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MonteRCMS
Guest
Happens on commuter trains as well when somebody takes YOUR SEAT!
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Tis_Bearself
Patron
Back in the days before there were seats in the front “reserved” for persons with disabilities, there was some family with about 5 kids that would always, always have to get to Mass early and take the entire front pew. I do mean the entire front pew, as the kids were not young children and the whole family was, shall we say, large.
Which meant my partially paralyzed dad couldn’t sit there and as a result, had trouble getting up to Communion. So many weeks it was a contest between my mother and this family as to who would get there first for the front pew at our regular Mass.
In the ensuing decades, the churches have gotten better with how they handle these types of situations by making special seating areas for people with a physical disability and their caregivers, and sending the EMHC directly to that section with Communion.
Which meant my partially paralyzed dad couldn’t sit there and as a result, had trouble getting up to Communion. So many weeks it was a contest between my mother and this family as to who would get there first for the front pew at our regular Mass.
In the ensuing decades, the churches have gotten better with how they handle these types of situations by making special seating areas for people with a physical disability and their caregivers, and sending the EMHC directly to that section with Communion.
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sudy
Guest
There may be valid reasons that the young woman didn’t know about. I know an elderly lady who sits on the end because she has serious bladder and bowel issues and may need to leave the bench discretely, so perhaps some of these other elderly people have similar issues.
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Gab123
Guest
So be uncharitable after receiving communion?
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Mi_Rose
Guest
I feel for you I really do. At my parish though the custom is to go around if someone gets in the pew and blocks you. The only place I have been where it is like that.
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MikeInVA
Guest
I think I would have said “excuse me” and stood there until they moved, repeating my request a little louder in case they didn’t respond the first time.
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FrancisPio
Guest
In the cases I mention these pew blockers are the absolute last ones to leave the church.FrancisPio:
There may be valid reasons that the young woman didn’t know about. I know an elderly lady who sits on the end because she has serious bladder and bowel issues and may need to leave the bench discretely, so perhaps some of these other elderly people have similar issues.
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Gertabelle
Guest
My goodness, you have so much more discretion then I.
If this had happened to me, I have no doubt whatsoever that I would have clumsily stepped onto the pew and as discreetly as possible walked along behind the women to get to my son.
Perhaps this is why God put me in the choir loft. I’m entirely too practical to exhibit any social graces.
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exnihilo
Guest
You did the right thing. Who know why these ladies behaved as they did. Maybe it was an honest misunderstanding. Your kids were safe and you had an alternate way to get back to them. Pressing the issue in the middle of Mass wouldn’t have been best. Saying something afterward would have been fine.
You’ll find lots of strange things happen at Mass because of people.
You’ll find lots of strange things happen at Mass because of people.
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FollowChrist34
Guest
Yes, exactly what I would have done, with plenty of eye contact along the way, with lots of love and mercy to spare. 
Though I agree that it was probably absent-mindedness, lack of awareness. Still I don’t think it is inappropriate to gently correct that. I wouldn’t mind if someone corrected that kind of oversight in me - I mean I probably would at first, but I would be wary of doing it again - after that I would likely pay more attention to others, how I interacted.
Though I agree that it was probably absent-mindedness, lack of awareness. Still I don’t think it is inappropriate to gently correct that. I wouldn’t mind if someone corrected that kind of oversight in me - I mean I probably would at first, but I would be wary of doing it again - after that I would likely pay more attention to others, how I interacted.
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rondirect
Guest
I think you handled this the right way; no fuss. You were the better person in this case.Yes, I wanted to say something, but I was so surprised and flustered that I didn’t. Luckily, my kids are (usually) well-behaved in church so they didn’t cause a fuss, but I know my younger ones got scared and nervous when I left like that and disappeared from view for a few minutes. Apparently it rattled me enough that I’m still thinking of it! lol
I really don’t believe you would do that: step on the seat of the pew? “Why be charitable to rude people?” Because you are in church and just received communion. You’re not in a movie theater. Playing the game of who’s right in church doesn’t sit well with me. I really don’t think would be that way.
Exactly. I cannot believe the way some people said they would handle this and in essence be just like the ones who wouldn’t move. I’m amazed. Sorry.
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PetraG
Guest
We don’t know what was going through their heads, but it is a spiritual work of mercy to bear wrongs (or perceived wrongs) patiently. Don’t worry about their reasoning; just find a different way to your seat and bear the inconvenience as an easy burden. Unless someone is doing something that will harm others if you don’t put a stop to it, presume that their seeming rudeness has an excuse that you do not need to know. If someone thinks the less of you when you are actually doing the right thing or taking the hit for someone else’s mistake, you will be given your entire reward by the Father who sees all. If you are making a mistake but carry an attitude of mercy with you, your own unconscious faults will be forgiven because you have been forgiving.
It is hard when you are new, but it is totally OK if you try not to spend a lot of time worrying about these little things. If you are content to be thought the worst but try to do your best and show as much mercy as you have in you for the faults and wrongs and eccentricities of others, you will do well. There will be nothing left over that regular confession will not salve.
It is hard when you are new, but it is totally OK if you try not to spend a lot of time worrying about these little things. If you are content to be thought the worst but try to do your best and show as much mercy as you have in you for the faults and wrongs and eccentricities of others, you will do well. There will be nothing left over that regular confession will not salve.
I had to learn, when I was under surveillance from the two children I had in the back, to meet the experience of being cut off in traffic with: That man was not safe!!
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FollowChrist34
Guest
Well, someone also has to display Christian behavior, right. Where I live we have this horrible problem of people crowding the front of city buses. They stand (usually with ear phones) in the aisle and especially in the middle exit doorway, reading the phone, ear phones. No eye contact. The back of the bus has open space in the aisle - enough for 10 more people to get on the bus and get to work/school/home on time. Is it charity just to sigh and smile and wait for the next bus if you cannot get on because of this? How did this version of Christianity come into such vogue? What was Jesus thinking in that temple with the money changers. I am not rude on the bus, I just say excuse me, I’ll head on back. Once I say that to the person behind me, they fall like dominos, the whole row moves back, like cattle. And more people get on the bus. I think that is Christian. I too am really appalled sometimes at how people behave in Church. I think you need to represent Christ in that situation. And charity does not always equal doormat.
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Gertabelle
Guest
Please don’t be sorry. You make beautiful points in your post here.
And to be honest, when my son was little, I probably would have stepped onto the pew without a second thought. Not because I was trying to be “right,” but because I’m just over-the-top practical at times. I wouldn’t want to bother the ladies any more than I had, and I could easily squat down while walking across the pew, so why wouldn’t I?
I’m not saying this is a virtue of mine – quite the opposite in fact. And indeed, God has spared me (and the congregation) by putting me in the choir loft as the organist, where my practical-but-completely-inappropriate-solutions are unneeded or unnoticed.
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PetraG
Guest
The difference is that the OP had another way to get to her seat without risking an argument.
Yes, she could have just smiled, pointed to the two children on the other side of the “blockers”, indicated that she thought the blockers must not be aware that she is the mother of the two and needed to get to them, and then, well, just come on through. I would not count that as a sin! If the blockers were ready to make an altercation of it, though, then when in Mass one has to take whatever one believes is the least-disruptive path to resolving the situation.
It is also possible to honestly ask afterwards, “I didn’t mean to upset you when I came back to the pew from communion…was there something I was missing?” I will tell you that 90% of the time the other person will come up with a conciliatory slant on the situation. They may have a complaint, but it doesn’t harm us to hear others complain to our faces. Sometimes, we can even accommodate their concerns, after all.
After all, this is a fellow parishioner. Handle this right, with the attitude that you want the other person to feel you care about their concerns and don’t jump to the conclusion that it is their behavior that needs correction, and you probably have some older ladies that will smile at your children every time they see you. That is what you want, because it will help your parish seem like a second home to your children.
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FollowChrist34
Guest
No, I agree. It would be easy to smile and indicate her children down in the pew, saying I am so sorry, etc etc. Or just go around. If it is the first time, fine. But after a while you know the parishioners right. Lack of charity, inattention, whatever. I have to say I have never had to walk around. I have had people go in before me, whole famiiles, then apologize, get up and come out. I get embarrassed by their kindness and all the scuffle; I would rather go around. I just find it odd this happened. First time, yes, dismiss it. Second time, no.
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PetraG
Guest
The more times you forgive, the more forgiveness you will be given.
If the situation repeats, I would talk to the ladies just to make sure there is no misunderstanding, but if it turns out that they have the bad luck to have their particular brand of smallness hit them in a very public way, it is a mercy to cover for them. We all have our blind spots. Looking out for ways to accommodate the blind spots of others is the best way to gain mercy for the blind spots we have ourselves.
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FollowChrist34
Guest
Agree again. There are times to forgive and times to correct. I think God calls all of us to do both. Are you not gently correcting me here? I also agree in that I don’t think these episodes should get the better of you; but I would not elevate this to “Christian forgiveness” - the fact that I don’t respond when people act like this. I really don’t see it as personal offense that needs to be forgiven; it is often impersonal: failing in charity, selfishness. It is open to debate whether alerting people to this or tolerating it does more good for you and them in the eyes of God.
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MonteRCMS
Guest
As someone else said … this is not the hill you really want to die on.
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FollowChrist34
Guest
And/or pick up your cross. 
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