A sin to be a recluse?

[Minion_w_a_drum]

My question is whether or not it is sinful, and to what degree, to live a life of solitary seclusion. I’ve been divorced for about 10 years. I applied for an annulment about 3 years ago and it was denied. For the longest time I tried to find a member of the opposite sex for friendship/companionship. In every single instance, a physical relationship was not only available but encouraged and dare I say expected. I am convinced that in today’s day and age it is extremely rare (if not outright impossible) for a man and woman to have a relationship without it going physical, and usually sooner rather than later.
One can advise that I just keep looking for that magical unicorn that is a platonic relationship but to me it is just not worth it. The searching and possible relationship is just not worth the pain and agony and drama that comes with a relationship that ends because one party does not want to get physical. Besides, the only way I know to “avoid the near occasion of sin” is to have absolutely nothing to do with the opposite sex. That may be extreme, but it certainly keeps me out of a situation involving immoral activity. Besides, I pledge to do this with each act of contrition.
So to summarize, I’d like opinions on whether or not I am offending God by waking up, going to work, coming home, going to the gym, coming home, going to bed and then repeating daily? About the only other event in my life is Sunday Mass, followed by a stop at the grocery store. I may venture out to the hardware store or clothing store on Saturdays if need be, but that is extremely rare. I’ve contemplated the notion to quit attending Mass but I haven’t done so as of yet.
Please only focus on the solitary lifestyle choice and not the desire to quit going to Mass. One problem at a time, please. Thank you.

 

[Robert_Sock]

No sin whatsoever. I’m retired and I spend the day in silence and solitude, as do hermits. Nowhere in Church teachings does it say that we must interact with people. Living in solitude can be a great way to worship God. The more I’m away from people, the greater my love for them. Offer your time spent in solitude to avoid sin as a righteous sacrifice, very pleasing to God.

 

[Minion_w_a_drum]

Thank you. This simplifies things immensely. I’m happy to get your response.[BIBLEDRB][/BIBLEDRB]

 

[smaw8]

I don’t think you should label yourself as a recluse. I really understand why you would be frustrated with the way sex is considered a free-for-all, especially in today’s world. Hang in there and be sure to spend your spare time around people who believe the same as you do, easier said than done, I know. I personaly would rather spend my time alone than in a place with a lot of people. Except when I go to mass. Good luck

 

[Minion_w_a_drum]

I don’t think you should label yourself as a recluse. I really understand why you would be frustrated with the way sex is considered a free-for-all, especially in today’s world. Hang in there and be sure to spend your spare time around people who believe the same as you do, easier said than done, I know. Good luck

In the 10 years since my divorce, I’ve yet to find someone of the opposite sex who ultimately did not want to take the relationship to a physical level.
Sex has, on a number of occasions been available anywhere from the first encounter to the third or fourth encounter.
Not once have a found someone who desired a platonic relationship. And believe me, I’ve tried.
Family members view me as a pathetic loser and thus want to introduce me to someone so I can be “happy”. And then we are right back where I started. I spend time with someone and eventually it is expected to go physical.

To explain, do not under estimate the misery and drama associated when you tell someone who is wanting sex: “I was just looking for someone to go get a bite to eat, or go to a ballgame or catch a movie… I certainly don’t want to have sex with you…” Believe me, they get HIGHLY offended and thus react accordingly.

It just isn’t worth it.

 

[mikekle]

Ive heard as christians we are expected to lead people to the church or at least try to spread the word/ faith. now Im sure this does not apply someone is not physically able to, or cannot due to some other legitimate reason, other than just not wanting to interact with other people…Im not entirely sure, but would not ‘sloth’ fit here if the person just wanted to be a hermit and have no social interaction?

 

[christofirst]

Ive heard as christians we are expected to lead people to the church or at least try to spread the word/ faith. now Im sure this does not apply someone is not physically able to, or cannot due to some other legitimate reason, other than just not wanting to interact with other people…Im not entirely sure, but would not ‘sloth’ fit here if the person just wanted to be a hermit and have no social interaction?

This the argument I hear against canonical hermits and the hermit monastic orders, and the answer is that they engage with the larger world, and fulfill their Christian mission through their life of prayer. I have a tendency to be a loner myself, but then I ask myself, is this a self-centered choice, or am I somehow living a life of service to others through my prayer? As it is, I have family who keep me quite engaged with the world, but if I did not and I wanted to be a recluse, I would have to do some real soul searching to make it wasn’t for reasons of self pity or apathy.

But to the OP, no, if done with the right intention there is nothing sinful in being a recluse, and the lives of the saints are filled with holy hermits and recluses.

 

[Tim_D]

The more I’m away from people, the greater my love for them.

Haha Somehow I doubt that Mother Theresa would approve of such a position.

 

[Robert_Sock]

Ive heard as christians we are expected to lead people to the church or at least try to spread the word/ faith. now Im sure this does not apply someone is not physically able to, or cannot due to some other legitimate reason, other than just not wanting to interact with other people…Im not entirely sure, but would not ‘sloth’ fit here if the person just wanted to be a hermit and have no social interaction?

What about the secluded Monks? Maybe in some Protestant denominations there are taboos against living in seclusion, but not in Catholicism. Indeed, prayer in seclusion is highly valued and probably does the world more good than trying to be social in order to lead people to God. True, if everybody lived in seclusion there would be a serious problem, but not so living in the world today. Sloth would be a serious problem if a person refused to socialize because they are lazy (a capital sin), but such a situation is probably quite rare.

 

[Robert_Sock]

Haha Somehow I doubt that Mother Theresa would approve of such a position.

Different people have different callings in life, and I feel quite sure that secluded Monks would never be looked down upon by Mother Theresa. Prayer, in seclusion, is highly valued in the Catholic Church.

 

[DAML72]

I don’t know if I would say it is sinful, but I don’t believe it’s what God wants for our lives. We are to live our lives in service to others, no? I think that when we shut ourselves off from others, we don’t have the opportunities to grow in love that we are meant to experience.

I know where you are coming from. I have also been apart from my ex for over 10 years. I also work from home, and my family is hours away. Most days, my social interaction is with my children, and when they leave, I will be completely alone. I have essentially been a hermit for years. But this year, since my kids are older, I have made a conscientious effort to be more involved in church. Bible study, various committees, etc.

I generally hate when people give me unsolicited advice, but here goes anyway (feel free to ignore if you want) What about visiting shut-ins or people in nursing homes? Try to reach out to others and give of yourself. Focus on growing your spiritual life. Consider finding a spiritual advisor. You may find enough love in community that you don’t even long for a romantic relationship anymore.

Is it possible to apply again for an annulment, or do you just get one shot?

 

[Mary_Ellen]

In the 10 years since my divorce, I’ve yet to find someone of the opposite sex who ultimately did not want to take the relationship to a physical level.
Sex has, on a number of occasions been available anywhere from the first encounter to the third or fourth encounter.
Not once have a found someone who desired a platonic relationship. And believe me, I’ve tried.
Family members view me as a pathetic loser and thus want to introduce me to someone so I can be “happy”. And then we are right back where I started. I spend time with someone and eventually it is expected to go physical.

To explain, do not under estimate the misery and drama associated when you tell someone who is wanting sex: “I was just looking for someone to go get a bite to eat, or go to a ballgame or catch a movie… I certainly don’t want to have sex with you…” Believe me, they get HIGHLY offended and thus react accordingly.

It just isn’t worth it.

You were denied a declaration of nullity so in the eyes of the Church you are still married. It is not wrong to avoid persons of the opposite sex and it may even be commendable for someone in your position…certainly not sinful. As a single, albeit older, woman I avoid being alone with married men whenever possible, to avoid the near occasion of sin and to avoid giving scandal.

Platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex are, of course, possible but can be tricky, especially since in the eyes of the world you are single. Best to stick with group activities or buddies who are of the same sex, IMHO.

 

[DAML72]

You were denied a declaration of nullity so in the eyes of the Church you are still married. It is not wrong to avoid persons of the opposite sex and it may even be commendable for someone in your position…certainly not sinful. As a single, albeit older, woman I avoid being alone with married men whenever possible, to avoid the near occasion of sin and to avoid giving scandal.

Platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex are, of course, possible but can be tricky, especially since in the eyes of the world you are single. Best to stick with group activities or buddies who are of the same sex, IMHO.

Agreed.

 

[GEddie]

There is no sin in keeping to oneself, nor in eschewing the male-female relationship. This may just be your current stage of spiritual development IMNAAHO.

ICXC NIKA

 

[hazcompat]

Saint Theophan the Recluse has some excellent writings on prayer.

Peace

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

Sometimes I think God places one in a position where he/she is alone. That person may not want to be alone exactly; it is just how it is.

(Maybe He doesn’t want to let that person out in the world because they may not be capable of handling the logistics and would just cause chaos. Maybe they need a babysitter. I’m just joking.)

 

[Minion_w_a_drum]

I don’t know if I would say it is sinful, but I don’t believe it’s what God wants for our lives. We are to live our lives in service to others, no? I think that when we shut ourselves off from others, we don’t have the opportunities to grow in love that we are meant to experience.

I know where you are coming from. I have also been apart from my ex for over 10 years. I also work from home, and my family is hours away. Most days, my social interaction is with my children, and when they leave, I will be completely alone. I have essentially been a hermit for years. But this year, since my kids are older, I have made a conscientious effort to be more involved in church. Bible study, various committees, etc.

I generally hate when people give me unsolicited advice, but here goes anyway (feel free to ignore if you want) What about visiting shut-ins or people in nursing homes? Try to reach out to others and give of yourself. Focus on growing your spiritual life. Consider finding a spiritual advisor. You may find enough love in community that you don’t even long for a romantic relationship anymore.
DAML72;13817508:

I don’t know if I would say it is sinful, but I don’t believe it’s what God wants for our lives. We are to live our lives in service to others, no? I think that when we shut ourselves off from others, we don’t have the opportunities to grow in love that we are meant to experience.

I know where you are coming from. I have also been apart from my ex for over 10 years. I also work from home, and my family is hours away. Most days, my social interaction is with my children, and when they leave, I will be completely alone. I have essentially been a hermit for years. But this year, since my kids are older, I have made a conscientious effort to be more involved in church. Bible study, various committees, etc.

I generally hate when people give me unsolicited advice, but here goes anyway (feel free to ignore if you want) What about visiting shut-ins or people in nursing homes? Try to reach out to others and give of yourself. Focus on growing your spiritual life. Consider finding a spiritual advisor. You may find enough love in community that you don’t even long for a romantic relationship anymore.

Some very good responses, thank you all very much. I could’ve easily quoted from a handful of posts. I chose this one in particular. The unsolicited advice is some of the best I’ve received in my 10 years of post married, married life (or how ever I should say it.)
I will say I do go to the gym on one day in particular at the same time. There is an 82 year old man that goes there at that time and I drop everything I’m doing, as well as schedule all other things around this time, so I can be there when he is there. I’m not sure if I go for him, or if I go for me. Probably a bit of both. Maybe I should just do more of that type of thing Thanks for the advice…

Is it possible to apply again for an annulment, or do you just get one shot?

As far as the annulment and whether or not you get one shot or more: I probably shouldn’t even go there as it will take the thread completely off the rails and into another direction. But I will say this (and most likely kick myself for doing so.) I found the whole process very very troubling. I got an approval in first instance and a denial in second instance. Then they proceeded to tell me if I was to file on another set of grounds, I most likely would get an approval on first and second instance (which now would only be first instance if I understand the new process.) The whole thing reeks of bureaucracy. Even in reading the final definitive sentence, all 13 pages, it is crystal clear that they did not comprehend my marriage. Even the DRE who did our marriage prep testified of the disingenuous of my x. .

To be clear, I decided half way through this process that, approval or not, I had lost much respect and belief in the earthly church. That fact still remains. I know this: My marriage was not holy, not sacred nor Godly. That is my opinion and I’m entitled to it. And I would be feeling that way if it was affirmed in second instance as well. And I documented such feeling at that time when the decision had not yet been made. I even sent a letter to the Arch Diocese telling them so, again before the decision was made. (It may or may not have been a factor in their decision.) Enough of that, I don’t want this to go that direction. Please save that for another time. I was just trying to answer a question

It is probably best it got denied. Visiting 82 year old dudes in a sauna is much much easier and probably vastly more enjoyable.

A quick note on Sloth. It is very real and is probably much easier and prevalent than you probably imagine. In the end, I find it healthier, and easier, to “hermit up” and battle sloth, than engage with people and deal with those problems. But that is a personal decision based on personal weaknesses. (I’ve always said Satan doesn’t lead the alcoholic to the all you can eat buffet, nor the gambler to the strip club… He knows our weaknesses and attacks accordingly. We can all help ourselves by being honest concerning our weaknesses.)

Thank you all.

Is it possible to apply again for an annulment, or do you just get one shot?

 

[Minion_w_a_drum]

I don’t know if I would say it is sinful, but I don’t believe it’s what God wants for our lives. We are to live our lives in service to others, no? I think that when we shut ourselves off from others, we don’t have the opportunities to grow in love that we are meant to experience.

I know where you are coming from. I have also been apart from my ex for over 10 years. I also work from home, and my family is hours away. Most days, my social interaction is with my children, and when they leave, I will be completely alone. I have essentially been a hermit for years. But this year, since my kids are older, I have made a conscientious effort to be more involved in church. Bible study, various committees, etc.

I generally hate when people give me unsolicited advice, but here goes anyway (feel free to ignore if you want) What about visiting shut-ins or people in nursing homes? Try to reach out to others and give of yourself. Focus on growing your spiritual life. Consider finding a spiritual advisor. You may find enough love in community that you don’t even long for a romantic relationship anymore.

Some very good responses, thank you all very much. I could’ve easily quoted from a handful of posts. I chose this one in particular. The unsolicited advice is some of the best I’ve received in my 10 years of post married, married life (or how ever I should say it.)
I will say I do go to the gym on one day in particular at the same time. There is an 82 year old man that goes there at that time and I drop everything I’m doing, as well as schedule all other things around this time, so I can be there when he is there. I’m not sure if I go for him, or if I go for me. Probably a bit of both. Maybe I should just do more of that type of thing Thanks for the advice…

Is it possible to apply again for an annulment, or do you just get one shot?

As far as the annulment and whether or not you get one shot or more: I probably shouldn’t even go there as it will take the thread completely off the rails and into another direction. But I will say this (and most likely kick myself for doing so.) I found the whole process very very troubling. I got an approval in first instance and a denial in second instance. Then they proceeded to tell me if I was to file on another set of grounds, I most likely would get an approval on first and second instance (which now would only be first instance if I understand the new process.) The whole thing reeks of bureaucracy. Even in reading the final definitive sentence, all 13 pages, it is crystal clear that they did not comprehend my marriage. Even the DRE who did our marriage prep testified of the disingenuous of my x. .

To be clear, I decided half way through this process that, approval or not, I had lost much respect and belief in the earthly church. That fact still remains. I know this: My marriage was not holy, not sacred nor Godly. That is my opinion and I’m entitled to it. And I would be feeling that way if it was affirmed in second instance as well. And I documented such feeling at that time when the decision had not yet been made. I even sent a letter to the Arch Diocese telling them so, again before the decision was made. (It may or may not have been a factor in their decision.) Enough of that, I don’t want this to go that direction. Please save that for another time. I was just trying to answer a question

It is probably best it got denied. Visiting 82 year old dudes in a sauna is much much easier and probably vastly more enjoyable.

A quick note on Sloth. It is very real and is probably much easier and prevalent than you probably imagine. In the end, I find it healthier, and easier, to “hermit up” and battle sloth, than engage with people and deal with those problems. But that is a personal decision based on personal weaknesses. (I’ve always said Satan doesn’t lead the alcoholic to the all you can eat buffet, nor the gambler to the strip club… He knows our weaknesses and attacks accordingly. We can all help ourselves by being honest concerning our weaknesses.)

Thank you all.

 

[Minion_w_a_drum]

I don’t know if I would say it is sinful, but I don’t believe it’s what God wants for our lives. We are to live our lives in service to others, no? I think that when we shut ourselves off from others, we don’t have the opportunities to grow in love that we are meant to experience.

I know where you are coming from. I have also been apart from my ex for over 10 years. I also work from home, and my family is hours away. Most days, my social interaction is with my children, and when they leave, I will be completely alone. I have essentially been a hermit for years. But this year, since my kids are older, I have made a conscientious effort to be more involved in church. Bible study, various committees, etc.

I generally hate when people give me unsolicited advice, but here goes anyway (feel free to ignore if you want) What about visiting shut-ins or people in nursing homes? Try to reach out to others and give of yourself. Focus on growing your spiritual life. Consider finding a spiritual advisor. You may find enough love in community that you don’t even long for a romantic relationship anymore.
Some very good responses, thank you all very much. I could’ve easily quoted from a handful of posts. I chose this one in particular. The unsolicited advice is some of the best I’ve received in my 10 years of post married, married life (or how ever I should say it.)
I will say I do go to the gym on one day in particular at the same time. There is an 82 year old man that goes there at that time and I drop everything I’m doing, as well as schedule all other things around this time, so I can be there when he is there. I’m not sure if I go for him, or if I go for me. Probably a bit of both. Maybe I should just do more of that type of thing Thanks for the advice…

Is it possible to apply again for an annulment, or do you just get one shot?

As far as the annulment and whether or not you get one shot or more: I probably shouldn’t even go there as it will take the thread completely off the rails and into another direction. But I will say this (and most likely kick myself for doing so.) I found the whole process very very troubling. I got an approval in first instance and a denial in second instance. Then they proceeded to tell me if I was to file on another set of grounds, I most likely would get an approval on first and second instance (which now would only be first instance if I understand the new process.) The whole thing reeks of bureaucracy. Even in reading the final definitive sentence, all 13 pages, it is crystal clear that they did not comprehend my marriage. Even the DRE who did our marriage prep testified of the disingenuous of my x. .

To be clear, I decided half way through this process that, approval or not, I had lost much respect and belief in the earthly church. That fact still remains. I know this: My marriage was not holy, not sacred nor Godly. That is my opinion and I’m entitled to it. And I would be feeling that way if it was affirmed in second instance as well. And I documented such feeling at that time when the decision had not yet been made. I even sent a letter to the Arch Diocese telling them so, again before the decision was made. (It may or may not have been a factor in their decision.) Enough of that, I don’t want this to go that direction. Please save that for another time. I was just trying to answer a question

It is probably best it got denied. Visiting 82 year old dudes in a sauna is much much easier and probably vastly more enjoyable.

A quick note on Sloth. It is very real and is probably much easier and prevalent than you probably imagine. In the end, I find it healthier, and easier, to “hermit up” and battle sloth, than engage with people and deal with those problems. But that is a personal decision based on personal weaknesses. (I’ve always said Satan doesn’t lead the alcoholic to the all you can eat buffet, nor the gambler to the strip club… He knows our weaknesses and attacks accordingly. We can all help ourselves by being honest concerning our weaknesses.)

Thank you all.

 

[Minion_w_a_drum]

I don’t know if I would say it is sinful, but I don’t believe it’s what God wants for our lives. We are to live our lives in service to others, no? I think that when we shut ourselves off from others, we don’t have the opportunities to grow in love that we are meant to experience.

I generally hate when people give me unsolicited advice, but here goes anyway (feel free to ignore if you want) What about visiting shut-ins or people in nursing homes? Try to reach out to others and give of yourself. Focus on growing your spiritual life. Consider finding a spiritual advisor. You may find enough love in community that you don’t even long for a romantic relationship anymore.

Is it possible to apply again for an annulment, or do you just get one shot?

Some very good responses, thank you all very much. I could’ve easily quoted from a handful of posts. I chose this one in particular. The unsolicited advice is some of the best I’ve received in my 10 years of post married, married life (or how ever I should say it.)
I will say I do go to the gym on one day in particular at the same time. There is an 82 year old man that goes there at that time and I drop everything I’m doing, as well as schedule all other things around this time, so I can be there when he is there. I’m not sure if I go for him, or if I go for me. Probably a bit of both. Maybe I should just do more of that type of thing Thanks for the advice…

As far as the annulment and whether or not you get one shot or more: I probably shouldn’t even go there as it will take the thread completely off the rails and into another direction. But I will say this (and most likely kick myself for doing so.) I found the whole process very very troubling. I got an approval in first instance and a denial in second instance. Then they proceeded to tell me if I was to file on another set of grounds, I most likely would get an approval on first and second instance (which now would only be first instance if I understand the new process.) The whole thing reeks of bureaucracy. Even in reading the final definitive sentence, all 13 pages, it is crystal clear that they did not comprehend my marriage. Even the DRE who did our marriage prep testified of the disingenuous of my x. .

To be clear, I decided half way through this process that, approval or not, I had lost much respect and belief in the earthly church. That fact still remains. I know this: My marriage was not holy, not sacred nor Godly. That is my opinion and I’m entitled to it. And I would be feeling that way if it was affirmed in second instance as well. And I documented such feeling at that time when the decision had not yet been made. I even sent a letter to the Arch Diocese telling them so, again before the decision was made. (It may or may not have been a factor in their decision.) Enough of that, I don’t want this to go that direction. Please save that for another time. I was just trying to answer a question

It is probably best it got denied. Visiting 82 year old dudes in a sauna is much much easier and probably vastly more enjoyable.

A quick note on Sloth. It is very real and is probably much easier and prevalent than you probably imagine. In the end, I find it healthier, and easier, to “hermit up” and battle sloth, than engage with people and deal with those problems. But that is a personal decision based on personal weaknesses. (I’ve always said Satan doesn’t lead the alcoholic to the all you can eat buffet, nor the gambler to the strip club… He knows our weaknesses and attacks accordingly. We can all help ourselves by being honest concerning our weaknesses.)

Thank you all.