Acting less-than-Christian and applying to seminary

[colorful]

I would do what the SD asks. There are good reasons, i am sure, or he’ wouldn’t have asked. He will keep you anonymous.
QUOTE

do you think he will keep the lady anonymous? or will he go talk to the young man and ask him about the situation? I would hope he would keep the information talked about with the lady confidential.

 

[danjiri]

Original poster here.

I ended up going no further with the information. A true “let go, let God” situation. It’s really not my problem any more. My name was on my ex’s application so the vocations director can put two-and-two together.

He was accepted into seminary and begins this August.

 

[bpbasilphx]

At your urging, the both of you went to couples’ counselling. He found in himself the answer he was looking for. Unfortunately, it was not the answer that YOU wanted him to find. That seems to be what has made you so unhappy–it wasn’t what YOU wanted.

Would you rather he had married you and then made BOTH of you miserable with his pining for a vocation that might have been?

Lady, life should NEVER be based on a “maybe”. OK?

 

[1234]

At your urging, the both of you went to couples’ counselling. He found in himself the answer he was looking for. Unfortunately, it was not the answer that YOU wanted him to find. That seems to be what has made you so unhappy–it wasn’t what YOU wanted.

Would you rather he had married you and then made BOTH of you miserable with his pining for a vocation that might have been?

Lady, life should NEVER be based on a “maybe”. OK?

Your response is very rude and completely uncalled-for.

It is clear from the original post that the ‘boyfriend’s’ behavior was totally inappropriate. The poster had indicated that she is “over it” but wanted advice on whether she should report him as the VD has requested. We said yes, but she decided no, in a very generous fashion. I would have blown the whistle on him, as requested. He lied to her and led her on. He should have been straight with her from the beginning.

 

[danjiri]

At your urging, the both of you went to couples’ counselling. He found in himself the answer he was looking for. Unfortunately, it was not the answer that YOU wanted him to find. That seems to be what has made you so unhappy–it wasn’t what YOU wanted.

Would you rather he had married you and then made BOTH of you miserable with his pining for a vocation that might have been?

Lady, life should NEVER be based on a “maybe”. OK?

I broke up with him in February. He refused. He kept trying to make it work (or so he said) until the week he told me he had also been discerning (May).

Not sure where your information is coming from. Certainly not my life this year.

 

[bpbasilphx]

Your story sounds very much like this site:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=256230

 

[danjiri]

It’s the opposite of my story.

In that other thread, the man did the right thing and broke things off. My ex refused to. (He still leaves messages on my voicemail.) The other man actually told his GF what he was doing and why. I’m envious, quite frankly.

 

[reginacaeli]

It’s the opposite of my story.

In that other thread, the man did the right thing and broke things off. My ex refused to. (He still leaves messages on my voicemail.) The other man actually told his GF what he was doing and why. I’m envious, quite frankly.

Maybe it’s time to change your phone number. Email, too, if you have to. Not to be vindictive, but so he can truly discern and not be distracted (from what you’ve described, that would not be your fault). For his own good.

 

[strugglingalong]

Thank you, all who have replied.

I emailed the vocations director for his archdiocese. Kept my ex anonymous, freely gave my name and contact info. The reply was so wonderful … and scary. He said I really should come forth. He thanked me for my courage and asked for a name. (I asked him if I should tell his S.D.)

If I do come forth, I will tell my ex before I talk to monsignor. He will be free to come along to that meeting.

Thank you again for your guidance and good words. I am enormously grateful for you and this forum.

By the way, I’d agree with a previous poster who said you should break off contact. From my own personal experience, if one person has some sort of romantic or emotional bond continuing and the other does not the friendship aspect doesn’t work. Add to that that he is discerning then I say for sure break it off. It’ll be difficult but I think it could be what is best for both of you. You’ve moved on it sounds like and he is moving on too. It’ll be easier for you each to focus on your respective new paths that way. Honestly I think if a man is fairly sure he is called to the priesthood or religious life he should focus on just that and not be thinking at all of a romantic relationship with a woman. He has to prepare his heart in a special way for God. Just my two cents.

Pax Christi tecum.