Advice for Suicide as a Sin

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I just want to start out by saying that I am personally not suicidal. I am also not a minor.

Last week my older cousin committed suicide. He had been struggling with depression, stemming from the fact that he is gay in two ways. One, he was Catholic and his sexuality went against what he had grown up believing and two, he was kicked out of his home by his parents (also Catholic) when he finally told them. He had been living with me and my brother at my grandfather’s house (he is not Catholic) for the past couple years before moving out on his own.

My dilemma is that his parents/family refuse to hold a funeral service for him since he was homosexual and took his own life and my grandfather doesn’t want to disrespect their wishes as parents. Does this mean that his sins will not be forgiven without the funeral rites? Also how does the church generally view homosexuality and suicide in terms of forgiving these sins?
 
I’m sorry to hear of this. Pray for him and his sour. No one will really know the state of his soul at his point of death; we put it in the hands of our Lord. The funeral rites, however, do nothing to affect the ultimate fate of his soul.
 
I’m very sorry about your cousin.
It sounds like he had a difficult and stressful situation in his life regarding his struggles and his lack of family support. The merciful Jesus loves your cousin and understands his difficulties, therefore you should have hope.
I will pray for your cousin’s soul and your family.
lsmith11235 said:
Does this mean that his sins will not be forgiven without the funeral rites?
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No. God is the one who ultimately can forgive sins and he isn’t bound by Church procedures like funeral rites. All God cares about is the state of your cousin’s mind and soul at the time of death.
Also how does the church generally view homosexuality and suicide in terms of forgiving these sins?
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Same way as it regards every other sin. I would note that simply being gay, as in having feelings of same-sex attraction, is not a sin. It’s only acting on those feelings that is the sin, in other words having sex or the preliminaries of sex, or dwelling on lustful thoughts.

With respect to suicide, we cannot know the state of a person’s mind/ soul upon death, but the Church recognizes that many suicides are under great stress or are otherwise mentally affected when they act, and that they also may repent a split second before death but it’s too late to do anything to stop death at that point. So like I said, the Church would hope for God’s mercy on one who committed suicide, especially one who was undergoing great stresses in life such as struggling with being gay and estranged from family.

Pray for your cousin and have Mass said for him. You can also go to Mass yourself and offer your Mass and Holy Communion for your cousin. You don’ t need to let your family know you’re doing these things for your cousin’s soul. Pray for his parents and family also, it sounds like they are very upset and the upset is causing them to be uncharitable in refusing to properly bury their dead relative which is a Work of Mercy.
 
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lsmith11235 said:
Does this mean that his sins will not be forgiven without the funeral rites?
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Absolutely not.

Funeral rites have nothing to do with forgiveness of sins.

I’m sorry that his parents are being so cruel. Be at peace that God knows your cousin’s heart, his struggles, and his mental state.
 
Nothing to add to the very clear previous replies. So sorry that your cousin’s pain was so crushing that he ended up taking his own life. Prayers for his soul and for other people going through the same trials, prayers also for you and your family to find peace and forgiveness.
 
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Also, you can offer masses for your cousin. Call your parish and ask about the procedure.
 
It would probably be best to take the matter directly to a Priest, or even a Bishop, or even an Archbishop - persevering and never despairing of God’s mercy.

My own thought is, the matter should be placed in God’s hands; and, while your cousin took his own life, which means he seems to have “overridden” God’s life-giving nature, we (noting the plural) must not despair of God’s life-giving mercy either, as well as his power over both life and death by which God could (even as John the Baptist says) raise even stones to new life in Him - if not in an earthly life, then a glorified an heavenly one…

To think someone who committed suicide is deserving of glory confounds our imagination, but, then, we do not know your cousins struggles, and we certainly cannot fathom the limits of God’s infinite mercy, or why God put such a thorn in your cousin’s side. One cannot justify the sin, but one cannot judge for God’s mercy (which shines on the good and bad alike) either.

That said, the family is probably equally distraught and angry, and it might help if they engaged in a bereavement ministry, which churches readily offer as spiritual work of mercy. These ministries help kindred spirits embrace their calling to this unique blessing of God’s mercy, which is not something we commonly have to address.

I do not know how better to answer your question, but I am sorry this tragedy has befallen your family.

The best thing seems to be to withhold judgment, do all one can to be merciful and reconciling, and leave it in the church’s hands… actually - to be even more specific… to leave it in God’s hands as much as possible…

$.02 <= my widow’s mite

God’s Blessings to You and ALL of Your’s! And THANK YOU for sharing! I know it must be hard, but it’s for the best, I’m sure.
 
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@lsmith11235

Suicide is much higher among homosexuals for various reasons and estrangement from the family is one of them. As far as forgiveness: funeral rites are a part of the works of mercy (burying the dead) and human dignity. They have nothing to do with forgiveness because forgiveness comes about through the power and love of God and it is restrained by nothing.

I’m sorry that the family in this story behaved so cruelly. People often behave this way as a result of their own childhood and the own example that was given to them growing up. It does not excuse their behavior however it does explain it. I would pray for all of them as it seems all of them need a lot of help.

Peace.
 
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A mass can and should still be said for your cousin, even if in private. I know in the past, public funerals for suicides were often not held and I suppose the family still feels this way, but that has no bearing on anyone knowing the state of anyone’s soul at death. My heart breaks for everyone involved and I will pray for all of them.
 
I am so sorry for your cousin’s death. May God grant him the rest he sought but did not find in this life.

In Jesus’ name, amen.
 
I pray for your cousin’s parents especially. I can;t imagine the pain and second guessing. Prayers for them.
 
As others have said, we must rely on God’s Mercy. Pray for your cousin’s soul. Also pray for his parents that God shows them compassion and mercy.
 
Have a mass in his name yourself. I know your pain all to well. My brother committed suicide too. My parents didn’t want to have a funeral mass either. They more were in shock and hurting. My problem was more my local church. The resident retired priest in his homilies brought up several times that if you commit suicide you will reside in Hell. The Pastor didn’t think it was a big deal. My wife and I left the Parish and found a new home. I know how much my brother suffered with mental illness. To have both priest add salt to the wound was to much for me to handle.

The new church has been very kind to us. Priest asked why we switched parishes and I told him. He said what they did wasn’t right. As others have said here, only God knows and should be left in his hands! I will always remember this priests kindness. I will be saying prayers for you and your family at mass.
 
I am so sorry that the priest was insensitive to your pain.

God grant rest to your dearly departed brother.
 
That’s an interesting claim.

Asking without judging it one way or the other, can you show some sort of referential literature to back it up?
 
Thank you for the this information.

That is (at a minimum) what seems to be the case here, as I suspected at the start; but - given the OP’s description of his cousin’s struggles - it should also be evident there is still reason not to despair.

I don’t think it is appropriate to delve into the actual problems, as that is both a personal issue to his cousin, as well as a family issue… the family could opt to discuss their perceptions of the issue, but it would be too much to speak for his cousin’s past, which is now in the everlasting present…

That said, Can. 1184 §1.3/ other manifest sinners who cannot be granted ecclesiastical funerals without public scandal of the faithful.

The qualifying clause “without pubic scandal of the faithful” and the way you are applying it seems worthy of consideration.

If this was a secular court, the way the decision would be settled would be to research similar cases in history, jurisdiction, etc., and then decide in like manner.

In terms of a religious decision, which doesnt work off of common law, but Roman law, the prescription is to leave the decision up to the local ordinary, which could begin with the pastor all the way up to a bishop or better…

Based upon what you say, it makes sense, but then the question remains if it could also be settled via a dispensation, or simply privately… Some of even the best people are lucky if ten people show up at their funeral - so (in this case) I dont think we’re talking about a bunch of rogue priests setting their own reputations at stake by lauding a someone suicide as a war hero when they were given a desk job while trying to cover up embezzlement crimes… That far-fetched fictitious scenario seems a good cause for not to celebrate the person’s funeral… but - for someone like the OP’s cousin - where would be the public scandal?

That is something we won’t know, as it is out of bounds for this forum… but I would still fight for the cause of mercy on the man’s soul… Canon law can often sound much different than it intends, even harsh to the untrained ear… But ultimately we’re supposed to be merciful… I dont know what more we could do NOT to give public scandal than to give the man some sort of way to rest in peace… If we didnt, it seems like we would ultimately be despairing of God’s mercy, and that - is a no-no…

I would seriously doubt the man took his own life to make matters worse… Hitler, yes, he didn’t care about public scandal… but the man in question sounds nothing like that…
 
@(name removed by moderator): BTW, please know, I am not trying to be difficult here, so what I said I was intended respectfully.

I appreciate your comments and concern.
 
I am really sorry for what happened to your family.

My aunt committed a suicide a very short time before my husband’s and myself’s coming to the Church, so I had similar questions… I understand how difficult it is.

A friend of ours, and then me too, seperately ordered/bought Eternal Masses for her - not sure how you call that in English - but somebody else hopefully will correct my language if I’m wrong. Basically they’re Masses said in a Convent that will say those Masses for a given soul (living or dead) as long as the convent exists. You could search for that in your country.

I’ll pray for your cusin too.
 
JS_Cortez said:
It does not need to be limited to only one mass either. You can have a Gregorian mass scheduled to be said for your cousin.
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I have done this twice for persons who committed suicide.
CNEWA.org is a good place to request Gregorian Masses if you would like to do this.
There is a suggested donation for Gregorian Masses that is per Mass so it is higher than the suggested donation for just one Mass.
 
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