Advice on converting my Muslim boyfriend.

[sweetangel2128]

Hello!

I have a really open-minded Muslim boyfriend. When I say open-minded, I mean that he believes that it doesn’t matter what religion you are and that he believes the Bible isn’t corrupted, just the interpretation is. He even believes in Our Lady of Fatima and other Catholic apparitions/miracles. However, once he did say that he would never convert from Islam.

He hasn’t read the Bible yet, but over Christmas (we’re busy with work) he will so that he can compare it to the Qu 'ran. I was wondering what version of the Bible I should give him. I have the Douey Rheims, but you can also buy a copy of it with only the Psalms and the New Testament. Or should I buy him a copy of the NAB? If so, the full Bible, or would just the New Testament be best?

I’m also going to crochet him a pillow for Christmas and am planning on putting a blessed green scapular inside the stuffing, then saying the prayer everyday on his behalf. Would this be a valid devotion?

I also have an audio rosary, which I listen to when getting ready for university, praying for his conversion. Then at Mass, when there is a moment of silence, I tell God I want to dedicate my devotion of going to Mass for the conversion of my boyfriend…

I try not to talk about religion much, I don’t want him to feel like I’m pushing beliefs onto him. When we talk about it, it’s usually me asking about his religious practices.

What do you think of this, and does anyone have any better suggestions or additional advice?

Thank you for taking your time to read this. It would be so great to take him to RCIA(sp?) meetings one day and to teach him the rosary etc…

I can totally relate to how you feel I’ve believed in God my whole life and became a practicing Christian when I was 23. And now I am considering becoming Catholic because I feel God wants me in the Catholic church after all Jesus did establish it. And my beliefs fall under that. While I am a Christian my boyfriend is not. A lot of people tell me I should have been dating a Christian because in the Bible it says to not be unequally yoked but I don’t see that as a sin just something to protect us and I believe God puts everyone in our lives for a reason. Me and my boyfriend both respect eachothers beliefs and religions. In case your wondering my boyfriend is Buddhist as most Chinese men are (he is full blooded Chinese). He is very open-minded he has no problem about talking about God or the Bible and he will even see a Christian movie with me, he’s seen Passion of The Christ and thinks it’s really good. His belief is that everyone believes in the same God and that every religion is connected in some way. I think the best thing to do for someone you love that you wish was Christian is to just pray about it.

 

[PennyinCanada]

I realize this is not what you’re asking, and you may be upset with my reply. I really do mean this as a kindness. You made a mistake in dating a Muslim man. At this time in your life I hope you pray every day for the Catholic man that God wishes you to meet, that both of you grow in your faith each day and love the sacraments more.

When I was in my 20’s I was interested in learning more about my Catholic faith and sought out good teachers. I declined a number of invitations of young men solely on the reason that they were not Catholic. I’m sure they were fine young men but I never agreed even to a cup of coffee.

I continued to pray for my hubby for a number of years, especially that he have a conversion. God brought him into my life soon after he indeed experienced a conversion and was ready and enthusiastic about our shared Catholic faith.

I am so glad I avoided the ‘detours’ of young men that weren’t interested in Catholicism, and I used that time to deepen my faith. I have my St Joseph as my life partner, we are married over 20 years, and he is still my love and joy. I hope that you can kneel before the tabernacle and ask God for a St Joseph in your life as well. You can avoid a lot of grief by not trying to fit a square peg into a round hole and asking God to help you do it.

It’s tough to make these choices. May you be blessed with God’s wisdom in this situation and gain a new vision of what God can offer you in a sacramental and loving marriage.

 

[runwaymodel]

Hello

 This really pains me greatly because the truth is Muslim MEN are encouraged to date christian women with the sole intent of converting them to the Muslim faith. It is however, not permissible for a Muslim man to convert to Christianity for a woman. In short, he will never ever convert to Christianity and fully intends that you will convert at some point. There is no other way around it. My daughter dated a Muslim man in college who coerced her into having an abortion saying because she was not yet Muslim she could not have his child but he assured her that after they were married and she converted that they would have many children. She left him and converted to Catholicism and is married to a catholic man. She too believed that she could convert him and didn't know anything about his faith so she just assumed that he loved her and would allow her to be a christian. What a rude awakening!

Take Care M.

Oh my, I am so sorry about your daughter but I am glad she found a wonderful and loving Catholic man as her husband.

To OP, this is just something I would consider very carefully (as I am sure you already have). I think, after you present him with the Bible and he finishes reading it, you 2 really need to sit down and discuss if he’s willing to convert. Only then will you know where you want the relationship to go.
God bless you.

 

[LARSCOUT0311]

Having been a Muslim I will say it may be quite difficult depending on how rooted he is in it. Unfortunately with the conditions in the world and the fundamentalism Muslims have gotten a bad rap, but most see Christians and Jews as cousins if not brothers. In fact Christians and Jews are usually referred to as “People of the Book” and all three religions are fathered by Abraham/Ibrahim.

I didn’t convert from Islam myself, I just left Islam and became not necessarily agnostic, but really wasn’t concerned with anything spiritual or religious. Islam means submission and the way Muslim’s worship is a reflection of this, whereas Christian worship seems to me to be more solemn and emotional. However, one sticking point that Muslims have with Jesus is they feel that when he was called Son of Man that it was literal. That he was saying I’m nothing but a man. They believe he was special as a prophet but do not believe any of the miracles. Plus, the Quran is more like a book of rules than parables and such. Eat this, don’t eat that type of stuff. What Muslims, Christians and Jews can all relate to for the most part is Old Testament. They believe in angels, Abraham, Cain, Abel, Adam, Eve and Satan(Iblis). I’d say the best way for conversion is to don’t force him but find the common ground and work from there. Don’t push or he will resist.

Oh yeah, depending upon whether he is a Sunni or Shia also determines his feelings on priests. Sunni’s do not have priests but have prayer leaders called Imams. Sunni’s believe every man answers to God/Allah on his own accord so it is his interpretation of the Quran that saves or condemns him. Shi’ites have clergy.

 

[mdrummer5]

I realize this is not what you’re asking, and you may be upset with my reply. I really do mean this as a kindness. You made a mistake in dating a Muslim man. At this time in your life I hope you pray every day for the Catholic man that God wishes you to meet, that both of you grow in your faith each day and love the sacraments more.

I can’t even begin to express my disgust for this statement. It is not your place to determine whether or not this was a mistake on her part. This is a judgmental and shallow statement and it also implies that you know that God did not wish for them to meet. How did you come to have such divine knowledge?

I would not be anxiously awaiting RCIA if it weren’t for my girlfriend and her family and I assure you that while I was not muslim I was probably further from Christ.

Edited to add: It’s Christians who think like this that kept me from Christ for as long as I was.

 

[The_Old_Medic]

The odds are MUCH higher that he will convert you to Islam, than they are that you will convert him to Christianity.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Edited to add: It’s Christians who think like this that kept me from Christ for as long as I was.

Pray for me my dear that I never be the cause of someone staying away from the church because of my many faults that cause grief to others.

 

[LARSCOUT0311]

One other thing that I would like to add as a former Muslim. What eventually converted me after a period of being nothing spiritually was the joy I saw the Christians enjoying and the ritual that the Catholics took part in. After a few more years of spiritual silence I eventually “gave in”.

I would invite your Muslim boyfriend to Mass and even ask him if he wants to Bible study. The Masjid(Mosque) I was part of stressed the study of the Bible. You would not be stepping on his toes and you could answer his questions. You may have to study the Quran with him as part of the deal but it would be enlightening for both parties in order to understand each other.

 

[mdrummer5]

Pray for me my dear that I never be the cause of someone staying away from the church because of my many faults that cause grief to others.

Done. We are ultimately to spread the word of the Lord. Suggesting that one should not date someone of a different faith automatically means they may be missing an opportunity to do just that. I understand that your intent was good. Your approach was just not so great. Happens to all of us from time to time

 

[sweetangel2128]

I can’t even begin to express my disgust for this statement. It is not your place to determine whether or not this was a mistake on her part. This is a judgmental and shallow statement and it also implies that you know that God did not wish for them to meet. How did you come to have such divine knowledge?

I would not be anxiously awaiting RCIA if it weren’t for my girlfriend and her family and I assure you that while I was not muslim I was probably further from Christ.

Edited to add: It’s Christians who think like this that kept me from Christ for as long as I was.

I totally understand what you mean. Some people are so closed-minded. The way I see it is it’s not a sin to be with someone who isn’t a Christian or isn’t Catholic, as long as you both respect eachothers beliefs that’s great. God didn’t judge anybody based on their belief system, he taught us to love all and hate what they do. Plus, NOWHERE in the bible does it say that it is a sin to be with someone who isn’t a Christian it just says to not be unequally yoked as it may cause harm to your faith.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Wow. I never thought that on a Catholic forum I would take such criticism for encouraging a young Catholic woman to look for her St Joseph. Such is the world.

A sacramental marriage with a Catholic husband means a lot to me, even more with some years behind me, seeing how ‘other choices’ have worked out for friends and family. I hold faithful Catholic men in high regard; how unfortunate that others do not.

Peace.

 

[mdrummer5]

I hold faithful Catholic men in high regard; how unfortunate that others do not.

Is it not more unfortunate that you do not love all equally as Jesus taught us? Was Jesus not asked why he ate with sinners?

Maybe I don’t understand… I still have yet to start RCIA… but my general understanding is this.

Love all equally but none more than God.

 

[Axe_Swipe]

Jesus ate with sinners in order to teach them salvation and to call them away from sin.

 

[mdrummer5]

Jesus ate with sinners in order to teach them salvation and to call them away from sin.

I know why he ate with sinners, that’s why I posted it.

The point is that we are taught to love all and to love all equally. The OP indicated in an earlier post that her and her boyfriend have discussed it and have already decided they can’t be together if he does not convert. So for anyone to say that she shouldn’t love him and should never have started dating him because he isn’t Catholic is ignorant and it negates the teachings of Christ whereas if she succeeds in getting him to convert she’s doing exactly what Christ wanted.

 

[trdchubi]

Words of Caution:

14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Baal? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

Words of Hope:

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:12-14

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Maybe I don’t understand… I still have yet to start RCIA… but my general understanding is this.

Love all equally but none more than God.

Yes, you are right. But that doesn’t mean that we should marry just any guy that comes along, no matter how nice he is. I am always surprised to see that there are Christians who see nothing wrong with dating outside of the faith. It doesn’t mean that we hate non-Christians and see them as inferior human beings, God forbid. It means that we should seek people who share the faith so we can grow together in holiness and thus help get our spouse to Heaven. That’s really central to a Christian marriage. God has to be its centre. But it is a very non-PC thing to say these days.

I have several very good friends who are not Christians and we get along well. Religion is not an issue and I love them dearly. But marriage is a different thing altogether. Being married to a person who is of different faith has the potential for being the most lonely place in the world. To say nothing of the possibility of losing faith because the spouse doesn’t practice, or even being converted to the other religion, etc. I’ve seen this happen several times and I speak from experience, having grown up in such a home where my non-Christian father prohibited all religious upbringing for us children.

I would never advise a Christian to marry a non-Christian. If that makes me judgemental- so be it. I’m not surprised when non religious peopIe think like that because religion is simply not important to them. But practicing Christians? Now, that’s worrying. I don’t understand that, I’m sorry.

 

[mdrummer5]

Yes, you are right. But that doesn’t mean that we should marry just any guy that comes along, no matter how nice he is. I am always surprised to see that there are Christians who see nothing wrong with dating outside of the faith. It doesn’t mean that we hate non-Christians and see them as inferior human beings, God forbid. It means that we should seek people who share the faith so we can grow together in holiness and thus help get our spouse to Heaven. That’s really central to a Christian marriage. God has to be its centre. But it is a very non-PC thing to say these days.

The OP has already stated that she will not be marrying the man in question if he does not convert. Not to mention the verse that trdchubi pointed out suggests that it would be perfectly fine if she did.

I have several very good friends who are not Christians and we get along well. Religion is not an issue and I love them dearly. But marriage is a different thing altogether. Being married to a person who is of different faith has the potential for being the most lonely place in the world. To say nothing of the possibility of losing faith because the spouse doesn’t practice, or even being converted to the other religion, etc. I’ve seen this happen several times and I speak from experience, having grown up in such a home where my non-Christian father prohibited all religious upbringing for us children.

Yes it could be **potentially **bad… but it’s not for you to say whether or not it is. Your father’s view is unfortunate but it does not give you the right to say that your personal experience is how it would be for all. Before deciding to convert I would’ve had no problem helping my girlfriend and her family at Church functions or even attending mass… which is what lead to my decision to convert.

I would never advise a Christian to marry a non-Christian. If that makes me judgemental- so be it.

Interesting that you’re so interested in a woman potentially choosing a non-Christian husband but you have no problem admitting to passing judgment when Jesus was quite explicit in stating that we should not judge.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Interesting that you’re so interested in a woman potentially choosing a non-Christian husband but you have no problem admitting to passing judgment when Jesus was quite explicit in stating that we should not judge.

Look, you can go and twist my words and pick into my argument. Go ahead. You seem to be in that mood, given the comments to other posters. I guess it’s a personal issue and maybe you feel attacked. Sorry if that’s the case.
I’m expressing my opinion like other people on this thread and I think I can give good advice. I’m not judging her at all, I feel sorry that she is facing this dilemma and probably suffering because of it. Been there, went through it. I’m just surprised that practicing Christians don’t see why marrying outside the faith is problematic on so many levels.
Yes, sometimes people do convert because of their significant other, but often they don’t.
Have you noticed the number of threads where people ask for advice about how to handle things regarding the non-believing spouse? There are many and they are not exactly cheerful.

 

[mdrummer5]

Look, you can go and twist my words and pick into my argument.

Twist your words? You said “If that makes me judgemental- so be it.” I didn’t have a need to twist anything.

I’m just surprised that practicing Christians don’t see why marrying outside the faith is problematic

Again… the issue here is CAN be vs. WILL be problematic. I fully agree that it can be.

I don’t feel personally attacked, I just have a huge issue with people who are quick to make statements like “you made a mistake in dating this person” or “I would never advise a Christian to marry a non-Christian” when they don’t really know ALL the details.

Did she make a mistake. Maybe.

Would marrying him without him converting which she said she wouldn’t do be problematic. Maybe… on this one I’ll even go as far as to say that it’s likely.

However, neither of those things regardless of how likely they may be is our place to say. She asked for advice on converting him. She did not ask for people to say “you shouldn’t date or marry a non-Catholic”

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I just have a huge issue with people who are quick to make statements like “you made a mistake in dating this person” or “I would never advise a Christian to marry a non-Christian” when they don’t really know ALL the details.

Yes, I see that you are now focused on people freely expressing their opinion and not liking that, rather than perhaps focusing on the discussion about difficulties that a mixed marriage often brings. Because that is the real issue here, isn’t it? That the OP has that in mind, given that nobody can guarantee that a certain strategy will result in someone’s conversion. That’s why I’m not concerned whether my comment someone finds annoying or offensive, but that the OP hears as many honest opinions from people who are in a similar situation or have experienced it in some way. That’s the only thing an online forum can do really.