I just wanted to share my story with you. I have been Catholic all my life, but until this last year, I haven’t been a very good one. I married my first husband very young (we were high school sweethearts) and together we had three children. The marriage was not a good one and brought many hardships and tears to us both. Neither of us were very good to the other and religion was not a part of our lives or our relationship, although my family and my ex-husbands family are both somewhat religious.
After my third child, who happened to be unplanned (and a very difficult and scary pregnancy) was born we made the decision to get a tubal ligation. In my heart, I knew that my marriage would not last much longer and I did not want to chance another difficult pregnancy and/or end up raising 3 kids by myself.
Within a day of having the procedure done, I felt remorse and regret. I felt ashamed of myself and selfish and I didn’t understand why. My mother-in-law thought I was acting crazy because she thought the reversal was the right thing to do and my ex-husband felt the same way and voiced his opinions daily. Eventually the marriage ended and even though I was no longer married, and didn’t think I would get married again, the shame and remorse were still there.
Two years ago, I met and fell in love with the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. After meeting Tim, and falling in love with him, I felt as if I was given a gift from God. I finally had someone who loved me completely, and encouraged me to be a better person and lead a better life. Tim and I soon got married and I started to get back into my religion and began doing my best to be a good mother, a good wife, and a good person in general. I started annullment proceedings through the archdiocese so that we could be married in the church, and have our union blessed, the way it should be. As a family, we began attending church regularly, and it felt so good.
Tim was not a Catholic when we met but he received the sacraments last year at the Easter Vigil mass and has rarely missed a Sunday service since then. He encourages my faith and that of my children, and it pains him as much as it pains me that we can not have more children together. I now see that fertility is a gift, not a burden, and I cannot tell you how much I regret my selfish decision of 6 years ago. It weighs on my heart daily, and I can’t help feeling that I somehow deserve this pain because of what I did to my body, my life, and the life of my husband. I heard one day at church that God answers all prayers, but that you have to have faith that your prayers will be answered instead of just speaking the words. Maybe that is my problem, not my faith in God, but my faith in myself, and in whether or not I deserve a second chance at fertility and motherhood. I have many regrets, and I would encourage any woman considering a tubal ligation to look inside herself first, even if her situation seems hopeless. There is always another way, and reversals are not always an option. I spoke to a Doctor who performs reversals, but the procedure will cost $6200, and insurance companies will not help with the costs. Tubal ligation is, in my experience, a bad decision, and a painful one that is sometimes impossible to reverse. I hope if anyone who is thinking about having one sees this letter, that they will re-think that decision, because the pain doesn’t subside, it only gets worse as time goes on. Thank you for listening to my story.
M.B.
