Abuse as Grounds for Separation

[OrangeOwl]

I’ve been seriously looking over the CCC and the Canon provisions on separation and divorce. www.cdop.org/pages/AOfficeFamilyFAQDivorce.aspx provides a decent summary of those provisions for the purposes of my question.

Canon 1153 reads, in part, “A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other… provides the other spouse with a reason to leave…”

Is that supposed to be read to mean that even mild danger is insufficient grounds for a separation? I’m thinking about a husband who slaps around his wife on a regular basis but never gets close to putting her in the hospital.

 

[Just_Lurking]

The USCCB has a good article on domestic violence - see here.

 

[Joe_5859]

I’ve been seriously looking over the CCC and the Canon provisions on separation and divorce. www.cdop.org/pages/AOfficeFamilyFAQDivorce.aspx provides a decent summary of those provisions for the purposes of my question.

Canon 1153 reads, in part, “A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other… provides the other spouse with a reason to leave…”

Is that supposed to be read to mean that even mild danger is insufficient grounds for a separation? I’m thinking about a husband who slaps around his wife on a regular basis but never gets close to putting her in the hospital.

I don’t think that by “grave danger” they mean to exclude physical violence that isn’t as severe. Remaining in a situation where things could easily escalate could also be construed as “grave danger.”

Of course, I’m no canon lawyer. But anyone who is suffering abuse of any kind from their spouse would do well to seek counsel from a priest.

 

[Just_Lurking]

Domestic violence is certainly grave danger to the soul, not only for the abused spouse, but for any children who are learning from the example set by the abuser.

 

[RoseMary131]

… but never gets close to putting her in the hospital.

Danger happens well before the need for a hospital.

 

[bzkoss236]

I’ve been seriously looking over the CCC and the Canon provisions on separation and divorce. www.cdop.org/pages/AOfficeFamilyFAQDivorce.aspx provides a decent summary of those provisions for the purposes of my question.

Canon 1153 reads, in part, “A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other… provides the other spouse with a reason to leave…”

Is that supposed to be read to mean that even mild danger is insufficient grounds for a separation? I’m thinking about a husband who slaps around his wife on a regular basis but never gets close to putting her in the hospital.

I would still consider that grave. Because while it may not necessarily be physically grave, it does pose grave danger to her soul.

 

[Lotharson]

Regardless of Biblical and non-Biblical dogmas, real abuse should always been acknowledged as ground for divorce.

That said, women aren’t the only victims of abuse, men can be too…

Lovely greetings from Germany.
Liebe Grüsse aus Deutschland.

Lothars Sohn - Lothar’s son
lotharlorraine.wordpress.com

 

[OrangeOwl]

Thank you for the replies. I’m struggling with the idea of whether I should help a woman obtain a divorce. I didn’t think that the canon provision was supposed to be read so strictly, but I wanted some verification.

 

[Joe_5859]

Thank you for the replies. I’m struggling with the idea of whether I should help a woman obtain a divorce, and whether I should encourage her to do so. I didn’t think that the canon provision was supposed to be read so strictly, but I wanted some verification.

I would encourage you to please speak with a priest about the situation before counselling someone to obtain a divorce. Do not take the word of us anonymous armchair theologians.

 

[nodito]

I would encourage you to please speak with a priest about the situation before counselling someone to obtain a divorce. Do not take the word of us anonymous armchair theologians.

This. Though if she’s confided that her husband regularly slaps her, you should help her remove herself from the situation asap. Maybe find a women’s shelter where she can spend some time while she sorts through her legal and moral obligations.

 

[Didascalia]

Any violence is grave, not just the act of hitting your spouse. A husband who regularly might throw his dinner at the wall and then berate his wife because it isn’t to his liking, is just as guilty of grave violence as one who strikes his wife. Perhaps the Canon should be amened to read…
“A spouse who occasions grave danger or cruelty of soul or body to the other… provides the other spouse with a reason to leave…”

 

[njlisa]

I’ve been seriously looking over the CCC and the Canon provisions on separation and divorce. www.cdop.org/pages/AOfficeFamilyFAQDivorce.aspx provides a decent summary of those provisions for the purposes of my question.

Canon 1153 reads, in part, “A spouse who occasions grave danger of soul or body to the other… provides the other spouse with a reason to leave…”

Is that supposed to be read to mean that even mild danger is insufficient grounds for a separation? I’m thinking about a husband who slaps around his wife on a regular basis but never gets close to putting her in the hospital.

There is never any justification for slapping around one’s spouse – ever. Violence leads to more violence. There’s nothing “mild” about it. A husband and wife are to love each other, not dominate the other by violence. What the husband is doing is criminal, cruel, and immoral. Imagine if he were slapping a stranger or his elderly parent. That’s called assault and battery. He should be locked up. Period.

 

[ellzeena]

Physical violence in any situation, in this case marriage (and it goes both ways too) is not acceptable. I was assaulted and an attempt was made on my life by my husband. Were there difficulties in the marriage and was his frustration justified? Yes. Did that give him the right to try to choke me to death, to break my nose and several ribs, and to cover me with bruises and then essentially (for the weeks it took for me to get the funds together to move out) threaten me with a shotgun? NO.

I obtained an annulment from the Roman Catholic Church with absolutely no problem. If you know of a situation wherein a woman is being abused physically, it is your responsibility to do whatever you can to intervene, and (if this is a neighbor) call the police.

 

[Netty1]

…** I’m thinking about a husband who slaps around his wife on a regular basis but never gets close to putting her in the hospital**.

Some research over here (which was used in a training course I went on) assessed that a woman gets “slapped around” an average of 27 times before she ends up in hospital. The damage that does in all levels - I would call that “grave”.

Help the woman at risk to a place of safety certainly. Not to do so might contribute to further harm or loss of her life. But to help her to divorce? I do think that needs a priest to handle it.

 

[njlisa]

No priest, deacon or other religious leader has the right to tell a spouse to stay in an abusive relationship. It’s up to the victim to decide whether he/she wants to stay in the relationship. If the religious leader does so, he is disobeying instructions issued by the U.S. Council of Catholic Bishops.

Finally, we emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage. Some abused women believe that church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce. They may fear that they cannot re-marry in the Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage. We encourage abused persons who have divorced to investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment. An annulment, which determines that the marriage bond is not valid, can frequently open the door to healing.

[Emphasis mine.]

The Church’s job is to protect victims, report the crimes, and hold abusers accountable. Period.

usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/marriage/domestic-violence/when-i-call-for-help.cfm

 

[OrangeOwl]

Thank you again for the responses. I do not feel comfortable saying much further about the situation, as I am bound by confidentiality. That is also a big reason I have not been in “face to face” communication with a priest. But I will say that there are many people trying to help her.

I feel that I may need to ask permission from her before I can discuss the situation with a priest. Which is awkward, but I don’t know any way around it.

Are there any lawyers around here who know a delicate way of saying, “I need to talk to my priest about your situation because I can agree to represent you in a divorce action.” ???

 

[njlisa]

Thank you again for the responses. I do not feel comfortable saying much further about the situation, as I am bound by confidentiality. That is also a big reason I have not been in “face to face” communication with a priest. But I will say that there are many people trying to help her.

I feel that I may need to ask permission from her before I can discuss the situation with a priest. Which is awkward, but I don’t know any way around it.

Are there any lawyers around here who know a delicate way of saying, “I need to talk to my priest about your situation because I can agree to represent you in a divorce action.” ???

If you can discuss this situation on CAF, I see no reason why you can’t seek advice from a priest on this situation. Give the same amount of information to him that you gave to us.

 

[OrangeOwl]

If you can discuss this situation on CAF, I see no reason why you can’t seek advice from a priest on this situation. Give the same amount of information to him that you gave to us.

I’m afraid he might know who I’m talking about. I’m also afraid he’ll ask for specifics. The example in my original post was more of a hypothetical and very general in terms – it is not exactly what’s going on here.

 

[njlisa]

I’m afraid he might know who I’m talking about. I’m also afraid he’ll ask for specifics. The example in my original post was more of a hypothetical and very general in terms – it is not exactly what’s going on here.

Then go to a priest at a different parish. If he asks for specifics, don’t tell him. If he insists, you can politely excuse yourself and leave.

 

[Didascalia]

Physical violence in any situation, in this case marriage (and it goes both ways too) is not acceptable. I was assaulted and an attempt was made on my life by my husband. Were there difficulties in the marriage and was his frustration justified? Yes. Did that give him the right to try to choke me to death, to break my nose and several ribs, and to cover me with bruises and then essentially (for the weeks it took for me to get the funds together to move out) threaten me with a shotgun? NO.

I obtained an annulment from the Roman Catholic Church with absolutely no problem. If you know of a situation wherein a woman is being abused physically, it is your responsibility to do whatever you can to intervene, and (if this is a neighbor) call the police.

I’m glad you found the courage to leave the beast.