ACTS retreat

[sistravelersa]

You are the one who feels threatened.

I need to mention one more thing.

One part of the retreat weekend that you would know about if you have been honest with the rest of us here on this forum, is the love letters.

Right about now your husband will receive a package with untold numbers of love letters.

These love letters are from the retreat team and from parisioners in the sponsoring parish. People your husband does not even know will be sending him love letters.

He is supposed to receive love letters from his wife and family.

I received letters from my wife’s friends too. I made certain I personally picked up letters from our sons and grandson to put in my wife’s packet.

Did you and your friends and family send your husband love letters of encouragent for his faith journey with the Holy Spirit?

Did your attorney send him a love letter?

Don’t feel sorry for me. You have other issues you need to deal with.

You are far away from being able to recognize or accept the truth.

Eddie Mac

I didn’t receive the notification that I was to send “love letters” until the due date which was yesterday.

I would have appreciated being included in this, but I received nothing from the church or the person inviting him until yesterday morning.

We have no family or friends in the country, so having time to give them notice to put something together would have been great, BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.

You are cruel!

For you to ask if “my attorney send something” , you are a terrible terrible cruel excuse for a human being.

Again, these were not issues… I asked one question, and you turned it into an argument. After speaking with you, how could I or any other reasonable person possibly want to attend such a retreat knowing that I would be put in a room with anyone with your negative mentality.

You are cruel, not Christlike at all.

And just so you know - because you doubt my authenticity that I’m on the level, I’ve copied the letter I received by email - it is as follows, I’ve deleted our names and the phone numbers for fear of harassment.

ST. JUDE’S MENS ACTS RETREAT
August 6th THROUGH August 9th, 2009
HOLY FAMILY RETREAT CENTER
BEAUMONT, TEXAS

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

Dear XXXXXXXXXXXXX,

Thank you for supporting XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX in his decision to attend this retreat. When he returns home August 9th, I think you will be pleased that he took the time to attend and that you made the effort to make it as meaningful as possible. In Chapter 3 Ecclesiastes it states that there is an appointed time for everthing:

A time to weep, and a time to laugh
A time to mourn, and a time to dance
A time to tear down, and a time to build up
A time to be silent, and a time to speak
A time to love, and a time not to show love.

There are three things we need your support to make XXXXX have a truly wonderful experience while at the Holy Family Retreat Center (all of which we ask you to keep a surprise for XXXXX):

1. Love Letters – The advent of this retreat is your time to write XXXXX a letter about the laughter, dancing and love that he has brought to you. It is your time to build him up and shower him with love. It is the time to make note of his qualitites that make you love him. It is the time to celebrate and remind him of the gifts he bears. As he reads your words and the words of family members, friends and co-workers on Satruday, August 8th, it will be his time to ponder the mystery of your love and the love of others. It will be his time to feel appreciated and it will be his time to cry in the wake of your written affections.

This advent period is also the time that you ask family members, close friends and co-workers to likewise write a letter sharing their appreciation for XXXXX. It is the perfect time to mend kinships and friendships. It is the perfect time to say thank you for a job well done. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX, you are the pivotal person for XXXXXXX retreat because you know all the meaningful people in his life.
Contact them; if necessary give them copies of this letter and let God perform the miracles. Ask your children to write. All letters are due by August 7th and addressed to:

			XXXXXXXXXXX
			c/o Men’s ACTS Retreat
			St. Jude Catholic Church
			6825 Gladys
			Beaumont, TX 77706

1. Candle Light – While letter reading on Saturday at about 2:00 PM will be an extremely powerful experience for XXXXXX, there is another event to which your assistance is essential. On Saturday night August 8th at 7:30 PM at the Holy Family Retreat Center Herbert Hall there will be a candlelight service. Words fail to describe the positive emotions displayed during this one-hour service. Your help and assistance is necessary to inform family and friends to make an effort to attend. It is very important that family be there for him. All visitors will depart touched and blessed by their attendance.

Parking is usually tight, so we recommend you get there between 7:00 PM and 7:15 PM. Please do not have any part of your vehicle parked on the grass at the Retreat Center.

1. Return Mass – Finally, you and all who love XXXXXX are invited to the return mass at 11:30 AM on Sunday August 9th at St. Jude. At this liturgy, the faith community welcomes the retreatants back from their journey. At the conclusion of the liturgy, a reception will be held in the Family Life Center. XXXXXXX family and friends are encouraged to be present at this return liturgy and reception. The church will be full, so we recommend you get there early.

It is extremely important that the letters and this candlelight service surprise XXXXXX. So, please advise everyone you contact not to discuss any of this with XXXXXX.

In summary, there are three things we are asking of you to make this ACTS Retreat a worthwhile and fulfilling experience for your loved one are:

• Write a Love Letter and solicit the same from his family, friends, & coworkers.
• Attend the Candlelight ceremony Satruday August 8th at 7:30 PM at the Holy Family Retreat Center (please show up between 7:00 and 7:15 PM)
• Attend the Return Mass Sunday October 17th at 11:30 AM at St Jude’s.
• And of course keep the above items a surprise.

In a couple of weeks, I or another member of the ACTS Team, will be calling you to discuss your progress and any questions you may have. In the mean time feel free to give me a call. My phone number is XXXXXXXX or XXXXXXXX.

Sincerely,

Mike Hamburg
For the St. Jude ACTS Community

Note: Holy Family Retreat Center’s Emergency call number is XXXXXXXXXXXX.

 

[sistravelersa]

Well? Tell us about the love letters you were supposed to write to your husband on his retreat weekend.

If you did not write any, I can’t imagine how he will feel when he reads all of the letters from strangers and does not have one from his wife. Many of the other retreatants will be on an emotional high after reading the letters from their wives, children, and friends.

You see, if you knew about the letters, you would understand what the retreat is all about.

You would be excited about going to candlelight tonight to sing encouragement as you see your husband on his memory walk.

Some of these posts are prime examples of the fallacious hateful rumors spread about ACTS. The spouses are not kept in the dark about everything. Spouses are an integral part of the ACTS weekend.

Eddie Mac

Like my previous answer, I was not included AS HIS WIFE I was not included or notified about ANYTHING until day one of his retreat!!!

He’s working in Beaumont, while I’m keeping our home in another state. If I would have been notified, I not only would have been more supportive, I would have flown down there so I could participate in the manner requested in the letters!

How would your wife feel if she was told the day before going away with no notice?

I feel terrible that I’ve been excluded completely by what appears to be a poorly organized ACTS retreat.

 

[SwizzleStick]

As I indicated recently (post #163 in this thread), things have greatly improved for hubby and me lately regarding ACTS, but not until we had a bit of a confrontation about it. I didn’t share details in that post about our discussion, but I will now. Our discussion started out negatively, but it ultimately helped diffuse emotions and improve the situation for both of us.

After an ACTS team prep meeting, hubby once again made a short comment about a presentation during the meeting. Since he started sharing a little with me in recent weeks, my approach has been to make a brief comment to acknowledge that I heard him and then say no more and move onto something else. I know my response had confused hubby. I think he thought that since he was finally sharing with me, I should be thrilled and interested, but instead I was expressing no interest and would not engage. Well, this time I asked him why he was sharing with me. He looked at me blankly, so I went on to ask why now when I had accepted I wouldn’t be involved in ACTS, I had accepted that I was an outsider, that I was not a part of his group, why now? He expressed hurt and anger over my question. He said that he had shared so little with me, but that there was so much to share, and THAT was my response now that he was sharing a bit? He said that when he had tried in recent weeks I wasn’t interested and I didn’t seem to care if he shared anything or not. So, I clarified that when I WAS interested over a year ago, he had a wall around himself and shut me out, so I had been trying to cope as best I could. The rest of the conversation didn’t go very well.

I tried again at a later time. I managed to get him to understand that I was coping the best way that I knew how without making ACTS negative for him. Then we finally had a conversation we probably should have had a long time ago. Things are much better now. He still shares some things about ACTS meetings and activities and now when he does, I listen and comment more, though I still am not entirely comfortable when the subject is broached. It is still all his and he understands that that is fine with me, but now he finally understands that I felt shut out, hurt and angry and why I felt that way. He understands that I was quiet not because I didn’t care but because I did care very much. He understands that I won’t go on an ACTS retreat since it has been so negative for me, but that I know it has been good for him and that I am happy for him. He told me how things were handled incorrectly at his ACTS retreat (i.e, someone was supposed to tell me that I should have been at the send-off, but I merely dropped him off at church on Thursday evening and went on to take our daughter to her activity because I didn’t know I was supposed to stay for a send-off). Also, I found out after he left on retreat that I was supposed to send him a letter and attend on Saturday. I did find out and did both, but I found out late. I also attended the welcome home Mass after the retreat. Someone was supposed to call me sometime in advance and give me some details, but they never did that, so maybe there were other issues too. Bottom line, things are better now and my very negative feelings about ACTS have been diffused a bit because I don’t have to just hold everything in or distance myself to try to keep things positive for hubby. I don’t know how things will go after he comes home from this retreat as a team leader. I pray things go much more smoothly and think they probably will since we are now finally really communicating about ACTS at least a little bit.

I still think small changes to the ACTS program may make a big difference to future retreatants and spouses. I honestly hope ACTS can be tweaked so that only positive outcomes for all are the result of future ACTS retreats.

 

[Eddie_Mac]

Like my previous answer, I was not included AS HIS WIFE I was not included or notified about ANYTHING until day one of his retreat!!!

He’s working in Beaumont, while I’m keeping our home in another state. If I would have been notified, I not only would have been more supportive, I would have flown down there so I could participate in the manner requested in the letters!

How would your wife feel if she was told the day before going away with no notice?

I feel terrible that I’ve been excluded completely by what appears to be a poorly organized ACTS retreat.

I am sorry for your situation.

I am not part of the diocese of Beaumont ACTS.

If I had been the director of your husband’s retreat it would have been handled differently.

My retreat director spoke directly with my wife in the background and set everything up. My wife was working the weekend of my ACTS. I drove myself to send off. She barely made it to candlelight and she was not at the Sunday welcome home Mass. The retreat director made certain I was taken care of. I still had a marvelous weekend.

My wife’s director and the deacon spirtual director along with his wife made certain the love letters and all arrangements were complete. My wife had a marvelous weekend.

I agree, there sounds like something is amiss. It is not the fault of ACTS Missions, the Holy Spirit, and all ACTS retreats, all ACTS directors, co-directors, and team members. It is the fault of a few. Don’t tarnish the whole of the movement for the faults of a few.

Eddie Mac

 

[Eddie_Mac]

I still think small changes to the ACTS program may make a big difference to future retreatants and spouses. I honestly hope ACTS can be tweaked so that only positive outcomes for all are the result of future ACTS retreats.

You make an excellent point, Swizzlestick.

There are certain aspects of an ACTS weekend that will never change. They are essential to the experience. This is similar to what must be in place for a sacrament to be valid. If they are missing, the retreat is not a true ACTS retreat in the way the first one was formed under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

If there are things you did not like, tell someone in the core group.

If they can change things for the better, they might. If they don’t know ther is an issue they cannot deal with it.

You would be amazed at the detail that goes into conducting an ACTS retreat.

If you read the ACTS Missions website it states that no two retreats are alike. The teams have quite a bit of leeway in modifying the retreat.

Again, the secrecy, the surprise, the working in the background, is part of the process. The privacy must be honored for the benefit of those sharing their faith stories.

Thank you, Swizzlestick for speaking up again.

Eddie Mac

 

[GodIsGracious]

Because I, too had your concerns, and because I did not care for the snide comments by Eddie Mac, I will try to give you the answers you so rightfully deserve. ACTS has a poor image among people who have not attended and, because of the secrecy thing, is often perceived as a cult. Some parishes may go for that, mine does not; they merely ask you to** keep confidential “personal” stories from the members of the team giving testimony.** The ACTs retreat is a combination of army boot camp and a 4th grade bible study. They take your watches and phones and keep you up long hours primarily doing either skits or Catholic ceremonies that are not often done anymore such as Confession, Stations of the Cross, and Adoration. Money does not seem to be any part of the ACTS retreat “system”, just covers costs and the food is great!
I attended, in spite of my misgivings, after my wife and I came to the realization that our marriage vows superceeded the request by the ACTS team for confidentiality. Other than that, her retreat was harmless and they did have discussion groups, so I thought it would be worth my time. Unfortunately, the discussion groups are all about the “testimonies” given by team members and do not address problems facing Catholics or the Church such as pornography, poverty, abortion, government, etc. That was a major disappointment. I asked on one occasion if this retreat was formatted by the team and was told it all came from “ACTS Central” in a three-ring-binder and could not be changed or they’d lose their affiliation. Too bad,as I think they could take the momentum they have, clean up the secrecy thing, increase discussion and increase the sleep time and more Catholics would not only attend, but benefit.
If a parish ACTS team uses the retreat as an initiation to their clique, it is wrong and the team should be monitored by the parish priest. They claim ACTS will increase participitation in the parish business, but at my ACTS, the only ministery mentioned was ACTS.

[bolded emphasis mine]

Yep. This is exactly what happened in the Landmark Forum (and two subsequent classes) I took.

This is very much LGAT (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Group_Awareness_Training_) wrapped up in “Catholicism.”

I would be VERY VERY VERY leary of any such organization that tells it’s participants to keep things a secret and if you talk about it it’ll “ruin the experience” for the person. That’s hogwash, IMO.

As a friend told me, “A mud pie covered in chocolate frosting is still a mudpie.”

I like how JimMul said him and his wife felt their vows superceded any need for secrecy from outside of the marriage. That’s how marriage should be. And any group that asks you to keep something from your spouse can’t be a good thing. Even though it’s got Catholic prayers and re-enactments of the stations of the cross as opposed to a secular “group discussion” or re-enactment of a some event in your life (which happened at Landmark for me.)

I first asked someone else in this thread a simple question that would not reveal secrets and it was never answered except now. This pretty much confirms that ACTS is an LGAT situation.

sistravelersa, if you can have your husband not attend (although I suspect it is too late) it would be a good idea that he doesn’t do so. Look up LGAT and various groups (Landmark forum and others). It’s pretty sad how it has actually broken up relationships when they claim to help you create them.

 

[Eddie_Mac]

[bolded emphasis mine]

Yep. This is exactly what happened in the Landmark Forum (and two subsequent classes) I took.

This is very much LGAT (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Group_Awareness_Training_) wrapped up in “Catholicism.”

I would be VERY VERY VERY leary of any such organization that tells it’s participants to keep things a secret and if you talk about it it’ll “ruin the experience” for the person. That’s hogwash, IMO.

As a friend told me, “A mud pie covered in chocolate frosting is still a mudpie.”

I like how JimMul said him and his wife felt their vows superceded any need for secrecy from outside of the marriage. That’s how marriage should be. And any group that asks you to keep something from your spouse can’t be a good thing. Even though it’s got Catholic prayers and re-enactments of the stations of the cross as opposed to a secular “group discussion” or re-enactment of a some event in your life (which happened at Landmark for me.)

I first asked someone else in this thread a simple question that would not reveal secrets and it was never answered except now. This pretty much confirms that ACTS is an LGAT situation.

sistravelersa, if you can have your husband not attend (although I suspect it is too late) it would be a good idea that he doesn’t do so. Look up LGAT and various groups (Landmark forum and others). It’s pretty sad how it has actually broken up relationships when they claim to help you create them.

That is just your opinion.

You attended an ACTS retreat when?

I was approached to go to a Landmark event. At least I knew to stay away from the secular world’s awareness training and immerse myself in the Holy Spirit.

It took you three sessions in the secular training to wake up? Pretty perceptive.

Do you have a citation for the number of relationships ACTS retreats have broken up?

Go ahead and post your proof when you find it.

I am fairly certain it will still wind up being just your opinion.

You did, of course, look at the websites I linked to and saw that these retreats are church sanctioned.

I doubt your Landmark and other secular events were sanctioned. Of course you checked before you went.

You wouldn’t want to form an opinion of anything without having first-hand knowledge of it first.

Eddie Mac

 

[SwizzleStick]

…Thank you, Swizzlestick for speaking up again.

Eddie Mac

You’re welcome. If dialogue can help the ACTS ministry help prevent problems for future retreatants, then I’m all for it.

 

[sistravelersa]

Eddie Mac,

Thank you for finally understanding why I expressed my concerns. I’m a simple woman, and in a very liberal world, its hard, very hard to stay that way.

You stated one very good argument. Yes, without producing proof, just making blatant remarks like “ACTS breaks up marriages”, would cause great alarm. And under the circumstances that my husband is currently attending, these statements have brought me great stress and alarm.

However, ***if ***, and I emphasize if, this is was found to be the case, and if the Holy Spirit does work through the organization, solutions and causes will be sought out.

In the kindest way I can possibly suggest, perhaps if you approached questions in a kinder manner it would have not been necessary to banter back and forth.

I mean absolutely no offense, and please do not take it that way. You are obviously very devoted and passionate about Christ, and it is normal to be come at least somewhat emotional **if **a person makes unsubstantiated claims.

I hope that this forum understands that my first post, and first set of questions was fueled by lack of information.

This I why I sought answers, solid answers, not hearsay or speculation. Gossip and speculation are poison, they benefit no one.

 

[Eddie_Mac]

Eddie Mac,

Thank you for finally understanding why I expressed my concerns. I’m a simple woman, and in a very liberal world, its hard, very hard to stay that way.

You stated one very good argument. Yes, without producing proof, just making blatant remarks like “ACTS breaks up marriages”, would cause great alarm. And under the circumstances that my husband is currently attending, these statements have brought me great stress and alarm.

However, ***if ***, and I emphasize if, this is was found to be the case, and if the Holy Spirit does work through the organization, solutions and causes will be sought out.

In the kindest way I can possibly suggest, perhaps if you approached questions in a kinder manner it would have not been necessary to banter back and forth.

I mean absolutely no offense, and please do not take it that way. You are obviously very devoted and passionate about Christ, and it is normal to be come at least somewhat emotional **if **a person makes unsubstantiated claims.

I hope that this forum understands that my first post, and first set of questions was fueled by lack of information.

This I why I sought answers, solid answers, not hearsay or speculation. Gossip and speculation are poison, they benefit no one.

PM Sent

Eddie Mac

 

[Doug50]

Question, Eddie: I have expressly stated that I have no interest in sitting through anymore emotional venting testimonials. So why, then, do people who know this keep trying to convince me to attend an ACTS retreat? Do they believe the weekend will somehow transform that? You think the candlelight was great. That’s fine, but I didn’t like it…and have said so. So again why then do people keep trying to convince me to attend a retreat?

And BTW you yourself just admitted that through love letters, send off, candle light, etc. peer pressure and moral force is used on family members to be involve in the retreatant’s weekend. whether those members want to participate in ACTS or not isn’t relevant or is simply ignored by the organization.

 

[Eddie_Mac]

Question, Eddie: I have expressly stated that I have no interest in sitting through anymore emotional venting testimonials. So why, then, do people who know this keep trying to convince me to attend an ACTS retreat? Do they believe the weekend will somehow transform that? You think the candlelight was great. That’s fine, but I didn’t like it…and have said so. So again why then do people keep trying to convince me to attend a retreat?

And BTW you yourself just admitted that through love letters, send off, candle light, etc. peer pressure and moral force is used on family members to be involve in the retreatant’s weekend. whether those members want to participate in ACTS or not isn’t relevant or is simply ignored by the organization.

Well, if I were you and did not want to go on a retreat then I would politely decline.

I politely decline the JW and LDS when they come to my door. I politely declined a neighboring parish selling raffle tickets today. Politely decline.

The retreat talks are not emotional venting. That is your terminology and derogatory description.

If people are not convinced that you do not want to attend a retreat convince them. I respectfully suggest that you use the same description that you used in your post. I have not tried to convince you directly to attend a retreat.

ACTS is not for everyone and I have stated that here as well. If you have a legitimate reason that does not attempt to degrade the ministry and drag it through the dirt then I will listen.

Where do you get the idea that peer pressure and “moral force” (whatever that is) is used? Your claim is patently absurd.

Why wouldn’t a family member who loves the retreatant not want to participate?

I don’t understand.

Eddie Mac

 

[sistravelersa]

Question, Eddie: I have expressly stated that I have no interest in sitting through anymore emotional venting testimonials. So why, then, do people who know this keep trying to convince me to attend an ACTS retreat? Do they believe the weekend will somehow transform that? You think the candlelight was great. That’s fine, but I didn’t like it…and have said so. So again why then do people keep trying to convince me to attend a retreat?

And BTW you yourself just admitted that through love letters, send off, candle light, etc. peer pressure and moral force is used on family members to be involve in the retreatant’s weekend. whether those members want to participate in ACTS or not isn’t relevant or is simply ignored by the organization.

Doug,

I know you addressed this to Eddie, but I have to relate what occured with my husband this weekend.

Perhaps it will help you, perhaps not, but as far as peer pressure and moral force, my husband was significantly encouraged (which depending upon your interpretation of significant encouragement - to you it may seem like force or coersion) to attend this weekend. He did not want to go, but because 4 other people he worked with were going, he gave in. Our last conversation Thursday was him saying he wished he hadn’t agreed to it!

However, he just went with the flow of events with an open mind. He eventually found out that it was a great opportunity to network with other professionals in the area. The candlelight ceremony he had no opinion on, he just thought it was nice. He had fun learning a new song, enjoyed reading scripture, and enjoyed the mass and luncheon today very much. He thought the sharing of testimonials was thought provoking. Which having friends that are counselors and phychologists, I insisted that I didn’t want or need him to go any further into the testimonial detail.

**Despite nearly every message about the secrecy I’ve read, my husband couldn’t wait to tell me what happened! **.

Despite the fact that for whatever reason, inadvertently, I was left out of the communications, for which we are both deeply offended and which he is going to take up with the parish, he had a very nice time. He had fun!

Doug, I guess in a simple analogy I ask this, if you had a great time at a theme park, saw a great movie, or took a vacation to a hot spot in Europe - would you not come back telling everyone? OH YOU GOTTA GO! Perhaps that’s not everyone’s nature, and that’s fine, but many would be emphatic about it!

I believe the purpose of this forum was to clarify concerns as to what goes on at these retreats, to share what benefits they have had and may have for you or anyone else for that matter.

And as for feeling forced or coerced…if someone pushes you or insists that you do something you don’t want to do, well then ***assert yourself ***and say I don’t want to. Sometimes its ok to say no, some events are not for everyone.

Sometimes we overthink things too much. We’re too busy being politically correct that we forget what we want for ourselves and let the ambitions and pursuits of others overwhelm our lives. Everybody has to find their own way. I’m happy that my husband found his, its not my cup of tea either, but you know what - that’s ok!

 

[Doug50]

I did tell them that in those words and my claim about peer pressure is not absurd. I had heard about candlelight and what it was like and did not want to attend. That sort of thing is too flamboyant for me…but I had to go out of peer pressure…'how could you not attend your wife’s candlelight? It’s a special event just for her." That sort of pressure…moral pressure. Basically, aside from all the secrecy about the retreat, candlelight was the last little thing that turned me off the retreat because I took it as being far more emotionally driven.

 

[sistravelersa]

Doug,

The only person that you need to worry about is your wife, and frankly to hell with what anyone else thinks!

If you keep getting pushed, keep pushing back.

 

[Doug50]

Doug,

I know you addressed this to Eddie, but I have to relate what occured with my husband this weekend.

Perhaps it will help you, perhaps not, but as far as peer pressure and moral force, my husband was significantly encouraged (which depending upon your interpretation of significant encouragement - to you it may seem like force or coersion) to attend this weekend. He did not want to go, but because 4 other people he worked with were going, he gave in. Our last conversation Thursday was him saying he wished he hadn’t agreed to it!

However, he just went with the flow of events with an open mind. He eventually found out that it was a great opportunity to network with other professionals in the area. The candlelight ceremony he had no opinion on, he just thought it was nice. He had fun learning a new song, enjoyed reading scripture, and enjoyed the mass and luncheon today very much. He thought the sharing of testimonials was thought provoking. Which having friends that are counselors and phychologists, I insisted that I didn’t want or need him to go any further into the testimonial detail.

**Despite nearly every message about the secrecy I’ve read, my husband couldn’t wait to tell me what happened! **.

Despite the fact that for whatever reason, inadvertently, I was left out of the communications, for which we are both deeply offended and which he is going to take up with the parish, he had a very nice time. He had fun!

Doug, I guess in a simple analogy I ask this, if you had a great time at a theme park, saw a great movie, or took a vacation to a hot spot in Europe - would you not come back telling everyone? OH YOU GOTTA GO! Perhaps that’s not everyone’s nature, and that’s fine, but many would be emphatic about it!

I believe the purpose of this forum was to clarify concerns as to what goes on at these retreats, to share what benefits they have had and may have for you or anyone else for that matter.

And as for feeling forced or coerced…if someone pushes you or insists that you do something you don’t want to do, well then ***assert yourself ***and say I don’t want to. Sometimes its ok to say no, some events are not for everyone.

Sometimes we overthink things too much. We’re too busy being politically correct that we forget what we want for ourselves and let the ambitions and pursuits of others overwhelm our lives. Everybody has to find their own way. I’m happy that my husband found his, its not my cup of tea either, but you know what - that’s ok!

Oh, I have no problem telling people “no” and have done so. I’ve been to retreat were testimonials were expected. It was…ok but it reminded me of 1960’s group pop psy stuff and after a period of time became a turn off. People have said this isn’t the same because you don’t have to say anything. They miss the point that I no longer even want to sit in on them, on testimonials. In our parish if your child is part of Fist Communion you attend the meeting which is good…but…our religious director is liberal and expects everyone to sit in little circles discussing feelings, and to make sure of it she walks around the room observing (seems more like policing) group discussions. I’ve had enough. If flamboyant worship is the correct/better/proper way to worship then meditating cloistered nuns and monks must have it wrong. No?

 

[sistravelersa]

Doug,

I think you answered your own question. If you’re not happy, there are so many churchs. If you’ve submitted your complaints and concerns and still feel unhappy, maybe its time to find a new parish.

My husband attended several in the Beaumont area, and finally settled on one where he was comfortable.

Its just a suggestion.

 

[Doug50]

Doug,

I think you answered your own question. If you’re not happy, there are so many churchs. If you’ve submitted your complaints and concerns and still feel unhappy, maybe its time to find a new parish.

My husband attended several in the Beaumont area, and finally settled on one where he was comfortable.

Its just a suggestion.

No, no, no. You’ve got it wrong. I’m not unhappy with the Church. I’m hoping you don’t have the practices within the Church too narrowly boxed in. Within the Church there is conservative and liberal means of practice. The problem I have with so many into ACTS is they believe because they enjoy the testimonials, emotionalism, the spiritual show of candlelight and the ACTS Mass everyone else ought to too. That just isn’t the case. My…journey, if you will had changed to that reflecting the Church’s mystics Martinez long before I had read or heard of Archbishop Martinez.
from earlier in this threads discussion
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=4212297&postcount=44
forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=4212333&postcount=45