A sin to be a recluse?

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It’s not sinful, but I don’t think God designed us to be alone. The way you describe your life as just going to work, the gym, coming home sounds sad. It sounds empty. You don’t sound happy.
 
One quick note -

One can seek again I think to find if the marriage is null or not- some things have changed to make the procedure shorter.

One though who is married (though legally divorced) is still married so they would avoid any friendships that would have any kind of “romantic” overtones and are not only and purely friendships. Often that may not be easy for guy girl friendships can tend towards that kind of relationship. So taking great care in avoiding such is good and not wrong (it is good!).

But having say friendships of persons of the same gender ought not be overlooked. It is good to meet with others and have ‘communion’ with others.

Unless one is called to be a kind of hermit for a life of more intense prayer (seek out spiritual direction there) and even hermits are not entirely isolated.

Talk with your Priest with your concerns.
 
Robert_Sock said:
Different people have different callings in life, and I feel quite sure that secluded Monks would never be looked down upon by Mother Theresa. Prayer, in seclusion, is highly valued in the Catholic Church.
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You are not a monk; you are just someone hiding from the world.
 
Here are some odds and ends from the replies to my original post.

I do not share the belief of some who say platonic male/female relationships are possible. I guess anything is possible, but they certainly are not probable. Factor in the near occasion of sin element and I just find it prudent and wise to stay clear of them completely. I realize I may have a drastic view of things, but it works for me.

In regards to the “stick with a set of buddies or group activities” suggestion: In theory it a wonderful suggestion. However, buddies and groups always know someone with whom they can set you up. When you turn down set-ups, no matter the reason, well suddenly you find your self outside of the group, no longer a buddy. People just don’t understand guy in his 40’s with a belief that marriage is a “one and done” institution. Not today, they do not understand. That goes for many practicing Catholics as well.

As far as immersing oneself in their parish. Again, am putting myself into a group setting, and the above issues apply, even in parish activities. And so many Catholics know very little about divorce/annulments ETC. They really don’t. On this forum that may not be the case, but among the rank and file members of parishes it is absolutely true.

Also, and I say this with 10 years experience. There is definitely a certain ostracisation that goes with being a civilly divorced Catholic who has not obtained an annulment. Not to throw a pity party, but I definitely am shunned.

Sloth as I mentioned above, is very real and needs to be addressed in the hermit lifestyle

I have dealt with this issue for a long enough period of time to realize about the only way to successfully handle it is to “hermit up.” But even at that, I continue to wonder when I stand before God on my judgment day, is he going to say: “I gave you a big wide world down there, and all you did was stay in your house for 40 years!!! I gave you life and you refused to live it!!!”

That is my very real concern. Actually, it haunts me. Hence, my original question.
 
Tim_D said:
You are not a monk; you are just someone hiding from the world.
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You are absolutely correct. But by doing so I am also avoiding the near occasion of sin and upholding my wedding vows.
 
For the op: I once read where almost half of us end up alone. Think about it-one or the other spouse usually dies first leaving the other alone, sometimes for decades as in the case on one of my grandmothers and my mother. How sad(in my view that we feel we have to have a partner to feel complete. I’m aware of one gentleman that committed suicide after his wife died due to grief. I know of another that had heart problems and he died less than one week after his wife-he was only in his early 60’s. His heart couldn’t take the stress.
One need not be a hermit or recluse to enjoy less social activities. I am neither and spend time alone when possible to unplug, detox and prepare for a possibility that I’ll outlast my wife. Odds are I won’t but I’m preparing to live alone if that does happen and live alone happily and still be a benefit to society in some way.
Married couples ignore each other way too much anyway in my view. At the table (whatever meal) hardly a word is said because someone is reading the paper or watching tv or playing some stupid game on their phone or computer(some of this is autobiographical). I’ve even seen similar scenarios playing out in restaruants.
So we are often alone even though we have a partner. Blessings.
 
Minion_w_a_drum said:
Sloth as I mentioned above, is very real and needs to be addressed in the hermit lifestyle.
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I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I live in solitude. My mind is almost alway active and sharp, and I’m not lazy when it comes to prayer, especially intercessory prayer, but I feel as though I’m extremely limited in what I can do physically. My apartment is a total mess, and I have not done any cleaning in years and years. Just the thought of cleaning produces anxiety for some strange reason, and when I try to clean, I get all agitated and sweaty to the point that I have to sit back and relax. Sometimes I have to wonder if I’m suffering from agitated depression or just plain laziness.
 
Robert_Sock said:
I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I live in solitude. My mind is almost alway active and sharp, and I’m not lazy when it comes to prayer, especially intercessory prayer, but I feel as though I’m extremely limited in what I can do physically. My apartment is a total mess, and I have not done any cleaning in years and years. Just the thought of cleaning produces anxiety for some strange reason, and when I try to clean, I get all agitated and sweaty to the point that I have to sit back and relax. Sometimes I have to wonder if I’m suffering from agitated depression or just plain laziness.
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Although you and I disagree on almost everything and will, if God wills, continue to do so, I just want to say RS, that I feel your pain.

God Bless, Shalom, L’Chaim and ICXC NIKA!
 
Robert_Sock said:
I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and I live in solitude. My mind is almost alway active and sharp, and I’m not lazy when it comes to prayer, especially intercessory prayer, but I feel as though I’m extremely limited in what I can do physically. My apartment is a total mess, and I have not done any cleaning in years and years. Just the thought of cleaning produces anxiety for some strange reason, and when I try to clean, I get all agitated and sweaty to the point that I have to sit back and relax. Sometimes I have to wonder if I’m suffering from agitated depression or just plain laziness.
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Wow, I think I am at the beginning stages of what you describe. Part of my lack of care and or upkeep is because I don’t want anyone coming over here. If my house is not presentable, I’ll never answer the door. If I clean and maintain and get back on my “grand plan” for my house and property I would undoubtedly have pride in my place. If that were to happen, I may, just may, want to show it off a bit or at least invite someone over once in a while. It’s sad too because I had great plans and ideas for my place. Now, since my annulment got denied, I’m just basically putting in my time. It’s a twisted way of thinking I know, but that’s where I’m at. It’s hard to imagine how I live is good and pleasing to the Lord but I’ve somehow justified it in my head. I will take the one poster’s advice and start visiting some nursing homes or shut ins. The thing about them, at least I don’t have to worry about them popping in on me here! lol. (Oh the dreaded pop in.)
Again, the troubling part is by my actions to avoid the near occasion of sin by not entering into a relationship I may very well be offending God in another way- not caring.
I have not been diagnosed with anything. I haven’t been to a doc or a psychiatrist either though…

We are a couple of sad sacks, wouldn’t you agree???
 
GEddie said:
Although you and I disagree on almost everything and will, if God wills, continue to do so, I just want to say RS, that I feel your pain.

God Bless, Shalom, L’Chaim and ICXC NIKA!
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Maybe we are just on different paths leading to increased righteousness! Perspective taking is important in communication, and it’s sometimes difficult when never having been in the other person’s shoes. But it’s all cool!
 
Minion_w_a_drum said:
Wow, I think I am at the beginning stages of what you describe. Part of my lack of care and or upkeep is because I don’t want anyone coming over here. If my house is not presentable, I’ll never answer the door. If I clean and maintain and get back on my “grand plan” for my house and property I would undoubtedly have pride in my place. If that were to happen, I may, just may, want to show it off a bit or at least invite someone over once in a while. It’s sad too because I had great plans and ideas for my place. Now, since my annulment got denied, I’m just basically putting in my time. It’s a twisted way of thinking I know, but that’s where I’m at. It’s hard to imagine how I live is good and pleasing to the Lord but I’ve somehow justified it in my head. I will take the one poster’s advice and start visiting some nursing homes or shut ins. The thing about them, at least I don’t have to worry about them popping in on me here! lol. (Oh the dreaded pop in.)
Again, the troubling part is by my actions to avoid the near occasion of sin by not entering into a relationship I may very well be offending God in another way- not caring.
I have not been diagnosed with anything. I haven’t been to a doc or a psychiatrist either though…

We are a couple of sad sacks, wouldn’t you agree???
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I seriously doubt that God will condemn either of us for being messy!
 
ClearWater said:
It’s not sinful, but I don’t think God designed us to be alone.
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Yes, its curious how they are recognizing solitary confinement in prisoners leads to some very bad mental problems, even to those who think they are mentally tough and can take it.

I would imagine being totally alone for long periods of time is not good for our minds, but then again, lots of older folks live alone and rarely have visitors so maybe some can get used to this lifestyle… I know I could not do this though.
 
mikekle said:
Yes, its curious how they are recognizing solitary confinement in prisoners leads to some very bad mental problems, even to those who think they are mentally tough and can take it.

I would imagine being totally alone for long periods of time is not good for our minds, but then again, lots of older folks live alone and rarely have visitors so maybe some can get used to this lifestyle… I know I could not do this though.
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Well, heqq, scores of men (and, by now, I imagine, some women) have sailed around the world alone, spending mountains of money for the privilege; so I for one don’t believe that alone is so hideous.

It doesn’t matter if you cover a US state with your descendants; at the end, everybody is alone. Running from alone into a bad relationship is not a change for the better.

ICXC NIKA
 
mikekle said:
Yes, its curious how they are recognizing solitary confinement in prisoners leads to some very bad mental problems, even to those who think they are mentally tough and can take it.

I would imagine being totally alone for long periods of time is not good for our minds, but then again, lots of older folks live alone and rarely have visitors so maybe some can get used to this lifestyle… I know I could not do this though.
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Forced solitude is the only chance most criminals have in killing the sinful ‘self.’ I do believe that in prisons, hardened criminals are placed in solitude with nothing but the Holy Bible. Negative mental consequences are the beginning of the process, but behold, with time they are able to escape from their deadly ‘self’ and adapt to praiseworthy thoughts, attitude and values. God is near to these people, and is most eager to bless them with The Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit. The Cloud of Unknowing says that people like these criminals can benefit from Contemplative Prayer much more easily than regular novices in the Holy Orders!
 
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