A Woman's Story: Redefining Marriage Hurts Women Like Me--and Our Children

[Cat]

The judge willingly placed the children in a disordered living situation. But I think that must have fit his agenda.

The judge probably didn’t consider the living situation “disordered.” I’m guessing that many people in our U.S. society would not consider it “disordered.” What they would consider “disordered” is a living situation in which children are expected to attend church every week, say their prayers at night, do chores around the house, and obey their parents.

When our children were attending the private secular prep school, my husband was teaching there, and one of the “reports” that was discussed in a teacher meeting was an analysis of the greatest dangers in our society. The conclusion was that the greatest danger was “religious conservatism, especially those who push an anti-abortion agenda.”

 

[firead]

Or maybe there was no agenda and the blogger acted so crazy during the divorce proceedings trying to save her “marriage” that the judge felt she was too mentally unstable to take care of the kids. All we have to go on is her version of the story.

That seems to be a common tactic in a divroce when a supposedly straight man sudenly comes out as gay or trandgender, leaves his wife, and attempts to take the children. It is very common for him to try to paint the wife as crazy or some variant of that, but I don’t think most people can imagine how living in that situation, knowing your spouse is planning to abandon you to pursue that lifestlye (or has already been doing it behind your back or in front of your face) couls mess with your head.

My spouse is a lot like this woamn’s husband. We got married, had a child, He convinced me to be a stay at home mom then, once I no longer had an income or support network (lots of isolation as well), he told me he was bisexual, then possible gay, then “likely” transgender. And since that was inborn, I had no “right” to question it or say he shouldn’t pursue it. Pusuing it included wanted an open realtionship, freedom to have affairs, and wanting my permission to pursue degrading and sadomasocistic/fetish acts with me and with others.

Yes, that did a number on my mental state and stability, and self esteem, so it was pretty easy for him to convince me, and some of my friends and family that I was just crazy, unstable, and over-emotional. I’m sure he’ll try the same in court - he’s already told me he will get our son if I ever leave him because he’ll tell the judge I’m crazy and unfit since I don’t make the money he does and can’t support a child (I was the main breadwinner until I quit to stay home with my son). Friends and a counselro have told me that much of the things that happened over the last several years were emotional & financial abuse, but who knows what a judge would decide - we still live in a society where a lot of people thing it’s a bigger failure to tolerate living with abuse than to be an abuser.

 

[shelby_sun]

That’s true. We only have her side of the story. But there’s no denying that the children were placed in an objectively disordered living situation.

As anger as you sound over this, that is very good of you too at least consider. My husband is an expert witness and has been many court rooms. He believe this woman must have showed strong sides of mental or emotional instability for that judge to take them away from her children. She might have even mention harming her ex, herself, or the children.

Now you may believe that he is in a disordered situation but the children’s physical safety would take priority over anything else, and it should.

 

[JimG]

As anger as you sound over this, that is very good of you too at least consider. My husband is an expert witness and has been many court rooms. He believe this woman must have showed strong sides of mental or emotional instability for that judge to take them away from her children. She might have even mention harming her ex, herself, or the children.

Now you may believe that he is in a disordered situation but the children’s physical safety would take priority over anything else, and it should.

Objectively disordered means that the children were taken from a natural family with a mom and a dad and placed in an unnatural situation of two men as gay lovers as a family. Whether the father has full or partial custody, the children are still forced to live in an objectively disordered situation. And they are forced into such a situation because of the father’s failure to live up to his marriage vows.

From reading the woman’s account, I don’t believe that the children’s physical safety is at risk, but as noted, we only have one side of the story.

firead’s post also seems to reinforce the idea that this may not be an uncommon occurrence. And recent pro-gay court decisions overturning state laws and referendums makes me think that it is quite possible that the judge does have an agenda which is more favorable to same sex marriage and less favorable to children’s natural rights.

 

[Personanongrata]

The judge willingly placed the children in a disordered living situation. But I think that must have fit his agenda.

I seriously doubt that. Maybe life with Mom was a bit disordered. Something tells me there is another side to this story and it’s about her. We will probably never know cause the “ex” is going to do the right thing by the children.

She sounds disgruntled, bitter and angry. Some therapy would help more than blogging for sympathy. I wonder what she did to contribute to the overall situation.

 

[Cat]

I seriously doubt that. Maybe life with Mom was a bit disordered. Something tells me there is another side to this story and it’s about her. We will probably never know cause the “ex” is going to do the right thing by the children.

She sounds disgruntled, bitter and angry. Some therapy would help more than blogging for sympathy. I wonder what she did to contribute to the overall situation.

Wait a minute.

This man moved into a condo complex inhabited by sixteen gay men (nice “diversity” ). One of the men has a 19-yr old prostitute who services him. Another man in his 60s has a boyfriend (not a husband or a partner or a soul mate) in his 20s (ahh, gay “love!” So spiritual.)

The children go to parties where only alcohol is served. Such loving concern for the children.

They go transgender events exclusively–again, wow, what diversity! These kids will grow up so well-balanced and empathetic towards all people and lifestyles. (I’m being sarcastic–the kids will grow up brainwashed–that, IMO, is abusive parenting).

The daughter sees her daddy wearing bondage gear. She sees men dressing up like women. She has to see erotic photos in her home. Where are the feminists?! They should be screaming over this.

And you think that the MOM seems “disgruntled, bitter, and angry” ??!!! Of COURSE she is! She would be crazy if she WASN’T “disgruntled, bitter, and angry!” That’s the normal, expected reaction from any decent mother. Her children’s father is an oversexed pervert, and society is saying that HE is normal and SHE is crazy and needs therapy. God help us all.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I think we can safely say that straight divorce for reasons other than abuse or similar situations, or something like this, really do a number on the children. I saw it happen with my generation - The “Me” Generation, it was called, very aptly. I even went to some support groups for a time with some of these people who were breaking up their marriages (I was grieving a breakup with a boyfriend), and I felt so sad for so many kids. They were taken to counseling to help them adjust and accept their parents’ self-centered life choices. They were given “Dinosaurs Divorce” books (for the straight couples who found another opposite-sex paramour) or “Heather Has Two Mommies” books (for the gay coming-out situations). I still see some of those kids as adults once in awhile, and their lives are train wrecks, or just filled with empty pleasure-seeking.

And some of the gay/lesbian ones had married straights who knew they were gay and were hoping things would change, or actually eagerly hankering for a kinky something. Sorry for the TMI.

The writer of the post referenced doesn’t seem mentally incompetent to me. I will read more of her writing to see what I think of her overall.

 

[firead]

Wait a minute.

Where are the feminists?! They should be screaming over this.

Most modern feminists are so concerned with being seen as inclusionary and intersectional that they are terrified of saying anything that could be seen as not accepting minority groups, especially LGBTQ people.

And you think that the MOM seems “disgruntled, bitter, and angry” ??!!Of COURSE she is! She would be crazy if she WASN’T “disgruntled, bitter, and angry!” That’s the normal, expected reaction from any decent mother. Her children’s father is an oversexed pervert, and society is saying that HE is normal and SHE is crazy and needs therapy. God help us all.

Exactly. There’s actually a behavior caled crazy-making that’s a form of verbal/emotional abuse and describes so many of these relationships. Constantly changing expectations, redefining reality and/or the terms of the relationship, insisting that the spouses viewpoint is wrong (homophobic), labeling or intimidating their spouse into agreeing with them or doing things their way, blaming the spouse’s personal history for their current problems, accusing the spouse of imagining things or creating drama, making themselves out to be the wounded one, trying to define the spouses thoughts and feelings or speak for them, blaming the spouse for their emotions or unhappiness, & making life-changing decisions without (name removed by moderator)ut from the spouse are all hallmarks of this behavior and are all pretty common in the stories I’ve read of people whos spouses decide to “come out”.

So, yes, emotional abuse intended to manipulate your emotions and self-image and distort your reality can make you seem “crazy”, especially to yourself. And that’s the point. People like this man know that they will have a lot of supporters just for being gay, so they do everything they can to make their spouse look hateful or crazy and, if they can convince the spouse that they are crazy or wear them down emotionally before the divorce, then they can try for custody because the wife is already so insecure and intimidated by their previous behavior that she is afraid of being denied any custody or visitation if it should go to court and the jusdge hear how “crazy” she is from the ex (who sometimes has been keeping a juornal of incidents, framed to make her look bad, for use in court).

 

[MJJean]

Wait a minute.

This man moved into a condo complex inhabited by sixteen gay men (nice “diversity” ). One of the men has a 19-yr old prostitute who services him. Another man in his 60s has a boyfriend (not a husband or a partner or a soul mate) in his 20s (ahh, gay “love!” So spiritual.)

The children go to parties where only alcohol is served. Such loving concern for the children.

They go transgender events exclusively–again, wow, what diversity! These kids will grow up so well-balanced and empathetic towards all people and lifestyles. (I’m being sarcastic–the kids will grow up brainwashed–that, IMO, is abusive parenting).

The daughter sees her daddy wearing bondage gear. She sees men dressing up like women. She has to see erotic photos in her home. Where are the feminists?! They should be screaming over this.

And you think that the MOM seems “disgruntled, bitter, and angry” ??!!! Of COURSE she is! She would be crazy if she WASN’T “disgruntled, bitter, and angry!” That’s the normal, expected reaction from any decent mother. Her children’s father is an oversexed pervert, and society is saying that HE is normal and SHE is crazy and needs therapy. God help us all.

Except we have no reason to believe that any of the above is the truth. All we have is the word of a woman who seems to be very bitter and hateful.

I have watched women in the process of divorce act like absolute lunatics for months on end, sometimes resulting in personal protection orders against them and arrests, all in the name of “saving” their (obviously over) marriages.

 

[firead]

Except we have no reason to believe that any of the above is the truth. All we have is the word of a woman who seems to be very bitter and hateful.

I have watched women in the process of divorce act like absolute lunatics for months on end, sometimes resulting in personal protection orders against them and arrests, all in the name of “saving” their (obviously over) marriages.

Why is she bitter and hateful for sharing the story of what was done to her family without her consent. If you were married to a presumably straight man who used you to bear his children and then decided to leave in pursuit of another lover (gay or straight) once your youth was gone, you might be a little miffed too. Particularly if he then took your children so that his new partner could enjoy the experience of parenting and the image of a loving family, while denying it to the one who gave birth to them.

This is a common pattern, too. Most women who have children within marraige assume that the husband will be try to them, will stay around to help raise them, and will do everything he can to keep ther family intact. If the man left to pusue a younger or more beautiful woman, most would agree this is wrong, so why is it now acceptable or admirable that he leave to pursue sexual adventures with men instead?

As far as acting like a lunatic. The woman wrong the article under a pseudonym to protect her family. Her husband has been all over the interent leaving her full name (unique enough to identify her by) on various gay-activist and other blogs, leading to harassment and attempts to have her fired from her job. But I guess he’s still the level-headed victim here because it’s just so opressive when people support women and don’t expect them to be used and discareded as breeders to supply children for homosexual men.

 

[EasterJoy]

So if her husband had divorced her and married another woman, would straight marriage be to blame for her woes? Ridiculous.

There is not “straight marriage” and “gay marriage.” There is marriage.

If the bloggers’s husband had divorced her in order to marry another woman, that would also be a gross violation against marriage. That is not to say that a couple who attempts marriage and realizes that their attempt is invalid and impossible should refuse to recognize that. It is possible that this woman’s husband was incapable of marriage. It is not to say that the blogger can be assumed to be capable of marriage herself, or that she didn’t fail in her own duties or even suffer from some incapacity to be a true wife. We can’t know that. It is to say that no matter what kind of wife the blogger was, it is objectively a violation against marriage itself for her ex-husband to pretend that he and his lover have “formed a family” rather than that the husband’s incapacity for true marriage has destroyed a family.

That would be true if he had abandoned his wife for a heterosexual lover, too. His action is more egregious, however, because he abandoned his marriage for an objectively disordered relationship, rather than one that could have been formed according to the natural order if the circumstances had been different, not to mention that he insists on pretending that this disordered relationship is fecund and just as morally permissible as any other, including the one he abandoned.

 

[EasterJoy]

As anger as you sound over this, that is very good of you too at least consider. My husband is an expert witness and has been many court rooms. He believe this woman must have showed strong sides of mental or emotional instability for that judge to take them away from her children. She might have even mention harming her ex, herself, or the children.

Now you may believe that he is in a disordered situation but the children’s physical safety would take priority over anything else, and it should.

When one spouse gets some measure of the custody of his or her children following a divorce, whether full custody or joint custody, we can assume that spouse had a good lawyer whom he or she listened to. Let’s not read any more into this than that.

The point is that the courts do not have the same standards of objective morality that they used to have. If you dump your spouse, the other parent of your children, for someone else you’ve been having an affair with and break up your children’s family life to do it, in the eyes of the courts that doesn’t automatically make you a less fit parent. If you openly engage in sexual consorts that were illegal a mere generation ago and for the whole history of Christendom and in Judaism before that, that doesn’t automatically make you a less fit parent. If you use extramarital consort to obtain children–which gays must obviously always do, if they want to have their own biological children–you are not considered an unfit parent.

This is a sea change in societal attitudes. It is not a good one. Trying to presume the other parent must have “done something to deserve this” is rash judgment. There is no necessary reason to believe that must have been true. It is certainly possible, and there is nothing wrong with pointing out that it is possible, but by no means are we forced to make that assumption.

Heaven help the child, when one parent is abusive and the other is morally unmoored.