A Really Really Few Good Men

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dulcissima said:
I think that most young women tend to overlook the truly good men. Maybe take some time to discover the quiet unassuming type.
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That’s because the quiet, unassuming and let’s face it, meek types don’t sing the songs women want to hear. That is, they don’t express masculinity in a way that women find attractive. Sure, women definitely like a guy who can be humble and no one like a braggart, but much in the way modest and shy women don’t get attention from men, quiet and unassuming types don’t get attention from women because they miss that critical first glance.

So for both sexes, spread your wings a little bit. Continue to be who you are if you are good, God-fearing people, but hey, make it known that you’re interested and, more importantly, that you’re interesting.
 
The_Bucket said:
Continue to be who you are if you are good, God-fearing people, but hey, make it known that you’re interested and, more importantly, that you’re interesting.
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Rock and Roll! Right on with this comment, Bucket!

I think it’s also important to be happy, or at least act it. I date a fair amount, I really don’t like mopey and moody women who just complain all the time. Sure, the world may be terrible, and you hate everything in it, but come on-smiling and enjoying your life isn’t being anti-catholic. In fact, it since being happy and personable attracts more people, you might win some converts to our faith along the way!
 
Rascalking said:
Rock and Roll! Right on with this comment, Bucket!

I think it’s also important to be happy, or at least act it. I date a fair amount, I really don’t like mopey and moody women who just complain all the time. Sure, the world may be terrible, and you hate everything in it, but come on-smiling and enjoying your life isn’t being anti-catholic. In fact, it since being happy and personable attracts more people, you might win some converts to our faith along the way!
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Well my biggest point is that you might be the nicest guy/girl in the world, but no one is going to find that out unless you get that first look. Women, as a rule, have well known over the millennia that dressing provocatively will get that “first look” for guys. Any and all guys. And men have known over the millennia that being strong, having money/resources/land/freshly killed wooly mammoth will attract women, any and all women.

What you have to do is find the right balance and not appeal directly to that lowest common denominator. Intimate it. Flowers in the hair for women or a modest dress that’s also cheery, playful and feminine. Something that says “I’m pretty and available” without screaming it the way miniskirts do. And for guys, find the right way to get women to chase you without being disrespectful. Be a little mysterious, strong and charming, but not mean, bullying or distasteful. You need that “flash” to catch the eye of the opposite sex. Just be sure that it’s a “flash” and not full-frontal if you get my drift. Besides, that little peek of femininity or brooding masculinity is rarer today with everyone making such insanely direct pitches with their miniskirts, vulgar language and hilarious displays of false bravado.
 
The_Bucket said:
Well my biggest point is that you might be the nicest guy/girl in the world, but no one is going to find that out unless you get that first look. Women, as a rule, have well known over the millennia that dressing provocatively will get that “first look” for guys. Any and all guys. And men have known over the millennia that being strong, having money/resources/land/freshly killed wooly mammoth will attract women, any and all women.

What you have to do is find the right balance and not appeal directly to that lowest common denominator. Intimate it. Flowers in the hair for women or a modest dress that’s also cheery, playful and feminine. Something that says “I’m pretty and available” without screaming it the way miniskirts do. And for guys, find the right way to get women to chase you without being disrespectful. Be a little mysterious, strong and charming, but not mean, bullying or distasteful. You need that “flash” to catch the eye of the opposite sex. Just be sure that it’s a “flash” and not full-frontal if you get my drift. Besides, that little peek of femininity or brooding masculinity is rarer today with everyone making such insanely direct pitches with their miniskirts, vulgar language and hilarious displays of false bravado.
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One thing that many people don’t fully appreciate is the tremendous importance of a man’s physical appearance in attracting women. While men tend to see womens’ physical characteristics merely for what they are, women tend to impute - rightly or wrongly - aspects of character from physical appearance. For example, a strong chin and jawline are seen as markers for strength and courage, suggesting a good provider and protector.
 
I am a handsome Catholic if anyone is interested? 😛 I am verryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy religious so I wouldn’t want anyone who doesn’t give their all. I want to become a husband because I know guys are bad 🙂 My only problem is that I can’t help everyone, so the holiest woman gets me 😃

I am:
  • 23 years-old
  • live in England
  • weigh 215 lbs (I am very strong)
  • 6 foot
  • size eleven feet
  • a part-qualified accountant
  • have to stay in England for 15 months
  • have a skinhead
  • am fair skinned
  • don’t go out much because I live a very simple life making money for others
  • when I do go out it is to see family, to go to church, the gym, work, to volunteer or to buy clothers lol 🙂 I don’t care what people think because I prefer helping people rather than living a better life myself
Anyone interested get in touch 😛
 
Rascalking said:
Rock and Roll! Right on with this comment, Bucket!

I think it’s also important to be happy, or at least act it. I date a fair amount, I really don’t like mopey and moody women who just complain all the time. Sure, the world may be terrible, and you hate everything in it, but come on-smiling and enjoying your life isn’t being anti-catholic. In fact, it since being happy and personable attracts more people, you might win some converts to our faith along the way!
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Having self confidence and really knowing and liking yourself is the sexiest thing a person can ever wear. If you feel good about yourself, it will show and it attracts people.

OP, Get to know all types of people, male and female, enjoy activities, explore your interests. Think outside of your “type”, dont’ get too pigeonholed or stuck on only one type of person to date.

And really, why would you want a a few good men, don’t you actually just want ONE really great guy that is the perfect match for you? They exist, turn the search over to God, he is much better at directing your search than anything you can do on your own.
 
PatriceA said:
Having self confidence and really knowing and liking yourself is the sexiest thing a person can ever wear. If you feel good about yourself, it will show and it attracts people.

OP, Get to know all types of people, male and female, enjoy activities, explore your interests. Think outside of your “type”, dont’ get too pigeonholed or stuck on only one type of person to date.

And really, why would you want a a few good men, don’t you actually just want ONE really great guy that is the perfect match for you? They exist, turn the search over to God, he is much better at directing your search than anything you can do on your own.
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I know lots of self confident people who are still single and have been forever. 🤷 I think it’s all luck if you ask me. I think God rolls the dice and sets us out on our own. 🤷:eek:
 
NewsTheMan said:
Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I meet a girl, and she’s great at first. Then when I get to know her… oh boy. Swears like a trooper, tells sexual stories, etc. It’s very disheartening (is that a word? :p). Where I am from, you have to try very hard for people to call you immoral or liberal.

And I agree with you about detestable men. I have lost 90% of my male friends because I told them I wouldn’t stand for their stories. Recently, a friend came over and started boasting to me about how he finally ‘nailed’ this one ‘chick’ when she was menstruating (it had been a goal of his apparently) and he thought it was hilarious and an achievement. I wanted to throw up and I wish there were morality police to arrest him. Needless to say, we are not friends any longer. The immorality and sexual degredation that is all around us is frightening to say the least. And its not limited to just guys. Oh no. It really frightens me.

What does one do but pray, huh? I have given up all hope on finding someone (for now, at least). But I am happy with my life (again, for now at least). I just want to live as God wants me to live - and go wherever he takes me!
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“Swears like a trooper”. Good way of putting it! 😛

The worse part for me, is that some of these girls only seem to curse when their male counterparts are around. They seem uncomfortable with cursing but they do it anyway. I hate to think they’re cursing to fit in. 😦

Good for you for standing up to those “friends”. It can be incredibly hard to speak out at times, but sometimes there are people who will want to be your friend because you spoke out.

Still, better fewer good friends, than a bunch of crude ones.
 
Rascalking said:
My friend, in the states this may mean something else—the term “skinhead” is also used in white supremacist/neo-nazi stuff…
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I shave my head because I can’t be bothered with hair 😃 In England it means just shaving your head 🙂
 
crazydyl said:
I shave my head because I can’t be bothered with hair 😃 In England it means just shaving your head 🙂
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Oh, okay. Just checking~ I didn’t want you to give the wrong impression here!
I’m the polar opposite-hair falling below my shoulders!
God Bless!
 
It’s important not to fall into despair or grow anxious - those are two ways the master of lies will attempt to bring you down to settle for someone who does not share your virtue and your chastity. It is hard, but remember that ‘this too shall pass’ and remember in the meantime - to be alone… is to be alone with Christ.

That said, have you attended college? If not, what about going to a SOLID Catholic College out of state where you can greatly increase your chances to meet a guy that shares your values?

If you are out of school, why not attend a seminar / retreat at one of these schools? I hear great things about the lecture series and various events Franciscan U. in Stubenville puts on every summer (probably going on as we speak). I’ve heard a number of people attribute Franciscan U. as a place ‘people go to meet their husband/wife.’

Charity is also another great way to weed prospective spouses out - ever consider doing pro-life work? See if there are any crises pregnancy centers in your area. From my experience, those whom you meet side-walk counseling outside an abortion mill are pretty solid individuals. A young man who saw fit to do this on his free time will be a great deal less likely to view woman as objects. Some forms of charity are pretty demanding, if you come across a guy that would get up early on a Sat. morning to do a Helpers of Gods Precious Infants Vigil ( helpersbrooklynny.org/ ) odds are he isn’t acting out impurely on his free time.

While there are of course other forms of charity to meet guys… I recommend pro-life work because it takes guts to stand out in front of these mills and help woman facing unplanned pregnancies - you would be finding a guy who is not afraid to stand up and defend woman and who is already ‘woman-centered’ to a degree.

Also, T.O.B. (Theology of the Body) seminars are becoming popular in many dioceses. See if your diocese if hosting any of these, if not what about spearheading one? The young man/woman in this generation are in great need of this messages as you seem to be aware and young fella that you may come across doing this work is probably already living a chaste lifestyle if not striving to live one…

God bless and good luck!
 
Wow so many replies.

First, let me start of saying that I didn’t mean to offend anyone with the title. When I say that I don’t think the majority of men are good I do not mean that they are evil. I am by no means a man hater. It just happens to be my opinion that the majority of men(I started with men since that is what I am interested in) are not good for me or society in general. I have high expectations of men because I have four brothers, a father, grandfathers and uncles that all have been great influences on me and my perception of what a good man is. My father and brothers are very conservative and have expressed dismay at pop culture as well. In the last 5 - 8 years the internet has become a necessity in many ways and this is proving itself to be just as good as it is bad.

I understand completely that I was raised this way and it is part of what made me who I am, I am lucky in a way for this but I have had my share of hardships too. I understand that everyone has different paths in life that imprints on their character and perceptions. I believe that all Catholics and Christians are responsible for their part in society. We are supposed to show God’s light in the darkness and often we fail, me included. I still don’t believe this excuses a lot of things that are happening. Most people have a strong desire to be honorable and good. Even atheists such as Ayn Rand can recognize objective morals exist. With all the knowledge at our fingertips I can’t help but find it frustrating that people use their time so carelessly.

I have never ruled out becoming a nun but I am not ready to think of that just yet. Growing up with such a large family it just seems like home to me and I wanted to build my own. Our faith is growing in other countries but in America it seems to be dwindling. I just wanted to contribute to society the way my parents have. I am not closing my mind though.

ManOnFire it will no doubt be hard for your girls but you are obviously savy to what is happening and you have to guide them. I wish that my parents made or encouraged me to go to a large catholic college. I heard there is one in stuebenville ohio that is just wonderful. Anyway even though you probably know this I just feel like shouting this to every parent. if you have young boys do not let them have computers in their room un-filtered. I learned with my ex whose parents never censored him how a habit became an addiction.

And to those who suggested online dating. It just seems so scary to me to date over the internet. I know it can be good, my own brother met his wife on Eharmony. I have sort of developed a complex about guys who use the internet a lot. I know this is probably not the case for most guys on the Catholic/Christian dating sites my mind just shys away from the idea I suppose. I have not completely closed my mind to it.

Anyway thanks for all your encouragement and prayers.
 
NewsTheMan said:
A really really few good women! Indeed.

OP, it isn’t comforting at all, but take note that I, and probably thousands of other young Catholics are in the exact same situation. My story:

I live in a small university town, known for its overwhelmingly liberal sexual campus culture. Had I expected it to be this bad I probably would never have come here. Anyway. It’s a small university, less than 4000 students, and probably less than 50 practising Catholics amongst the people my own age. I have posted before exactly what goes on here - and as you can imagine on a university campus, especially a liberal one - it is pretty much the pits when it comes to sexual immorality, etc. So, here I am. Like you (and not to brag either) I am a great looking, intelligent, scapular-wearing-daily-mass-going Catholic guy and you know what? I’m pretty lonely too! I have friends sure; but not good ones, because I just can’t relate to their choices, and vice versa.

Anyway, I have stopped trying to find someone. It just isn’t going to happen. Not here, not now at least. Last year I fell away from the Church, I dated a secular girl, I did things with her, “fell in love” etc and it all came crumbling down and it broke my heart. I learnt a few things from that:
  1. Don’t date a secular person. They will most likely not share your values, morals, ethics, and views on life in general (nevermind the actual religious side of things like going to Mass, etc). This was the biggest problem I had. I couldn’t reconcile it all in my head. How my ‘girlfriend’ was going to Hooters with other guys and dancing on tables, how my ‘girlfriend’ thought it was funny that her best friend slept with 2 guys in one night, how my ‘girlfriend’ thought abortion was the prefered choice because having a baby under the age of 30 “is for whores” (so many things wrong with that statement, but anyway). And once I started going to Mass again, thats when we broke up - it happened because I went to confession and she mocked me for it. Break up time!
  2. Whoever you do end up dating… I hope you have majorly discerned beforehand. I can’t expand on that enough. I don’t have the words. But its just so important. It speaks for itself.
  3. You can’t push anything or anyone - especially not God. I learnt the hard way. I know now… If I’m praying, doing my studies, living a moral life, being the ‘salt’ of the Earth, etc, that God will take care of me in his own time. And his own time in his own way is for the best. IT really really really is. Just need to trust Him, and trust less in our own sense of what we want and need etc, and I am positive all things will work out.
Anyway, yeah, it sucks. There ain’t nuttin to it, but to do it! And by that I mean - just stick it out and wait, because when the right guy does come along and you fall in love and whatever (if it is in God’s will) you’re gonna be SO glad you waited, SO glad that God brought this man to you, and the wait would have been very very worth it I am certain of that!
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Your right. I need to trust God more. It is so hard and I am so jaded now. I want to move from Vegas but I have to secure a good enough job first and right now that is hard. I am also not ready. I hate to say that your situation seems worse. I mean we agreed on everything except I just couldn’t wait around for him to change the porn problem. He tried, and I tried to help him with computer blocks and all. It just became a pattern of changing and then giving in to temptation and what a waste of almost 2 years. I was naive to plan a life with someone before I knew they were able to change. I have no one to blame but myself really. The thing I kept thinking was how am I going to find a guy who DOESN’T have this problem. Even Christian and Catholic guys I know see it as something harmless.

I totally empathize with your situation. The few friends I had that were girls either moved, or became extremely liberal. It just got to the point of no return. A few of my friends moved and the other few friends that I met through them have changed more and more over time. It just got to the point of no return. They have somehow lost all their shame, will tell you any sexual story, or crazy thing they have done proudly. They cheat on their boyfriends and sleep around with absolutely no regret or remorse. I don’t get it at all. I feel exactly the same about not being able to relate to their choices. I couldn’t sit by idly why they discussed how they would resort to abortions or how they could justify cheating. Pretty much the only friends I have and the only people I spend time with is my family now.

I guess I sort of wish I could move to a Catholic community somewhere. I just got to figure out where. 🤷
 
ALotLessThumb said:
😦

OP,

I may not be Catholic but as a 26 year old Godfearing male I share your experience, though I wish it were otherwise. Dating has been a torturous vale. I believe I’ve lost years from my life after some of the heartache I’ve gone through. It may not be Vegas, but I make my living in the NYC arts/media community which is no stranger to licentiousness and libertine behaviors. Morosely, I have seen too many good Christian and Jewish men and women dragged into such extreme and glomming degradation. Nothing hurts more than seeing someone fall, especially after you start building a successful God-centered relationship- it absolutely devastates me. I pray for them, and I’ll pray for you.

It’s funny, I actually signed in to make this thread if only for cathartic purposes because there seems to be no one physically surrounding me that seems to share my concerns and mores. It is reassuring to know that I’m not the only one. So thank you and God Bless.
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Ahh thank you…It is oddly comforting to hear your stories.
 
Demetra2 said:
Dear JesusLives,

Thank you for writing your heartfelt post concerning how difficult it is to meet good Catholic young men. I have two daughters about your age and they could have written basically the same post. We live in Boston with many “Catholics” and the problem is the same here. There are very few young people in church any more or that even believe or understand their religion. Through immorality at college many have lost their way. I have even written to the archdiocese of Boston to express my concern about a serious outreach to 20-30 yr old adults but I don’t think they fully understand the scope of the problem. In a few years they will get it when the elderly will be gone and many more churches will close. The present generation of young people and Baby Boomers will not fill the seats and the Church needs to take this very seriously.
Unfortunately the Catholic church is turning a blind eye to the excellent young people who are struggling to meet decent people in our very toxic culture. That is very foolish and unkind of our bishops who refuse to effectively deal with this huge problem.

Do not blame yourself because in any other past generation this would not have been such a huge problem. In past generations most people considered pre-marital sex, living together, and porn to be very immoral and the evidence of a bad character.We have lost our minds and our morals so now you are weird if you don’t do those things! The very fact that some truly wonderful Catholic men and women have been pushed aside by the church and need to rely on Catholicmatch to hopefully meet other practicing Catholics shows us the severity of the problem. Anyone who doesn’t believe this evil problem is not dealing with reality.

That being said you sound like a wonderful young woman and you deserve a good guy… You have stated that your vocation is to marriage so don’t give up. Try AveMaria singles and CatholicMatch and be patient with it as it may take time. They are not necessarily great solutions. Don’t listen to the well meaning but off base posters who tell you to consider being a nun! In past generations when it was sooo much easier to meet decent people no one said “be a nun” if you could not find a guy. Being a nun is a true calling not a default postion. Write to your Bishop and explain your situation. Until young adults start expressing their concerns the Bishops here in America will not address the problem. It is the Elephant in the room. The Catholic church is not a dating service however they help everyone else and they should help Catholic young adults both practicing and those who are wayward. We are talking about souls here and this is a very serious looming problem for our country and church.

And as always pray very much. Jesus hears you and loves you. Right now a novena to St Ann( 7/26 feast day) might be a good idea.

God Bless you Sweetie! I’m keeping you in my prayers.
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Wow thanks! I really don’t want to become a nun, but I want to listen to God. Like I explained before, I want to have a family like my parents have had. We need to build families and rebuild our community. My heart goes out to your daughters!! It truly has become insanity. But I agree. this is a serious problem the Church is not really talking about. I guess they are trying to fill vocations…I will write to my Bishop my dad actually invited him to dinner sometime so maybe I will get a chance to talk to him.
 
I hear you and I so agree with Advocatus Fidei’s thoughts. I’m in an almost similar situation, 28 … been single since my ex broke up with me late last year, it was long distance. He in my book was perfect, catholic … good, but for him I was not what he wanted, something was just not right and I’ve learned to accept that. I’ve tried getting back into the finding the ‘man to marry’ sprint with no success. I’ve had a catholic upbringing and always wanted to find someone from the church. Loneliness is a concern for me too as my own family (parents and siblings) are miles away and not even in this country.

I have an above average professional life, am fairly okay looking (although I could do with gaining some weight) and have a wide range of interests including in the recent past volunteering at local charities. Our communities here are mostly family based and I always hang out with folks who are married, they don’t understand my situation. Also I have tried the traditional option of matrimonial site (not US based) but seem to have no luck there either, in fact the no responses/rejections makes it more depressing. There are many times I’ve decided to take a pause, take my profile off those sites and let God do his thing, maybe I just will.
 
Just hang in there :o I’m probably not much help, but I met my devout Catholic fiance in college and he’s now 25 and I’m 24. So they are out there.

I do think that where you live has somewhat to do with it. But short of moving, have you looked at other Parishes? I’m not familiar with the Catholic community in Las Vegas, but I’m guessing there’s more than one Catholic Church? Perhaps others have more active youth?

I guess if I were in your position I would try something like Catholic Match just because I think it’s hard to put yourself out there where other devout Catholics are, and at least online you’re meeting people outside of your area. Of course they also have their “cafeteria” Catholics on there too, so you’d have to sort through all types of men.
 
Hey there Jesuslives,

I’m a 25 yo conservative Catholic guy born and raised in Vegas too, so I definitely get where you’re coming from with the lack of like-minded ppl our age in Sin City. I’ve been mostly away from home for the past 4-5 years for school, so I’ve kinda taken a different perspective on the young adult involvement. Where I temporarily live up in the Northeast there’s actually fewer young adults involved at Mass or in the diocese than in Vegas, so I actually get refreshed coming back and seeing at least a few ppl my age 😛 Also, I miss home like crazy during the Dark Ages that is December->Feb. Vegas winters are paradise!

Anyhow, in weird places every so often I think God kinda nudges me into feeling some hope about our generation. Every 6 months or so I’ll randomly run into someone who restores my faith in the guys/gals in their 20’s. I’ve been lucky enough to meet quite a few people who are in their 20’s and are amazing, strong Catholics, and on the guy end don’t do the whole creeper/porn thing. They just can be really, really difficult to find and network with, but the good ones are out there so take hope and keep your eyes open 👍

God Bless
 
ndgoirish21 said:
Hey there Jesuslives,

I’m a 25 yo conservative Catholic guy born and raised in Vegas too, so I definitely get where you’re coming from with the lack of like-minded ppl our age in Sin City. I’ve been mostly away from home for the past 4-5 years for school, so I’ve kinda taken a different perspective on the young adult involvement. Where I temporarily live up in the Northeast there’s actually fewer young adults involved at Mass or in the diocese than in Vegas, so I actually get refreshed coming back and seeing at least a few ppl my age 😛 Also, I miss home like crazy during the Dark Ages that is December->Feb. Vegas winters are paradise!

Anyhow, in weird places every so often I think God kinda nudges me into feeling some hope about our generation. Every 6 months or so I’ll randomly run into someone who restores my faith in the guys/gals in their 20’s. I’ve been lucky enough to meet quite a few people who are in their 20’s and are amazing, strong Catholics, and on the guy end don’t do the whole creeper/porn thing. They just can be really, really difficult to find and network with, but the good ones are out there so take hope and keep your eyes open 👍

God Bless
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Ahem…are you still in Vegas…the OP seems to be your sort…just saying…😉
 
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