About to give up on my faith

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SpaghettiCowboy

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I have been a practicing Catholic for 42 of my 59 years. Like many of you, I have had my doubts over the years about this or that doctrinal issue or liturgical practice, but I had ultimate confidence in Jesus and never let those doubts disrupt my basic faith. But lately-- due to what I would characterize as extraneous issues-- I have been engaged in reexamining my beliefs, and it now seems to me that the “emperor is naked,” so to speak.

Here’s the thing. When I talk to people about why they believe, they typically cite reasons like church teaching, the Bible, the splendor of creation, the examples of the saints, etc. These are all relevant reasons, but don’t seem to be enough in themselves. Invariably, people will speak of personal experience and the sense, difficult to explain but real to them, that God is active in their lives, leading, guiding, protecting.

I have never had that personal experience, developed that “sense.”

Oh, I used to think I had. I have concluded, however, that it was self-deception and wishful thinking. And I know the tenets of Catholicism pretty well, but it seems that my faith never penetrated beyond my intellect, into my soul, as it were.

I’m not sure even why I’m posting this. I don’t expect any of you to supply me with a silver bullet. However, I am on the verge of abandoning something that has meant more to me than I can capture in words. It will affect me personally, and it will affect my family. I am sincerely hoping that I will gain something from an exchange here.
 
I assume you have tried extreme prayer and fasting, so I won’t even go into “try xyz, it’ll save your faith.” My only real question is, what is enough to you? What “more” proof so you think is required? There is no point where one will not have doubt, I’ve had them for months, I’ve had them literally all day today and even thought of leaving myself (literally in the last hour, I’m not going to, but still). You can always wish for more proof.
 
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It’s not about personal experience. It’s about what’s true. The simple, humble faith of the monk is not one of grand impressions or of stirring emotions. It is a simple, confident, consistent “yes” to God.

I don’t believe because of personal experience. I believe because it makes sense. There was a certain point where the faith just made too much sense not to be true. I became convicted by the internal coherency of all of it. If that seems a bit dry or unfeeling, so be it. Better to simply say yes to God than to regret not feeling anything and to say no to him.

-Fr ACEGC
 
Pray the 15 decades of the rosary EVERY DAY, be on the team. Research the lives of Saint Padre Pio and Saint Bede. Read the Catechism of the Council of Trent. Lastly, obtain a copy of the Latin Vulgate Bible. It’s the only officially approved bible of the Catholic Church.do these proactively and with a sincere heart. Your petition of concerns will be headed.
 
Really good, although Bishops in various conferences have approved other bible versions. Knox, NAB, RSVCE, JB, NJB, etc.
 
SpaghettiCowboy, in a way maybe you are blessed to never have had many or any experiences. Me on the otherhand have had more than I ever deserved. Why? Maybe because our Lord knows what a fool I am and I need all the help I can get. But here’s the thing about getting miracles and such, when I come off that spiritual high and fall on my face, the guilt of knowing better hurts 10 times more than when I was dry or absent from my faith. It’s a real problem to wake up and feeling like i hate myself for being given so much and feeling like I’ve squandered it away.

My advice, look at both sides of faith, those who have it easy, and those who struggle. Stay on here and stay connected with all of us who struggle as well. Everyone on here will pray for you, love you, and support you… YOU ARE OUR BROTHER IN CHRIST. Just hang in there, don’t jump ship, because Jesus is waiting on the shore to greet you.

Peace.
 
What changed my life was reading the story of Fatima. This amazing event that happened in recent history, that 3 children told the location, date and time before hand so 70,000 people could witness it. And look at the critical time in human history this unfolded.

I can change the history of salvation because, before I get up in the morning, I do a morning offering of the struggles of the day, and take God’s hand. I matter in this current struggle of good vs evil. When we read the story of the little boy who gave Christ his few loaves and fish, Christ fed the 5,000. You and I are that little boy. Take that event in scripture and make it yours. Make it current today. You and I can impact the world for good. We can’t have you sitting on the bench of the big game here. This is our time to shine. Many faithful have taken the big hits and have been carried off. We are still on the field and a lot of people are in the stands pulling for us. There’s a bigger picture here that we can’t lose focus.
 
As someone who left her faith, I feel your pain. I am not here to encourage you to leave. Rather, figure out if you have reasons to stay.

You mention how important your faith was to you. It’s probably still important or why else post here. I would venture to guess that many/most Catholics have never had a spiritual experience either. It just doesn’t seem to happen very often and frankly, I think even some of those that claim they have had such an experience may have created it because they needed one so badly. There isn’t anything wrong with that.

Do as Father suggested…figure out if it’s true. If it is, stay and learn to deal with the dryness. If it’s not, then you will have to tackle the hard part of leaving behind a faith you have maintained for years but now understand exactly why you’re leaving it. Either way, you are the one that has to be satisfied you’re right. We really can’t do that for you. For each of us, it’s a very personal journey.
 
You aren’t the first to go through dryness and questioning your faith, you’re in good company, Mother Theresa comes to mind. The only things I would suggest are “The dark night of the soul” and Ignatius of Layolas “Spiritual exercises” They may be of help.

Peace and God Bless
Nicene
 
Thank you for your comments.

I have prayed, but it’s hard to be extreme when you’re not “all in.” And I don’t think I’m looking for proof in the way we commonly understand it. There’s a confidence that I used to have that accepted the inevitability of doubt, but was not derailed by it. Hard to explain.
 
No need to be extreme or “all in.” I rarely feel anything when I pray, and I do it for a living. I tell people I have a “Nike Spirituality,” whose central maxim is “just do it.”
 
Try reading ‘The Third Day’ by Arnold Lunn – it’s an apologetics classic available for free online at EWTN.com. The faith hinges on the Resurrection, of which I became convinced upon reading this book. I will pray for you.
 
I appreciate your comments, sir.

I really think it’s more than just an emotional thing, but I’m having some difficulty explaining. I basically said I’ve lost the “sense” of God’s presence in my life; you said you believe because it makes “sense.” Maybe “sense” is not a good word. I think, ideally, that the truth possesses you somehow, and that’s where the confidence comes from. I can assent to a proposition, but that’s not the same as knowing the truth. Am I making any “sense?”
 
Make acts of faith, hope, and love…and ask our Blessed Mother to intercede for you.

Our faith, at times, is tested so that we can grow spiritually. Don’t depend on emotions or “feel good” experiences to go before the Lord in prayer.

I share the above because it worked for me, and still works for me.
 
SpaghettiCowboy said:
Here’s the thing. When I talk to people about why they believe, they typically cite reasons like church teaching, the Bible, the splendor of creation, the examples of the saints, etc. These are all relevant reasons, but don’t seem to be enough in themselves. Invariably, people will speak of personal experience and the sense, difficult to explain but real to them, that God is active in their lives, leading, guiding, protecting.
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What about things like evidentiary apologetics? (e.g. historical arguments for why the Resurrection) There’s not exactly a shortage of those. Or does that fall under people citing the Bible, even if they are giving reasons for why they believe it is trustworthy?
 
Thank you for replying to my post.
Neithan said:
It happens to the best of us at times, and there is no need to despair. Is this a recent occurrence? Is this the first crisis of faith that you’ve experienced?
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It’s not the first crisis of faith for me, but it’s the deepest and longest lasting.
Neithan said:
This is an opportunity to approach the faith anew: throw all your doubts and challenges at it, and you may find a stronger faith in the end. Think of this as an opportunity for personal growth.
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I like the idea of this, but I have been throwing my doubts at it and I’m afraid I’ve made some serious cracks as a result. But I’m looking for insights from others as a counter, and that’s why I’m here.
Neithan said:
As a means of connecting with your original conversion: Why has the faith meant so much to you? Why did you convert in the first place?
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I wasn’t really a convert. I grew up with parents who were lapsed Catholics. When I was a searching teenager, I gravitated toward the Church-- it was the only church I knew anything about-- and was assisted in this journey by some good Catholic friends and a former employer.
 
SpaghettiCowboy said:
I like the idea of this, but I have been throwing my doubts at it and I’m afraid I’ve made some serious cracks as a result. But I’m looking for insights from others as a counter, and that’s why I’m here.
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Don’t be afraid of “cracking” and breaking your faith: if it breaks, it’s worth breaking. No fear. It wasn’t working for you anymore. Faith is a dynamic, living relationship with God that bestows a supernatural certainty about truth that is above our natural reasoning, and if that certainty is not there anymore, then something essential is missing and what remains is only our own thinking about the faith, like an old shell that needs to be shed. Better to break that off than try to rescue something that lead us into doubt and confusion. I’m using metaphor but there is an important difference between the faith as it is truly and our personal beliefs about it, which can get misaligned and become an obstacle.

Christ said, “Behold, I make all things new” and that includes new faith. When a crisis happens, something went wrong and that old “faith” — it died. I know it’s cliche, but “Let go and Let God” definitely applies when it comes to faith, since it’s a gift of grace and not something we can take or grasp for ourselves, like any other kind of natural knowledge. A spiritual director can help you more in person than anyone online; but if you have any particular doubts, it would probably be more effective to focus on something to counter. The crucial fact of it all is the Resurrection, so maybe start there again. Or the reliability of the scriptures.

You might also be doubting the point of faith entirely, and that’s another issue. Why bother? We will know whatever we know in life, or we won’t, natural or supernatural. If God wants us to believe, he’ll help us to believe. But if we have free will, then this is a kind of apathy that we can give in to or resist.
 
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