. And I have considered it, but I do not believe in their religion. I just admire their discipline.

With the internet so ingrained in our society I am starting to believe that almost all men are addicted to porn and I will never find a guy that I can be with.

If I was born ten years earlier I think I might have had a better chance of meeting someone, but from around my age and younger it truly seems like there are barely and good guys left. No one understand either, the few friends I have don’t see the problem with it or they ignore it. I can’t talk to my brothers about this, and my parents don’t have this issue. When I meet a guy I usually can tell this is an issue within such a short time. I have given up on looking and just feel hopeless.

This evil seems to be spreading and it just *crushes *my very soul. Despite my modest dress, I am reminded DAILY even with older men that I meet at work: To so called “men” I am not worth anything except for my body. And I am beginning to become so bitter about life anymore. I wish Jesus would come back already.

I’m thinking this isn’t about a generational thing but the overall moral decay of the country. That’s been going on since this century started. For what’s it’s worth I’m over Forty and going through the same thing.

 

[missyfatcat]

Dear JesusLives,

Thank you for writing your heartfelt post concerning how difficult it is to meet good Catholic young men. I have two daughters about your age and they could have written basically the same post. We live in Boston with many “Catholics” and the problem is the same here. There are very few young people in church any more or that even believe or understand their religion. Through immorality at college many have lost their way. I have even written to the archdiocese of Boston to express my concern about a serious outreach to 20-30 yr old adults but I don’t think they fully understand the scope of the problem. In a few years they will get it when the elderly will be gone and many more churches will close. The present generation of young people and Baby Boomers will not fill the seats and the Church needs to take this very seriously.
Unfortunately the Catholic church is turning a blind eye to the excellent young people who are struggling to meet decent people in our very toxic culture. That is very foolish and unkind of our bishops who refuse to effectively deal with this huge problem.

Do not blame yourself because in any other past generation this would not have been such a huge problem. In past generations most people considered pre-marital sex, living together, and porn to be very immoral and the evidence of a bad character.We have lost our minds and our morals so now you are weird if you don’t do those things! The very fact that some truly wonderful Catholic men and women have been pushed aside by the church and need to rely on Catholicmatch to hopefully meet other practicing Catholics shows us the severity of the problem. Anyone who doesn’t believe this evil problem is not dealing with reality.

That being said you sound like a wonderful young woman and you deserve a good guy… You have stated that your vocation is to marriage so don’t give up. Try AveMaria singles and CatholicMatch and be patient with it as it may take time. They are not necessarily great solutions. Don’t listen to the well meaning but off base posters who tell you to consider being a nun! In past generations when it was sooo much easier to meet decent people no one said “be a nun” if you could not find a guy. Being a nun is a true calling not a default postion. Write to your Bishop and explain your situation. Until young adults start expressing their concerns the Bishops here in America will not address the problem. It is the Elephant in the room. The Catholic church is not a dating service however they help everyone else and they should help Catholic young adults both practicing and those who are wayward. We are talking about souls here and this is a very serious looming problem for our country and church.

And as always pray very much. Jesus hears you and loves you. Right now a novena to St Ann( 7/26 feast day) might be a good idea.

God Bless you Sweetie! I’m keeping you in my prayers.

I agree that the church does little or nothing to help single Catholics find other compatible single Catholics. I spoke with a priest once who told me that he had presented an idea to the bishop for local catholic singles to meet and the bishop refused it.

 

[sojo]

Haven’t posted in a long while, but I wanted to share the perspective of an older (54) woman who well remembers the loneliness of her youth. I wasn’t Catholic at that time, but I dearly desired to meet a “good” man.

As others have mentioned, it is true that the more desperately you look for something, the harder it is to find it. So finding ways to be happy and fulfilled is important. So I recommend taking classes, joining clubs and special interest groups - NOT to check out the available male stock, but just to have a good time.

Next, if you can’t find good male friends, find good female friends. Again, not to annoy them all begging for introductions to their male friends and brothers, but just BE a good, caring, fun friend. Then these good women will naturally offer introductions to good men they know - relatives, classmates and young men that they love and respect as friends but aren’t romantic interests for them. Good, loving friends want to match up their friends and spread the happiness.

And finally - don’t limit your friendships to only single women. Being a kind, loving friend to young married couples is extremely helpful. They are enjoying the married life and they can often serve as good matchmakers and fine judges of character as far as what makes a good spouse. And it is easy to be a good friend to a young married couple - offer to babysit for free!

So to recap - self-examination about how you may be coming across as desperate or not whole and happy and do something about that, and concentrating on being a good friend to others, not just single men.

And of course, prayer!

 

[dulcissima]

I think that most young women tend to overlook the truly good men. Maybe take some time to discover the quiet unassuming type.