A valid reason for annulment

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gracemary said:
I am the saddest, loneliest person in the world. I should never have married. I don’t want to be a hero anymore.
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GraceMary,
I sooooo feel your pain! I stayed in a marriage where my ex was incapable of sexual contact for many many years. I do know your pain… I remember breaking down crying to a friend once, I was so embarrassed that I actually told someone. I just couldn’t take it anymore… crying myself to sleep every night for many years. I know that loneliness and I am really very sorry that ANYONE ever has experienced it too. That being said… if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to pm me. I will keep you in my prayers.

Please do talk to someone though… it does help.
 
gracemary said:
I am the saddest, loneliest person in the world. I should never have married. I don’t want to be a hero anymore.
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It’s not all about you, gracemary. You chose matrimony as a vocation, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

When you are called to the vocation of marriage, (It is a vocation), you are called to that ministry, and giving yourself away in that vocation to another person. If that person becomes disabled or sick in any way, that is your vocation. What if you were called to a vocation of being a consecrated celibate in a silent monastery? That might be lonely too. It depends on your mindset.

If I were married, it would be my vocation to care for my husband until death do us part, even if it means that sickness prevents us from having continued marital relations into old age.

When you look at it as a vocation, you can trust God that you are in His will, and minister accordingly.

Even life with Sisters in a convent isn’t all a piece of cake, just read some lives of Saints.
 
Matt_Collins said:
In the meantime, I’d like to pass on something a priest once told me. Most of us are asked for something truly heroic only once or twice in our lives. Usually we’re simply asked to do the ordinary things with extraordinary love. But all of us will be called to certifiable heroism at least once in our lives. And usually that one time will be a call to the heroism of perseverance and fidelity to our vocation.

I, too, will keep you in my prayers.
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Beautiful post.
 
gracemary said:
I am the saddest, loneliest person in the world. I should never have married. I don’t want to be a hero anymore.
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You may be feeling like a hero or a victim or in some cases where the husband is just plane mean, a martyr.
You are a human being and when you say thank you to him for taking out the garbage he should reply your welcome in some way, if he is one of those who doesn’t talk much you can teach. If your situation is abusive then get out. He may be holding grudges against you for something that day so he may not want to be affectionate so pray a lot and if he doesn’t respond to kindness with love or responds with anger he may have a demon, I would also suggest priestly help.
Or you just don’t know how to push his kind buttons, don’t push the anger buttons I have on my own husband and this is not the way to good communication.
Is he affectionate in other ways? Does he help you when asked?
Or is his heart hardened to your kind remarks?
These are all things to speak of in confession and the priest will know if counseling will help. Don’t give up!
 
graceandglory said:
It’s not all about you, gracemary. You chose matrimony as a vocation, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

When you are called to the vocation of marriage, (It is a vocation), you are called to that ministry, and giving yourself away in that vocation to another person. If that person becomes disabled or sick in any way, that is your vocation. What if you were called to a vocation of being a consecrated celibate in a silent monastery? That might be lonely too. It depends on your mindset.

If I were married, it would be my vocation to care for my husband until death do us part, even if it means that sickness prevents us from having continued marital relations into old age.

When you look at it as a vocation, you can trust God that you are in His will, and minister accordingly.

Even life with Sisters in a convent isn’t all a piece of cake, just read some lives of Saints.
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That’s a very good post.
 
bugz2007 said:
I agree with all here that if the condition was not an issue when the marriage was entered into that it cannot be grounds for calling the marriage invalid.

That said… I’m new to the forum, and I don’t think it’s against any rules to ask another question under this same banner (if so, I apologize and would be more than happy to start a new thread with my question). I wanted to ask if it is “wrong” to enter into a marriage when it is a possibility that sexual dysfunction may be a reality of the marriage due to an individuals past experiences with sexual-type abuse? And if, once in the marriage, it did turn out to be a reality, would it be wrong to stay in the marriage, even without evidence that the condition would be a permanent one?
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i think that would be a good question for the ask an apologist forum. as far as i know, inability to perform sexual intercourse is an impediment to marriage i.e. in order to get married in the first place, you have to be able to consummate it. if a couple gets married, and is then unable to consummate, and it turns out to be a permanent thing, then the marriage is likely invalid. knowingly marrying someone who is unable, or marrying someone when you know you are unable, i think, would render the marriage invalid, because A. it can’t be consummated, B. information withheld C. lack of full consent of party from whom the info was withheld. nb: I’m no expert. anyone who knows more than me, please correct me.
 
adrift said:
It is possible that you weren’t meant for marriage. You don’t need an annulment to separate. That being said you need to talk to someone because it sounds as if you are depressed. I am worried about you. Please seek professional help. :hug1: I will pray for you. Prayer is a good start.
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I think I forgot to thank you for your sweet response. I do have someone I can talk to (a professional). I would like to respond in more detail later. Thank you so much again for your caring. 🙂
 
gracemary said:
If a couple has been married for many years, but one partner has been unable to engage in sexual intercourse for more than half their marrried years, is it understandable that the other spouse should consider moving forward with seeking an annulment?😦
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You say unable to engage in sexual intercourse for more than half their married life. That means that since they got married they have actually engaged in sexual intercourse. If that is the case then the validity of the marriage is not affected by subsequent sexual problems because it was consummated.
 
gracemary said:
If a couple has been married for many years, but one partner has been unable to engage in sexual intercourse for more than half their marrried years, is it understandable that the other spouse should consider moving forward with seeking an annulment?😦
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Yes. It is understandable. Any partnership in front of God is just that. God cannot join with you two he can only commune with you. If they do not try the they aren’t doing what they were required to.

But be careful in deciding this. The lack of intimacy can result from many things, do your research first.
 
I would think a lot would depend on the reason for the lack of performance by your husband. In my case, eight years ago, I found out I had prostate cancer. My wife and I sat down with the doctor to weigh our options. It boiled down to removal of the prostate, which would give me the best chance of long term survival, or radiation, which would leave me with the prostate and surrounding nerves, but with a better chance that the cancer would return later. We opted for the surgery, which really elimanates most of a mans sex drive, which happened to me. My wife said that having me here, alive and well, was more important to her than an active sex life. I am now 68, and we seemed to have crossed a line that most married couples do when they decide that there more important things in life than sex. We make love occasionally, but with medical help, which is not fool proof all the time. My wife is ten years younger than I, and I pray most everyday that she won’t dump me for somebody else that is more able bodied, so to speak.As far as one person withholding love making without a good reason, would at least be a good reason to talk to a priest or a marriage counselar. We have made it past this problem, and will soon be married 29 years. Good luck and I will also pray for you.
 
NEW QUESTION

Is the following a reason for annulment?
I know a man who got married around 1985 in the Catholic church. He had 6 children…He & his wife divorced around 2001 related to her drug abuse and her final declaration of being a lesbian. She had told him she only married him because she tried to battle her feelings for women by tring to have children and because being “gay” was more frowned upon years ago. He sued for and has custodie of their children related to her and her “gay” lover physically abusing the children.
IS this reason for annulment?
 
It may well be a reason, based on consent. If he had known she was a lesbian would he have married her? If not, then her keeping the information from him robbed him of the possibility of giving true free consent.
 
He says he did not know at the time they married. After their youngest child was born, he had suspicions something was wrong but tried to make the marriage work until he came home from work and found her with her “gay” lover. After the divorce he sought help from a psychologist to deal with it. I have mentioned to him that he may have valid grounds for annulment but I am not sure of the laws.
I love him and I am Catholic. I have never been married. He has asked me to marry him. I would want to be married in the church. So I am seeking answers and appreciate any information. Thank you.
 
BobbieLou said:
He says he did not know at the time they married. After their youngest child was born, he had suspicions something was wrong but tried to make the marriage work until he came home from work and found her with her “gay” lover. After the divorce he sought help from a psychologist to deal with it. I have mentioned to him that he may have valid grounds for annulment but I am not sure of the laws.
I love him and I am Catholic. I have never been married. He has asked me to marry him. I would want to be married in the church. So I am seeking answers and appreciate any information. Thank you.
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Please have him speak to a good priest immediately.

If she withheld her lesbianism from him, that definitely seems like the kind of deceipt that could make a marriage null. Not only would this render his consent null, it could also speak to whether she had an intention against fidelity. If she was thinking, “well I’ll try marriage to supress my lesbianism, but if it doesn’t work, I’ll go back to women”, the marriage would be null due to defect in her consent. Only the tribunal can decide this type of issue.

God Bless and good luck.
 
BobbieLou said:
NEW QUESTION

Is the following a reason for annulment?
I know a man who got married around 1985 in the Catholic church. He had 6 children…He & his wife divorced around 2001 related to her drug abuse and her final declaration of being a lesbian. She had told him she only married him because she tried to battle her feelings for women by tring to have children and because being “gay” was more frowned upon years ago. He sued for and has custodie of their children related to her and her “gay” lover physically abusing the children.
IS this reason for annulment?
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Speak to your priest and begin the process as soon as you can. It took me almost 1 yr. to the day from the time I first sent in all the necessary paperwork until I received a positive affirmation from The Tribunal. All Tribunals have different work loads, but during my experience and from talking with others it seems that what you are describing would be what is considered a formal case and could take some time. Prayers to you both!!
 
BobbieLou said:
NEW QUESTION

Is the following a reason for annulment?
I know a man who got married around 1985 in the Catholic church. He had 6 children…He & his wife divorced around 2001 related to her drug abuse and her final declaration of being a lesbian. She had told him she only married him because she tried to battle her feelings for women by tring to have children and because being “gay” was more frowned upon years ago. He sued for and has custodie of their children related to her and her “gay” lover physically abusing the children.
IS this reason for annulment?
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again it depends on the situation that pertained at the time of the marriage, not upon anything that happened later, even though those events may shed light on the ability and intent of either spouse to render valid consent at the time of the initial contract.

the only way to answer is for either spouse to go to their priest and initiate the annulment investigation, and find out if the marriage was valid.

if there was knowledge of a factor such as impotence, homosexuality, insanity etc. which was withheld, it might very well render the marriage invalid, but the way to find out is through the canon law process, not by speculation on the part of third parties.
 
I thank everyone again for their thoughts and the information. I"ll keep you posted as to what happens.
I did send a question to my diocese. They replied that the process will take 1-2 years and the cost is about $500.00. There is no assurance that the annulment would be granted.
 
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