Adult Men

[SarahR]

I know some sweet girls who are stable and very christian who dress immodestly just because they think its cute or whatever…

Yes. 100% yes. Dressing for themselves or for their friends to compliment them on how cute they look, not necessarily for attention from guys.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

I have news for YOU Advocatus Fidei-your not them, it’s not your dance. Let them figure it out for themself, and if either one wants our advice, they’ll ask.

Who do you think you are telling me to shut up? I have as much right to make my opinion known as anyone else, this is a public forum anything shared here automatically invites comments that is how forums work, if you don’t like it you are free not to participate. You have no right to try and stop others from doing so however by attacking them as per the above.

 

[Rascalking]

Who do you think you are telling me to shut up? I have as much right to make my opinion known as anyone else, this is a public forum anything shared here automatically invites comments that is how forums work, if you don’t like it you are free not to participate. You have no right to try and stop others from doing so however by attacking them as per the above.

LOL! Who do I think I am? Myself, thank you. You do have as much right to make an opinion known-so do I. Relax, my friend. I didn’t tell you to shut up, didn’t tell you to go away, or anything else like that.

It wasn’t an attack, or anything else. Take a deep breath. Relax. It wasn’t personal at all.

 

[Jay82]

Another thing that bothers me is how men speak about their wives. Why would anyone get married if they don’t like their spouse!

Last summer I lived in Louisiana while completing an internship with a large oil company. When I would go offshore and stay on the oil platforms I would always ask the guys who work out there if they liked it. All of them said they missed their kids, but none missed their wives! When I asked them if they did, they said no. Today one of my coworkers told me he sometimes regrets not deploying to Iraq or Afghanistan because he would like a year away from his wife. Another coworker told me about a month ago that he would never cheat on his wife because divorce would ruin him financially. What about not cheating on her because you love her??? At least he is one of the few men I work with who haven’t talked to me about cheating on their spouse yet. Although they have all talked about going to strip clubs.

I wish I could live in a bubble. Unfortunately, it seems that most people engage in this type of behavior or don’t see it as much of a problem. What hope is there for someone like me to meet kindred spirits in this world or to get married to a woman that actually wants to be around me for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes I think men just say things like the aforementioned statements to fit in or try to appear ‘cool’ or ‘macho’. I know some guys that I used to work with that would make similar comments complaining about their wives or how they are ‘the boss’, but I know that they truly love their wife and their long marriage is evidence. In addition, they will say positive things in a subtle manner about things there wife does. I guess some guys don’t want to come across as whipped or fear they will be mocked if are too open about how great there wife is or something along those lines. It sad, but that is how I perceive things to be in some situations.

One time I was on business travel with some guys who loved to talk about all sorts of inappropriate things. One guy always bragged about all the women he was with in his younger days. However, if one of the other guys pointed out an attractive girl by saying something suggestive he would simply reaffirm that he loves his wife so much that he could never do anything unfaithful. It was nice to hear him say that periodically, even if he does say a bunch of other stuff that ‘crossed the line’.

 

[kib]

I have news for you, you are done discerning, she is not the right woman for you to marry, she knows this herself even if you aren’t ready to accept it yet.

That was an incredibly obnoxious comment. We have discussed this in length. We are fully aware of each others feelings and have decided to continue discerning, together. We will continue to discern marriage until we are sure whether or not we are called to marriage. You are quite foolish if you think you can make a remotely accurate judgment about a long term relationship between two people you don’t even know based off of several sentences you read on an internet forum.

 

[kib]

Who do you think you are telling me to shut up? I have as much right to make my opinion known as anyone else, this is a public forum anything shared here automatically invites comments that is how forums work, if you don’t like it you are free not to participate. You have no right to try and stop others from doing so however by attacking them as per the above.

Please leave this thread, Advocatus Fidei

Rascalking, thanks for backing me up, you’re a good man.

 

[Samson01]

Kib, it seems in some ways, women may leave the options open in their talk about and with the other sex. Leaving the chase up to you in being sought or left alone, open, adding mystery. Men seem to be more direct, often crude, esp. when talking to each other. In courtship conversation, you may find a balance in this or one may yeild to the other. Frankly, I would rather learn a womens language of seduction in courtship before someone else comes along that already knows it.

 

[kib]

Kib, it seems in some ways, women may leave the options open in their talk about and with the other sex. Leaving the chase up to you in being sought or left alone, open, adding mystery. Men seem to be more direct, often crude, esp. when talking to each other. In courtship conversation, you may find a balance in this or one may yeild to the other. Frankly, I would rather learn a womens language of seduction in courtship before someone else comes along that already knows it.

Sorry, I’m a bit confused. Are you referring to my conversations I have had with my girlfriend about our relationship?

 

[Samson01]

Sorry, I’m a bit confused. Are you referring to my conversations I have had with my girlfriend about our relationship?

Try listening for awhile rather then directly talking about the “relationship”. No offense meant in the quotes, just don’t focus on status right now, but on listening to her words and intentions.

 

[kib]

Try listening for awhile rather then directly talking about the “relationship”. No offense meant in the quotes, just don’t focus on status right now, but on listening to her words and intentions.

Thanks for the advice but I don’t think I have volunteered enough information or anyone to pass judgment on my ability to listen to my girlfriend’s feelings or intentions. We have strong communication in our relationship and neither of us focus our attention on the status of our relationship more than we do discerning our future together.

 

[Samson01]

Thanks for the advice but I don’t think I have volunteered enough information or anyone to pass judgment on my ability to listen to my girlfriend’s feelings or intentions. We have strong communication in our relationship and neither of us focus our attention on the status of our relationship more than we do discerning our future together.

Ok, sorry to interfere and jump to rash conclusions based on the limited (name removed by moderator)ut of a fora. Blessing’s in your discernment.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

I doubt you are going to learn anything more about each other in the future that you haven’t already learned in the last four years, but go ahead its your life after all you can make of it whatever you want.

 

[kib]

I doubt you are going to learn anything more about each other in the future that you haven’t already learned in the last four years, but go ahead its your life after all you can make of it whatever you want.

If that is how you feel that I will guess that you have never been in a four year long committed relationship.

 

[kib]

I would also prefer to stay on topic and limit our conversation to our experiences with sex crazed middle aged men.

 

[presidentjlh]

I must admit, I’m not perfect when it comes to my conversations. Being a college guy and all, it’s sometimes hard to keep conversations clean (not that it is an excuse, of course)

I’m trying to fix my patterns of conversation. Usually, in these situations, if a guy ever asks you, “Hey, that girl over there, would you “do” her,” you can be evasive and say, “She’s cute,” and leave it at that. You merely complimented her appearance.

If he keeps asking, just say, “I already gave you my opinion.” What you say will be up to him to judge. You know in your heart what you said.

 

[AnnieJS]

Best thing to do is keep your mouth shut, I suppose.

Whenever guys try to make suggestive comments or advances concerning me, I simply ignore them entirely.

It does annoy me and in my opinion is bad taste.

So yeah. Say nothing.

 

[kelvinf]

Changing job and location isn’t a bad idea. St Paul warns us against bad company.
1 Cor 5: 11,13

But I now write to you not to associate with anyone named a brother, if he is immoral, greedy, an idolater, a slanderer, a drunkard, or a robber, not even to eat with such a person.
God will judge those outside. “Purge the evil person from your midst.”

 

[Norseman82]

Best thing to do is keep your mouth shut, I suppose.

Whenever guys try to make suggestive comments or advances concerning me, I simply ignore them entirely.

It does annoy me and in my opinion is bad taste.

So yeah. Say nothing.

Yeah, but you’re a female (judging from your screen nane). Females generally can get away with that; the dynamics generally are different for males, with all the “alpha dogs” struggling for dominance. Sometimes one needs to establish one’s “space” or “territory”; the question here is how to do it in the work environment successfully. Keeping silent may work when the distasteful comments are in the background and do not involve you; however, if one is expected to go to strip clubs for lunch, that is a different story and the OP needs to be able to assert himself and “mark territory” in such a way that he can keep both his faith/morals and his career, and that I believe is the advice he may be looking for.

 

[Nec5]

Whenever I run into these types of situations, I just tell the guys around me, “I don’t need this kind of **** in my life. I have enough trouble.” Then I wish them “good luck, but I don’t want to hear about it if you end up on Springer or something”. Then I’ll reference a story or make one up about someone that ended up in a horrible situation because of this type of activity (STD, stabbing, Fatal Attraction, etc…)

Couch everything in terms of secular behavior, and they’ll leave you alone. If they don’t, be explicit and vulgar about some of the consequences. If they are directly lewd toward a woman (not behind her back), again frame it in a way that is brutal. I tend to use curse words to great effect, and that alleviates any of this idiotic peer pressure.

What I never do is try to hurt someone innocent like a waitress or bartender by being around folks that insult them.

I guess it’s a coward’s approach, but we often don’t have the power to put these folks in their place.

 

[rotlex]

Your not alone on this at all, as you can see from some of the posts here, but I’m just throwing in that I’m a member of the frustrated club as well.

I’m a 42 year old man, been married to the same beautfiful woman for 21 years, and frankly, I was annoyed with this sort of thing back when I first got married. It seems that even today, 20+ years later, most of my friends, co-workers etc., have the same mind set they did 20 years ago when they told me I was nuts for getting married so young, and having only ever been with “one woman”. After being frustrated with it, and all “the talk” for years, I have pretty much come to the conclusion that most men are simply pigs, LOL.

No, I don’t really mean to laugh at that, but I’ve learned over time to not let it bother me so much. Probably one of the reasons I’m pretty much a loner at work anymore. I rarely go out for lunches, after work get together’s etc., but I just don’t get it I guess. I’ve taken to spending my lunch hours taking walks, and usually doing some reading, or prayer time. I find it quite comforting in the middle of a busy work day actually.