Advice for a catholic in love with a non-catholic man

[mdsnRN]

Say I was not in the picture at all… Would he just be expected to be alone and never re-marry? He’s just supposed to live the rest of his life as a divorced man- a path in which he never chose to go down in the first place? Something completely OUT of his control?? I truly can say I know this. Go ahead and assume he didn’t do this or that - the man did. He tried taking her to counseling; he would have done ANYTHING and everything to keep the woman from divorcing him. It is the last thing he wanted himself and for his kids. He agrees they made a promise to God. He doesn’t believe in divorce… and never has. She was a part of the same faith-base as well, but failed to hold up her promise. But he couldn’t force her to stay with him, it’s impossible to do. This isn’t somewhere in the middle-east where a woman doesn’t have rights. So because of all this - he is not free to marry? I have a hard time grasping this concept. Then what in the world is he to do? What if this happened in our church? What is he to necessarily do then anyway? The only way he would be eligible is to seek nullity, in which he may never obtain or be eligible for in the first place???

 

[therese_lisieux_1]

Say I was not in the picture at all… Would he just be expected to be alone and never re-marry? He’s just supposed to live the rest of his life as a divorced man- a path in which he never chose to go down in the first place? Something completely OUT of his control?? I truly can say I know this. Go ahead and assume he didn’t do this or that - the man did. He tried taking her to counseling; he would have done ANYTHING and everything to keep the woman from divorcing him. It is the last thing he wanted himself and for his kids. He agrees they made a promise to God. He doesn’t believe in divorce… and never has. She was a part of the same faith-base as well, but failed to hold up her promise. But he couldn’t force her to stay with him, it’s impossible to do. This isn’t somewhere in the middle-east where a woman doesn’t have rights. So because of all this - he is not free to marry? I have a hard time grasping this concept. Then what in the world is he to do? What if this happened in our church? What is he to necessarily do then anyway? The only way he would be eligible is to seek nullity, in which he may never obtain or be eligible for in the first place???

He’s Protestant so the annulment process is not even an issue in his faith. So, he can remarry all he wants to in his faith. However, because you ARE Catholic, and annulment is a very real issue if the two of you are considering a lifetime together. Regardless of the reason to why he is divorced, the fact remains that he IS divorced. And that is going to affect you in your Catholic faith no matter what.

I urge you to go to your parish and get the materials on annulment so you can understand the Catholic Church view on it. I did not see my divorce, either. My ex husband did yet I had to go through with it because I was engaged to a Catholic man. The annulment was necessary as I was on my way to be Catholic but also we wanted to be married in the Catholic Church.

You came here for advice so that is what you’re getting. When you ask for advice, you have to be open to listening to it even if it isn’t what you want to hear. A ton of people have given you information and shared personal experience, including myself. You really need to grow in your faith in order to understand what you believe. Didn’t you learn about divorce and annulments in RCIA? I know my class had an evening devoted to it.

The Catholic Church does not change easily on its stance on what it believes - whenever it does (I’m referring to Vatican II to those wondering what I’m meaning here), which is why it can be so aggravating yet comforting at the same time.

I know it ended up for naught that I obtained an annulment but there was no way for me to know any of that would happen. Do I regret it? I cannot say yes because I was doing what I had to do to get married in the Church, irritating as it was. And I would definitely rather that my ex husband be alive still today as he left behind a widow and 3 small children.

It seems to me that you can turn a blind eye to all of what you signed up for, which would only make your situation worse in the long run or you can have that talk with your priest because you want to grow as a Catholic and understand the facts - apart from the feelings - about your situation. You can justify this relationship all day long but the truth is that you’ve entered into something for which you are not currently equipped, given your faith vs his faith.

Do you still want your Catholic faith or do you want this man more than your faith?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This is exactly the fact. I held onto my last Catholic boyfriend for entirely too long. He put me through the ringer. I found he was sleeping with a bunch of girls he was meeting out, wanted to party ALL of the time, he was a mess - the list is endless. The only good thing I got out of him was Catholicism. I have never been in a relationship less than two years. My first serious boyfriend was four years, the Catholic guy for three years, and one other guy for almost 3 years and currently this one now for a little over two. So when you do find someone that treats you amazing after being through the ringer - you don’t necessarily want to lose hope. It would be different if he weren’t a Christian man whom was an extremely good father. His ex-wife was the only other woman he has ever dated. So, you please don’t assume that it’s dating some random guy, divorced with two kids. It wasn’t like that all. In fact, I completely refused to meet him for a long time, but have never once regretted the fact that I did. I GAVE enough to the single guys without baggage. The guy I dated for 2.5 years was also Catholic - not as bad of a break up, but he still was not ready to “grow up” at 25.

You are bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend. Look for ways to treat YOURSELF well without a boy or a man.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

*I’m a talker… as you’ve noticed… so this is 1 of 2
Does this recommended book give me scripture so that I may understand a lot of these things you all are telling me?

I’m not sure why I’m being completely thrown the wolves here about all of this. I appreciate everyone’s concern whole-heartedly and the advice you all have been giving me. It has most definitely opened my eyes. But what I also find so confusing is that there are many people on here who are also converts and/or have spouses that have done the very same thing. I cannot sit here and truly say that he will NEVER go to mass with me. He has never reported so. As of late - yes, but this isn’t something I fear he would NEVER do - otherwise I would not have let it go on as long as it has. I have prayed entirely too hard and long about it to feel that I have made a poor choice by doing so. I possibly should have given more thought and constructed my very first post a bit better, gave more insight and discussions that I have had with him. He states that he feels like he needs to stay in his church right now and prays about it all the time. He has also mentioned that if he feels like he should go elsewhere that he will most certainly do so, but he feels God has not given him those feelings at this point.

I will add that over this past weekend, I believe I have exposed him to a lot of ideas and beliefs that he did not think were scripture based - that in fact are. He truly had no idea of what the Catholic Church believes and/or teaches. All that he was sure of is that our ideas about salvation are completely different. I forget how someone put it earlier, but I shouldn’t try to “evangelize” him nor him “evangelize” me. Ok? – Point taken. But do you not find it WRONG to not be a disciple of God and to expose him to the Truth if in fact he has not KNOWN the Truth all along? He asked me to explain my beliefs and therefore I did. Of course I believe that conversion to Catholicism should only be on his terms. Who am I to tell someone to believe something for me? I only hope and pray that he learns what the Catholic Church truly teaches and believes. Then if he one day believes that he would like to join me in this faith – would it be beneficial to me. I wish people would stop assuming that I am doing this or that without TRULY knowing. It’s a bit offensive. Remember, I am asking WHAT to do in here, not that I HAVE done anything. I probably should have explained more in my first post, I do now realize. I was going on 25 hours without sleep (I’m an RN whom works nights) which was causing my emotions to be that much more intense.

**I should also probably should stop replying or posting about all of this as I was criticized for that as well. **I “know” the answer; otherwise I wouldn’t keep trying to defend myself in 4+ posts. I’m not sure that this has been what I expected it would be. It has in fact helped, but it’s often felt like I am not amongst people listening to me or giving me any sort of support through this. **I don’t need to be lectured and slain here. ** I need educated and helped through this. There are some wonderful posts and prayers that have I absolutely been touched by and gracious for. Please do not get me wrong by expressing my feelings. I know I have not heard all what I necessarily “wanted to hear”, but that is also what I have asked for. So please do not think I am taking those comments poorly either. There are just particular ones that have slightly stung – and I would rather be open about this than hide it.

You are not listening to what we are telling you. You are defending your choice to date and becoming emotionally involved with a Missionary Baptist, which is a denomination that treats Catholics as pagans at best, as Satanists at worst. You keep posting to the effect that you cannot guarantee he won’t become a Catholic at some point. I am telling you that the odds of him being beamed up to a Martian mothership in the next ten minutes are better than that! And it is not up to you in the first place. It might be one thing if you had met him during a questioning period, where he was actively looking around at different religions, although even then, I would advise the same, to stay out of the process completely. But this man has expressed no real interest in becoming a Catholic. If he is a lifelong Baptist I would have a hard time believing that he would consider doing so. I know there are Baptist converts here, I’d like them to post what their conversion did to their families. Baptists do not take this issue lightly, since quite a bit of their theology is anti-Catholicism.

I think you expected something different than what you are getting. There aren’t many lukewarm Catholics on this forum, from what I can tell. You’re going to get the raw truth whether you like it or not. The people who married “unequally yoked” are telling you that it’s been a rough road, and most of them don’t even make it to the point where they can post on a forum like this. Why would you want to put yourself through that? You will have to do some soul-searching, not just hearing your own voice saying all is good. You are under the spell of “love,” and you are blind to the reality. It’s obvious from your posts that you are involved enough with this man, who may be more of a father figure to you than you are ready to acknowledge, that you aren’t going to listen to any advice that doesn’t agree with your own perspective.

I can’t wish you well, because I think you are in for heartache and pain. I hope you think about this in a different way before you decide to marry this man.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Say I was not in the picture at all… Would he just be expected to be alone and never re-marry? He’s just supposed to live the rest of his life as a divorced man- a path in which he never chose to go down in the first place? Something completely OUT of his control?? I truly can say I know this. Go ahead and assume he didn’t do this or that - the man did. He tried taking her to counseling; he would have done ANYTHING and everything to keep the woman from divorcing him. It is the last thing he wanted himself and for his kids. He agrees they made a promise to God. He doesn’t believe in divorce… and never has. She was a part of the same faith-base as well, but failed to hold up her promise. But he couldn’t force her to stay with him, it’s impossible to do. This isn’t somewhere in the middle-east where a woman doesn’t have rights. So because of all this - he is not free to marry? I have a hard time grasping this concept. Then what in the world is he to do? What if this happened in our church? What is he to necessarily do then anyway? The only way he would be eligible is to seek nullity, in which he may never obtain or be eligible for in the first place???

This is what HE is telling you. Have you spoken to his ex-wife? She may have another perspective on the divorce.

Of course HE is free to re-marry! He’s NOT CATHOLIC!!! You, however, are, and you are NOT free to marry a non-Catholic who has been divorced unless and until his marriage is annulled through the Church. I have a feeling, though, that you are going to ignore the requirements of the Church and proceed with this relationship anyway. You defend your choices and his life rather than trying to understand the mistakes you are making by continuing in this relationship.

 

[therese_lisieux_1]

You are not listening to what we are telling you. You are defending your choice to date and becoming emotionally involved with a Missionary Baptist, which is a denomination that treats Catholics as pagans at best, as Satanists at worst. You keep posting to the effect that you cannot guarantee he won’t become a Catholic at some point. I am telling you that the odds of him being beamed up to a Martian mothership in the next ten minutes are better than that! And it is not up to you in the first place. It might be one thing if you had met him during a questioning period, where he was actively looking around at different religions, although even then, I would advise the same, to stay out of the process completely. But this man has expressed no real interest in becoming a Catholic. If he is a lifelong Baptist I would have a hard time believing that he would consider doing so. I know there are Baptist converts here, I’d like them to post what their conversion did to their families. Baptists do not take this issue lightly, since quite a bit of their theology is anti-Catholicism.

I think you expected something different than what you are getting. There aren’t many lukewarm Catholics on this forum, from what I can tell. You’re going to get the raw truth whether you like it or not. The people who married “unequally yoked” are telling you that it’s been a rough road, and most of them don’t even make it to the point where they can post on a forum like this. Why would you want to put yourself through that? You will have to do some soul-searching, not just hearing your own voice saying all is good. You are under the spell of “love,” and you are blind to the reality. It’s obvious from your posts that you are involved enough with this man, who may be more of a father figure to you than you are ready to acknowledge, that you aren’t going to listen to any advice that doesn’t agree with your own perspective.

I can’t wish you well, because I think you are in for heartache and pain. I hope you think about this in a different way before you decide to marry this man.

Baptist convert here.

I actually brought my parents with me to Mass one Sunday just so they’d see we weren’t sacrificing babies or anything like that. They don’t prefer my choice, but they know that I’m going to do what I think is best for myself and that I didn’t make this choice lightly.

However, my brother has taken this VERY hard and he still carries anger with me for my choice. We do not get along and he believes me to have made a terrible mistake. I feel like an only child now because of it. The rest of my family doesn’t understand but they don’t question me, but if they did, I would tell them.

 

[1ke]

Say I was not in the picture at all… Would he just be expected to be alone and never re-marry?

Yes. This is Christ’s teaching. The man (or woman) who leaves their spouse and marries another commits adultery.

He’s just supposed to live the rest of his life as a divorced man- a path in which he never chose to go down in the first place? Something completely OUT of his control??

Christ did not say unless… it’s not your fault, it’s not fair, you didn’t choose the divorce.

The Sacrament of Marriage is NOT dissoluable. This is Christ’s teaching.

I truly can say I know this. Go ahead and assume he didn’t do this or that - the man did. He tried taking her to counseling; he would have done ANYTHING and everything to keep the woman from divorcing him. It is the last thing he wanted himself and for his kids.

That’s very noble of him, he did the right things. It’s very sad that his wife walked away, whatever the reasons. It’s not about assigning blame.

It is about staying faithful. We are called to be faithful until death, even when the other is not faithful. That is Christ’s example to us. That is his command.

It’s a difficult standard, but it is God’s standard.

He agrees they made a promise to God. He doesn’t believe in divorce… and never has. She was a part of the same faith-base as well, but failed to hold up her promise. But he couldn’t force her to stay with him, it’s impossible to do. This isn’t somewhere in the middle-east where a woman doesn’t have rights. So because of all this - he is not free to marry?

That’s right. Because he made a promise too and he must uphold that promise.

I have a hard time grasping this concept.

It’s Christ’s teaching.

Then what in the world is he to do?

If his marriage is valid, he is called to be faithful to it.

What if this happened in our church?

Same thing. The spouses are expected to be faithful to their vows. They may not remarry.

What is he to necessarily do then anyway? The only way he would be eligible is to seek nullity, in which he may never obtain or be eligible for in the first place???

Correct. If his marriage is valid, he is to honor it. If it was invalid for some reason then he would be free to marry. If there are no evidence it is invalid, then he is married for life.

 

[1ke]

He’s Protestant so the annulment process is not even an issue in his faith. So, he can remarry all he wants to in his faith.

However, because you ARE Catholic, and annulment is a very real issue if the two of you are considering a lifetime together. Regardless of the reason to why he is divorced, the fact remains that he IS divorced. And that is going to affect you in your Catholic faith no matter what.

This isn’t true, actually.

Christ’s command is for **all **Christian marriages. It is not just for Catholics. He cannot remarry anywhere without it being adultery. The fact that his own denomination may ignore this teaching does not negate it. He will have to stand before Christ in the judgment for what he has done and not done. Adultery is a serious sin.

As Catholics, who have the truth of Christ’s teaching, it is our responsibility to help others see this truth not to ignore it and say it’s OK because he’s not a Catholic.

 

[therese_lisieux_1]

This isn’t true, actually.

Christ’s command is for **all **Christian marriages. It is not just for Catholics. He cannot remarry anywhere without it being adultery. The fact that his own denomination may ignore this teaching does not negate it. He will have to stand before Christ in the judgment for what he has done and not done. Adultery is a serious sin.

As Catholics, who have the truth of Christ’s teaching, it is our responsibility to help others see this truth not to ignore it and say it’s OK because he’s not a Catholic.

This IS true. I was not speaking from a Catholic teaching POV. I said, IN HIS FAITH, if you actually read what I wrote. In the Protestant faith, a civil divorce is the only thing necessary because church annulments do not exist for Protestants. It is a NON-ISSUE for Protestants.

 

[SwizzleStick]

This IS true. I was not speaking from a Catholic teaching POV. I said, IN HIS FAITH, if you actually read what I wrote. In the Protestant faith, a civil divorce is the only thing necessary because church annulments do not exist for Protestants. It is a NON-ISSUE for Protestants.

Actually, it is an issue for every person. I do see the point you are trying to make, but I kindly disagree. Christ taught that marriage is for life. Just because some faiths don’t recognize Truth in their teachings, doesn’t mean they are correct in their teachings.

 

[therese_lisieux_1]

Actually, it is an issue for every person. I do see the point you are trying to make, but I kindly disagree. Christ taught that marriage is for life. Just because some faiths don’t recognize Truth in their teachings, doesn’t mean they are correct in their teachings.

You are free to disagree all you want, but what I am speaking to is that the annulment issue is seen differently. That is a fact, that there exists a difference. I am not saying that it is wrong or right - I am only speaking to the FACT that it is a different process - not in its validity or non-validity.
However, both Catholics and Protestants DO teach that marriage is for life. If you don’t believe that, then you were never raised Protestant and/or are ignorant of the Protestant church. Baptists don’t all handle snakes, either. I am speaking strictly on the annulment issue and the FACT of its non-existence there - NOT on marriage and divorce so please do not digress from what I am pointing out.

Since I come from the other side of the street, I am blessed with the grace to have empathy and understanding on both sides and yet it leaves me also caught in the middle of many arguments, unfortunately.

 

[BrokenFortress]

To the OP, I just wanted to say, that if you were to marry this man, you’d go in with a lot of differences. One thing was already mentioned, if you married in the Catholic Church you are required to raise your children as Catholic. Not half Catholic, half Baptist.

The other would be means of spacing children. Sure, you say you think you should be married for a while before having children. How do you plan on doing that? Do you realize that when you marry as a Catholic you are required to be open to children? Would he be okay using NFP and not some birth control like condoms or the Pill? Both of which are wrong. And don’t get too caught up in wanting to wait for children, NFP leaves it open to God. We got pregnant on our honeymoon and although we may have chosen differently, I feel God gives us what we need and I have no doubt this baby will bring good things to our marriage. But honestly, you need to think about children and would he be okay with potentially having many more kids? How many children you have is a important thing to think about in the Catholic faith because to Catholics, children are a blessing of marriage.

You came on here looking for advice, but then it seems like you just want to defend your decision. Just know that there is a lot that is going to be different between you two should you marry. You won’t have the glue of the same faith to get you through the hard times.

 

[SwizzleStick]

You are free to disagree all you want, but what I am speaking to is that the annulment issue is seen differently. That is a fact, that there exists a difference. I am not saying that it is wrong or right - I am only speaking to the FACT that it is a different process - not in its validity or non-validity.
However, both Catholics and Protestants DO teach that marriage is for life. …

And, yet, some Protestants allow those who have a civil divorce to remarry? I guess I am missing your point. Christ said that marriage is for life. How do Protestants believe that and yet allow remarriage after a civil divorce? They may not see a need for a Declaration of Nullity in order that one may consider another attempt at marriage, but perception does not change Truth.

…If you don’t believe that, then you were never raised Protestant and/or are ignorant of the Protestant church. Baptists don’t all handle snakes, either. I am speaking strictly on the annulment issue and the FACT of its non-existence there - NOT on marriage and divorce so please do not digress from what I am pointing out.

As a cradle Catholic, I admit to being ignorant about other faiths.

It is not my intent to digress from what you are pointing out. Madison, the OP, is a Catholic, so she is bound by the teachings of Holy Mother Church, so that is the bottom line.

…Since I come from the other side of the street, I am blessed with the grace to have empathy and understanding on both sides and yet it leaves me also caught in the middle of many arguments, unfortunately.

Arguments? I’m not arguing and I’m sorry if you see it that way. I am just trying to point out Truth. It is not my intent to derail the thread, so please know that I don’t wish to argue about this point. I apologize for any misunderstanding.

 

[FirstCalled]

lol, ah the goggles of love… I am 26 and I’m been through that a couple of times. Sometimes the clearest heads are those who are outside of the situation. You definitely will not like that, you know that already, attempting to justify the situation, but that does not make the majority of posters here incorrect. As a Catholic sister, we are attempting to look out for you, to help you not make a mistake of potentially “marrying” someone who is already married in the eyes of God, even if he regrets that now. You have the opportunity now to change things before you make that huge leap.
He is in no position to provide for you spiritually, something that I’m telling you is a HUGE part, the BIGGEST part of marriage, one of the sole reasons for marriage. Other men out there are, perhaps it is just not your time yet, and not with this man. Not that it couldn’t work out.
IF he received an annulment, and you put your relationship on hold till then, is he willing to wait for that, for you?

Opening Poster, I’m glad you see that we are trying to help, but it seems there is not a whole lot for you to go on with his reactions thus far to your faith. It would seem he is going into defensive mode to come up with refutations to your arguments about his bible, etc. Which will only serve to make you question whether he is indeed correct(which he won’t be).

 

[SwizzleStick]

OP, Madison, here is a link to a thread that may interest you. If you do a search on CAF, you will find others like it. My point in sharing it is to let you know that others have done things out of order and really would like to go around or ignore the teachings of the Church to the detriment of their souls. You are not alone and you are not being picked on.

Pre-Marriage counseling during an annulment?
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=445344&highlight=swizzlestick

 

[TheRealJuliane]

**He is in no position to provide for you spiritually, something that I’m telling you is a HUGE part, the BIGGEST part of marriage, one of the sole reasons for marriage. **

[SIGN]Amen and Hallelujah![/SIGN]

I thought that needed to be emphasized. It is THE MOST CRITICAL aspect of this whole discussion. The spiritual union between a man, a woman and God, leaving the timing of the creation of life up to God, IS the marriage. Without that spiritual union, one leg of the stool is gone. Some people can hang in there, and create something, but it’s never as strong as it might have been with the proper structure.

 

[MtnDwellar]

He is in no position to provide for you spiritually, something that I’m telling you is a HUGE part, the BIGGEST part of marriage, one of the sole reasons for marriage.

Marriage is about love. Love is charity, not what another person can provide, be it spiritually or otherwise.

My guess is that the OP was hoping to get advice on how to move forward in the relationship with this man, and although less than ideal, avoid pitfalls and make a good lasting marriage. She would have gotten some of that advice from people in successful marriages with non-Catholics, were it not for the fact that the man is married. The marriage changes everything.

When I first learned about Catholic teaching regarding marriage, divorce, annulment, remarriage, I thought that it was contradictory. If God is all forgiving, why can’t he forgive a person for having a bad marriage? The reason is that during the marriage ceremony God creates an eternal spiritual bond between the couple. Providing that the marriage was valid, they are permanently joined for all eternity. When God makes something permanent, it is permanent. Even He will not change it.

 

[Apollos]

…during the marriage ceremony God creates an eternal spiritual bond between the couple. Providing that the marriage was valid, they are permanently joined for all eternity. When God makes something permanent, it is permanent. Even He will not change it.

That was so badly worded, Mtn, that I’m formally requesting you re-check your sources and correct your language here. Marriage - at least in some non-Mormon religions such as Catholicism - is not “eternal”.

 

[MtnDwellar]

That was so badly worded, Mtn, that I’m formally requesting you re-check your sources and correct your language here. Marriage - at least in some non-Mormon religions such as Catholicism - is not “eternal”.

I am sorry, but I think that my wording was succinct and needs no correction. Please tell me which part was “badly worded”.

When do you think that the matrimonial bond ends? I thought that the eternal bond was common knowledge.

I did a quick search and here are the first few things that I came up with:

Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Sex creates an unbreakable bond for eternity with the sex partner. (1 Cor 6:16) That’s why it needs to happen only within the eternal bond of marriage.

It serves to unite a woman and a man in eternal union before God with the purpose of following Christ and His Gospel and raising up a faithful, holy family through their holy union. It is referred to extensively in both the Old and New Testaments. Christ declared the essential indissolvibility of marriage in the Gospel.

In the Christian Orthodox tradition marriage is viewed as an eternal union of spouses, strengthened not only by physical, but also by spiritual intimacy.

The wedding rings symbolize the eternal bond of marriage.

 

[Apollos]

I am sorry, but I think that my wording was succinct and needs no correction. Please tell me which part was “badly worded”. When do you think that the matrimonial bond ends? I thought that the eternal bond was common knowledge. I did a quick search and here are the first few things that I came up with: Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Sex creates an unbreakable bond for eternity with the sex partner. (1 Cor 6:16) That’s why it needs to happen only within the eternal bond of marriage. It serves to unite a woman and a man in eternal union before God with the purpose of following Christ and His Gospel and raising up a faithful, holy family through their holy union. It is referred to extensively in both the Old and New Testaments. Christ declared the essential indissolvibility of marriage in the Gospel. In the Christian Orthodox tradition marriage is viewed as an eternal union of spouses, strengthened not only by physical, but also by spiritual intimacy. The wedding rings symbolize the eternal bond of marriage.

The Catechism #2382 says that marriage is not eternal, but comes to an end when one of the spouses dies. Furthermore, common sense says that the marriage bond only starts to exist when the parties exchange vows - not that the marital bond somehow pre-exists the couple eternally, from the beginning of time, and is somehow brought into reality at the time of formal marriage. Didn’t someone ask Jesus about a man who had seven wives, or a woman who had seven husbands, and Jesus said there is no marriage in heaven?