How would you survive this in your marriage? How would you feel if your husband refused to have sexual relations with you? And in order to insure those activities weren’t an issue, he stopped kissing you, wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with you, etc? Especially if he ‘forgot’ to mention he was worried about his or your health?
St Francis;14273803:
Sally,
I want to answer this seriously and fully, which I can’t do right now, so tomorrow afternoon or so, if all goes well.
Take care,
Annie
Not my entire answer, but here is the first part:
Hi Sally,
Sorry this has taken so long!
First I want to talk about your situation. Your situation would not have been rectified by the use of abc, but in your compassion, you see that people, esp women, might feel the distress that you felt when you and your husband had a similar situation.
Now, I want you to imagine this: a doctor calls you and your husband in. The two of you together sit before her. She explains that due to a problem with his heart, your husband will need to abstain from all arduous activity, because it could kill him.
Under those circumstances, would you even want to have sex with him, knowing it could kill him? Of course not! And when he was “tempted,” you would remind him of the danger, wouldn’t you?
And under those circumstances, wouldn’t the two of you work together to find other ways of communicating your love for each other?
So the problem you experienced seems (from what I have read of your situaiton here) to be due not to lack of sexual activity, but to lack of communication. You did not know why your husband was turning away from you, and of course you felt unloved. He was giving you no reason to think he did love you, even though his problem had nothing to do with you.
I suggest that in your great sense of compassion you extend the feelings you had when you and your husband were (involuntarily on your part) abstaining for a long period of time to those who must go through periods of abstinence themselves. Your sense of compassion is a wonderful thing and is to be praised. It is truly a gift from God. The problem is that you seem to have placed the source of your pain in the wrong area, and thus are extending your compassion in the wrong direction.
(More to come in a different post)