Adult Men

[Samson01]

I haven’t really had a fair sampling of women yet actually. My field is very much dominated by men and so are my students (mostly contractors in the construction/ labor industries). I will say that I would never date a woman that spoke or acted the way these men do.

Humans are sexual creatures and throw in concupiscence, there is no limit to what you may hear from even the most subtle of source’s.

 

[SemperJase]

It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex.

That is the product of living in an over-sexed culture. Everywhere you look there are sexual messages. We must live faithfully and stand against it. You don’t necessarily need to give a lecture every time you hear a comment, just refuse to participate.

Thanks for the kind words CMS. Unfortunately, my girlfriend of 4 years recently told me (on my birthday of all days) that she isn’t sure if she wants to be with me any longer. I guess that doesn’t have much to do with this topic but it still bites.

Hard to hear, but good to hear now rather than later. When I was dating, I liked the “one year rule”. That is, I figured I should know if there was a future to the relationship at one year. If it wasn’t heading to marriage, there was no use in continuing.

I stretched the rule once. I was dating and knew at a year that I wanted to marry. She wasn’t sure so I gave her more time. At a year and a half I gave her an ultimatum. I told her that I thought she was the one, but that she needed to let me know if she didn’t think that I was the one. I didn’t want to look back in 5 years and realize I had wasted all that time. A few weeks later she told me she thought we should get married. We’ve now been married 12 and a half years.

My rule reminded me of the purpose of dating - finding a wife. There is no purpose in tying yourself up in a relationship doesn’t have the potential for marriage,

 

[kib]

We’ve actually been planning to get married for the past three years. There have been times I have had doubt because she is not Catholic, but I have still been committed to discerning marriage with her.

 

[ack]

Some companies have more businesslike atmospheres than others. It’s been my (limited I’ll admit) experience that employees whose jobs require lot of intellectual and/or technical collaboration are less likely to behave poorly than are employees who are in sales or have repetitive type jobs.

I have worked in several kinds of jobs and have noticed the same thing. In jobs where professional communication with both co-workers and clients is important, this kind of dirty talk is non-existent. The culture of the company also matters. I have worked in companies where we had this kind of problem, but such talk is completely non-existent at my current job. The difference is is that professionalism and meticulousness are part of the job culture.

 

[Samson01]

That is the product of living in an over-sexed culture. Everywhere you look there are sexual messages. We must live faithfully and stand against it. You don’t necessarily need to give a lecture every time you hear a comment, just refuse to participate.

Hard to hear, but good to hear now rather than later. When I was dating, I liked the “one year rule”. That is, I figured I should know if there was a future to the relationship at one year. If it wasn’t heading to marriage, there was no use in continuing.

I stretched the rule once. I was dating and knew at a year that I wanted to marry. She wasn’t sure so I gave her more time. At a year and a half I gave her an ultimatum. I told her that I thought she was the one, but that she needed to let me know if she didn’t think that I was the one. I didn’t want to look back in 5 years and realize I had wasted all that time. A few weeks later she told me she thought we should get married. We’ve now been married 12 and a half years.

My rule reminded me of the purpose of dating - finding a wife. There is no purpose in tying yourself up in a relationship doesn’t have the potential for marriage,

Right to some degree. The fast food, supersize that in five minutes or less culture aimed at men, combined with the emasculation of men have left many of us disfunctional to some degree in this language of seduction many women may want to hear. To be presude may come naturally to some women, but lack of effort and patience on men’s part is creating it’s own deadly circle has left some with no other option. Savor the moment.

 

[ack]

In all honesty, if you’ve been discerning marriage for three years but you still have doubts and aren’t engaged yet…this is probably a sign that getting married is not in your future.

You may be better off in the long term if you break up now.

We’ve actually been planning to get married for the past three years. There have been times I have had doubt because she is not Catholic, but I have still been committed to discerning marriage with her.

 

[kib]

In all honesty, if you’ve been discerning marriage for three years but you still have doubts and aren’t engaged yet…this is probably a sign that getting married is not in your future.

You may be better off in the long term if you break up now.

I know. Thanks for the advice though.

 

[ManOnFire]

People who didn’t “get” religion were perplexed at how religion could have such a powerful influence over people’s lives and behavior. Example from 1970’s Pink Floyd lyrics:
“Draws the faithful to their knees,
Hear the softly sopken magic spell…”

The agnostic-leaners in the media figured out several decades ago how to drag perfectly fine church-going people over to their agnostic dark side values: pander to their basic “feelgood” instincts of sex, drugs, “being correct,” etc. That’s why we see so much of it in the media. It’s a way to break people down. Look at the childish feelgooders your co-workers have become. This behavior destroys relationships, yet the media portrays this destructive behavior as bravado and prowess. Marriage and birth rates in “progressive” Europe and the U.S. have dropped precipitously. That’s no sign of healthy relationships and values. The media is attempting to kill True Love and romance and selling people into the feelgood self-centered slavery of the basic instincts. They think us Church-going Lovers are ignorant (forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=450646&page=4, see post #59) and have too many kids who are preventing us from more selfishness and polluting the earth.

I feel this is precisely why liberals don’t like conservatives: Beyond drugs and sex, it “feels good,” to have the famous media pronounce you to be correct when one COPIES the media’s values. It’s like validation. You feel good just for having the same opinion as them. Think about it: the U.S. is in record debt, the post office says they need to close on Saturdays to avoid a rise in postage, many local municipalities are nearly bankrupt, yet anyone who disagrees with the media’s “feelgood” message IS DEMONIZED AS A MEANY. They have conditioned the dreamer to abandon the Truth in favor of feeling good and correct. The dreamer gets to feelgood because the dreamer believes he/she is morally superior and correct because the dreamer’s opinion has been validated by their megaphone message. They have sold the dreamer a dream that makes the dreamer feel good by MERELY the reinforcement of THEIR values, despite looming bankruptcy. It’s almost a selfish dream because it made the dreamer feel good and it was EASY: the dreamer didn’t have to do anything.

The Truth is that Catholic Values are the answer to all our problems.

 

[Norseman82]

These people have created a hostile work environment and you need to address this issue. I am not a lawyer but I have been through this to the extreme and it is a serious breach in work place decorum.

Unfortunately, this is the culture of the company I work for. We have about 30 employees, all of them act this way to an extent. I am now known as the “super Catholic” (if only I could live up to the label) because I avoid these conversations and try to keep my nose clean.

…

At least one of my coworkers is constantly trying to see how far he can go. He constantly insinuates that the business administrator at our office (a 55 year old woman) wants to have a physical relationship with me. He also makes comments about Catholic priests being pedophiles etc. Unfortunately, he was just promoted last week and is now my boss… What a great situation to be in. I would look for a new job but I have been here for less than 3 months.

I was going to say something simiar to I_Fortuna. Some of this can be taken as harassment. Unfortunately, you may not have recourse within the company (from what you have posted), so if you want recourse you may have to get the labor department or whatever state agency you have where you live involved.

Otherwise, if you can bench more than the harassers, invite them to open spar night at a local gym and let your left hook do the talking.

 

[JBCatholicRN]

I guess I should start out by saying that I am a 24 year old man.

Since beginning my life in the professional world I have had the opportunity to meet many people, both professional and blue collar workers. It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex. I can’t get through one day without a coworker, client, or student talking about sex (I am an occupational health and safety consultant and educator). Nearly every day someone mentions the new strip club in Harrisburg (I live a few miles outside of the city) called Savannah’s. If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her. We spend a lot of time on the road and have business lunches often. During these lunches, crude comments are almost always made about the waitresses. Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them. They often tell me that because my girlfriend and I live in different zip codes I wouldn’t technically be cheating on her if I have sex with random women. One of my co workers told me about the threesome he was planning to have one weekend with his current girlfriend and a random woman he met in a bar, all while still legally married to his third wife.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.

I am losing faith in adult men. I can remember when I was younger my dad’s friends would make sexual comments about women. My dad never said anything like that, probably just because I was there. What a depressing world we live in.

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

I do not have male friends and find it difficult at times to converse with my own father and brother due to the constant sexual talk. Neither of them are catholic and religion plays little to no part in their lives.
I am more comfortable around females which is why I am registered nurse. Thankfully the women I work with are upstanding women for the most part and sexual topics are very rarely discussed. My wife was somewhat uneasy about my working with females, but she has adjusted and learned to trust.

 

[Jay82]

I guess I should start out by saying that I am a 24 year old man.

Since beginning my life in the professional world I have had the opportunity to meet many people, both professional and blue collar workers. It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex. I can’t get through one day without a coworker, client, or student talking about sex (I am an occupational health and safety consultant and educator). Nearly every day someone mentions the new strip club in Harrisburg (I live a few miles outside of the city) called Savannah’s. If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her. We spend a lot of time on the road and have business lunches often. During these lunches, crude comments are almost always made about the waitresses. Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

I am in my late 20s and also a consultant, just in a different field than you. I’ve had to deal with the stuff you have to deal with, but in varying degrees depending on the client, jobsite, team members, etc. I don’t think it has been as bad as what you are dealing with though.

I have never made inappropriate comments in the workplace or to co-workers outside of work. However, I’ve had many male and female co-workers say inappropriate things to me. Prior to entering the workforce, I always assumed that kind of talk/behavior didn’t exist in the workplace, but to my surprise it is quite prevalent. I’ve worked all over North America and have seen it in most environments. It frustrates me at times and I’m never comfortable when a male co-worker makes an inappropriate comment about a female co-worker and vice versa.

I think at this point most people I’ve worked with know me as a serious person who is ‘strictly business’. I will gladly talk about stuff like families, what we all did over the weekend, plans, work stuff, hobbies, advice, etc but all in a ‘clean’ manner. I’m involved in most social conversations at work, but I think people just know not to say stuff they shouldn’t around me since I don’t really give them a reaction they are looking for and I think they understand that I’m not keen on that type of conversation. Here and there someone will say something inappropriate and I’ll just change the topic.

I will say that I was most surprised by how many females in the workplace make sketchy/inappropriate comments about male co-workers, husbands, men in general, etc. Growing up, I had a decent amount of female friends and we never talked about anything like that. The same thing in college, only afterwards did I realize how different things can be.

I think the fact I’m very proper/polite/well mannered in the workplace results in female co-workers flocking to me since they know I won’t ever say anything sleazy or suggestive to them or act inappropriately. The guys notice this and sometimes joke around to me about it saying things I don’t really care for, but I know they don’t mean anything by it (and are probably envious), so I just let it go.

I’m pretty well known/liked/respected in the work place yet I never swear or talk about anything inappropriate. It is possible to maintain a balance between alienating yourself and joining in the sleazy behavior.

I am losing faith in adult men. I can remember when I was younger my dad’s friends would make sexual comments about women. My dad never said anything like that, probably just because I was there. What a depressing world we live in.

I’ve never heard my dad, uncles, or any of their adult friends say a single thing that was inappropriate/suggestive regarding women. Maybe because I was around, but I think they were like that at all times. They were good role models to me about how to act like a gentleman.

 

[spirit4life]

I guess I should start out by saying that I am a 24 year old man.
Since beginning my life in the professional world I have had the opportunity to meet many people, both professional and blue collar workers. It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex. I can’t get through one day without a coworker, client, or student talking about sex (I am an occupational health and safety consultant and educator). Nearly every day someone mentions the new strip club in Harrisburg (I live a few miles outside of the city) called Savannah’s. If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her. We spend a lot of time on the road and have business lunches often. During these lunches, crude comments are almost always made about the waitresses. Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them. They often tell me that because my girlfriend and I live in different zip codes I wouldn’t technically be cheating on her if I have sex with random women. One of my co workers told me about the threesome he was planning to have one weekend with his current girlfriend and a random woman he met in a bar, all while still legally married to his third wife.
I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.
I am losing faith in adult men. I can remember when I was younger my dad’s friends would make sexual comments about women. My dad never said anything like that, probably just because I was there. What a depressing world we live in.
Does anyone else have to deal with this?

‘The World’ has always been like this, and always will be. In fact, Jesus prayed to God for us, that ‘they do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world.’ and not to 'take them out of this world’ , but to ‘keep them from the evil one’ , and finally 'As you sent me into the world, so I sent them into the world.’.
So you see, you were sent for a mission, and I think you realize what your mission is - not to escape or abandon but to make a difference in these poor folks around you!

 

[Sierrah]

I guess I should start out by saying that I am a 24 year old man.

Since beginning my life in the professional world I have had the opportunity to meet many people, both professional and blue collar workers. It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex. I can’t get through one day without a coworker, client, or student talking about sex (I am an occupational health and safety consultant and educator). Nearly every day someone mentions the new strip club in Harrisburg (I live a few miles outside of the city) called Savannah’s. If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her. We spend a lot of time on the road and have business lunches often. During these lunches, crude comments are almost always made about the waitresses. Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them. They often tell me that because my girlfriend and I live in different zip codes I wouldn’t technically be cheating on her if I have sex with random women. One of my co workers told me about the threesome he was planning to have one weekend with his current girlfriend and a random woman he met in a bar, all while still legally married to his third wife.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.

I am losing faith in adult men. I can remember when I was younger my dad’s friends would make sexual comments about women. My dad never said anything like that, probably just because I was there. What a depressing world we live in.

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

Sounds like your coworkers need to grow up. Very sad.

 

[NewsTheMan]

sigh.

I don’t know who can relate to this, but guys at university are the worst. I can never relate to their topics of conversation, and I always feel uneasy around certain topics. I can take a “that girl is hot” or whatever, but I have heard some attrocious things. And back in the day when I was away from the Church I have said some disgusting things too.

Mates come to my house and start talking about how they did this to this chick and then left her to go do it with another girl and this and that. And I start feeling so weird. IT’s horrible.!

And this is one of the reasons that I am so against immodest dress. Because despite the women’s intentions to just look cute or nice, the things a guy says, even if its one guy, is enough for me. And the things men say about women. If only they heard. I think most women would stop dressing immodestly. I know its the guy that is at fault, but still, just saying.

Men are growing up to be pigs. I am not a saint, but I see disgusting things. Guys using their girlfriends, forcing their girlfriends to flash people as a “joke”, hanging all over them like the woman is something to be owned. Grinds me down!

I just wanna slap every man and say, in the words of Fr. Larry Richards, “Be a Man!”. And then sternly tell everyone woman to raise her standards at least 100 times beyond what she thinks is normal, because you won’t get a knight in shining armour if you are advertising for a pig. Women deserve to be treated better. Men deserve to be allowed to be Men without resorting to the things most do today.

 

[edcaro]

I guess I should start out by saying that I am a 24 year old man.

Since beginning my life in the professional world I have had the opportunity to meet many people, both professional and blue collar workers. It has been my experience that the vast majority of adult men have one thing on their minds- sex. I can’t get through one day without a coworker, client, or student talking about sex (I am an occupational health and safety consultant and educator). Nearly every day someone mentions the new strip club in Harrisburg (I live a few miles outside of the city) called Savannah’s. If we have a woman in class my co workers comment on whether or not she is “hot” and sometimes say what they want to “do” to her. We spend a lot of time on the road and have business lunches often. During these lunches, crude comments are almost always made about the waitresses. Whenever I mention spending time with my girlfriend or a female friend, my co workers imply that I had sex with them. They often tell me that because my girlfriend and I live in different zip codes I wouldn’t technically be cheating on her if I have sex with random women. One of my co workers told me about the threesome he was planning to have one weekend with his current girlfriend and a random woman he met in a bar, all while still legally married to his third wife.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, I guess I have just always assumed conversations like this ended after puberty. It can be very lonely in the workplace when you have to deal with people like this every day.

I am losing faith in adult men. I can remember when I was younger my dad’s friends would make sexual comments about women. My dad never said anything like that, probably just because I was there. What a depressing world we live in.

Does anyone else have to deal with this?

Maybe God put you there to start evanglizing to these men, let them know what they are doing wrong without judging them but set them straight and as soon as they know your view they will stop talking like that around you.

God bless

 

[edcaro]

sigh.

I don’t know who can relate to this, but guys at university are the worst. I can never relate to their topics of conversation, and I always feel uneasy around certain topics. I can take a “that girl is hot” or whatever, but I have heard some attrocious things. And back in the day when I was away from the Church I have said some disgusting things too.

Mates come to my house and start talking about how they did this to this chick and then left her to go do it with another girl and this and that. And I start feeling so weird. IT’s horrible.!

And this is one of the reasons that I am so against immodest dress. Because despite the women’s intentions to just look cute or nice, the things a guy says, even if its one guy, is enough for me. And the things men say about women. If only they heard. I think most women would stop dressing immodestly. I know its the guy that is at fault, but still, just saying.

Men are growing up to be pigs. I am not a saint, but I see disgusting things. Guys using their girlfriends, forcing their girlfriends to flash people as a “joke”, hanging all over them like the woman is something to be owned. Grinds me down!

I just wanna slap every man and say, in the words of Fr. Larry Richards, “Be a Man!”. And then sternly tell everyone woman to raise her standards at least 100 times beyond what she thinks is normal, because you won’t get a knight in shining armour if you are advertising for a pig. Women deserve to be treated better. Men deserve to be allowed to be Men without resorting to the things most do today.

I agree with you to some exstent, but you are coming off all wrong with call all guys pigs and telling them they need to grow up. Guys will be guys, in todays society sex is all around us. Your going from seeing stuff on tv to hearing about it over the radio for a commercial.
If a woman dressing parogetively, then of course guys will say something. But that woman is ejectifying herself to the harrasment. But you can not just say guys are the only ones like this, if a guy with a six pack is walking around without a shirt on woman are not going to say anything about how he looks or what they would like to do to him.

These are just my thoughts.

 

[NewsTheMan]

Yeah, maybe some guys aren’t pigs.

But I see a difference between when a women says “ooh that guy is nice” to when a guy describes every dirty sexual act he would do to that women.

And yeah women do kind of contribute by dressing immodestly, but I know some sweet girls who are stable and very christian who dress immodestly just because they think its cute or whatever, but in actual fact guys are saying disgusting things behind her back. But there are of course women who love that attention. I dated a girl like that. And in that case, yeah, its just as horrible.

and the excuse that “guys will be guys” only goes so far; only stretches so far for me. Just like “students will be students” so they party. But here, that is stretched so far that everybody is drunk by 8pm and vomiting everywhere and having sex with a different person every week. Of course, just my thoughts!

 

[kib]

Another thing that bothers me is how men speak about their wives. Why would anyone get married if they don’t like their spouse!

Last summer I lived in Louisiana while completing an internship with a large oil company. When I would go offshore and stay on the oil platforms I would always ask the guys who work out there if they liked it. All of them said they missed their kids, but none missed their wives! When I asked them if they did, they said no. Today one of my coworkers told me he sometimes regrets not deploying to Iraq or Afghanistan because he would like a year away from his wife. Another coworker told me about a month ago that he would never cheat on his wife because divorce would ruin him financially. What about not cheating on her because you love her??? At least he is one of the few men I work with who haven’t talked to me about cheating on their spouse yet. Although they have all talked about going to strip clubs. One even told me he prefers Asian porn and gave a graphic explanation describing aspects of the female anatomy and why Asian woman are more sexually attractive in those areas!

I wish I could live in a bubble. Unfortunately, it seems that most people engage in this type of behavior or don’t see it as much of a problem. What hope is there for someone like me to meet kindred spirits in this world or to get married to a woman that actually wants to be around me for the rest of our lives.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

We’ve actually been planning to get married for the past three years. There have been times I have had doubt because she is not Catholic, but I have still been committed to discerning marriage with her.

I have news for you, you are done discerning, she is not the right woman for you to marry, she knows this herself even if you aren’t ready to accept it yet.

 

[Rascalking]

I have news for you, you are done discerning, she is not the right woman for you to marry, she knows this herself even if you aren’t ready to accept it yet.

I have news for YOU Advocatus Fidei-your not them, it’s not your dance. Let them figure it out for themself, and if either one wants our advice, they’ll ask.