Acting out on our Anger

[iamcatholic100]

I have a bad habit on acting out on my anger, usually in very violent ways. Today, I kicked my foot against the wall in our basement, simply because I was thinking a bad thought from the past. It left a small mark on the wall in our basement. I have been doing this from time to time for as long as I can remember. What can I do to fix this problem I have been having and deal with situations that would make me act out like a 2 year old?

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Get a heavy bag and go out from time to time and beat on it. Works great.

Tape photos up to it if you have to…

 

[SMHW]

Prayer, expressions of forgiveness, naming that for which you are grateful, physical exercise, etc…

 

[1ke]

Prayer and study of the theological and cardinal virtues and putting them into practice in our lives.

Virtue is particularly underutilized in our society. Virtue takes practice, just like building spiritual muscles, but is the foundation of charity in our lives.

 

[Bill_7154]

I have a bad habit on acting out on my anger, usually in very violent ways. Today, I kicked my foot against the wall in our basement, simply because I was thinking a bad thought from the past. It left a small mark on the wall in our basement. I have been doing this from time to time for as long as I can remember. What can I do to fix this problem I have been having and deal with situations that would make me act out like a 2 year old?

Get a heavy bag and hit it multi times daily hung in your basement.

 

[1ke]

Get a heavy bag and hit it multi times daily hung in your basement.

Hitting a bag instead of kicking the wall does not get to the root of the anger issue, a lack of virtue such as patience, charity, forgiveness, etc.

 

[po18guy]

This came to mind:

Christian Character & Meekness

 Meekness sets its face against those pointless displays of violence which at bottom are signs of weakness, such as impatience, irritation, bad temper and hatred. It is opposed to all useless waste of energy in unnecessary anger, which so often originates in little things that might have been passed over in silence or with a smile, and which never has any useful results. 
 Those explosions of bad temper between husband and wife, which can gradually corrode true love, stem from a lack of this virtue. So does irritability, with its serious consequences for the bringing up of children. The same lack of meekness destroys our peace in prayer, because instead of talking to God we brood over our injuries. It is the absence of meekness which leads to that bad temper in conversation which makes even the most solid arguments powerless to convince. Mastery of oneself - which is part of true meekness - is the weapon of those who are really strong; it prevents us from answering back too quickly and from speaking wounding words which afterwards we wish we had never said. Meekness knows how to wait for the right moment, and to express its judgements in a way that carries conviction. 
 The habitual lack of meekness is the result of pride, and produces nothing but loneliness and sterility. Your ill-temper, your roughness, your unfriendliness, your rigidity (not very Christian!) are the reasons why you find yourself alone, in the loneliness of someone who is selfish, embittered, eternally discontented or resentful; and they are also the reason why you are surrounded not by love but by indifference, coldness, resentment and lack of trust. 
 With your good humor, your understanding and your friendliness, with the meekness of Christ as part and parcel of your life, not only should you be happy, but you should bring happiness to everyone around you, to the people you meet on the road of your life.  
 The meek shall inherit the earth. First they will possess themselves, because they will not be the slaves of their impatience and bad temper; they will possess God, because their souls will always be inclined to prayer, in a continual consciousness of the presence of God; they will possess those around them, because they have the kind of hearts which win friendship and affection, indispensable for everyday social life and for all apostolate. As we pass through the world we must spread around us the fragrance of Christ.'" with our habitual smile, good humor and happiness, love and understanding. 
 Let us examine ourselves on our readiness to make the sacrifices necessary to make life pleasant for other people. Let us see if we are able to give way to other people's opinions, instead of claiming to be always right about everything, and if we know how to control our temper and disregard the frictions which are inevitable in daily life. Advent is a good time for strengthening this attitude of mind. We will achieve it if we talk more often to Jesus, Mary and Joseph; if we make a real effort every day to be more understanding with the people around us; if we never stop trying to smooth out the rough edges of our characters; if we know how to go to the Tabernacle to talk over with Our Lord the subjects which are uppermost in our thoughts.

from In Conversation with God by Francis Fernandez Volume 1 pp. 85-87

Additionally, here is a small book that many Priests and members of the laity consult for maintaining peace of heart. I highly recommend it. scepterpublishers.org/product/index.php?FULL=614

 

[tabycat]

Hitting a bag instead of kicking the wall does not get to the root of the anger issue, a lack of virtue such as patience, charity, forgiveness, etc.

But it helps while you are working on the root of the anger issue.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

But it helps while you are working on the root of the anger issue.

And it helps clear the mind whilst concentrating and focusing on vigorous exersise. Then…the root of the anger gets easier to find. Works great! I’m not sating it is the ONLY thing that works, but it does work. Any vigorous exersise should do the trick I guess. I have had many good clear headed epiphanies while mountain biking, running, boxing, etc…

 

[LSK]

I have one question:

WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF THAT MAKES YOU ANGRY?

 

[peacoat]

Remember that our ancestors were hard workers, fishers, farmers, cattle herders. I sometimes think that alot of our social anger has nothing to do with deep causes but lack of exercise.

Our brains trick us to eat certain foods. Women before their periods crave salty foods like potato chips. Potato chips contain high amounts of potassium which can help with cramps.

Your brain may be feeding you endorphines that make you feel angry in order to spur you to physically express yourself and prevent your muscles from atrophying. Feelings can have both psycological and physiological causes.

Isn’t it strange that when we’re tired or hungry we rarely suggest a psychological cause…we look for the physical things, need of food, water, sleep. Still we may present with psychological symptoms like short tempers and impaired judgment.

 

[LSK]

Great point, Peacoat! The original poster might just need a good night sleep and a better diet! I know I get very cranky when my sugar level plunges. Would NOT hurt to look to physical as well as other causes!

 

[iamcatholic100]

I have one question:

WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF THAT MAKES YOU ANGRY?

:blush:Honestly, I don’t know what it is. It could be due to anxiety. It could also be due to not exercising enough, stress, confusion, or by not praying enough. It could be a mixture of all of these things. I have been doing some weight training, but not much cardio. Is there a difference between doing cardio and weight training when it comes to relieving stress?

 

[peacoat]

:blush:Honestly, I don’t know what it is. It could be due to anxiety. It could also be due to not exercising enough, stress, confusion, or by not praying enough. It could be a mixture of all of these things. I have been doing some weight training, but not much cardio. Is there a difference between doing cardio and weight training when it comes to relieving stress?

If you’re not getting your heart rate up, then probably. From my understanding weight training only focus on muscle build up. It’s great excercize in some respect but it’s really not about getting your blood flowing.

You also should look at what you eat. You can be eating too many calories/sugar/fats for the excercize you do.

 

[fred_conty]

I have a bad habit on acting out on my anger, usually in very violent ways. Today, I kicked my foot against the wall in our basement, simply because I was thinking a bad thought from the past. It left a small mark on the wall in our basement. I have been doing this from time to time for as long as I can remember. What can I do to fix this problem I have been having and deal with situations that would make me act out like a 2 year old?

Grace builds on nature, but it can also overcome nature.
Give more credence to grace, you can do this with God’s help.
How many times I have heard people, with great faith, be overpowered by by this or that grace.

Some say well “yes” but that takes great grace.
Here is what Mary, the queen of heaven, has said about the gift of her miraculous medal, one of Mother Teresa’s favorites.

The mother of Jesus spoke to sister Catherine Laboure in 1830 with these words:
“Have a medal struck… All who wear it will receive GREAT graces; they should wear it
around the neck. GRACES will ABOUND for persons who wear it with CONFIDENCE.”

           Later Mary said, “... it must be given to the whole world and to every person.”

During this apparition, Mary’s hands had 3 rings on each finger. Each ring gave off
rays of colored light. A few rings did not. Mary said that the lights radiating from
the rings are graces that people ASK for. The rings that didn’t radiate she said
were graces not given because they were NOT asked for.

Have it blessed. Wear the medal in her honor at all times. When needed say,
“Mary, thank you for your gift to me, please help me now, and give a great grace which you promised to those who ask. Please calm me down.” Hold the medal in you fingers or hand when praying.

She promised and she is the mother of God so she will keep her words, “GRACES will ABOUND for persons who wear it with CONFIDENCE.”

“The devotions we practice in honor of the glorious Virgin Mary, however trifling they be,
are very pleasing to her divine Son, …” St. Teresa of Jesus

The medal is called Miraculous, and the picture on it is “Our Lady of Grace”.

“Great graces are often attached to what seems trifling.” St. Margaret Mary Alacoque.

Wear the medal, and each time you get angry, hold the medal, and say, “Mary you promised Great grace to those asked. Please calm me down and help me in my need, I am relying on you. Give me a great grace.”

Do not be afraid to ask, it is her wish that you ask, is something she thought of to help you.
[legionofmary.org/MiracMedal.html](http://www.legionofmary.org/MiracMedal.html)

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Hitting a bag instead of kicking the wall does not get to the root of the anger issue, a lack of virtue such as patience, charity, forgiveness, etc.

You can’t act at all if you’ve got that much hot water in your head. I should know. You’re talking to someone with anger issues so chronic, people think my tone warrants some calming down (even when I’m actually NOT angry).

The OP needs to let out some of that steam before your advice can be applicable. I don’t really disagree with the whole virtue bit but I think we need to be a little realistic when it comes to underestimating how rage can flow like wildfire across a person’s mind.

 

[iamcatholic100]

I think my anger is also a result of family history. People in my family, including my brother and cousins, know I have a little bit of an anger issue . Sometimes they would joke around me and swear just to set me off. They did this one time during Christmas eve 4 years ago, and I acted out by hitting the table with my right hand really hard. I won’t even begin to get into what they say when we played video games together, especially the violent ones. Lately, I have strived not to act out and not to use language that the sopranoes use while we play video games, even though I dont play video games as much as I used to. But my brother and cousins used a lot of that kind of language when we palayed Halo 3 together last year. It made my feel really uncomfortable, not just because of them, but also because I used to drop a curse word, took the lords name in vain when things don’t go my way while playing video games and when the going got tough.

Sometimes, though, I would remember a homily that a priest once gave on EWTN. It was during lent. And he says that no one has ever had a perfect growing up experince, not even the saints. But they became saints simply because they chose to do God’s will even in very troubling circumstances. I guess we all can learn a thing from this piece of advice .

As a final note, I’m sorry if this has been too personal of a thing to bring up on the forums. I’m kind of new to this forum thing and I know that the internet gets some bad rep because even the most personal things posted online can destroy a persons good reputation. So, maybe next time I will be less personal.

 

[iamcatholic100]

Also, I believe that it can be due to impulsivity. Meaning that I don’t think before I act and I just say and do whatever comes to my mind whenever something that irritated me of or made me feel uncomfortable, even if it is over something that that one shouldn’t be concerned about.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I used to have severe, chronic anger issues. Two things set me on the path to overcoming them. The first was the time I punched then headbutted the wall. A damaged wall, nearly broken hand and wrist and a chipped tooth made me realize I had a problem. Not long after that I said something extremely hurtful to my wife. That made me realize I needed to change. I know a few people who had similar issues who overcame them (or at least claim to have overcome them) via therapy. I worked on it on my own by recognizing how I felt when I got angry, and when I started feeling like that I’d take deep breaths, count to ten, say a prayer or do anything else at all that would interrupt that cycle and get me thinking before I spoke or acted. I worked on talking calmly instead of yelling, and if I slipped and got too angry I would think over what happened and how I could do better next time. I also took a different view of a lot of my relationships, particularly with my wife and kids (the ones who seemed to be on the receiving end of my anger most often). Every time I’d wake up I’d think about how much I loved them and how it was my job to make them happy, and not the other way around. I’m not saying it worked perfectly, but even my wife agrees that I’m a completely different person than I was when we got married.

 

[pensmama87]

I like what Gordon has to say, especially about recognizing anger when you feel it. The earlier you can feel it, the better. It is really hard to manage anger when feel like you go from 0-10 in a second. But it’s probably likely that you’re feeling anger before you get to that point but don’t recognize it. It’s a lot easier to manage anger when you’re at a 7 than a 10 (and a 3 or 4 than a 7).

One thing I learned to do in therapy, with anger and other emotions, is to take a deep breath and focus on how my body feels (I close my eyes to help me focus on my other senses.) Often this exercise is relaxing all by itself, but it also showed me where I tend to feel my emotions: usually as a tightness in my chest and throat, almost like a ball weighing me down. That “ball” starts to form long before the tipping point. Other people feel it differently. Anger often feels “hot” to people. Breath may pick up, your face may flush. These are still later signs, but if you can clue into those before you hit a 10, that’s still earlier. As you get more practiced with recognizing anger, you will be able to recognize it earlier and earlier. This doesn’t mean that you will never get angry or that it’s bad to be angry, just that you’ll have the self-awareness to manage it more appropriately. It takes a LOT of time and practice, but it does help!