A Woman of no Standing

[TiggerS]

I understand and no one ever means to be harsh when I hear those words. When I was younger… MUCH younger, I felt my only option really was a married vocation. I did not feel that I was good enough for religious life, to be honest. But my “romantic” life I always felt analogous to Howard Hugh’s “Spruce Goose”. All dressed up for a specific purpose, but after one short spin around the San Francisco Bay that’s it. No place to go. I prayed a Rosary Novena and other Rosary devotions for a year, asking Our Mother to help me find the way to find this person who would be my husband. Nothing changed. Life has gone on, and I am living the life I had always feared when I was young. Useless, unloved, unwanted, no talent, no gifts and just an unnecessary thing in life.

I have studied this aspect of canon law for 15 years and am teased by the canon lawyers in the diocese about my superior understanding to theirs. I know there is a need, I will probably continue to direct my energies in that area, but our focus is something that is as unappealing in the 21st Century as the lepers where in the 19th. I cannot explain my situation and feelings. I suppose I cannot blame you for not believing or understanding me. I will not machonate over the finer points of my journey. It would serve no purpose.

I just don’t want to be sad living my faith. And, I am confused. Is that what is expected of me? Is that my purpose, to simply do what I believe, worship and try to live our Catholic Faith while feeling that what I am is a barnacle on the back of the life of the Church, because I am not a widow nor a pure unmarried woman, but some jaded person who tried to live a Sacramental Marriage, raise developmentally challenged children in the faith, and now that that has been accomplished, I am useless. I am simply a significant mass to take up space in the church’s seats and pray as I wait to die and then, just maybe, find out why God would create such a useless, nondescript, unnecessary being to take part in His Divine Plan.

Sorry, I don’t mean to be pathetic. I just don’t get it.

Iris Marie

I do feel for you and your current pain and confusion.
I have been through what might be, in some ways anyway, a similar journey. I sought acceptance and ministry in The Church (or Church approval) but never found it. Somehow (Grace) I shifted my perspective from The Church to God realizing that no matter how unacceptable I was to the human institution of The Church, I was totally acceptable to God and His Church, though in a human sense, His Church could not, did not, recognize this in its ‘day to day functioning’. This was a quite painful journey of personal detachment from something very dear and close. This change in perspective changed both my journey and my perspective on life, and how I lived my life - and the whole of it - and especially my personal spirituality.
It is a good move, as Sr MM suggests, to read and meditate on the lives of the saints and their own sufferings and quite often these sufferings have been at the hands of the human institution of The Church - its day to day running as it were. Primarily, this can seen in the life and death of Jesus who was totally rejected by the religious authorities and His religious leadership of His own day and eventually executed. Today, thankfully, it is highly unlikely that we will be executed, but I have reflected that Jesus did suffer the ultimate disgrace and ultimate penalty and so goes way before us. But my mind turns also to those who are suffering for their Faith in our day and perhaps the ultimate penalty as well and they too go way before us. In fact, reflecting on life as it is in our day, so very many do go way before us and in very many ways and a great diversity of suffering - and extreme suffering.

The Mystical Body of Christ, The Church, has ‘two identities’ as it were at this point in our history anyway i.e. what The Church should be (and what She will be and is in a mystical sense) and what The Church is in actuality or reality, in human terms anyway. And at this point in our human history we are in a time of transition, purgation and a ‘wandering in the desert’ as it were. As we transit this painful passage, we do not have in our consciousness what will unfold as time progresses other than that a “promised land” does await - and God is ever The Faithful One. We put our Faith and trust in God and His Divine Providence as we all live in our day, our now and as The Church transits, in hope we are ‘connecting the dots’ of Divine Providence - including with its many difficulties, sufferings and its problems.

Since we are The Church, if The Church is to become what it should be, its up to each one of us, as I see things, to be what we should be - and far easier said than done I know. While we may feel helpless in it all, “all things are possible to God” and His Grace. I cannot force change upon others but with Grace, I am free and can change myself. Little St Therese is a wonderful example of a ‘little nobody’ as it were, tucked away in a nondescript Carmelite Monastery in France, whose humble self effacing life brought about a revolution in The Church and our spirituality. She is elevated to the altars of The Church and as a Doctor of The Church, but no one is an island and in complete isolation. We are connected and related to each other and have influence on each other as did Little St Therese, and she too was connected and related and had influences on her own life, thinking and spirituality. In the course of her journey, with great trust and confidence in God, she ‘connected all the dots’ (and this takes firm confidence in Divine Providence), became what she was meant to be and has left a remarkable impact on the Universal Church. But in her very own lifetime, she remained always the quite good little Carmelite nun, but nothing outstanding or remarkable in any way and even to her own sisters in religion, and in an unknown monastery in France. She was well and truly buried before she became entirely known to The Universal Church.

And then, for one otheronly, there is the wondrous Joan of Arc - she was burnt to death at the stake and it took some 400 years after her death before her rightful identity was established in The Church. I rather regularly reflect that this latter fact might not have made those very real flames, until she died burnt to death, feel any less painful probably.

I wonder at the wondrous stories to be told of those in Heaven who remain unknown to the Universal Church until Final Judgement when every story will be told.

Iris Marie, you are going through a dreadful time. The cure to my way of thinking is to strive to change your perspective on it all and through personal prayer, The Mass and The Sacraments and through meditating, thinking about and reflecting on Scripture and ‘the good, bad and the ugly’, whose stories are dotted right all the Old and New Testaments and in the lives of our saints and as you ‘connect your own dots’ of Divine Providence in your own life. If we desire Jesus and holiness, then we are also embracing His Cross. Why is it that we have a cross as our symbol and not, say, a tomb with a rock rolled away?

 

[Sister_MM]

Seriously, one of my biggest problems is the attitude people have about an African American woman who was married. Iris Marie

Can you elaborate on this? What, exactly, leads you to believe that this has something to do with being African American? Has someone said or done something specifically because you are African American? (Such as saying “You people” or “all you black people…”)? I am always on the watch for this, as it has NO PLACE in a church whose name means “universal.”

 

[TiggerS]

Sometimes with stigma nothing is said overtly and openly, but after a few rejections, one starts to wonder why - to reflect on the why of the rejection and perhaps accompanying attitudes. And if one approaches directly some Church authority asking openly if one was rejected because of (whatever) - there is an immediate ‘back pedal’ and protests that one is really quite incorrect. But usually one has a pretty good idea of what has happened especially if rejection has been numerous and regular and if circumstances around the rejection give more (name removed by moderator)ut and feedback. When we communicate with each other, words may say one thing, manner in which it is said can be entirely different.
If we cover up stigma especially in The Church which is indeed Universal and ideally anway all embracing without exceptions, it will continue to exist. “Whatever you have done to one of these, though it be the least of My bretheren, you have done it to Me” is the facts of the matter. But sometimes the human functioning of The Church is on one level and The Gospel on another. Truth is that ideally they are intertwined and form the one intertwined thread: The Church living The Gospel at all times in all places. The Church is all the baptized and on any level at all in The Church. And as Pope Benedict has stated, the only thing we have to fear are the sins within The Church. Sin means “to miss the mark” and for us all that mark is Jesus and His Gospel. We all fail somewhere for sure and once aware, ideally we make efforts to correct it and strive not to fail thus again. Sometimes we may succeed, sometimes it may take much effort and even much time, much prayer ‘sweat and tears’ - but we dont give up trying.

All evil and wrong on any level needs to triumph is for good people to do nothing.

 

[irisfromohio]

SMM et al,

Very fair questions and concerns from everyone, given the tone and nature of what I have said. And, I do admit to having struggled over the years with depression. I want to say that mine was one of two African American families in town, and the other was my uncle and his family. That is where I formed a lot of impressions about stereotypes, which I confess can cloud my judgment, especially when I do not feel well, rendering said impressions inaccurate. That is clear to me today, but it was not the other night.

America does have a stereotype of overweight, black women and African American females in general are sadly notorious for embracing single motherhood and the dissolution of the nuclear family before the rest of the culture seemed to unfortunately catch up. The dim outlook on the success of the traditional family structure was first seen in the neighborhoods of people of color years before it became a completely societal problem. Just as the problem with drugs, bad seeds planted in blighted communities grow outward.

That being said, I will speak about the mission of my proposed charism. In concert with Church teaching, we are definitely pro-life. But being part of a deeply liberal Democrat family and having a college age experience when many of the left leaning attitudes began to grow and gain acceptance, I know that the perception of people who support life has been characterized as fanatical, backward people who are out of touch with contemporary society and over zealous conservative radicals who are out to take away people’s rights. I would like to change that.

The Oblate Sisters of Mary Magdalene pray for the Sacramental Vocation of Marriage, because it is a vocation that suffers even more than that of the priesthood at times. This, of course, is because we believe it benefits children as well as ultimately saving society. Our active mission is taking care of the lives that we pray are being saved from abortion. We will work for the forgotten, the homeless, the mentally ill and anyone who is in need, but may slip through the cracks. However, the centerpiece of my “social” work is devoted to a new, emerging non profit in Central Ohio called Avert1. Our purpose there is to give support to young women from the local pro-life pregnancy crisis clinic. We work with the birth mothers to provide them with adequate housing, parenting classes, insuring they get the best education they possibly can and, prayerfully, teach and encourage healthier life skills to assist them in making healthier life choices. For example, we encourage them to commune and network with each other, so when they are in need of inexpensive childcare for going to the store, to an appointment or an occasional night out, they would choose someone they know and trust, rather than a “boyfriend” or partying friend.

I have taken it upon myself to keep a list of each time a crime against a child is committed by a boyfriend, not the father, that results in severe abuse, even to the point of death. I want this to be a valuable part of their life skills training. In a culture that puts so much emphasis on the physical and material pleasures in life, I believe young people do not learn soon enough that their lives and that of their family comes first.Have them to work on knowing that their self worth is not connected to their ability to have a mate. I do not mean to encourage single parenting as the ideal, but when you have decided to have and keep your baby, that is your priority. They have an entire lifetime to find what truly makes them happy and that knowledge can grow as their child does.

Another belief that I would like to take one step further is that if you find yourself to be a single mother after a relationship, your children come first. There is nothing wrong with looking for a good man in your life and I pray there is one out there for all who desire such, but why not consecrate your single motherhood? I did not raise my children alone, because I had Jesus. I was blessed with many fine priests, two in particular, who served as healthy role models. I made friends with women in complete, healthy Christian marriages and allowed them to show my girls the “ideal” for which to aspire. There is no shame in being a single parent, but there should be no shame in being single. Romance is not the only thing a person needs to have in the front of their mind. Christ is the One who holds my little family together. They do not regret that choice for me, in fact I believe they preferred it. Some years back, when I discussed with them the idea of me entering a secular institute or some form of consecrated life, they collected all of my old gold jewelry and any they could find (one daughter bought an 18K wedding band from a friend who had gotten divorced), then they each purchased their birth stones. They took me to a precious metal artisan and I designed the ring of a Christian fish with their birthstones in the center. They gave it to me for Mother’s Day and said it was to remind me that they KNOW who their Father truly is. AND, they wanted to encourage me to pursue living the life of a lay consecrate.

At age 59, I have gone back to college to finish my degree in Political Science. It is my hope to advocate for pro-life and natural law matters. I also pray that I may be of assistance in our battle for religious freedom. I have as yet to decide if I will tackle law school, but that decision must be made soon, because I will have my degree when I am 60! I must make that LSAT decision.

I try to be a good person, a good mother and a good role model. I try to be strong, but it is so difficult and I have problems with fighting the urge to give up. The bishop knows about all that I do. I have had my nose in canon law for over 15 years, so I am surreptitious about every move I make. But when I work this hard and there are those in the local clergy who would and DO dismiss me, moreover, when the bishop does not even bother to read a paragraph of my writing, I feel ridiculous and wonder if I am not just being a fool. Should I aspire to have anyone’s ear about what I would like to do for Christ? Or am I to continue and just remain humble? I don’t do this because I want attention and adulation, but because I believe it is what God wants me to do. I used to be a part of the early women’s movement, but when they set their sites strictly on abortion and lesbian rights, I believed they missed the boat. We didn’t need to be and do everything just like a man. We needed to elevate motherhood, as is the Jewish tradition. Women do not have to participate in their daily prayers, because God gave them the gift of bearing and raising children. It is a blessing to be able to accomplish that. I think the rest of our culture, not just Christians, needs to understand that thinking a little better.

So there you have it in all of my verbosity. Maybe I am over ambitious and should scale back some of my efforts. I don’t know. But I fear failure and do not like feeling… useless.

Thank you for listening.

Iris Marie****

 

[TiggerS]

Locally, this diocese has functions and groups for widowed persons. The only things available about annulments are for people who want to remarry. As I have stated before, that is obviously not an option for me. Maybe after death I will be able to understand the usefulness of the life I lead, but for now, negotiating the pain is a challenge all its own.

I am very surprised at this if it applies in your diocese - very surprised indeed. An application for annulment cannot be rejected, surely, if one does not plan to re-marry at least at the time of applying. An annulment states (if granted) that there was no marriage in the first place and then one is free to either remarry or enter religious life in a community that accepts those with annulments and to my understanding there are many today that do. One is completely free if the annulment, of course, is granted to follow any vocation in life. One is completely free of the bonds of marriage and, in Church understanding, one has never been married.
I am no canon lawyer nor particuarly familiar with canon law, but I dont think it states only those planning to remarry if an annulment is granted can apply. It sounds very very wrong to me.
ewtn.com/expert/answers/annulment.htm

The only things available about annulments are for people who want to remarry. As I have stated before, that is obviously not an option for me. Maybe after death I will be able to understand the usefulness of the life I lead, but for now, negotiating the pain is a challenge all its own.

What do you mean by “that is obviously not an option for me”: Annulment is not an option for you(perhaps because you do not have grounds for same) or remarriage is not an option.

 

[irisfromohio]

Sometimes with stigma nothing is said overtly and openly, but after a few rejections, one starts to wonder why - to reflect on the why of the rejection and perhaps accompanying attitudes. And if one approaches directly some Church authority asking openly if one was rejected because of (whatever) - there is an immediate ‘back pedal’ and protests that one is really quite incorrect. But usually one has a pretty good idea of what has happened especially if rejection has been numerous and regular and if circumstances around the rejection give more (name removed by moderator)ut and feedback. When we communicate with each other, words may say one thing, manner in which it is said can be entirely different.
If we cover up stigma especially in The Church which is indeed Universal and ideally anway all embracing without exceptions, it will continue to exist. “Whatever you have done to one of these, though it be the least of My bretheren, you have done it to Me” is the facts of the matter. But sometimes the human functioning of The Church is on one level and The Gospel on another. Truth is that ideally they are intertwined and form the one intertwined thread: The Church living The Gospel at all times in all places. The Church is all the baptized and on any level at all in The Church. And as Pope Benedict has stated, the only thing we have to fear are the sins within The Church. Sin means “to miss the mark” and for us all that mark is Jesus and His Gospel. We all fail somewhere for sure and once aware, ideally we make efforts to correct it and strive not to fail thus again. Sometimes we may succeed, sometimes it may take much effort and even much time, much prayer ‘sweat and tears’ - but we dont give up trying.

All evil and wrong on any level needs to triumph is for good people to do nothing.

Very well and accurately put, Tigger. I have been searching for those words for years and that is amazing, considering my tendency towards being verbose. I may not be right all of the time, but I have had some experiences where the impression was clearly given that I appeared to be, “…just another black woman with children and no man…” When I first had to collect disability and discontinue working due to multiple health issues, I was treated like I just wanted to sit home and collect a check. My work history of almost 40 years meant nothing. Unfortunately, I did myself no favors by not getting my diploma those years ago, but still, it is insulting when you go to, say, the Department of Job and Family Services and that is the treatment you get. It makes it worse when you go to Church organizations there to assist and you get the same condescension. To top it all off, I discovered that the Diocesan office has a rumor mill that spins out the “411” on anyone who desires to be active in our faith. Not all diocese are like that, I know, but that is the one I have.

I spoke to the retired bishop, who is now an associate at my parish, about my charism and he loved it. There is not much there in the way of pull for my side, but it was some encouraging validation to know that if he weren’t retired, he would be inclined to give me a chance.

Don’t listen to those who joke about soap opera plots… my life would make a truly popular and enduring “telenovella”.

Iris Marie

 

[TiggerS]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9594265&postcount=24]

Iris Marie, I just read your post on the link above. I do not think for one second that your life is useless and if you are convinced God is calling you to your work, then persevere and in the face of all opposition. I can empathize that this must be very very hard, even depressing, but if God is your foundation, it will stand - be convinced of that and no matter what happens along the way. But it is easy for me to speak, I am called to nothing as outstanding as your own call and not so demanding possibly.

You do mention that you have suffered depression over a period, and I hope you have treatment for it which I hope you cling to if treatment is still necessary. I hope and pray that the treatment is entirely successful if it is still necessary. Depression can strike any person and at any time, it is not selective, and is an illness and good therapists and effective medication are God’s Gifts to us in the struggle against suffering. I know that forms of mental illness can be looked upon as a weakness - but very often God chooses the very weak that His Glory may shine the more. Depression, if it is still a factor, is something that God is permitting in your life and it could well make a saint of you - not because of the depression per se, but because of your perspective and attitude, response, to that condition and suffering - and against all comers! The human brain is an organ of the body, just like the heart, lungs, kidneys etc. and sometimes can prove troublesome. Trust in God!

God bless and I will be keeping you in daily prayer:thumbsup:

 

[irisfromohio]

Oh, my annulment was granted in 2002. I was divorced in 1989. No one wants to hear the sad, sad, story of my love life (not), I sought one so that I could have no ties to him what so ever, to feel absolutely free. Then, after it was granted, I made vows with a group of consecrated lay women associated with the Good Shepherd Sisters. They lived like a secular institute, keeping the tradition and charism of St. Mary Euphrasia Peletier. The group was more liberal than I desired. Lovely women all, but I don’t believe in women priests nor do I dismiss the need to work for pro-life causes. I asked and received permission to start my own group, so that is what I am trying to do now.

All I know is that I am happiest when I feel that my life is consecrated to the Eucharist, to The Good Shepherd and His Sacred Heart through the Heart of His Immaculate Mother. Pray for me.

Iris Marie

 

[TiggerS]

Very well and accurately put, Tigger. I have been searching for those words for years and that is amazing, considering my tendency towards being verbose. I may not be right all of the time, but I have had some experiences where the impression was clearly given that I appeared to be, “…just another black woman with children and no man…” When I first had to collect disability and discontinue working due to multiple health issues, I was treated like I just wanted to sit home and collect a check. My work history of almost 40 years meant nothing. Unfortunately, I did myself no favors by not getting my diploma those years ago, but still, it is insulting when you go to, say, the Department of Job and Family Services and that is the treatment you get. It makes it worse when you go to Church organizations there to assist and you get the same condescension. To top it all off, I discovered that the Diocesan office has a rumor mill that spins out the “411” on anyone who desires to be active in our faith. Not all diocese are like that, I know, but that is the one I have.

I spoke to the retired bishop, who is now an associate at my parish, about my charism and he loved it. There is not much there in the way of pull for my side, but it was some encouraging validation to know that if he weren’t retired, he would be inclined to give me a chance.

Don’t listen to those who joke about soap opera plots… my life would make a truly popular and enduring “telenovella”.

Iris Marie

I was only talking to a person of authority yesterday and I said that if you Google “mental illness” for example, you will see that the mentally ill are objects of the charity of good people. We are not objects! So I guess what we have to set about and pray daily for is to prove that we are not simply objects for the charity of others, but have value in our own right and contributions to make. A hard task and it may well prove to be the most bumpy of roads, the most-est bumpy-est. This is not because we do not have gifts and contributions to make, but because we can’t get an “in” and a way to prove our stuff, our value. But I do not leave God out of the equasions who always has His Reasons and His Means. Does that mean success - not necessarily in worldly terms. I have my concept of what would be a wonderful resurrection out of all this - however, it may not be God’s Way.

Actually our previous Archbisop, now retired, was a great pal of mine also - we corresponded regularly. My plans all went right down the gurgler (drain) with our new Archbishop although I tried very hard to get things off the ground before the retirement (although His Grace has it all in writing). Didn’t make it. C’est la vie, God has His Reasons we just cannot understand sometimes.

 

[TiggerS]

Oh, my annulment was granted in 2002. I was divorced in 1989. No one wants to hear the sad, sad, story of my love life (not), I sought one so that I could have no ties to him what so ever, to feel absolutely free. Then, after it was granted, I made vows with a group of consecrated lay women associated with the Good Shepherd Sisters. They lived like a secular institute, keeping the tradition and charism of St. Mary Euphrasia Peletier. The group was more liberal than I desired. Lovely women all, but I don’t believe in women priests nor do I dismiss the need to work for pro-life causes. I asked and received permission to start my own group, so that is what I am trying to do now.

All I know is that I am happiest when I feel that my life is consecrated to the Eucharist, to The Good Shepherd and His Sacred Heart through the Heart of His Immaculate Mother. Pray for me.

Iris Marie

Pray for me.

Sure will! Going now to add you to my Intentions List, I sit down with it at least once a week - other days I ask The Lord to hear my prayers for all who ask for them, those who need them and for those for whom I should pray. My Intentions List is getting lengthy, although I pause by every intention to recall the intention fully to mind - hence once a week. I have a veritable army too of my patron saints that I ask daily to pray for my intentions.

I am glad that you have an annulment and no matter how rocky the road ahead for you, if you are convinced that this is God’s Work, then persevere - and against all comers. Except the authority of The Church - accept it humbly even if you are convinced that they are not correct. St Mary of The Cross MacKillop followed this path after her excommunication - later lifted. But she never disobeyed nor spoke against herBishop that excommuncated her, though convinced he was wrong (which he was) and though her religious order was split into two with those who stayed with her denied their religious habit along with Mary.
I tend to think that, possibly, at this point that you are perhaps very short on human encouragement and this is a very hard road. God didn’t make us human to deny our humanity and all it means. Rather, ideally we orientate our humanity towards Jesus and His Gospel. And I think that a lack of human warmth and encouragement might perhaps well make a saint feel depressed about whatever.

Please keep CAF membership and all Catholic discussion sites, along with me, in your own prayers.

God bless:thumbsup: - Tigger

 

[TiggerS]

To top it all off, I discovered that the Diocesan office has a rumor mill that spins out the “411” on anyone who desires to be active in our faith. Not all diocese are like that, I know, but that is the one I have.

Our diocese has or had one also. I wish I could tell you what I did, but common sense tells me to refrain on a public Catholic discussion site on the internet, and I shall refrain. But I bet I sure gave diocesan rumour mills something to be shocked, appalled and horrified about around the coffee machine! Of course, in the doing I probably cut my own throat, but I figured it was cut and being cut daily anyway, so I may as well jump in with both feet, which I did and in a totally unrestrained manner.
Must go! Up, Up and Awayyyyy!

 

[AdamP88]

I have lived almost 60 years and have finally come to face something. It is a realization, a painful fact that I must face, that I am a woman with no place in the Church I love so much.

My parents were not Catholic and I was raised with many misconceptions, which I did not believe, handed to me as facts, but I still knew I was His handmaid. I would look at the sisters and nuns I had the opportunity to see and long to be as beautiful as they. But physical beauty was never my strong suit and I was mostly led to believe by my peers that any compensation by being intelligent, talented or any other redeeming quality was not in my corner, so I had to fight and pray to find myself and where I might fit in His Plan.

Lacking in almost any virtue was difficult, but I still sought it out for myself. I thought maybe I was called to religious life. However, it was made perfectly clear that I had no money, no standing, no talent that was needed… nothing. My marriage was a non Sacramental disaster that produced one lovely developmentally handicapped daughter. After I had my marriage annulled, I adopted another special needs daughter. It was the right thing to do, but none of this filled that emptiness which was trying to do His will

I tried with no success (mostly major failure) to be a part of single again ministries. I visited some religious communities and various ways of the consecrated life, all to no avail. When I spoke to people in the vocations office, I left in tears. I was told to, “Focus on being a good mother to your daughters.” Of course I do that. Yet, there is that heavy cloud of painful desire to be something, someone, a great love, just as Jesus wants. Therapists have admonished me not to attempt to fill my void with my offspring. It is unfair, so I do not do that. But as a role model, I am nothing.

I have tried to start my own congregation of lay associates. One for women over 45 who have lived and still not found their niche. We are few and none of the others must deal with that burden of being too ugly for others to respond. I am working on it and praying each day that if saints can get through it, so can I. I put on the full armor of God and give my sisters a strong face.

I suppose the worst part of this all and perhaps the most painful, is that if a woman is a widow, she is not blamed, is held harmless and is accepted by many people in almost any variety of vocations. I did not get my annulment to marry again. Lord, no! I wanted to just be free to serve Him. I fear, I am not made for that either. Divorced women all try to find another one who can give them companionship. If a widow re-enters the world, she is met with some empathy, an assumption of her worthiness as a wife and that she will always be loved, even in death.

An annulled woman is a reject. She is assumed defective. That is if she got an annulment for no other reason than to be completely free of the so-called marriage My ex husband was standing, breathing and so he qualified. We never went out or shared any moments. We did not have to do anything special to achieve natural conception, because it was a rare occasion where he touched me while he was drunk. Sadly, I learned that he suffers from a mental illness. It was not his fault, but he couldn’t have a “relationship”.I still have no idea what having one of those is like. I have always been single. And, no one will ever admit it, but a woman like me is frowned upon in the Church. Even trying to find life as a consecrated lay woman is discouraged. You are not trusted. Something is wrong with you. You are damaged goods. Oh well. If it did not hurt so much, I could go on, facing that fear that I have carried all of my life. But, I am living all of my worse nightmares: Alone, ugly, useless and with no where to go, but to wait for my final reward. If I haven’t screwed that up and that is not waiting for me, nothing but the life of a servant for those I had wanted to love when I was on earth.

You may think you are ugly and stuff but what you’ve said has left me in tears and you sound like a beautiful Saint to me.
Know that He loves you and you will definitely be in my prayers…

:angel1:

 

[irisfromohio]

You may think you are ugly and stuff but what you’ve said has left me in tears and you sound like a beautiful Saint to me.
Know that He loves you and you will definitely be in my prayers…

:angel1:

You are an encouraging and kind man, AdamPeter. I do wish I could see my self as they say God sees me, but that is easier said than done. I just pray that I can find a way to do good, doing it often, completely and so well, that no one sees the hideous physical appearance that I have been given to work with. I am trusting there is a purpose and that I fit a divine plan. I just want to improve the chances for a higher quality life for all of the ones we save from the atrocity that is abortion and that their mothers, who have chosen life, are not alone, lost and left to make unfortunate decisions that so many make, putting their precious babies in danger far too often. I pray that the world sees pro-life people differently than our stereotype of being pushy, short-sighted, blind thinking people whose only object is to infringe on women’s rights. And I DO believe that the babies have rights. If people could see us witness to the fact that we could help them live a successful life as a single mother; if we could prove that you can be happy with yourself, model that for your children, that having a relationship is not the “be-all and end-all” in their lives.

I guess what I propose is rather bold. I believe that if you DO find yourself a single parent, we must teach them to CONSECRATE that parenthood. I am not saying that I encourage the ruin of the nuclear family nor this “two parents same sex” business. However, if you choose to keep your child, I think a heavy dose of support in the way of parenting classes, some “common sense” classes on not leaving your child alone with a man or woman who is not their biological parent is RISKY. Right now, they just don’t understand nor see the naivete in that action. No, I want them to know that their Lord and Savior carries them through and makes good on every promise in the “Sermon on the Mount”. Christ should be the centerpiece of your small family’s life and He will insure you get all that you need. Always. Consecrated lay women used to raise these orphans… but if we do not have orphans now that these birth mothers desire to keep their child, we can offer them the Truth that Jesus Christ is there to make sure their family will not fail. We can throw all of the psycho analysis, psychological double speak, anthropological projections from years of study… all of that is unnecessary, if we put Christ into the center of our family life. Will it make single parenting easier? Well, yes, a bit. Will it make it less expensive or perfect or superior to the ideal of a family anchored by a marital covenant at its center? No, but it does alter the soul of the family. It gives their direction a purpose. God can only elevate a situation and in our “modern” society, I believe we must adapt for the same goal, but perhaps an unorthodox route for some. I may be rambling… but it’s late and I am passionate on this subject. And I am sleepy with managing my special needs daughters as a single parent, going back to college to assist me in pursuing the vocation I desire . Why mince words, my consecration can only help that.

Sadly, as I have sought to become a recognized consecrated lay woman and where my looks were a factor in the “dating game”, they are in this way of life as well. I do not know why my credibility is in question, but it just is. Maybe this is natural, or maybe it’s a good thing.

Pray for me… I want the work of Oblate Sisters of Providence to be vital and appreciated for decades into the future. That is all.

God bless, AdamPeter! Pray for US

Iris Marie (aspiring to be Sr. Iris Marie of the Magnificat to my sisters and the world)