Aah, married love

[DJgang]

kamz:

ok, I checked coralewisjr profile, if I am correct, you are about 20?

Wow, yep, I remember that time, I was 19 when I got married and had my first child, oh, to be youg, at 31, I actually feel old

I know I was pretty silly, goofy, etc. like you when I was 20, I guess, time, marriage, four kids, have changed me.

I don’t mean to seem so down or stuffy, I guess, its because I’ve been through a lot in the past 12 years, I have suffered miscarriages, had children in the hosptial so sick I thought I would lose my mind with worry, trips to the emergency room with kids, job losses, deaths in the family that hurt so bad that I didn’t think I would make it, I can see that these things have most certainly taken their toll as does the day in day out rewards and demands of raising four children while my husband works 12 hour days.
So, I do know where the poster is coming from, she is still so young, and those are really fun times, it seems like forever since I was that young and full of such excitement.

Now, I’m more tired, up half the night with a 2 year old with an ear infection, dealing with a pre teen girl, who thinks she knows everything. But, yes, I do remember what it was like to be first married and that excitement that comes with it.
Somedays I miss that but I don’t want to go back, I would not want to have to live it again, all the things you go through in life.

But, I don’t want to be a downer either, so don’t take an older mom too serioulsy, I’ll talk to you in 12 years and see how your doing, that will be very interesting

I don’t think you are being a “downer”, you are just being realistic. After just 8 years of marriage, starting a business, almost child #3 here, and me too…two miscarriages…wow what we go through…but as I see it, I took those first few years together and built a solid relationship for my marriage (as you probably did also) and that’s what gets us through the tough times…also, what gets me through the tough times is knowing that one day…all these children will be adults, my house will be “empty” persay and I will be wishing that I was up at 3am feeding or nursing a child, I will be wishing that I was picking up toys all day long, I will be wishing to step on a hot wheel and try my best from using four letter words Know what I mean?

 

[kamz]

:You bet I know what you mean, thanks

 

[TarAshly]

Hubby and i are young as well. 22 and 24. we have been married almost 6 months. we still play with each other and have fun, however we opened a business immediately after getting married so we have been through some rough times. we have our little fun things that keep both of us guessing. one of the things he does for me is he changes the screen saver on my computer when im not around to say a sweet little message from him. he has these boots that i HATE! they are the ugliest hiking boots ever made, the designer must have been blind AND had bad taste. so i occasionally hide them from him for fun, the only time im hiding them to prevent him from wearing them is when he sets them out saturday night to wear to church Sunday morning. then i make it a point to get up early and hide those boots as best i can, other than that its just for fun, an inside joke between us. Hes very sweet when i least expect it. this morning i got out of the shower and his hand was sticking through the bathroom door holding a towel, it scared me at first but i realized what it was, he had thrown my towel in the dryer so i would have a warm towel when i got out. hes very sweet like that and i am very lucky!

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

Well, ahem… I’m 31, 12 years of marriage, 6 sons, 1 daughter, 3 m/c, job losses, ect… in the hazzards of living.

I know exactly what the poster means (well except for the punching) My dh would never ever even play “hit” a female and he would come seriously “unglued” if any of our sons did.

I’ll be in the floor rolling around with the 11 month old son and daddy decides he’d like to rol around in the floor with mama so he grabs a leg and the “war” is on. Children start coming in out of the woodwork and before you know it my living room looks like a tornado hit it and we’re glad the 6th baby is still in diapers because he’s laughing so hard he had to have wet it. It’s just fun wrestling.

“Statistics show that the leading cause of death is life.”

 

[kamz]

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is very loving and romantic, and there are the teasing gentle times, but for us, we are more “grown up” and serious people than we were when we first married, and, my husband is also 9 years older than me.

We now, have, time for play and time for being more grown up.

I think it also has to do with how you yourself are raised.

I come from a awesome family, we played board games with our parents and they took us fishing, swimming, on vacations, and I played rough and hard with my siblings and being the youngest I also, got the pulp beaten out of me by my older brother, wrestling, etc.
But, my parents were not, get on the floor roll around type parents, they were, sit in a chair and cuddle type parents, read a book together, have long walks, ride bike, long talks type parents and that is the type of parent I am too.

My husband was raised my his mom and older siblings, after having 11 kids, hubby being the youngest, hubby’s dad decided he did not want to be a dad, so when hubby was 3 his dad left, that put a great burden on his mom’s shoulders, she farmed with her older sons, milked cows, raised sheep, pigs, chickens, all to put food on the table for her kids, my husband had to work hard, he did chores from the time he was 4 or 5 years old, that makes for a pretty serious, hard working type ethics and my husband is exactly that, he is an over worker, he puts in very long hours and then some, because, that is how he was raised, you work hard and then harder and that is how you are a good husband and father, you provide for your family, my dad, was also brought up like that. So each family is different, that is for sure.

When hubby and I first started dating, we were like two little kids, silly and young and in love, like most people are, but age, being parents, long hours of work, family obligations, tons of bills, sometimes that can change people. I don’t want my husband to act too goofy or silly, there is a time and a place for it but I don’t like that all the time, I want and need to know my husband is the head of our home. Not that in his down time he doesn’t wrestle and play on the floor with our kids, he is great about that, he throws the ball with them, he has taught them how to ride their bikes, takes them fishing, hiking, on picnics, etc.

Again, it really depends how you yourself were raised, my kids don’t like when we act too goofy and they have told us that, so we know they don’t like it, my kids like quiet time with mom and dad, reading a book, watching a movie, making cookies, coloring, drawing, talking, playing monopoly, cards.

I think there are many excellent styles of parenting, whatever works for your family, thats great

 

[MooCowSteph]

Katie1723:

I suppose I don’t understand "play hurting "…makes no sense…
~Kathy ~

No one actually gets hurt, at least not in my marriage. We play fight and wrestle, but my husband is considerably bigger than me so it usually just consists of me trying to “take him down” (unsuccessfully) while he does nothing but sit there laughing. It’s never out of anger, but out of playful fun. We also tease each other a bit, but not too much. We rarely fight, and when we do it’s usually about something stupid like leaving the screen door open (were you raised in a barn?). We probably only have 2 or 3 actual arguments a year, about a real issue. They never last long.

There is great benefit in good-natured play and fun.

 

[deb1]

kamz:

ok, I checked coralewisjr profile, if I am correct, you are about 20?

Wow, yep, I remember that time, I was 19 when I got married and had my first child, oh, to be youg, at 31, I actually feel old

I know I was pretty silly, goofy, etc. like you when I was 20, I guess, time, marriage, four kids, have changed me.

I don’t mean to seem so down or stuffy, I guess, its because I’ve been through a lot in the past 12 years, I have suffered miscarriages, had children in the hosptial so sick I thought I would lose my mind with worry, trips to the emergency room with kids, job losses, deaths in the family that hurt so bad that I didn’t think I would make it, I can see that these things have most certainly taken their toll as does the day in day out rewards and demands of raising four children while my husband works 12 hour days.
So, I do know where the poster is coming from, she is still so young, and those are really fun times, it seems like forever since I was that young and full of such excitement.

Now, I’m more tired, up half the night with a 2 year old with an ear infection, dealing with a pre teen girl, who thinks she knows everything. But, yes, I do remember what it was like to be first married and that excitement that comes with it.
Somedays I miss that but I don’t want to go back, I would not want to have to live it again, all the things you go through in life.

But, I don’t want to be a downer either, so don’t take an older mom too serioulsy, I’ll talk to you in 12 years and see how your doing, that will be very interesting

Hello,

. This Halloween will be both my 17 year anniversary and my 39th b-day. I personally feel pretty young, but I think that is an attitude thing. Marriage can be hard, but so can life in general. When I got married the men in my husband’s marriage made bets that we would be divorced in a year. We had several strikes against us. My hubby was very low ranking-only an E-3 in the Air FOrce, we were living in a trailer that had holes in the floor and I started the marriage pregnant.(I wasn’t a Christian at the time) Plus we both came from extremly dysfunctial families. My mom was married six times and his dad was openly having affairs on his mom. With examples like our parents, there was no reason why we should have stayed married. But we did. Part of this was a deep seated mutual respect for one another, but a big reason was our sense of humor. When ever life got to tough, we just tried to find something funny about our situations. I have to admit that sometimes this was difficult but there is nothing like laughter to put your problems into perspective. Then again-I can be a very silly person.

My hubby and I are still openly affectionate-we were told that this would die down after we had gotten use to each other, we still tease one another and we still wrestle.

As far as being a downer, though…it just sounds like you are under a lot of stress right now. A few weeks after my youngest was born the military sent my hubby away. Oh man, the stress was overwhelming. So, I can definitly relate. Luckily, the hard times tend to disappear and in later years they even seem funny.

 

[Penny_Plain]

So we’re probably the only ones who play punchbuggy, right?

And, yes, the kids play too. But we taught them.

 

[coralewisjr]

If I wasn’t pregnant, I would start a play fight with DH right now. I took tae kwon do for a few months with my family several years ago so I know a little about fighting. I enjoy kicking as high as I can, though since I don’t stretch anymore it can hurt. We just have a great fun time. I think God has helped us to make a great start so we can have great memories to add to and remember when times get hard. Verbal sparring is fun. We are both “weird”, “purplefreaks” (don’t ask), and “crazy” and we remind each other of it daily. We don’t have to make sense - we just have fun. We get lost almost every time we go to church an hour away (we only go to the TLM) and we’ve had tense times in the car because of my inability to navigate so we pray and forget it when we’re finally at our destinations and joke about getting lost all the time.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne

 

[chevalier]

Rob's Wife:

I know exactly what the poster means (well except for the punching) My dh would never ever even play “hit” a female and he would come seriously “unglued” if any of our sons did.

Same kind of mindset here. I would sooner conduct a sword blow than throw a punch. But it’s different for people who have made an art of it and know how do it without it feeling bad (it’s like pillow fights – you still technically hit). Personally, I just pin wrists until the angry lady cools down or some such.

Oh dang, perhaps it’s time to pray some for the future wife…

 

[rayne89]

kamz:

ok, I checked coralewisjr profile, if I am correct, you are about 20?

Wow, yep, I remember that time, I was 19 when I got married and had my first child, oh, to be youg, at 31, I actually feel old

I know I was pretty silly, goofy, etc. like you when I was 20, I guess, time, marriage, four kids, have changed me.

But, I don’t want to be a downer either, so don’t take an older mom too serioulsy, I’ll talk to you in 12 years and see how your doing, that will be very interesting

Well in defense of Cora I’m not 20. I’m 33 and I have been married 14 years. I have been through hubby’s alcoholism and other addictions as well as severe depression, I have been a hairline a way from divorce at one point. Yes we only have one child but that is because of my heart problems (most of you guys know I’ll need a transplant soon) I would die from another pregnancy. I also have Crohn’s disease. My husband has seen me at my absolute worst. He’s had do things fro me when I was sick I’m sure he never imagined.

God healed my husband’ addictions and our marriage, with alot of hard work on our part. We are just as silly, goofy and in love as the day we met, actually more so - on all three. Having my life hanging in the balance, not knowing how long we have together - has changed everything for us. I think that’s the reason we rarely fight because all that little stuff (and even some bigger stuff) isn’t really all that important in the big scheme of life.

Yes Cora is young, but don’t discount her joy because of her age. For one she will need those goofy memories when times are not so fun, and gues what bad times don’t last forever. God always brings the sunshine back. Stay young at heart Cora - be silly, be goofy even when your 80 (-especially when your 80). Don’t let us weathered wives quash your joy. It’s worth more than gold in a marriage.

 

[chevalier]

Stands up and claps his hands :clapping: That was a great post.

Couldn’t agree more. And I love the tales. What’s obvious is that Cora and her husband have more bonding than many a married couple. I want something like that in my own marriage. Don’t know if I could even marry without it. Another thing is I’m an old hair puller who will never grow up. Just ask my 8 year younger sister. Oh dear, you two people have been so extremely lucky to find each other at such a young age. You probably already read each other’s thoughts, wonder what it’s going to be like when you get 10 more years to work on it.

 

[coralewisjr]

Stands up and claps his hands :clapping: That was a great post.

Couldn’t agree more. And I love the tales. What’s obvious is that Cora and her husband have more bonding than many a married couple. I want something like that in my own marriage. Don’t know if I could even marry without it. Another thing is I’m an old hair puller who will never grow up. Just ask my 8 year younger sister. Oh dear, you two people have been so extremely lucky to find each other at such a young age. You probably already read each other’s thoughts, wonder what it’s going to be like when you get 10 more years to work on it.

LOL yeah that’ll be fun. Maybe I’ll even figure out what he wants to eat! (he’s an extremely picky eater so when I give him a few choices he still doesn’t know what to eat…I’m trying to cure that, especially because he’s so skinny!) Grr, I hate it when he pulls my hair though. He likes to steal the hair ties out of my hair. We’ve had fun with that before. He’s learning to not do that.

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Down in my heart
Down in my heart
I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Down in my heart to stay!

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
thanking God for such a goofy husband - a perfect match for me, who occasionally fights depression

 

[deb1]

rayne89:

Well in defense of Cora I’m not 20. I’m 33 and I have been married 14 years. I have been through hubby’s alcoholism and other addictions as well as severe depression, I have been a hairline a way from divorce at one point. Yes we only have one child but that is because of my heart problems (most of you guys know I’ll need a transplant soon) I would die from another pregnancy. I also have Crohn’s disease. My husband has seen me at my absolute worst. He’s had do things fro me when I was sick I’m sure he never imagined.

God healed my husband’ addictions and our marriage, with alot of hard work on our part. We are just as silly, goofy and in love as the day we met, actually more so - on all three. Having my life hanging in the balance, not knowing how long we have together - has changed everything for us. I think that’s the reason we rarely fight because all that little stuff (and even some bigger stuff) isn’t really all that important in the big scheme of life.

Yes Cora is young, but don’t discount her joy because of her age. For one she will need those goofy memories when times are not so fun, and gues what bad times don’t last forever. God always brings the sunshine back. Stay young at heart Cora - be silly, be goofy even when your 80 (-especially when your 80). Don’t let us weathered wives quash your joy. It’s worth more than gold in a marriage.

Good Post! WHen I was a young wife, I had several people tell me that my husband and I would stop all that silly, affectionate handholding and snuggling after we’d been married awhile. Guess what, we still haven’t. There is nothing wrong in being silly or having moments of immature humor. I hope that when I 'm 90 my hubby and I are still showing as much joy in each other as we did at 22.

 

[kamz]

I think its fine, I think its great, but having to post about it?

I like holding hands with my hubby, I love when my hubby rubs my back and tells me he loves me, I love when we go out on a date and act like two teens in love, but it is private, it is personal, I don’t have to tell the world, if they see it fine, but I don’t need to put it out there to say “hey look”

And maybe that is just me, maybe I’m very old fashioned, but I was brought up that certain things should be kept between a husband and a wife, does that mean we don’t show love when out in public? Of course not, we laugh, hold hands, hold our kids hands, we wink at eachother etc. but what goes on in our home, is for us, my husband certainly would not want me on a message board telling special things that are important to him and I, then how special is it? Does he want me to tell the pet names we have? NO, that is special, that is for him, me, and God.

Hey, sorry, I just think some things are better left in your own mind or if you really need to tell, tell your best girlfriend, sister or mom, I just think, it is really private.

I just know I would die if my husband sat at work and talked about me and our marriage and special things between us and our kids, that is personal, that is something we have created for our family, doesn’t the world get way too much of people the way it is?

Why are some things not kept personal anymore

Its like you can be at the mall and you see some young couple walking in front of you and you have your kids with and they have their mouths all over eachother and their hands, oh, goodness, all over the place, that is sick, my kids are totally wide eyed with mouths open, sure, my kids see their mom and daddy kiss and hug but not tounge in mouth, hands all over my body, some things belong behind closed doors.

Of course, just my opinion.

 

[coralewisjr]

kamz:

I think its fine, I think its great, but having to post about it?

I like holding hands with my hubby, I love when my hubby rubs my back and tells me he loves me, I love when we go out on a date and act like two teens in love, but it is private, it is personal, I don’t have to tell the world, if they see it fine, but I don’t need to put it out there to say “hey look”

And maybe that is just me, maybe I’m very old fashioned, but I was brought up that certain things should be kept between a husband and a wife, does that mean we don’t show love when out in public? Of course not, we laugh, hold hands, hold our kids hands, we wink at eachother etc. but what goes on in our home, is for us, my husband certainly would not want me on a message board telling special things that are important to him and I, then how special is it? Does he want me to tell the pet names we have? NO, that is special, that is for him, me, and God.

Hey, sorry, I just think some things are better left in your own mind or if you really need to tell, tell your best girlfriend, sister or mom, I just think, it is really private.

I just know I would die if my husband sat at work and talked about me and our marriage and special things between us and our kids, that is personal, that is something we have created for our family, doesn’t the world get way too much of people the way it is?

Why are some things not kept personal anymore

Its like you can be at the mall and you see some young couple walking in front of you and you have your kids with and they have their mouths all over eachother and their hands, oh, goodness, all over the place, that is sick, my kids are totally wide eyed with mouths open, sure, my kids see their mom and daddy kiss and hug but not tounge in mouth, hands all over my body, some things belong behind closed doors.

Of course, just my opinion.

What does talking about a joyful marriage and hoping to spread the joy have to do with yucky public displays of affection?

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne

 

[dwc]

Cora, it’s good to hear about young and happy married people. I’ve been married 19 years, and we have 3 children. Although some of the giddier romance has worn off, we still flirt and tease and are openly affectionate and very physical (at home). I would guess that you and your husband will still be delighting in each other 20 years from now. Enjoy!

 

[kamz]

Hey, to each his own, you like to let everyone know how in love you are with your husband,
I know I’m in love with my husband, we complete eachother but I don’t need to shout it to the world or make a whole post about it.
I don’t need to post to the world about my happiness with my marriage but if you do, hey, whatever thrills you

 

[rayne89]

kamz:

Hey, to each his own, you like to let everyone know how in love you are with your husband,
I know I’m in love with my husband, we complete eachother but I don’t need to shout it to the world or make a whole post about it.
I don’t need to post to the world about my happiness with my marriage but if you do, hey, whatever thrills you

In the this world full of divorce and marriage problems, I think it’s wonderful to share your happiness. There’s plenty of people on the forum that share their misery. Are critical of them as well?

 

[kamz]

rayne,

I’m simply stating my opinion as you are stating yours, we differ in our opinions, so be it.

Maybe the way I look at it is, I like how my parents raised me, it was the same way they were raised, my parents and grandparents teached modesty and privacy.

My parents didn’t need to shout to the world, we are in love, we tease, tickle, etc. etc. all you do is look at them, one look and you know “there is love” maybe I don’t “get” needing to brag or whatever you would call it, but that is just me.

And, my folks have been married 40 yrs and are extremely happy and in love, but I don’t need to hear them say it or tell me about it, one look, the look between them, says it all, that my friend is pretty awesome, when no words need be said, one look is all it takes, personally, for me, that says more than anything else.