G
Gwendolen
Guest
Didn’t work in front of an abortion center, but for a crisis pregnancy center, and here is what I learned. I wrote this after year of working there:
From the trenches of a pro-life ministry……….
Sitting in front of me is a pamphlet on how to minister to a woman considering abortion. One of the sentences that sticks out is the well rehearsed “you can’t just care about the baby, you have to care about the mother, too”. In this is what I think the crux of “pro-life” ministries. Except my perception is NOT “we love the mother, too”, but “we love the mother FIRST”.
Why? Well to start with, in loving the unborn infant, we want what is best for that child. And what is best is not OUR love, or handing out diapers, or baby clothes, or even the fantastic pregnancy, delivery and parenting classes that we offer. No. The MOST important thing that that baby needs, is NOT us, it’s the love of his or her mama. We could not offer any of the things I just listed, and with a mama’s love, the baby would still have a chance for a good life. We could offer all of those things, and all of the support services on the planet, and without his mama’s love, he could literally die, or live a difficult and complicated life. The baby’s first and most important need is the love of his mother, not the love of a pro- life activist. This is our first humility check.
So how do we promote this love? I’ll tell you how we cannot promote it. We cannot shame or judge someone into loving. We cannot nag someone into loving. We cannot promote love by finding the right words to win an abortion argument. Really, we can only love someone into loving. We love the mama, and she turns that love to her child.
Does that mean sometimes we “lose”, lose the fight to promote life? Not really. It means at some point, relinquishing our desire to impose our own will, however noble and “right” our intentions, on another person, and just love……. unconditionally. And that is another humility check. Our love is NOT dependent on whether or not the mama goes through with an abortion we are trying to prevent. We love, and we pray. Sometimes that love is just being, sometimes it is praying, sometimes it is shown in material items (I remember one time my mentor supported a change of heart with a ton of school clothes – this was the love the overwhelmed mama needed to open her heart to another child), sometimes it is helping problems solve, sometimes it is simply being excited about the pregnancy, we never know ahead of time HOW we will be called to love, just that we are…and without a “how to save the baby checklist” in our heads, we make room for the Holy Spirit.
Is abortion destruction of life created by God? Yes, of course it is. But I find it interesting that God has given us a battle to fight, and only one “weapon” in our arsenal is love. All other weapons – anger, indignation, a desire for justice, shame, are ineffective. In giving these up, we actually ourselves come closer to God. We rejoice when love conquers, and grows – in the womb, home and community. We let go of hate, frustration, and anger, and in doing so entrust to God not only the little souls whose lives were not saved, but our own salvation as well.
I guess the essence of a pro-life ministry is love – and humility. We don’t “save” anyone – God saves, hopefully first and foremost us from ourselves. Because with this out of the way, we have room for love.
One of the most compelling stories my mentor ever told me what that of a woman seeking a second trimester abortion. Nothing would sway her. Yet my mentor would not let the two of them part in anger, in judgment. She said to this woman, if you get to the parking lot of the clinic, know I am praying for you, and if you have a change of heart, call me, I will come and get you. If you are in the waiting room, I am praying for you, and if you call, I will come for you. If you get to the point where they have put in the sticks to dilate your cervix, I am still praying for you, and if you call, I will come, and I know a doctor who can remove the sticks. And if you have completed an abortion, and you feel alone, I am still praying for you, and I will still come for you.
As I recall, my mentor did not get a call that day, but later found out the woman did not complete the abortion, and months later, my mentor would herself hold that child in her arms – such is the power of love, such is the power of the Holy Spirit. But for those mamas for whom the darkness is too great to see the light of Christ, there is a greater chance, after witnessing through us the awesome unconditional love of God, they may have eventually find their way back to God, and back to salvation, and one day to being reunited with their children.
Where we cannot prevent abortion, in love let us leave for the wounded a lighted path back to God…………
So, in short, to many times people are looking for “the words” , The most persuasive argument, the most compelling photos. There isn’t a word, a phrase, or chant, etc, there is really only love, humility and prayer.
“what help do you need” “we are here for you” “I am praying for you and your little one”, they cannot just be said, they most be felt. Truthfully, I focus on the woman, and her needs, (which is NEVER a “need” to take the life of her own child") and I humbly entrust the life of her child to God.
From the trenches of a pro-life ministry……….
Sitting in front of me is a pamphlet on how to minister to a woman considering abortion. One of the sentences that sticks out is the well rehearsed “you can’t just care about the baby, you have to care about the mother, too”. In this is what I think the crux of “pro-life” ministries. Except my perception is NOT “we love the mother, too”, but “we love the mother FIRST”.
Why? Well to start with, in loving the unborn infant, we want what is best for that child. And what is best is not OUR love, or handing out diapers, or baby clothes, or even the fantastic pregnancy, delivery and parenting classes that we offer. No. The MOST important thing that that baby needs, is NOT us, it’s the love of his or her mama. We could not offer any of the things I just listed, and with a mama’s love, the baby would still have a chance for a good life. We could offer all of those things, and all of the support services on the planet, and without his mama’s love, he could literally die, or live a difficult and complicated life. The baby’s first and most important need is the love of his mother, not the love of a pro- life activist. This is our first humility check.
So how do we promote this love? I’ll tell you how we cannot promote it. We cannot shame or judge someone into loving. We cannot nag someone into loving. We cannot promote love by finding the right words to win an abortion argument. Really, we can only love someone into loving. We love the mama, and she turns that love to her child.
Does that mean sometimes we “lose”, lose the fight to promote life? Not really. It means at some point, relinquishing our desire to impose our own will, however noble and “right” our intentions, on another person, and just love……. unconditionally. And that is another humility check. Our love is NOT dependent on whether or not the mama goes through with an abortion we are trying to prevent. We love, and we pray. Sometimes that love is just being, sometimes it is praying, sometimes it is shown in material items (I remember one time my mentor supported a change of heart with a ton of school clothes – this was the love the overwhelmed mama needed to open her heart to another child), sometimes it is helping problems solve, sometimes it is simply being excited about the pregnancy, we never know ahead of time HOW we will be called to love, just that we are…and without a “how to save the baby checklist” in our heads, we make room for the Holy Spirit.
Is abortion destruction of life created by God? Yes, of course it is. But I find it interesting that God has given us a battle to fight, and only one “weapon” in our arsenal is love. All other weapons – anger, indignation, a desire for justice, shame, are ineffective. In giving these up, we actually ourselves come closer to God. We rejoice when love conquers, and grows – in the womb, home and community. We let go of hate, frustration, and anger, and in doing so entrust to God not only the little souls whose lives were not saved, but our own salvation as well.
I guess the essence of a pro-life ministry is love – and humility. We don’t “save” anyone – God saves, hopefully first and foremost us from ourselves. Because with this out of the way, we have room for love.
One of the most compelling stories my mentor ever told me what that of a woman seeking a second trimester abortion. Nothing would sway her. Yet my mentor would not let the two of them part in anger, in judgment. She said to this woman, if you get to the parking lot of the clinic, know I am praying for you, and if you have a change of heart, call me, I will come and get you. If you are in the waiting room, I am praying for you, and if you call, I will come for you. If you get to the point where they have put in the sticks to dilate your cervix, I am still praying for you, and if you call, I will come, and I know a doctor who can remove the sticks. And if you have completed an abortion, and you feel alone, I am still praying for you, and I will still come for you.
As I recall, my mentor did not get a call that day, but later found out the woman did not complete the abortion, and months later, my mentor would herself hold that child in her arms – such is the power of love, such is the power of the Holy Spirit. But for those mamas for whom the darkness is too great to see the light of Christ, there is a greater chance, after witnessing through us the awesome unconditional love of God, they may have eventually find their way back to God, and back to salvation, and one day to being reunited with their children.
Where we cannot prevent abortion, in love let us leave for the wounded a lighted path back to God…………
So, in short, to many times people are looking for “the words” , The most persuasive argument, the most compelling photos. There isn’t a word, a phrase, or chant, etc, there is really only love, humility and prayer.
“what help do you need” “we are here for you” “I am praying for you and your little one”, they cannot just be said, they most be felt. Truthfully, I focus on the woman, and her needs, (which is NEVER a “need” to take the life of her own child") and I humbly entrust the life of her child to God.
