Adultery - As the victim would you like to know?

[otm]

demolitionman65:

What an explosive topic!!!

I can’t begin to speculate. . . haven’t cheated, to the best of my knowledge SHE hasn’t cheated (we have 7 kids, she homeschools. . .WHEN would she cheat??)

I was accused in a job I had recently that I was leaving because I was an adulterer (this was simply a confused and bitter public trying to guess as to my “real” reasons for leaving, when in fact my stated reasons were it). My wife, God bless her, immediately dismissed this scurrilism by saying: “WHEN would he have the time to cheat on me?”

So could we say things blew up on you?

Sorry. Well, sort of…

 

[otm]

wisdom 3:5:

Trouble is you know somethings wrong but don’t know what. When you ask, you’re lied to. You have to become something you’re not (sneaky, non-trusting) to get the truth.

While it was going on I became very depressed and physically ill. When I look back I can see all the red flags. I didn’t know what they were at the time.

Or, deep down inside, “knew”, but couldn’t articulate - it was too frightening and threatening? The depression is a fairly sure sign that you weren’t clueless; but what could you do? Confront, and they leave? Don’t confront, and they get more attached to the “other” and leave? That is called damned if you do, damned if you don’t, and the body and the mind can not sustain that dichotomy for long.

 

[mlchance]

I don’t even have to worry about it.

But, that point aside, to paraphrase an old blues standard: “If I catch you messing around, it’s going to his funeral and my trial.”



– Mark L. Chance.

 

[wisdom_3_5]

otm:

Or, deep down inside, “knew”, but couldn’t articulate - it was too frightening and threatening? The depression is a fairly sure sign that you weren’t clueless; but what could you do? Confront, and they leave? Don’t confront, and they get more attached to the “other” and leave? That is called damned if you do, damned if you don’t, and the body and the mind can not sustain that dichotomy for long.

NO. It didn’t even occur to me that an affair was possible. I loved and trusted my husband and he expressed the same to me. There was nothing to articulate. When I found out the first thing I did was pray, then confront him. There was no waffling, worried that I’d lose him. I think the depression was an intuitive reaction to what was going on.** There really is a period of time that the unsuspecting spouse really is unsuspecting!**

As far as the depression goes. . . it was during Feb/Mar, a common time for me to be “low”. My dad was also going through depression over the family business. At the time I attributed my depression to these circumstances, however, looking back I can see more clearly what was going on. Its only after counseling and knowing all that was happening that I can say somehow I knew. At the time I truly didn’t.

 

[mari319]

I answered yes, although I honestly wouldn’t WANT to know. I’d NEED to know though. There are just too many dangers out there with disease, etc. You can’t protect yourself if you’re completely ignorant of a situation.

 

[katieq]

I have answered yes. Marriage consists of two people becoming one person…truth is essential. It is also a form of accountability. One of our primary goals (aside from personal sanctification) is to help our spouse to heaven. I believe this is a path to do so.

God bless,
k